Chapter Five
Curran was going nuts. Even though it had only been a few days since he’d found out about the baby, he felt like everyone could tell he was pregnant just by looking at him.
They couldn’t. His mothers didn’t suspect anything, even though he lived with them.
He hadn’t seen his brother more than in passing, so Birch didn’t know, either, and Marlin, well, he was as absent from Curran’s life as he had been before the night they’d spent together.
Curran had seen him from afar a few times, but it had been easy to turn around and leave quickly before Marlin decided to come over.
Curran was doing a good job of hiding the pregnancy, but he also felt like he was about to explode if he didn’t tell anyone about it.
He wasn’t ready to talk to Marlin, and Birch was out because he would freak out.
Curran’s mothers would be disappointed, and he wasn’t ready to deal with that. That left one person.
Deryn.
Curran’s best friend was bound to notice soon, anyway.
They spent a lot of time together, so it was surprising that he hadn’t already.
It wouldn’t last for long, and Curran wanted to keep his revelation under control.
That meant taking the lead and telling Deryn.
Hopefully, he’d be able to keep his mouth shut.
Curran had no idea if Deryn would be happy for him, but even if he wasn’t, Curran was sure that his friend would support him. He’d ask Curran what he wanted to do and stand by him. Right now, that was what Curran needed.
He didn’t need to be berated and asked how it had happened. He didn’t need to be asked if he was sure. He wasn’t, but what was he supposed to do? He was terrified and needed a friend.
Which was why he was standing in front of Deryn’s door.
He lived alone, which was why they spent most of their time here.
Curran had been thinking about getting his own place, and he would have to now, but his mothers had always been too afraid to let him out of their sight.
Before Killian became king, Curran had been fine with that. Hell, he’d been afraid, too.
He didn’t have to be anymore. He was an adult. He was pregnant. He needed his own place.
He knocked. He didn’t wait for Deryn to answer.
He never did. He pushed open the door and walked in, not surprised to see his best friend spread out on his nest of blankets in front of the TV.
He didn’t have a couch like some dragons did, including Curran’s mothers.
He had a big nest in his bedroom and a small one in the living room.
Deryn didn’t get up. He didn’t even try to.
Curran quickly made his way to the nest and climbed into it, wrapping his arms around his best friend’s waist and hugging him tightly.
Deryn made a surprise sound and hugged Curran back, and for a moment, Curran could tell himself that all of this was a bad dream.
Then, the nausea kicked in again, and he had to lean back.
“What’s up?” Deryn asked as he turned toward Curran.
Curran couldn’t look him in the eyes. “I have something to tell you.”
Deryn slowly nodded. “Whatever you need, you know I’m here.”
“Something happened the night of the party.”
Deryn frowned. “You didn’t tell me about that. Are you okay?”
“Yes. It was a good thing, well, in a way. I spent the night with Marlin.”
Deryn stared. “You did what?” He reached for Curran and gave him a good shake.
It was exactly how Curran had expected Deryn to react, and it made him smile. “You heard me. I spent the night with Marlin.”
“That’s incredible. It’s what you always wanted. How was he in bed? He took care of you, right? Was it as incredible as you always thought it would be?”
Curran swallowed. It had been incredible. He didn’t regret it, but he wished things had ended differently. “It was great,” he confirmed. “He took care of me.”
“I know you won’t give me details, but damn. Does that mean you’re together now?”
Curran shook his head. “We’d both had too much to drink. I don’t even know if he remembers what happened.”
“You do.”
“Because it was more important to me than it was to him.”
“You can’t know that. You should talk to him, maybe see if you can have a repeat.” Deryn grinned. “Hell, maybe he’s madly in love with you.”
Normally, Curran would’ve dismissed him, but instead, he started crying. He tried to stop, but it was useless. The tears were rolling down his cheeks, and he couldn’t breathe.
Deryn’s eyes widened, and he reached for Curran, pulling him close again. He didn’t ask why Curran was crying, which was a relief, but it would only allow Curran to hide for a few more minutes.
“Whatever it is, we can work things out. You just have to tell me,” Deryn murmured.
