Chapter 21 #2
“After reform school. Clearly, I wasn’t reformed enough for their liking.
They gave me a choice: be vaporized or serve the cause as a peripheral.
If it wasn’t for you Clem, I’d have happily been vaporized.
I know I’ve been a shit useless brother, but I couldn’t do that to you.
Not after Mom disappeared, and then Dad died.
You couldn’t lose your brother as well.”
“Oh, Jax.” Tears gather in my eyes as I realize how much he cares about me, despite his bluff and bluster. “What was it like, being programmed?”
“Utter shit. I was peripheral number 101, allocated to bring products from the Labyrinth to Sparkle. With that thing inside you, you lose all curiosity, all purpose, your autonomy is gone. And yet…” He drags on his vape, “You remember you were more than a zombie once, that you had free will, but… but you can’t access it.
It’s like you’re swimming around in a bucket of mud.
You keep swimming because you remember that you were so much more.
Hoping that one day you’ll find a way out of the fucking mud, that you’ll escape. Except you never do.”
A tear trickles down my face. “I wish I’d known.”
He huffs a sigh. “We were unable to talk about it with our loved ones. That was programmed into us too.”
“But if I’d known I would have saved you somehow.”
For a second his face contorts. “Oh Clemmy, there’s no way you could have. They make sure of that. Besides you had to be a good hard-working human and stay safe. That’s all I wanted, for you to be safe up there.”
I nod, wiping away more tears. “Go on.”
“Over five years I worked my way up the ranks to a supervisory role. And on the side, I made false leave passes so that peripherals could at least get a break at one of the shitty run down resorts on the edge of Sparkle. I made a bit of extra cash that way. And I chain-smoked, hoping I’d end up dead, because frankly, dying felt like my only way to stop the misery.
And then I heard about an illicit drug that could ease the pain of being programmed.
Manufactured by some pretty mean wolves, the Baden pack.
I found their lab, paid all my money on that shit and soon I was hooked. Even worse than a zombie, now I was a drug addicted zombie.
“One night, when I had no money left and I was going through withdrawal real bad, I decided to steal more drugs. I had nothing to trade, but I didn’t care.
I went down to Level three, raided their stash—and the fucking bastards caught me in the act.
Next thing I know I’m being attacked by teeth and claws, and I think, well, this is the way it’s going to end.
Being torn limb from limb by a pack of feral wolves, and my only regret was…
” his voice cracks, “that I hadn’t said goodbye to you. ”
“Ohhhh, Jax.” My voice wobbles. “That’s how you got so many scars.”
He nods. “I’m almost a goner when a huge silver wolf with yellow eyes jumps into the midst of all these fucking wolves, and I remember thinking yep, this is the bite that will kill me.
And then, the mangy fuckers scatter and there’s just this wolf, standing over me.
And then he sinks his fangs into my neck. ”
“But you didn’t die,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “No, I didn’t. I knew nothing more until I woke up on that road in the periphery and you’re there, bending over me, and then we’re in the car, heading to Sparkle Hospital.
It’s all a blur except for one thing… when I put my hand to my neck, there was no lump where the tracker used to be.
“And what’s more, my mind… my body, they belonged to me again. I was broken and bleeding, but I was me. There was no gnawing emptiness inside me. Those fucking humans didn’t own me anymore.
“That’s how I could finally tell you, about the Labyrinth, because I was free. But then, by telling you, I put you at risk.”
“I would have rescued you all over again in a heartbeat.”
We smile at each other.
“You don’t hate me for being a useless brother?”
Of course not, you were in so much pain, I can’t imagine how you kept going at all.”
“You saying that means a lot, Clemmy,” Jax says softly.
“But how could you work as a peripheral after you lost the chip?” I ask, perplexed.
“Remember how fast I got out of hospital?”
I nod, Jax had left Sparkle hospital, barely able to walk, just a couple days later.
