10. Another Try
ANOTHER TRY
ORRI
I ’ve gotten myself into some pretty big messes in the past, but this one takes the cake. All I was trying to do was be nice. Help out an omega so clearly in need, especially when I was nearby and had both the time and capacity to do so.
Yeah. Being nice. That’s all it was.
At first.
But as she trembles in my arms, tears leaking from her dark eyes and drying on her beautiful face, I’ve never felt more conflicted in my life. On the one hand, I know this is wrong. That I shouldn’t be getting so close to such a young, pretty woman who could never be mine. Especially an omega still grieving her lost alpha. What kind of jerk would I be, to steal her from another man, even if he was already dead?
I’m an alpha, and that comes with a certain amount of possessiveness. But I’m not an asshole. Do I tense up at the smell of the other man? Do I wish it was me, in some forbidden part of myself, that she was attached to instead of Bjornick? Sure.
But that’s just basic biology. A simple cause and effect reaction that has no emotional bearing. Or at least, that’s what I keep telling myself. Maybe if I repeat it in my head enough times, I’ll actually believe it.
My cock aches in my trousers, tenting the fabric between my legs. I grimace and try to adjust myself with one hand, glad that her eyes are closed. She deserves a nice, long rest, far away from the horrors of war and loss.
Too bad I can’t have the same.
Every time I look at her soft, innocent face, I can’t help but imagine tearing these blankets off and spearing her with my cock all over again. How badly I want to see the flush of her cheeks. The arch of her back. The rapturous sounds of my name on her lips.
But I didn’t get to see any of that, because I’d so foolishly thought that taking her from behind meant I wouldn’t get as attached. That I could simply pump into her, focus on the physical sensations, and give her what she needed to get through this heat. It was just sex to help her. Didn’t have to mean anything other than that.
Oh, who was I kidding?
It took every scrap of willpower I had left not to spill in her tight, needy pussy. Not to breed her full of my cum the way she — no, the way we both — needed.
I scrubbed a hand over my face. Maybe, in another life, if things had been different…
I look past her still form and focus on the landscape outside the windows. Each tree and flower. Each cloud and each bird. I mentally catalog them all. It takes my mind off the immediate rush of feelings, but they’re still there, simmering in the back of my mind. And before I can catch myself, I start to speak.
Softly. To myself more than to anyone else. But maybe she needs to hear this just as much as I do.
“We’re not so different, you know.”
Isabella doesn’t answer, and I don’t expect her to. She’s probably sleeping, but I need to get this off my chest.
“I lost someone, too. Long ago.” The aching feeling in my heart returns, not only for Zannah this time, but for Isabella and all she’s been through recently. I know firsthand how it destroyed me to lose Zannah. And now I’m sitting here, comforting this scared, perfect creature caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time. She started off her life on Aesirheim with highly traumatic experiences.
“Life has a way of throwing us curve balls. Giving us answers we don’t expect, and leaving it to us to figure out how to pick up the pieces.” My hand runs absentmindedly through her hair, and her breathing slows.
“There was a girl. Zannah.” Even saying her name brings a fresh ache to my chest. I’ve never talked about this with anyone, not even my closest comrades. But sitting here with her, the words tumble out like water through a damaged bucket. “We met when we were kids. We grew up together. She was strong, bold. Ambitious.” A nostalgic smile crosses my face. “She wanted to train as a warrior, just like the rest of us. And she was good at it, too. Even beat some of our most talented fighters a couple times while sparring.”
Outside, the wind steadily blows through the valley, sending waves of floating flower petals across the grasslands. They alone bear witness to my words.
“I had a crush on her since the first time I met her. As we grew up and became adults, I thought for sure she was the one for me. We did everything together. Fought together. Ate together. Trained together. After a while, we even moved in together.”
For a while, the only sounds are the thudding of my heart and Isabella’s soft, even breaths. Far away, in the kitchen perhaps, a clock imperceptibly ticks away the seconds.
“I thought we were in love. It felt like we were in love.” I let out a breath and shake my head. “Perhaps I was blind. She never said as much, but I knew that we were meant to be together. That we would be heart-mates, if only she could see that it was time to bond together…”
The sky darkens further, and a clap of thunder sounds in the distance. Funny, then, that it matches my darkened mood exactly.
“I never got a chance to tell her how I really felt. And that day on the battlefield when she looked up at me, covered in blood, and told me to run…” My chest seizes up and my voice breaks. This time, tears fleck to my eyes instead. Damn it!
