Chapter 7 #2
“Don’t be embarrassed.” He leans forward slightly. “It’s natural. There’s nothing shameful about desire.”
The way he says desire makes heat pool low in my belly. I shift in my chair, suddenly very aware of the space between us. The warmth radiating off his sexy, powerful body. I’ve been having trouble keeping my eyes off his perfect abs and that shiny belt buckle that begs to be undone.
“But there’s a problem,” he says, leaning back. Running a hand over his horns in what I’m learning is a frustrated gesture.
My stomach drops. “What?”
“For humans, arousal doesn’t mean commitment. You can be attracted to someone and not want forever with them. You can have pleasure mates. Casual relationships. Experimentation.”
“Yes...” I say slowly, not sure where he’s going with this.
“Orcs don’t work that way.” His voice is rough now, strained. “As I was saying earlier, we mate once, for life. There are no casual relationships. No pleasure mates. No experimenting to see if we’re compatible. When we choose, it’s permanent.”
Understanding dawns. “So you’ve never...”
“No. I’ve never been with anyone. I’ve been waiting for my mate.”
Holy shit. He’s a virgin. And somehow that’s incredibly hot.
It shows his loyalty. His commitment. His honor.
This is a male who would take marriage very, very seriously.
He waits for the right person instead of just jumping into bed with anyone.
Meanwhile I’ve had a few relationships. Nothing serious.
A boyfriend in grad school that fizzled after a year.
A few dates here and there. I’m not a virgin.
The contrast between us makes me nervous and intrigued in equal measure.
“I can scent your arousal right now, Anna.”
My breath catches. Can he? Is he—
“I know you’re attracted to me. I know you want this, at least physically.
” His voice drops lower, rougher. “But I need you to understand something. For orcs, arousal and commitment are the same thing. They can’t be separated.
I can’t have a fling with you. I can’t be your pleasure mate while you’re visiting the commune.
” He leans forward, those dark eyes boring into mine.
“If we start something physical—even just kissing—for me, it’s permanent.
I won’t be able to hold back from claiming you as mine. ”
“So we can’t...”
“No. Not unless you’re ready to commit. Forever.”
I want him. God, do I want him. The attraction has been building for months.
But forever? Marriage? Being bound to him for life?
That’s a life-altering decision to make so quickly.
And I’m dealing with so much right now. How can I possibly make a decision about forever when I don’t even know if I’ll survive the next few weeks? “I need time,” I whisper.
“I know. And I’ll give you all the time you need.” His voice is gentle now, understanding. “But I also need time.”
I blink, surprised. “You do?”
He nods slowly. “Yes. I need to know that you’re all in. That this isn’t just... attraction. Physical desire. What orcs would call pleasure mating.”
“Pleasure mating?”
“Casual sex with no commitment or future.” His expression is serious.
“Human females have a long history of having quick sex with orcs and then leaving them behind, considering us monstrous. There are many single fathers on this commune. Males who thought they’d found their Bride, only to discover the female saw them as a pleasure mate.
A temporary thing.” The pain in his voice is evident.
This isn’t just theoretical for him, he’s seen this happen, maybe to friends or family members.
“Some orcs are broken in their hearts and minds from being left behind by females they thought were their Brides,” he continues quietly. “Males who gave everything, only to wake up alone. I don’t want to be one of them.”
My chest tightens. “Keric—”
“I’m all in, Anna. I know you’re my Bride because of my biological imperative, but I need you to be sure too.
It would be much easier for me to be able to live without you if we’ve never touched.
” He holds my gaze. “If you’re not ready for a lifetime commitment with me, it’s best we learn that now.
Before I claim you. Before my body and mind are so bonded to you that losing you would destroy me. ”
The vulnerability in his admission makes my throat tight.
“And I want you to know something else.” His grip on my hands is firm but gentle. “You don’t have to become my Bride to earn protection. You’re being protected because I care about you. Because you’re a possible Bride, yes, but also because it’s the right thing to do.”
Relief washes over me. “So if I decide that we’re not... if I want to leave...”
“Then you leave.” His voice is steady, certain. “I would never force you to stay. Never manipulate you into a bond you don’t want. You chose to come here, and you can choose to stay or go. That’s your right.”
“But the protection—”
“Would continue.” He leans forward. “If you decided we weren’t a good pairing and wanted to return to the human world, I would most likely follow from a distance.
Only to keep you safe. Not to stalk you the way humans do.
I’d remain in the commune so you could continue your life as you please.
But I’d make sure you were protected from Senator Vance and her people. ”
I stare at him, processing this. He’s giving me an out. Not trapping me here with promises of safety only if I become his.
“It’s important to me that you make decisions freely,” he says. “No pressure. No coercion. No bargaining your safety for your body or your commitment. Those things should be separate.”
“Thank you,” I whisper. “For understanding that. For giving me choice.”
“Always.” His thumb strokes over my knuckles. “But I’m hoping that if you do decide to choose me—to become my Bride and the mother of my future offspring—then you know that’s a lifetime decision. Something to take seriously. Not something done lightly or out of fear or gratitude.”
The weight of what he’s saying settles over me.
He wants me desperately, but he wants me to want him too and not just because he’s protecting me or because I want a hot fling.
This makes total sense and in fact causes me to respect him more.
“I understand,” I say quietly. “And I promise I’ll take it seriously.
I won’t make that decision until I’m sure. ”
He nods, relief crossing his features. “That’s all I ask.”
“This is still going to be hard,” I admit. “Living together, feeling this attraction and not being able to act on it.”
A small, strained smile crosses his face. “Yes. Very hard.”
The double meaning isn’t lost on me. Despite the tension, I laugh. He does too. The moment of levity breaks some of the heaviness.
I take a breath, steadying myself. “About sleeping arrangements...”
Keric tenses slightly, and I can already see where his mind is going.
“That couch is way too small for you. I saw how uncomfortable you looked.”
“I’m fine—”
“No, you’re not. And I feel terrible taking your bed.” I meet his eyes. “The bed is huge. King-sized, right?”
He nods slowly, but his expression is troubled.
“We could share it. Just sleeping. Nothing else.”
He’s already shaking his head before I finish. “No.”
“But—”
“Anna, I can’t.” His voice is strained. “Having you that close, in my bed, scenting your arousal, and not being able to touch you? I wouldn’t be able to control myself.
And if I claimed you in a rough manner while you’re still unsure, while you haven’t made your decision freely.
..” He runs a hand over his horns in frustration.
“That’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid. ”
“We could set boundaries—”
“It wouldn’t matter.” He’s firm on this.
“My instincts could override my control. Luckily this is happening in the spring and not in the dark of winter, when orcs really do lose control. I would have to be chained, the same as Garlen. Even though this is spring, I am still on edge especially if I had you so close, scenting your arousal.”
I bite my lip. He has a point. And honestly? Part of me knows that if we shared a bed, I wouldn’t want boundaries. I’d want his hands on me. His mouth on mine. His body covering mine.
And that’s exactly the problem.
“Okay,” I concede. “You’re right. The couch it is.”
“For now,” he adds. “Until you decide. One way or the other.”
“One way or the other,” I repeat.