“After that, I came to Otis and told him everything, and he organized a meeting with Traggar, the wolf who bit me. And that’s when I found out that I’d—I’d more than survived, I guess.”
I cock my head. “What do you mean?”
Jax pauses. I watch his knee jiggle.
He clears his throat. His mouth opens and shuts once, then twice.
My brother being lost for words is not something I’ve experienced before.
Finally, in a low voice he says, “When Traggar bit the tracker out of my neck, he not only freed me, he turned me.”
“Turned you?”
“I’m a werewolf, Clem.”
“Oh—OH!” I gasp, my hand flying to my mouth as I take it in. “Does that mean you’re not human anymore?”
Jax pulls a face. “Moot point. I feel like a human, but now there’s a wolf inside me as well.”
“Like, all the time?”
“Yeah, pretty much. At first it was confusing, and frankly, annoying having wolf instincts, but now I’m used to it.”
“Well, you’ve always been wild, I guess.” The quip is out of my mouth before I can stop it.
“Not a great moment for a fucking joke, Clem.”
“Sorry. So, erm, how does your wolf manifest?”
“I’m physically stronger.” He tenses an arm and the muscles sure do pop, and then he reaches out casually and tips the desk with a fingertip.
“See that? And I’m fast. If I ran out of the door now, you’d barely see a streak.
Not that I choose to run much, but I can.
” His eyes take on an almost luminous quality.
“Traggar, could have let me die… but he didn’t, and that means that I’m no longer worthless.
I have a purpose in life now, even if it means I’m a fucking werewolf. ”
“Oh Jax, you have never been worthless. You’ve always been my amazing, courageous big brother. Honestly, I’m glad you’re a wolf now, because your wolf will protect you.” Reaching out our hands join and he grips mine tightly. “Maybe don’t squeeze too hard.” I squeak.
“Sorry. I would never hurt you, even if—or when—I do shift.” He gives a rueful laugh. “I guess it’s only a matter of time.”
“So you haven’t shifted? Not even a little bit?”
“I’m not sure if there’s a half measure on shifting. Though I’ve sensed the wolf inside me getting stronger of late,” Jax muses. “The shift happens when the right forces collide, and the need to be wolf is greater than the need to be human. Apparently.”
“Is there some way you can prepare for it?”
“Traggar’s been giving me training to understand the wolf’s presence in me. It’s taking time. But honestly Clem, compared to being brainwashed by the tracker in my neck, this is liberation.”
“Are you afraid of shifting?”
Jax ponders for a moment. “No. I’m kind of looking forward to it, I think. I have a sense of inner strength I’ve never had before. And I’m initiated into the Trojan pack, which gives me a wider community of support.”
“They’re the wolves who are looking after Sammy and Arlo.”
“Yes, they are good guys. Not like the fucking Badens, they’re another story.”
“Do other monsters here know you’re a werewolf?”
He shakes his head. “Only Otis and his deputies know. Folks here are aware I am a human with free will and on the side of the Labyrinth, but they know nothing of the mission we are planning. The longer we can keep that quiet the less likelihood that word will spread past the Labyrinth.”
“So not even Tippy knows?”
Jax’s lips tighten “Tippy does not know. And good thing too. Wolves and wixens are like oil and water.”
Oh,” I hide my smile. “She won’t be happy when she finds out then.”
Jax grunts, then he cocks his head and smirks. “So now you know the whole story. Do you still love me?”
“Of course I do—bastard.”
“Aw, love you back, bitch.” He stands and I walk into his arms, and we hug. I sense Jax holding back a little and understand why now. He could no doubt crush my ribs if he hugged too hard.
“Guess we should ask Otis to join us,” I say when we part. Jax nods. I go and open the door and call out to Otis, who is clattering pots and pans in the kitchen.
When he strides toward me he says, “So he’s told you?”
Yep.
“Everything?”
I nod and smile. “Guess I’m kind of related to wolves. And now I want you to explain what happens next.”