“I’m pregnant,” Curran confessed. He was afraid to look at Deryn.
He didn’t have to. Deryn’s entire body went rigid. He didn’t push Curran away, but he also didn’t say anything. Curran waited, afraid his best friend was about to tell him to leave.
“Oh, Curran,” Deryn murmured as he hugged him even tighter. “I’m sorry. It was an accident, wasn’t it?”
“I didn’t realize I was fertile until the next morning when my mom asked me if I used protection.”
“Clearly.”
“We didn’t even stop to think about protection.”
“What do you want to do? Have you seen a healer?”
“I talked to Palmer, who confirmed I’m pregnant and offered to help. I don’t want to terminate the pregnancy, but I don’t know if I can have the baby.” Not that he’d have a choice. If he didn’t terminate the pregnancy, he’d have to lay the egg growing inside of him.
“You haven’t told Marlin, have you?”
“How can I? It was one night. We were both supposed to forget about it the next morning, and now, we won’t ever be able to.”
“Were you supposed to forget about it, or is that something you told yourself you were supposed to do? I have a hard time believing that Marlin would want to forget spending the night with you. Or has he said anything about that?”
“We haven’t talked yet.”
“You have to tell him. I realize you are carrying the egg, but he’s the other father. You have the final say in all the decisions about the pregnancy, but he has a right to know.”
“I’m not ready to tell him.” So far, Marlin hadn’t tried talking to Curran.
Curran was glad, and he hoped it meant that Marlin didn’t remember.
Even if he didn’t, though, Deryn was right.
It wouldn’t be fair to keep the pregnancy from him.
If Marlin didn’t remember, though, it gave Curran a little more time.
“You don’t have that much time,” Deryn pointed out.
“I don’t need a lot of time. I promise I’ll tell him. It’s not like I’m going to be able to hide it for long, anyway.”
“I’m sure things will be fine. Even if he doesn’t want to be with you, he’ll take responsibility. He’ll be there for you and the baby.”
“I know.” But would it be enough? Curran had dreamed about having a family with Marlin. Would being a co-parent be enough for him? How much would it hurt to see Marlin every day, maybe watch him meet and fall in love with someone else?
Curran wouldn’t have a choice. That was why he needed time. He had to get over his feelings for Marlin.
He wasn’t sure he would ever be able to do that.
* * * *
MARLIN WAS MOPING. People had noticed he was moping. He could tell that Killian and Birch were worried by the way they kept glancing his way, but he couldn’t find it in himself to stop.
When he’d offered himself to Curran that night, he’d hoped it meant that by the next day, they would be together, or at least on their way to be.
He knew their situation was slightly complicated considering Birch, but he’d been ready to work around Birch.
Besides, he was sure that his best friend eventually would’ve been happy for them.
But Marlin had been alone when he’d woken up, and he hadn’t managed to talk to Curran yet.
Every time he wanted to try, something happened and distracted him.
It was either that or Curran ran from him, which made things even harder.
How was he supposed to talk to Curran when Curran didn’t want to talk to him?
Marlin supposed that was answer enough. If Curran had wanted to talk things out, they would have. If he’d wanted to be with Marlin, he wouldn’t have left his bed while Marlin was sleeping. They didn’t need to talk for Curran to tell Marlin that he didn’t want to be with him.
Which was why Marlin was moping.
He needed to talk to someone. This was the one thing he couldn’t talk to Birch about, and he didn’t want to put Killian in a situation in which he’d have to choose a side.
The problem was that he didn’t have friends.
He, Killian, and Birch had grown up together.
They’d been isolated because Killian was the future king, and they hadn’t had the opportunity of getting close to other people.
There was Tito, but he was Killian’s assistant.
Besides, it wasn’t like Marlin was close to him.
He wasn’t about to talk this to his parents, and he didn’t have any siblings.
Someone flopped onto the bench on the other side of the table. Marlin blinked up to see Aaron staring at him. “Hey,” he said, even as he tried to find an excuse to leave. Aaron was the worst person he could talk to, and he wasn’t sure he could stop himself from blurting out everything.
