X-Ray
“I ’m glad you agreed to talk to him today,” Wilson said. “Just text me when you’re done, and I’ll come back and get you. I’m going to go get Lilly from Angel and bring her down to our gym to play. Angel has all kinds of bikes and ride-on toys down there. There’s a lot of room for them to ride around. She even has a climbing fort for the kids set up.”
Reina wasn’t surprised she did. From what she’d seen already, Angel seemed to be the kind of person that had everything in her life mastered, so of course she’d have an area set up for the kids. “Good, Lilly needs to run around and play. It’ll be good for her.”
Wilson pressed a kiss to the top of her head. They were outside the black door with gold lettering that said J. Lassiter. He opened the door for her and motioned her in. She stepped into an outer office area that looked like any other doctor’s waiting room. Watering one of several plants on a table was a man with severe scars on his face and neck.
“Hi, you must be Rae,” he said with a smile. He set the watering can down. “I’m Joe. It’s nice to meet you.” He extended his right hand to her.
“Hi,” she said, shaking his hand. She tried not to stare at the scars that littered his face and neck.
“I’ll come back when you text me,” Wilson said. He pressed a kiss on her lips and then nodded at Joe before he left.
Joe opened the door to his inner office area. “Come on back.”
Reina reluctantly walked through the door. He directed her into the kitchen just a few steps inside the suite.
“I don’t have as many good tea choices as Angel, but I can offer you a water or some coffee.”
“A coffee would be nice, thank you.”
He swung a cabinet open above the long counter the sink and the Keurig maker were on. “Pick a mug and have a seat.”
She glanced over what had to be a hundred different mugs lining three shelves. “Wow, you have quite a collection.”
Joe smiled. “Yes, everyone gets me a mug when they go someplace.”
She reached into the cabinet and pulled down one adorned with beautiful flowers. Then she sat, so she faced the window and looked out at the mall parking lot. It was crazy that this place, a military black ops headquarters, was next to a huge shopping mall.
Joe had a water bottle. He set it in front of a chair kitty-corner from her. When her coffee had brewed, he set her cup in front of her along with a selection of creamers and sugars.
“Do you prefer Rae or Reina?” he asked.
“Either is fine,” she said.
“Is one attached to either of the past lives you’ve lived?”
She chuckled. “Yeah, that’s exactly what it was, two past lives. I was just starting to feel like Reina Ellis, but always had to remind myself who she was, the cover the Marshals had built for her.” She wouldn’t tell him that the only time it wasn’t in her thoughts was when Jimmy kissed her.
“Did you like who she was?” Joe asked.
“Yes. And I liked the world she lived in. She was someone Rae Ella Easton could never have been. Reina lived in a respectable world that Rae Ella couldn’t have just walked into.”
“And what about now? You have the ability now to be whoever you want to be,” Joe posed.
“I don’t ever want to go back and be Rae Ella again. And having Lilly with me, that world just isn’t a place for her.”
“Because she deserves better?” Joe asked.
“Yes, it’s a world for those who are just getting by. That’s no world for her.”
“What about for you? Don’t you deserve better?” Joe asked.
“I thought we were going to talk about what happened to me last week?”
“We are,” Joe said confidently. “You deserve better than the world Rae Ella Easton lived in, and you deserve better than what happened to you last week.”
An emotion she couldn’t define hit her. She choked up and couldn’t breathe as tears filled her eyes.
“The devil is in the details,” Lassiter said. “And the only way to rid yourself of that devil is to talk about exactly what happened and how you felt, your fears, your anger, any other emotions that seized you then and since. If you don’t identify the emotions and talk about it, PTSD will grip you and make you incapable of being a good mother to Lilly. It will steal your life from you and thrust you into this unnecessary, never-ending cycle of fear. But you can stop it from taking hold of you by confronting your emotions head-on. That’s where I come in.”
“I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about it,” she forced out.
“I get that. It can be overwhelming. Let’s start out with what you want for this new life.”
“I want to be a good mother for Lilly,” she said.
“I don’t believe that most people set out to be bad or neglectful parents. I think they’re imperfect or broken and all their past demons prevent them from being good parents. Your mom was a drug addict,” he said.
She nodded that he was correct.
“I doubt she picked up the meth pipe and seriously considered if she should take care of her child or get high. Where she was at mentally and emotionally prevailed, and she lit up. She had demons she was quieting with each hit.”
“I never thought about it like that,” Reina acknowledged.
“No, because you were the abandoned child, the victim of her addiction. It’s because you went through being abandoned that you’re going to be the best possible mom to Lilly that you can be.”
“Yes, I am,” she vowed.
“And I’m here to make sure there are no demons dragging you down that will prevent you from being the mom you want to be, the mom Lilly deserves,” Joe explained. From the expression on her face, he saw that Reina got it. He knew right then that she’d put in the work with him that she had to, to mentally be the fittest she could be. “Now, let’s talk about what happened from the second that car plowed into yours until the team found you and got you out of that hole.”
