Chapter 4 – Kaityln
FOUR
KAITYLN
The answer was, two thousand miles. The distance from NYC to Wyoming.
But it wasn’t all because of Tag.
At some point Saturday night, while I’d been lying in my bed, trying to keep my fingers from reaching between my thighs, I’d somehow accepted that this trip was inevitable and it was pointless to resist. My family had sent Tag, of all people, so there had to be a real problem in the Gulch.
And maybe, (I could only admit this because I’d been alone in the middle of the night), I was flattered that they finally needed me.
Now, it was Monday morning, and I had nothing but regrets.
I should be in the office. I should be meeting with my team. I should be reviewing the data from over the weekend. Studying the early trends on the Nikkei.
Instead, I was heading home to Last Hope Gulch, and none of it made sense.
On Sunday, I’d called Jared at the firm to let him know I had a family crisis that required me to be in Wyoming. He’d reluctantly approved my absence, on the condition I checked in daily with the firm, along with my newest client in Singapore.
As if I wouldn’t do that. Jared was the kind of misogynist who liked to treat every woman he met like she was thirteen years old, in an effort to make himself feel more powerful.
I wouldn’t put up with it if it weren’t for the partnership I desperately wanted. At the firm, the last person who made partner was a big part of the selection process for the next person who would make partner.
So, I couldn’t put my stiletto through his eyehole like I wanted. I had to smile and nod and take his condescending bullshit in stride.
I’d scrambled to pack my most Wyoming clothes, but I didn’t have much that wasn’t designer and none of it was very sturdy, so I packed what I liked instead.
Clothes that made me feel confident. Like Kaitlyn.
Not Smarty Sunshine. Which meant I had power suits, one pair of yoga pants, and absolutely no denim in my suitcase.
I called Harmony to let her know I was coming home, and I was still deaf in one ear thanks to her shrieks of delight.
What I didn’t do was call my mother, but it was always just easier to communicate with the whole family through Harmony.
My mother, as much as I loved her, could be…
difficult. But, I told myself, most mother/daughter relationships had their challenges, and I’d left home so young, and both of us maybe felt abandoned by the other.
At least, that’s what my therapist said.
Whatever. I let Harmony tell Mom I was coming home.
Now, I was in a private jet trying to avoid eye contact with Tag. Every time I looked at him, I remembered the way he’d stroked himself after he made me come. It was like an unfinished movie or something. I wanted to see the end of that scene.
I wanted so much.
But I couldn’t have any of it.
We’d been silent for an hour and the tension was killing me. When I crossed my legs and my thigh was revealed in my white linen Ralph Lauren shirt dress, I felt his eyes on me, but when I looked at him, he was turned to the window.
Now he had his hat down over his face trying to take a nap.
Enough, I told myself. You are a grown ass woman. Act like it.
“If the McGraws are so broke, how do they have a private jet?” I asked.
“They lease it with other ranchers in the state. Hard to move around the country from our spot in Wyoming.”
“Like a time share?”
Tag grunted and the silence came back thicker than ever.
“Tag, we need to talk.”
Silence.
“Honestly, Tag. We need to talk.”
More silence.
I kicked his boot with my espadrille wedge, and regretted that I’d worn the open toe ones.
He lifted his hat off his face and opened one eye, but he didn’t sit up.
“Yes, Sunshine?”
Even the way he said my name was smug.
“You need to understand why I agreed to come home.”
“Okay,” he drawled.
“It had nothing to do with what happened at the spa. ”
“Got it,” he said, and dropped his hat back on his face.
I turned my leather chair on its swivel and kicked the side of his.
He lifted his hat again and turned toward me.
“There’s more?”
“I also want to point out that what happened at the spa cannot happen again.”
This time he was motivated to sit up.
“I’m a real stickler for semantics, sweetheart. What happened at the spa can absolutely happen again. But only if you want it to.”
“Yes, well, I don’t. Want. That. It was an aberration. I’m obviously not that. Free. With my body. It all just caught me off guard.”
It’s what I’d been telling myself since he dropped me off back at my apartment after the appointment was over. I hadn’t even gone into the office that afternoon, I’d been so rattled.
“Okay, then. So what changed your mind about coming home?”
“Well,” I laughed. “Whatever’s wrong at home must be bad if they sent you to get me . And, I don’t know…” I shrugged. “It might be nice to be a hero.”
“Show them they made fun of the wrong girl?” He said, with a knowing grin. It was so bizarre that out of everyone in my life ,(outside of Harmony), Tag seemed to see me the best.
