Chapter 23
It had happened so fast the ramifications were only hitting him now. And suddenly Blaine was very glad Rafe had left Cutter behind, because he was a buffer of sorts, something to focus on beside the fact that he was here alone with the only woman who had ever been able to tie him into knots.
Erin was up on her feet, pacing, as if with Rafe gone she couldn’t bear to sit anywhere close to him.
He watched her for a minute or two, but realized as he focused on the way she moved and how good she looked in those snug jeans and that silky top that flowed over her, that he’d better find something else to look at.
“I can’t stand this!” she suddenly exclaimed.
And there it was. The reminder he needed. With a long sigh he stood up. “I’ll get out of your way. Unless you want me to leave altogether.”
She stopped midstride and turn to look at him, a strangely puzzled expression on her face. “What?”
“Is it okay if I just go back to his room, or do you want me to get out from under your roof?”
Understanding dawned on her face. She let out an annoyed-sounding breath. “I didn’t mean you. I meant what we talked about before, just hanging around here again, and not doing anything to find Ethan.”
Well, that was what he got for assuming she was thinking about him. He should have known better.
“We’ll find him, Erin.”
“But what if they quit just shoplifting and start robbing stores? He could be hurt, or in worse trouble, and what if… What if he’s starting to use drugs or something, and—”
“Hold on,” he said, and despite his better judgment he walked over to her and grabbed her shoulders. She was shaking. He could feel the small tremors going through her, and his gut knotted. He remembered the days when he would have done anything to keep her from ever feeling like this.
He wasn’t sure he wouldn’t do the same now.
“Don’t make it worse than it already is,” he said.
“How can you be so—” She cut herself off. “Never mind. I know how you can. You fly into combat zones, so a missing kid is nothing.”
Nothing. She thought Ethan being missing was nothing to him.
Anger flared, triggering already stressed nerves. He tightened his grip on her shoulders. He wanted to—
A short, sharp bark cut off the thought. He looked down to see Cutter had edged his way between them and was looking from one to the other as if to say, “Knock it off, you two.”
Peacekeeper.
“Thanks, dog,” he muttered. He let go of her shoulders. Then he sucked in a deep breath. And managed to take his voice down a notch or two from the yell he’d been about to let out. “This is my son we’re talking about. There is nothing bigger or more important to me than that.”
She looked up at him then. He saw moisture pooling in her eyes as she took her own deep breath and said, “I’m sorry. I know that. I’m just so scared.”
“I know.”
“And you’ve fought in wars. You’ve been shot at. You nearly died. You’re too brave to be scared.”
“At the risk of dragging out something I’ve told you before, brave doesn’t mean you’re not scared. It means you saddle up and head out anyway.”
A tear was tracing its way down her right cheek now. “And you always have. It’s me who ran, who was gutless, who ruined…everything.”
He might be a little slow on the uptake, but he realized she was no longer talking just about Ethan. Something sparked deep inside him, something he didn’t even dare name as hope.
He shoved aside the thought and tried to focus. His mind was churning, turning over possibilities. Only then did he become aware Cutter had moved, and at a slight metallic sound he turned in time to see the dog had reached up and grabbed the leash Rafe had left on the table near the front door.
He turned back to Erin. “Do you agree that at this point the odds of him just…showing up here at home are slim?”
“Yes,” she said, and he wondered what had made the faintest of smiles flicker across her face at the word slim.
“And if he did, he has a key, right?” he asked.
She nodded.
He reached down and took the leash Cutter was holding delicately. “Let’s take Cutter here for a walk.” He hesitated, but decided he had to say it. “What about that file cabinet in your office? Can you lock it?”
“Yes, why?”
“Grab anything crucial or valuable and stuff it in there, then lock it.”
Her brow furrowed. “Why would—” She stopped suddenly and he knew it had hit her, that if Ethan did happen to show up here, he likely wouldn’t be alone. And if they were right about who he’d been hanging out with, they would have no qualms about ripping off anything of value.
“Yes,” he said, telling her she was right. “So do that, grab your phone, a jacket, and a few of those flyers you did, and let’s go. We’ll cover every street in the neighborhood, and I want to have a look at that park down the way, just in case.”
She stared at him for a long, silent moment. “You’re just doing this to keep me busy.”
“Maybe,” he admitted. “But me, too. I need something for my brain to fix on before I go stark, raving mad myself.”
Something flashed in her eyes. It had been a long time since he’d seen it, but he recognized the look she’d always given him when he’d hit on the right answer.
They’d been walking in silence in the chilly evening air when Erin, who had been watching Cutter with obvious interest, said, “He walks nicely. Doesn’t pull like a lot of dogs do.”