“I failed her.” My voice cracks, shoulders shaking. I haven’t let myself feel this much since she passed. I didn’t think I’d ever find another soul I could open up to. But something about Isabella, even if she was sleeping and exhausted, made me feel safe for once in my life. Made me feel like perhaps I could change the ending of my story.
After Zannah’s death, I’d come to terms long ago that I’d grow old alone and die alone, without a woman to warm my bed or claim my heart. But what if that didn’t have to be the case?
I don’t know what to think anymore, and I don’t know how to put it into words. If I told all this to Isabella while she was awake, she’d probably look at me like I was completely crazy. Despite all appearances, I’ve never been too good with emotions. Turned them off and away, like most of us did. On the battlefield, they were a liability. And in our personal lives?
Too many of us had experienced loss there, too.
I run a hand softly through Isabella’s dark hair again, letting the soft strands fall through my fingertips. She won’t ever be mine, not in that way. But she doesn’t have to be. For the time that we have together, I’ll do my best to be the alpha she deserves. If I had been the one to fall that day, leaving Zannah alone without a mate, I would hope someone would look after her.
Would take that precious girl into their arms and bring a smile back to her pretty face. So that’s what I’ll do. Stay by her side, be the rock she needs.
And at the end of it all, we can both part ways knowing that we did the right thing.
The sound of a sniffle catches my attention and when I refocus on the scene in front of me, Isabella’s awake. And looking right at me. I freeze.
How much did she hear?
And why was she crying?
“I…” She starts, voice warbling. “I had no idea, Orri. I’m so sorry.” She wraps her arms around me and shifts even closer, laying her head against my chest.
She heard it. She was awake, possibly even the whole time.
And I just spilled my deepest, darkest secrets.
What have I done?
“It…” I struggle to find the words. The emotions that so eloquently poured out of me only seconds ago stutter and stop, suddenly unsure. I didn’t mean to say all of that stuff in the first place, but once I got going I couldn’t stop…
“It was a long time ago.”
“Still,” Isabella says. She reaches out and takes one of my hands, linking my fingers with her own. I marvel at the size difference, her hand small and doll-like in my own. The soft touch moves me more than all the sex we had. For a moment, we’re no longer alpha and omega, or even man and woman.
Just two people, sharing a similar pain and taking comfort in one another’s presence. That’s the word for it, I realize at last. There’s lust there, sure. There’s possessiveness. But on top of it all, there’s a sense of peace and safety and comfort I feel with Isabella, and I’ve never felt that with anyone.
Not even — I realize with a shock — with Zannah.
What does that make me, then? Who does that make me? I don’t have the answers, but for right now? Just staying like this in her presence is enough.
“I know you lost a mate, too,” I start. “And I know how fresh it is. How painful. I remember how much losing Zannah hurt me. How much it still hurts me, when I least expect it. So I don’t want you to think I’m trying to replace him, or that I’m trying to say he doesn’t matter.” I take our joined hands and bring them to my lips, kissing her small, soft fingers. I don’t know why, it just feels right.
“I honor and respect this alpha Bjornick for everything he did for you. For all of us. He died an honorable death protecting the ones he loved.” I pause, letting the lump in my throat pass. “Just as Zannah did.”
A few moments of silence pass, and Isabella’s the next to speak. “So where does that leave us?”
I look deep into her tender brown eyes, and see something there that looks suspiciously like hope.
“Isabella,” I say, making sure she hears the conviction in my voice. “I will do my best not to feel shame or guilt during your heat, for however long this—“ I gesture around us, “—lasts. We’ve both lost someone, and we both could use the companionship. But I want you to promise me something.”
“What’s that?” Her eyes are wide, her lips parted, and I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.
“That you’ll do the same for me.”
I watch as her throat bobs with the weight of her decision. She sniffs one final time, swiping away the tears with the back of her hand. Isabella gives me a squeeze, and that little touch holds the promise of so much more. “I’ll try.”
And just like that, something shifts between us. There’s still so much work to be done. Still so much baggage to unpack. But the icy outer shell cracks at last, and I feel myself aching for her all over again.
Apparently I’m not the only one, because she lets out a low, breathy sigh while pawing at my chest. “Orri, I’m sorry, I know it’s not the time, but…” She looks up at me, sweat beading on her forehead and eyes wide with need. “It’s coming again, the heat, and I don’t think I can…”
“Shhh. There’s nothing to apologize for.” I cut her off with a kiss and lay her out on the couch. It had hurt me to hear her cry the last time. This time, I’m going to do this right.