26. Dean
Dean
I freeze, every part of my body reacting to and rejecting the words that are about to come out of her mouth.
She doesn't have to say it. I was awake for most of the night and already aware of exactly when Lennon left her room, plus I saw Reed sneak in there too, from my study window.
He didn't come out for hours, and that's all it took for me to understand what happened.
They must think I'm stupid or something.
I'm ashamed to admit it to myself, but it was all I could think about all night.
Here's the thing: I'm not a prude. I don't begrudge people having fun after work hours, and this isn't the first threesome I've observed on this mountain.
As I've often said, it can get pretty isolated up here, and that can cause all sorts of strange and unusual behaviors—perhaps sometimes it makes people do things they otherwise would not do, I don't know.
I do know that threesomes are something I've indulged in myself with Reed and one of the hot young fillies from town who we chatted up in the bar one Friday night.
She was up for it, but she was on her own, so we shared her.
No big deal. It's not something I would ever judge Hailey for.
But whilst I don't at all judge her, God damn it, it burns.
It hurts, knowing the three of them were doing what they were doing without me.
I wasn't there. I wasn't invited. Lying there on my bed on my own, whilst across the yard the other two were in the guest house, bringing her to ecstasy, showing her the intense pleasure of being worshipped by two men. That was hard, very hard.
I didn't get to see her eyes roll over or hear her cry out when she reached the edge.
I didn't get to taste that sweet ambrosia between her thighs, and hear her moaning in bliss, as I suck her clit while the other one has her nipple.
I didn't get to feel her tighten around my cock as I entered her with gritted teeth, slow so as not to hurt her. ..
Shit.
Thanks to these thoughts revolving around and around in my head, I had to give up on getting any rest, and go take a long walk around the house, but even that still didn't help me cool off.
I chugged glasses of water, washed my face in the sink, paced some more, not knowing what to do with myself.
Miserable from the knowledge that I was the one that was on his own, whilst the others were all enjoying themselves without me.
They talk about the loneliness of command.
Someone has to be in charge. Someone has to make the hard decisions.
Someone has to get everyone stirred up and moving.
Around here, that 'someone' is me. But that doesn't necessarily make me popular.
I know they call me 'The General' and "Old Blood and Guts" behind my back.
But if I didn't make everyone work, we'd never get anything done.
Still… it doesn't make me popular. And I see now that whereas I had thought they loved me as their friend, in fact they simply see me as their boss, nothing more. I sigh deeply.
Whilst I'm lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling, they're all having fun.
Ungrateful bastards.
I take a deep breath, realizing how petty I am being.
I've got to stop this wallowing in self-pity because it sure as hell won't get me anywhere.
Yes, with Reed, I can believe he's doing this for fun—simply indulging himself because of the taboo nature of the act.
With Lennon, though, things must be at least partially serious.
He's never been the type to have sex for the heck of it.
I've suspected from the beginning that he has feelings for her, which makes everything even more fucked up and complicated.
It means that I'll look like a hypocrite if I tell Reed to stay away from Hailey, while allowing Lennon to continue his relationship with her.
Doing that would most likely cause problems between the two of them, and perhaps between Reed and me as well.
The best thing I can do is stay out of it and simply let things take their course.
It isn't my business anyway, strictly speaking.
"Uncle Dean?"
I spin around from staring out the kitchen window and find Grace at the doorway, holding her favorite teddy bear. My heart softens, and some of the tension eases from my bones as I walk to her, picking her up in my arms.
"Hi, honey. Did you wake up?"
She nodded. "Where's Daddy?'
"He'll be back soon. He went to do some work."
"Can I stay with you then?' she said. "I get scared sometimes when I sleep alone."
"Of course. In fact I tell you what, why don’t I take you back to your bedroom and tuck you in, and read you a story, eh?" She nods.
With a new task to occupy myself with, holding her safely in my arms, I take her back to her room and lay her down on her bed.
She wriggles under the bedclothes and I tuck her in carefully, then sit beside her to read her a bedtime story.
At least if nothing else, this will help to put the situation with the others out of my head.
It was a vain hope though. Even after reading Grace a story and watching her eyes flickering closed, her breathing slow down, until she was fast asleep, even after going back to bed myself and crawling under the covers, the scenario between Reed, Lennon and Hailey shows up in my dreams. I toss and turn, sleeping fitfully and awaking early.
If I can't sleep, I can at least work. I sigh, get dressed again, splash some water on my face, head for the office and reach for the laptop and the goddamned business accounts.
At that moment, I hear a soft knock on my door, but I choose to ignore it.
I don't think I've got it in me to talk to Lennon or Reed right now.
The door opens anyway, and I can hear soft footsteps approaching me, standing behind me.
I know who it is now, because I can smell her scent—floral, fruity, a trace of sandalwood.
Internally I sigh. Now Hailey's come and found me in my office, where I hoped I’d be left alone in peace, and I guess she wants to talk about it, when I'd rather pretend it's not happening.
I turn and look up. The guilt in her gaze tells me that this is something she needs to get off her chest, so I sigh again—out loud this time—and give her the floor.
She swallows and twiddles with her thumbs for some time before she admits, "Something happened last night.
With me and Lennon, and Reed." She shuts her eyes as a heated blush takes over her face.
"I know, I know. I messed up, and this is like the fifth or sixth one since I've been here.