“Only if you need to go where he’s pulling you.” She gave him a sideways look and he shrugged. “Just quoting Rafe. Who said it took him a long time to learn just how smart this critter is.”
They’d reached the end of the block when she asked, “Do you think he could really scent Ethan, if he was close by?”
“Rafe said he’s done it multiple times before. Once he’s fixed on a scent he’s got it. He said they even tested him, on picking out only objects handled by a certain person out of a big pile, and he never missed.”
“So a good nose and smart,” she said.
“Apparently.” He gave her a sideways look. “He realized we needed to do something before we went nuts. So he went and got his leash.”
She let out a faint laugh, but given how close to the edge she’d been a short while ago, he’d take it gladly.
“Now, that’s smart,” she admitted.
He hesitated, but then decided to go for it. “Rafe also said if it wasn’t for Cutter, he and his lady Charlie would have never made up. That he tried to walk away, like he always did, and Cutter wouldn’t let him.”
She was staring at the dog now, and he wondered if it was because of interest in the animal, or disinterest—maybe even repulsion—at what he’d said. Before he could dig the hole any deeper, Erin was hailed by a neighbor, who asked how she was doing and if there was any word on Ethan.
The woman looked at him, and he was about to speak when Erin finally said, a little tightly, “This is Blaine. Ethan’s father.”
“Oh!” She sounded surprised. She flicked a glance at Cutter, then back to Blaine. “I thought perhaps you were someone using the dog to track Ethan.”
“It is something the dog can do,” Blaine said. “And if there’s a sign he’s been in the area, I’m told he’ll find it.”
“Good idea. And good luck, Erin. I know we’re all watching out for your boy.” She looked at Blaine again. “Nice to meet you finally, Mr. Everett.”
He winced inwardly, although judging from the woman’s seemingly genuine smile he didn’t think the “finally” had been meant to be a jab. He was just a little touchy, that’s all.
“She seems nice,” he said neutrally as they walked on.
“She’s one of the nicer neighbors. I did some work for her husband’s company after we moved here, so we got to know each other a little.”
He seized on the more impersonal topic. “What did you do for them?”
She shrugged. “Redesigned their logo, brochure info and packaging. Worked with their website designer to blend it all together. They were happy with it, and their business picked up shortly thereafter, so I count it a success.”
“How about your business?”
She smiled at that. “It picked up, too. I even had to hire a bookkeeper because I couldn’t keep up with it all.”
She took in an audible breath as they stopped at the next corner. Blaine looked across at the spacious park he’d noticed before, thinking it had several places a kid could hide out, if he wanted to. Places he wanted to check for any sign, even if he couldn’t know if it was Ethan or not.
But Cutter would.
He wasn’t sure why he was so certain of that, other than he knew just how much it would take for Rafe Crawford to trust as much as he clearly trusted this dog.
“I’m glad you brought that up,” Erin said, yanking him back to the moment. “I wanted to tell you…you don’t have to keep sending so much extra money. We’re okay.”
His head snapped around and he stared at her.
“We needed it, at first, and that we have our house is because of you. But I’m doing well enough now that I can manage. You don’t have to…be so generous.”
“I never had to be in the first place.”
She winced, but he couldn’t help his sharp tone. “I know. But you were. You have been. And I thank you for it, a thousand times. But you don’t have to do without for our sake anymore.”
He had, in fact, done without a few things, but it had been worth it to him.
Sure, sometimes his base housing was cramped; in fact he’d had one where he thought his college dorm room had been bigger.
But he hadn’t really cared, because he knew that whatever extra he sent went to Ethan’s care.
Not every divorced dad could say that, and he knew a few of them.
Too many had exes that blew even child support on themselves, instead of spending it on the child.
But not Erin. She would do without just about anything if it meant Ethan had what he needed.
Blaine knew if he sent her money for new clothes or shoes because Ethan was growing so fast, he knew that was what it would go for.
Never would Erin be decked out in the latest, trendy attire if Ethan was wearing things that were worn out or too small.
Oddly, he was proud of her, for making a go of what had been the one thing that had always appealed to her.
“I’m glad you made your dream happen,” he said as they started across the street, figuring that was safe enough. When she glanced at him he added hastily, “And I don’t mean because you don’t need as much money now.”
“I never thought you did,” she said, her voice very quiet. “You always encouraged me before…before everything.”
“Before it all fell apart, you mean?” he asked, and he couldn’t help his sour tone or the way his mouth twisted.
She stopped on the opposite corner and looked up at him. He would have sworn he could see her steeling herself before she said, “It—we—didn’t fall apart. I blew us up.”
“Erin—”
He stopped when she shook her head. “I did it, Blaine. And not a day since has gone by that I didn’t hate myself for it. Because I threw away what our son needed most, because I didn’t have the guts to live with a hero.”