Nova
I wake up before the light.
Which is weird for me, but all I’ve been doing is resting and I’m over it. The Hollow is still quiet. That’s how early it is.
Rane’s arm is across my stomach. Beckett is playing with my hair in his sleep. It makes me want to stay.
It’s warm. Too warm. Who knew sleeping in the same bed with six men turned it into a furnace some nights. Okay, most nights.
I ease out from under Rane’s arm. My shoulder does its morning complaint and I breathe through it.
His arm tightens.
He’s not awake. I catch his hand as he adjusts and bring it to my mouth. My lips brush his knuckles. It’s almost nothing and I smile as he relaxes. Someone exhales somewhere behind me.
I set it back down on the bed and get up.
The floor is cold. I find my clothes by feel, get dressed in the dark. I pause, just standing there, listening to them breathe.
My guys.
I make it out the door without anyone waking up.
The morning is cool and I can smell someone already cooking in the Community Hall. My stomach growls as I stand on the porch for a second.
Two days. Maybe three now. We’re running out of time.
I need to find something to do.
I know what I should do. But we’re not doing that.
I’m not avoiding. I’m just being useful instead.
I see Eli. He’s already up, just down the road, moving slow.
Perfect.
“You shouldn’t be up yet,” I say, falling into step beside him.
“I’m up.” He squints at the sky. “It’s morning.”
“You have a hole in your shoulder.”
“Had. Past tense.” He glances at me sideways. “You’re one to talk.”
Fine. He wins that one.
“Where are you headed?”
“Cal said he might have something for me. Light work.” He says the last part like it offends him. “I told him I can still lift things.”
“With which arm?”
He scoffs. I smile before I realize it.
“I’ll come with you,” I say.
He shrugs with his good shoulder. “More the merrier.”
Cal doesn’t have anything.
“But there’s nothing right now?” I ask.
“Not right now.”
“I can lift things. Run supplies. Help with the perimeter check —”
“Nova.”
“What? I can do literally anything, Cal. Tell me something and I’ll do it.”
He sets down what he’s holding and looks at me like someone who has already had this conversation today with three other people and lost all three times.
“We made good progress yesterday. Brent’s running drills after lunch. Check back with Vaelor later, he’s got everything sorted.”
“Of course he does.” Under my breath.
Cal is grinning when I look up.
Not under enough.
Dammit.
“You heard that.”
His face goes innocent. “Didn’t hear anything.”
I look at him. He’s lying. He’s absolutely lying and he knows I know and he doesn’t care even a little bit.
“Fine,” I say.
Eli peels off toward Zoe, squeezing my good shoulder once as he goes.
“You’ll find something,” he says.
I don’t answer because I’m not sure that’s the point.
I sigh, turning back the way I came.
Petra waves at me from her porch. I wave back and keep walking. Liam is halfway up a fence post doing something with wire that looks like it should require two people.
Kids… That looks fun.
Brent is outside the storage building, arms crossed, watching two people adjust something along the north fence line.
“Nova,” he says, when I get close enough.
“What do you need?”
“Your guys should be out soon. Kyron was just —”
“I’m not asking about my guys.” I tell him. “I’m ready. What do you need?”
His jaw shifts. He looks at me for a second.
“Nothing right now,” he says. “We’re in the lull between planning and action. Check back this afternoon.”
“There’s nothing? Seriously?”
“Nova.”
“I can stand watch. I can —”
“Nova.” Not harsh. Just final. “This afternoon.”
I breathe.
“Fine.”
Stupid lull.
I turn. Three steps later I glance back without deciding to. He’s already looking at the fence line again.
Figures.
The Community Hall doors are open. I can see straight through to the people inside, all of them with their hands full of something. Moving. Busy.
I slow down without meaning to.
I know what I should do.
I keep walking.
No direction in particular because there’s nothing for me to do, apparently, because everyone has got it covered, because the whole Hollow is running like a machine this morning and I am a spare part standing in the road.
I’m at the tree line before I realize it.
Didn’t mean to end up here. Just did.
The ward hums further out. I stop in front of a cluster of older trees and stand there feeling extremely stupid while behind me the whole town prepares for what’s coming.
Without me.
Because I’m standing in the woods.
Something lands on my shoulder.
I already know.
I brush it off. “No.”
The crow lands on a branch at eye level instead. Stares at me.
“Don’t.” I drop onto a root. “I know what you’re going to say.”
It stares.
“I tried Cal. I tried Brent. Everyone in that hall already has something and I —” I stop. “I can help. That’s all. I just want to help.”
The crow shifts its weight.
“They’re coming in two days and I can’t find a single thing to do about it.”
I look at the ground.
“You should go see Lena.”
“I know,” I say.
I freeze.
A branch snaps somewhere behind me and I’m on my feet before the thought finishes.
Minerva.
Wonderful.
She comes through the trees unhurried. Silver hair loose. She looks between me and the crow like this is a totally normal thing. Maybe it is at this point.
“You don’t have anything to do,” she says.
“Because everyone’s already doing it.”
Her mouth tilts.
“I’m sitting on a root,” I say.
“Yes.”
“Talking to a bird.”
“Apparently.”
I look at her. She looks back. She’s got that thing where she can just wait indefinitely and she knows you know it and she does it anyway.
“I’m not doing anything,” I say. “That’s the problem.”
She steps closer.
“You always have been,” she says. “Whether you realized it or not.”
“That’s a very nice thing to say that doesn’t actually help me.”
“Why do you think they’re coming?”
“For me.” I pick at the bark on the root. “I know that part.”
“Yes, but why?”
“Because I —” I stop. “I shouldn’t exist.”
“Yes,” she says. “And?”
I look up.
“And the Hollow is full of people who are going to get hurt because of it.” It comes out flat. “And I’ve been out here all morning getting told to come back this afternoon and I can’t just… I don’t know. I can’t just stand here.”
“You can’t fix it by lifting things either.”
“I know that.”
“Do you?”
I don’t answer.
She waits.
“The town is behind you, Nova,” she says. “You’re one of them. One of us.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you out here?”
I look at the ground. She’s going to keep waiting so I might as well.
“Because they broke her because of me,” I say.
“Because of you.”
“Yes.”
“Nova —”
The tears come before I can stop them. Too hard. Too fast. I hate it. I specifically did not want to do this today, yet here I am.
Minerva is quiet for a moment. “Cry your tears, Nova.”
She turns. Takes a step. Turns back.
“They’re still coming.”