Nova
I wake up and something’s wrong.
My body doesn’t feel like mine. Breathing hurts. I try to move my fingers and they won’t respond.
I don’t open my eyes yet.
Woodsmoke. Bread. Clean fabric against my face.
Not the cell. Not the chair.
Thank fuck.
My heart kicks and immediately I regret it because my chest aches in a way that makes every breath feel impossible.
I force my eyes open.
Ceiling. Wood beams. Window with pale light coming through.
I know this ceiling.
No.
I try to sit up. My arms shake. My shoulder—
The sound that rips out of me isn’t something I can control. My shoulder is still wrong. Still out. White-hot pain and I can’t breathe through it.
The Hollow.
I’m in the house. On the couch.
How am I—
They’re dead.
The thought sits there. Flat and certain and unbearable.
I left. I walked away and Silas said they’d live if I went and I believed him because I’m so fucking stupid and now they’re—
I can’t think about that. I can’t be here.
I get my elbow under me. Push. My arm gives out halfway and I collapse back down.
Try again.
This time I make it to sitting. Barely. The room spins and I have to put my head between my knees and wait for it to stop.
When I look up, the room comes into focus in pieces.
The fireplace. Beckett’s shoulder against mine. Just sitting.
The kitchen doorway. Vaelor at three AM making bread.
The floor. Clean now but I can still see it. All the mattresses they dragged down. Rane on one side. Kyron on the other. Locke’s arm across my waist. Beckett’s hand in my hair. Vaelor breathing steady. Trey’s fingers in mine.
All of them. Here. With me.
The sound that comes out is worse than the first one.
I can’t be here.
I get my feet under me. Stand. My legs shake but I force them to hold me because I need out.
Three steps and I catch myself on the wall. My legs are shaking so hard I don’t know how I’m upright. I push off. Make it to the door. My hand closes around the handle and I stop because I don’t know what’s out there. I don’t know if this is real or—
I open it anyway.
The air hits my face and I gasp.
Two steps onto the porch and my legs give out. I catch the railing, then the post, then I’m lowering myself down because falling seems worse.
I end up on the top step.
I can’t go back inside. Can’t look at that living room again. But I can’t walk any farther than this.
So I sit.
The Hollow is quiet. Morning quiet. Birds. The house settling. My own breathing still too fast.
My shoulder throbs with every heartbeat.
I should—I don’t know what I should do.
They’re dead and I left them and—
In the chair, in the light, for one second I swear I felt them. All of them. Like they were right there.
But that wasn’t real.
This is real. This porch. This exhaustion. This pain.
This emptiness.
I pull my knees up. Rest my forehead against them. Close my eyes.
Don’t think about Locke saying sweetheart with his face in my neck. The way he kissed me on those steps.
Don’t think about Kyron’s blue eyes. The way he smirked at me that first day. The roof under the stars. The way he felt that first time.
Don’t think about Rane’s smile. The way he called me beautiful and turned red. Our date. The way he shifted and looked at me through the window.
Don’t think about Vaelor running into the fire. The bread. Holding my hand.
Don’t think about Beckett. The plate. The way he just sat with me.
Don’t think about Trey. His smile. The clothes. The way he…
Stop stop stop—
I’m crying. I don’t know when I started but I can’t stop. Face pressed against my knees. My good arm wrapped around my legs like I can hold myself together if I just squeeze hard enough.
They’re gone and I’m here and I don’t know how or why but they’re—
“Nova?”
I stop breathing.
That voice.
No.
That’s not possible. I’m hearing things. The testing broke something. I’m broken. That’s what this is.
“Nova.”
Closer now.
I don’t look up. If I look up and no one’s there then I’ll know for sure that I’ve lost it.
“Nova.”
I lift my head.
Trey is standing in the street. Just standing there. Twenty feet away. Staring at me.
Same clothes. Same hair. Same face.
“Trey?”
The word comes out broken.
He takes a step toward me.
“Oh my god. Trey?”
He’s moving now. Fast.
I’m trying to stand. My legs don’t work. I get halfway up and stumble and he’s already there, already catching me, and then I’m in his arms.
I’m kissing him. His face, his jaw, his mouth, his neck—everywhere I can reach. My hands in his hair, on his face, confirming he’s solid, he’s real, he’s here.
“You died.” I’m sobbing between kisses. “You died, you fucking died, how are you—”
“I’m here.” His arms are so tight around me I can barely breathe. “I’m here, Nova, I’m here.”
“You’re alive.” I pull back just far enough to see his face. To look at him. “You’re— you died, I saw—”
“I’m okay.” His hand is on my face now. His thumb wiping at tears I can’t stop. “We’re okay. We’re all okay.”
The world stops.
“What?”
“We’re all here.” He’s smiling through his own tears. “All of us. We got you out.”
I can’t process that. I can’t—
“They’re alive?” My voice breaks. “They’re all—”
“They’re alive. They’re here. They’re—”
I don’t hear the rest. Just the rushing in my ears and Trey saying they’re alive over and over.
I’m laughing. Or crying. Both.
I bury my face in his neck and hold on.
They’re alive.