I don't know if I can keep to our deal living here, and it might be better for me to move back to the lodge. "
"No." I've checked out her lodge a couple of times this week while Reed was working on it. Even with the improvements he's making, it's still way away from being livable. No way am I sending her back there. "You'll stay until they're done fixing up your place."
"I don't know if I should. I'm…attracted to you.
All three of you." Even more shame twists her face, and her lips purse in her self-derision.
"I don't know what that says of me, but it's true.
Last night, I couldn't resist…I was…" She takes a deep breath.
"I can't promise that it won't happen again. "
"I get it," I tell her, my voice hoarse from the storm she's raging within me. "In fact, I already know about what happened last night."
She gapes at me and I raise my eyebrow, desperately schooling my expression into one of professionalism even as my cock twitches in my pants, my libido suddenly freed from the thought that she wants them but not me, at the realization that she wants all of us.
"It's fine," I manage. "As long as it doesn't interfere with your work, I don't mind."
"Really?"
I nod and smile even though it's painful. She gives me a tentative smile back.
Good, we've got through this difficult conversation. I think. But then, she adds, "There's something else that I want to talk to you about."
Oh God—what can it possibly be this time?
"Okay, go on."
She swallows nervously, then looks me in the eyes and says: "It's about the boys—about Lennon and Reed, I mean."
I nod to show I understand. "Go on. What about them?" Not my favorite topic right now, the ungrateful bastards, but okay, better to hear about it, whatever the problem is, than find out later when the issue has had time to get worse. "What have they done this time?"
"No, no… it's nothing like that!" Her hands are open, her voice indicating that I've got it wrong. Okay, let's hear it then. "Alright, well suppose you tell me what it is then?"
"Yes, of course." She swallows once again.
"Sorry, this is a little difficult, a little delicate.
And you might think it's not strictly my business—well I guess it's not my business at all…
but… but I am pretty sure they'll never ever tell you this themselves, and I think you ought to know.
Because… well… because you deserve to know. "
Jesus Christ—this is beginning to sound serious.
Are they thinking of leaving? I am fully aware neither of them are as set on the whole farming thing as I am, but I thought they were happy enough.
After all, we're doing okay now. We've put in all this hard work, and finally it's all beginning to show for us. What on Earth has gone wrong?
"Tell me the worst," I say, grimly, turning to face her completely.
"No, you've got it all wrong." Frustration and perhaps a little amusement too in her voice. "It's just that… well I don't think you realize how much Lennon and Reed love you."
What? She has my attention now… but what on Earth is this woman talking about?
"They idolize you. Whenever I am with them they practically talk about you in hushed tones.
Especially Reed. He literally sees you as his savior.
But Lennon too. I don't think you understand that from their perspective you're like a best friend, a father, an uncle, a boss and their platoon commander, all rolled into one.
From their perspective they owe you their lives, and they'd follow you anywhere, do anything for you.
That's how much they love you. And… well…
they can't seem to tell you, and you can't seem to see it.
" She finishes lamely, her gaze flickering down, but then back up again, almost defiantly.
"So I decided I'd tell you. And I'd also tell you that I think…
I think I kind of love you too." Her eyes soften, moisture appearing from nowhere.
"At least… I've never felt this way before about anyone, except…
well except, you, and Lennon, and Reed. All three of you. And I'm so confused!"
She's crying fully now, her hands covering her face.
I pull her towards me. "It's okay, shush, shush, it's okay," I whisper.
My fingers stroke her long silky hair as I pull her even closer, until she's sitting on my knee, and I feel the warmth of her on top of me, the weight of her on my lap, as light as a feather, as gentle as an elf or a fairy, but as real and womanly and loving as any man could ever hope for.
"Hailey… I…" I don't know what to say. Don't know how to say it.
All I am sure of is that she is everything to me.
She smiles, and I smile back. " Oh Hailey, sweet Hailey.
" I whisper her name like it's an enchantment.
She reaches down, her eyes closed, her lips slightly parted… and then we kiss.
All the pain, the sorrow, the dreadful feelings of loss are lifted from me in the touch of her sweet lips on mine.
It's like she's an angel, come down from heaven to save me.
And boy do I need saving. My weariness, my stress, my worries all vanish in this moment of true connection, of deep understanding between us.
"Hailey." I whisper her name again, almost as if it is a mantra. A prayer for my salvation.
"Dean." She whispers my name in return, her tongue in my ear, her hot breath tickling the hairs, making me tingle.
Sitting astride me now, she slowly unbuttons her cotton shirt, shrugs out of her bra, and turns back to me.
Her breasts press soft and warm against my face, as I lean in to kiss and suckle at her swollen, pink nipples.
She lets out a moan of pleasure, pushing her breasts forwards, allowing my tongue to fully explore the roundness and firmness of her ripe fruits.
Wriggling around on top of me, she lifts her skirt and pulls aside her panties. For me it's even easier, since I only had my dressing gown on when she came in. One tug of the belt and the gown lies open, revealing my fully swollen manhood beneath.
"Mmm…." She licks her lips, as if looking forward to a delicious dessert or a glass of particularly fine wine, then shifts position once more, hovering for a moment or two over me, holding me, guiding me to the exact right spot, before sinking down on me with an "Oh!" of pleasure.
"Oh Hailey." Our eyes meet, hold each other's gaze. We smile. A genuine smile of love, of affection, of recognition. Without the need for words, our shared smile says " I see you, I feel you, I honor you. We are one together. "