And stranger still – liked what he saw.
It was disconcerting.
“Something like that. But mostly…I’m going home for Harmony.
I’m the oldest sister and I’ve been gone for a very long time.
I’m not unaware of that. You said she was taking things over and that sounds like her.
She’s always had to fill th at role. And she already did her part, didn’t she?
Marrying Ethan. I’m glad it worked out for them, but she can’t save the town every time.
So if I can do something…helpful, then that, at the very least, is my obligation to them. ”
A cloudy expression crossed his face.
“Family shouldn’t be about obligations,” he said after a beat. “It should be about love.”
I laughed, but then realized he was serious.
“Do you love your family?” The question popped out of my mouth before I had a chance to think about it.
I knew whatever everybody else in the Gulch knew about Tag. His father had been a confirmed bachelor into his forties before he married a woman nearly half his age and they’d had Tag.
Abruptly, when Tag was ten years old, his mother left Last Hope Gulch and never returned.
Tag stepped right in his father’s cowboy boots, and started working for the McGraws when he was in his early teens. I’m sure now his responsibilities were much like his father’s.
But I had no idea if he and his father were close. Not really. They were cowboys, after all. They didn’t talk about their feelings. I didn’t even know if he was in touch with his mother.
“Pop is a bastard,” Tag smiled. “And I love the son of a bitch more than anything. And yes, I consider the McGraw men my brothers. So I guess I love them, too.”
Wow. Somewhere pigs were flying if Tag was saying the word love twice in one sentence.
“What about your mom?” I asked, and he shut down tighter than a drum.
“What about her?” he asked, his voice hard. That sexy, easy-going cowboy was gone, and in his place was a total stranger. A dangerous man.
Something electric zipped down my spine and settled in my belly.
“You ever…hear from her?”
“Nope.”
“Do you even know where she is?”
“No idea, Sunshine. And I’m not interested in talking about her.”
Okay. I could take a hint when it was a door slammed right in my face.
“You never married. Did you?”
I was certain I would know if he’d ever married anyone. Someone in my family would have said something. Wouldn’t they?
Also, he wouldn’t have done what he did in the spa with me if he had a wife at home, that much I knew without question. Tag was an honorable man.
“Nope,” he drawled. Then he gave me a slow smile, the sexy good-time cowboy back with a vengeance. “What about you?”
“Oh, I’m never getting married,” I said, with a laugh.
“Really?”
“Marriage is a social construct, that, as far as I can see, only ever benefits men. Did you know, that on average, unmarried women live nearly four to six years longer than married women?”
“I did not.”
“It’s true.”
“So, does that mean no babies either?”
“Not necessarily. A woman doesn’t need to be married to be a mother. For me, it’s a matter of timing. I’ve already gone through the process of harvesting and freezing my eggs-”
“Sounds painful. You probably loved that.”
I glared at him and he winked at me. Shameless.
“I wanted to make partner at the firm before even considering a family. Only now, it’s been over a year…”
I lifted my thumb to my lips, biting down on the sliver of nail I had left before I could catch myself.
Nail biting was a horrible habit that I’d broken for years with bio-gel nails and regular appointments with Uma, my nail technician.
But things had been so busy lately, the nails had popped off a week ago and I hadn’t had a chance to go back.
I gripped my wrist with my right hand and forced it to stay in my lap.
“A year?” he prompted.
“They keep saying the partnership is coming. That I have to be patient.”
“They?” Tag asked.
“The partners. At Berkley and Brothers,” I answered. “All men. I’d be the first woman.”
“So you said. The youngest, too. That’s why they’re dragging their feet?” he asked.
“Yes and no. I don’t think it’s because I’m a woman necessarily. I think it’s because-”
“You’re smarter than them. And they know it.”
I opened my mouth and closed it. “These men have made millions on behalf of their clients,” I said, as if defending them. “They’re all very smart.”
“I’m sure they are. Doesn’t mean what I said isn’t true.”
“Tag,” I said, as if explaining a new concept. “Being the smartest kid in the Gulch isn’t saying much in a town our size.”
“Smart is smart, Sunshine. Doesn’t matter if it’s in Wyoming or New York City. You intimidate people. You always have.”
He wasn’t wrong. But of all the people I shouldn’t intimidate, it was the partners at Berkley. They should be delighted by my intelligence. Thrilled, even. But it was almost as if they didn’t trust it.