“Birch is worried,” Aaron declared.
“Hello to you, too.”
“If Birch is worried, I’m worried, and I am doubly worried because I worry about you and him.”
“That’s a lot of worrying.”
Aaron narrowed his eyes.” You’re not funny. What’s going on with you?”
“I’m fine.”
“You’ve been moping for weeks. Since the party, actually. Did something happen then?”
“I said I’m fine.”
“And that’s clearly a lie. You can tell me, or you can tell Birch, but you have to stop keeping it to yourself before it drives Birch nuts.”
Marlin looked around. It was the middle of the afternoon, so it was too late for the lunch rush and too early for dinner.
The dining hall wasn’t empty, but it was as close to empty as it ever got, except during the night.
If Marlin wanted to talk to Aaron, this was the perfect time.
“I shouldn’t tell you. I don’t want you to have to keep secrets from Birch, and I’m not ready to talk to him. ”
Aaron frowned. “I can promise not to tell him anything.”
“I don’t want you to keep secrets from him.”
“I wouldn’t be. This isn’t my secret, and we both know Birch would understand. At the same time, I’d be able to assure him that you’re okay. He’s worried.”
Marlin sighed. “Fine. You can’t tell him anything, though.”
“I won’t.”
“The night of the party, I didn’t go home by myself.
I spent the night with Curran. He was gone by the time I woke up, so clearly, it meant something different for me than it did for him.
That’s why I’m like this. I thought that night meant that he wanted me as much as I want him, but he doesn’t, and that’s fine. I’ll get over it.”
Initially, Aaron didn’t say anything, which made Birch uncomfortable. He wanted to ask him to say something, but he was also afraid of what would come out of Aaron’s mouth.
“This is where you tell me I fucked up,” he said.
Aaron shook his head. “I don’t see why I should. You and Curran are adults. If you both wanted it, I see nothing fucked up about the situation.”
“Do you think Birch will see things the same way?”
“He knows both of you. I don’t think he’d be surprised to learn it happened.”
That made Marlin frown. He’d been careful not to show anyone how he felt about Curran. He hadn’t wanted to make Curran uncomfortable or fight with Birch. As much as they loved each other, he wasn’t sure Birch would feel that he was good enough for Curran.
“So Curran’s refusing to talk to you?” Aaron asked.
Marlin rubbed his hands around his cup of coffee. It had gone cold, and he wasn’t planning on drinking it, but it gave him something to hold onto. “I wouldn’t say refusing as much as avoiding. I swear that every time we’re in the same room, he runs.”
“You could visit him at home.”
“But then he might feel cornered. I’m sure he has good reasons for not talking to me. Maybe he thinks this will be less awkward.”
Aaron snorted. “Sure he does. Can you imagine what the next holidays will be like?”
They usually celebrated together. Sometimes, Marlin spent the holidays with his parents, and other times, he spent them with Birch and his family. Having grown up together, they were like brothers, so it made sense.
“It’s a while yet until the holidays. I’m sure we’ll be fine and that I’ll be over all of this by the time they come.”
The way Aaron kept staring at him made Marlin uncomfortable, but he was afraid to ask what was going on in Aaron’s mind. The man was smart and still a bit of an outsider. He had a different perspective. “You think I should talk to him?”
Aaron nodded. “Definitely. If anything, you need to clear things up so that you’re not uncomfortable.
Whether you like it or not, you and Curran are in each other’s lives to stay.
Unless one of you gives up on Birch, and I really hope you won’t, you don’t have a choice.
I think that Curran might surprise you, though.
I don’t know what happened that night, but I don’t have to. No one has to, except the two of you.”
“I just don’t want to force him into something he doesn’t want.”
“You’ll have to see him eventually. Do you want to wait until things are as awkward as possible, or would you rather solve this head-on?”
He wasn’t wrong. Marlin might not want to push Curran, but eventually, they would have to talk. Wouldn’t it be better to do it now, before things got even more awkward? That way, they wouldn’t have to involve Birch. “I’ll think about it.”
Marlin wasn’t sure he’d succeed, but he was going to try.