***
They collected their bags and coats as well as Teddy, the cat, from Wilson’s office and the three of them descended in the elevator. Reina held Lilly’s hand. It was nearly dinner time and Lilly was tired and hungry.
“How about we hit a drive-thru for dinner on our way to the grocery store?” Wilson suggested.
“That’s a great idea. I don’t think she’s going to last too long.” She nodded at Lilly.
The elevator door opened, and they stepped into the underground garage. Reina watched a beautiful woman with long curly hair approach them. She was dressed in jeans and a dark blue sweater, carrying a coat.
“Hey, I heard your team got back,” she said to Wilson. She smiled at Reina and extended her right hand. “I’m Madison. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you too,” Reina said, shaking her hand.
“You must be Lilly,” she said, squatting down, so she was eye level. “My daughter, Hahna, is about your age. We’ll have to get you two together to play.” Then she stood to her full height and her gaze went to Wilson. “Coop said you’re just waiting for the Digital Team to find your perps.”
“Yes. Glad the rest of Alpha Team will be on the mission,” Wilson said. “But right now, we’re out of here. Got to get little miss here, something to eat. You on in Ops tonight?”
“Just for a few hours to help cover.” She checked her watch. “I better go. Was nice to meet you Reina.” She pushed through the door into the stairwell after entering her code.
They hit a drive-thru and got meals for all three of them. They ate in the truck in the parking lot of the Super Walmart. He was thankful he’d gotten the model with the crew cab when he’d bought his Dodge Ram. Next, they visited the bathroom for Lilly in the store and then toured the store with two grocery carts. Lilly sat in the large basket portion of one. In the other, the first item they loaded in was a proper booster seat for Lilly’s size and age. She’d been riding around in cars, just seat belted in. She needed to be properly protected. They also selected a potty seat that went on the regular toilet.
The housewares section had several items they wanted to purchase. They let Lilly pick a plate, cup, and silverware set. She chose a Disney Princess set. The grocery side was the next section they went through, filling the carts with food that neither Wilson nor Rae usually bought. Several hundred dollars later, they checked out and installed the new booster seat in the backseat of Wilson’s pickup truck before unloading the rest of the bags into the truck.
Lilly happily watched cartoons on the big screen television mounted on the wall in the one room living room and kitchen area as Wilson carried the groceries from the car in the parking garage to the apartment. Reina familiarized herself with his kitchen as she put groceries away.
His condo was small. The main room consisted of the living room and a kitchen with a small round kitchen table with four chairs. A short hallway was on the wall to the left. It had three doors. One a bifold door housed the stacked washer and dryer and a closet. The door to the bathroom was on the same wall and the door to the bedroom was on the other.
“Your place is nice,” Reina told him after he’d given her the short, grand tour.
“It’s small and undecorated,” he said.
There were two pictures in frames on the white walls of the main room of scuba divers in beautiful blue waters. She pointed to them. “Not completely undecorated.”
Teddy, the cat, lay beside Lilly, who stroked him. Reina could see how happy Lilly was to have the cat to pay attention to. And after being alone for several days and shoved in a carrier all day, Teddy looked happy to be the focus of her attention.
“You can sleep in the bedroom with Lilly. I’ll take the couch,” Wilson offered.
“It’s big enough for all three of us,” she said.
“That wouldn’t be right,” he said.
“We’ll see,” she said. She checked the time on her phone. It was nearly six-thirty. She’d probably get Lilly to bed around seven, even though she needed a bath. But she looked tired, so it could wait. And the truth was, Reina was tired. She wanted to get to bed early as well.
True to her plans, Reina had her in bed before seven. One of Lilly’s favorite books was in her backpack. Reina kicked herself for not picking up a few more books at the store. They didn’t have many toys for her either. Reina made a mental note to make a list of what they absolutely needed the next day. But for tonight, the one book would have to do.
Lilly sat nestled between the two of them on the big bed and Reina watched Wilson read the book to her. He’d insisted on doing the reading and he looked like he enjoyed it. After they’d tucked her in and left her in the bedroom with a dim light on, Reina embraced Jimmy after they’d stepped from the room. “You looked like a natural reading that story to her.”
Wilson chuckled softly. He drew her by the hand into the living room and pulled her to sit closely beside him on the couch. Reina shifted in her seat so she faced him. He took both of her hands in his. Lilly had insisted the door be left cracked open, so they whispered. “It’s been a long time since I read a bedtime story.”
“Is it something you’d like to do every night you’re home?”
“Yes, I can see the three of us snuggled up in bed like that as a nightly routine. Like I told Doctor Lassiter today, I would never have envisioned wanting this even a month ago, but now, this just feels right.” He waited a second to see if she’d share anything about her meeting with Lassiter as she hadn’t yet. “What did you think of Joe Lassiter?”
“He’s a nice guy. I was a bit startled by the scars on his face. He told me about getting wounded when he was in the military and his own PTSD. And he really made me think about how what I went through, being left in that hole to die, could change me and make me too focused on my own trauma to be a good mother to Lilly if I don’t get help for dealing with it.”
“He knows how bad PTSD is,” Wilson agreed.
“Yes,” she said. “And he really made a lot of sense. I’ve set up a couple more appointments with him.”
“When we go to find Stella and Henning, I’ll leave you the keys to my truck, so you have transportation. I think you should call that child trauma specialist Lassiter gave me the referral to tomorrow and get her an appointment as soon as you can. Did Lassiter tell you what you should tell Lilly about her mom?”
“He thinks right now what I’m saying is okay until we talk to that counselor.” Reina yawned very deeply. She was exhausted.
“You should go to bed,” he said. “I’ll just come in and get a spare pillow and blanket.”
“That bed is big enough. I could sleep in the middle with you on the opposite side from Lilly. I know you don’t think it’s right for you to sleep in the same bed as her, but it’s not like you’d be sleeping next to her. I know there are a lot of pedophiles out there. I’ve known a few, but you aren’t one of them.”
“And it’s not like we’re going to be having sex in the same room with her,” he added, warming up to the idea. “I would like to go to sleep holding you.”
“Not that I feel awake enough to do that tonight, but I’d like that soon,” she said.
Wilson leaned in and kissed her lips. “Yes, soon,” he agreed after he’d pulled back. “Come on, let’s get you in bed before you fall asleep right here.”
***
The next morning, Wilson woke up the same way he’d fallen asleep, with his arms around Rae. She still slept. But on the other side of her, Lilly popped her head up and looked around. He raised his index finger to his lips in the universal shh signal. He pointed to the door. Lilly followed him out of bed. He closed the bedroom door so Rae could sleep.
“Let’s let Reina sleep longer. She was really tired last night,” he whispered to Lilly. “Do you want to watch TV this morning and then we can maybe surprise Reina with breakfast? You can help me make it.”
“That would be great!” she exclaimed.
“Shh,” he hushed her.
She climbed onto his brown leather sofa as he turned on the television. “Cold, gotta pee,” she said.
“It’s down the hall, remember?” he asked, pointing to the hallway.
She slid off the couch and ran to the bathroom, stopped in the hallway, and turned to him, waiting.
“Go potty, honey,” he said. She still didn’t move. “You need help putting the potty seat on, don’t you?” he asked. He went into the bathroom and fitted it over the adult seat, and he pulled the little foot stool they’d bought her in front of the toilet. She still didn’t move as he stepped back to the door. Then it occurred to him she needed help. Well, shit. He was not at all comfortable with this. “Can you pull your pajama pants down?”
She shook her head.
He reluctantly went back in. He pulled her pajama pants and underwear down and lifted her onto the potty seat. He knew it was innocent, and he wasn’t some pedophile, but it just seemed so wrong. He stood in the doorway with his back turned.
“Done,” she said, still seated on the potty.
“Okay,” he said, turning back around. “Did you wipe?”
“Mommy do,” she said.
“You’re a big girl and we’re going to teach you how to,” he said. He dispensed the toilet paper, wadded it and handed it to her, giving her instruction on how to wipe, shocked that he was doing this. After she did, he helped her stand, pulled her pants back up, and then helped her wash her hands. He’d made it through it. Whew. That had been harder than some of the missions he pulled in the Middle East.
The sound of clapping drew his attention to Rae, standing a few feet outside the bathroom door. “Nice job, you two.”
“We were going to let you sleep in today,” Wilson said, a bit embarrassed she felt the need to applaud his efforts.
“I’m awake. Let’s mix up that pancake mix and fry that bacon we bought at the store.”
It was around noon that the alert Wilson had been waiting for finally sounded on his phone. He had thirty minutes to get to the office. His go-bag was ready. He was waiting for Jackson to pick him up. When Jackson messaged that he was two minutes away, Wilson slung his backpack over his shoulder and then wrapped his arms around Rae. “You have the keys to my truck and the key code and alarm code for the door. You can go anywhere you want. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, but I’ll call and text when I can. Reach out to Angel or Madison and set up a playdate for Lilly like they invited you to.”
“Yes, I’ll do that,” Reina promised.
“And remember, contact Ops if you need to,” he also reminded her.
“I’m going to be fine, Jimmy. Lilly and I will be just fine. We’re going to play games, color, watch movies, and probably go to bed early again. I plan to do some laundry, and Lilly and I will probably walk down to that corner store to get some fresh air and exercise. I’ll let Lilly pick a treat. We didn’t get much in the way of treats at the store last night, just meal stuff. But maybe tomorrow I’ll reach out to Angel or Madison.”
He kissed her, a slow, passionate kiss. “I’ll miss you. But we’ll get them.”
“I know you will,” she said.
Then he went over to Lilly, who sat at the kitchen table coloring. “I have to go to work, kiddo, but Reina will be here and will take good care of you.”
“Bye, Jimmy,” she said.