Chapter Twenty-Four
Santino gripped the steering wheel as he drove over the rough terrain.
Orsen had wanted to show him the creek and where he planned to build his house, and now Santino gritted his teeth as he drove along the track leading to it.
Calling it a track was too generous a word for what he was bouncing over.
Its potholes had potholes, and Orsen braced a hand against the dashboard when they dropped into a particularly deep one.
“I don’t remember it being like this,” Orsen grunted again. “Maybe we need a four-wheel drive.”
“Next time, but right now, we’re stuck in my car.” They hit another pothole, and Santino muttered, “Shit.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault. We’ll get there soon. Just hold on for now.” Another fifteen minutes and Orsen pointed to a spot up ahead. Santino headed there, then parked the car, turned the engine off, and exhaled heavily. “We have arrived in one piece.”
Orsen grinned and got out, then walked in front of the car, spread his arms wide, and spun around. “This is the place.”
Santino stood and watched Orsen, then walked forward a few steps and looked around.
The creek was to the left, surrounded by bushes and trees.
The place Orsen indicated was flat with only grass covering it.
To the right were trees in the distance and the views were amazing.
Land as far as he could see, trees all around and as he looked, he heard birds cry above and shielded his eyes as he glanced up at them.
“I can’t wait to wake up in the morning, open my curtains and see this. Isn’t it beautiful?”
“It is. Where is Crompton’s from here?”
Orsen pointed toward the creek. “See the fence in the distance?” Santino nodded.
“That’s his. We’re neighbors.” Orsen grinned, then ran through the grass, laughing.
“I’m going to make sure I have windows that face the creek, and Matty said I could have something like a small deck next to it so I can sit and watch the creek, or maybe fish. ”
“That sounds great.” Santino walked around the area, feeling a light breeze lift his hair, hearing only wildlife.
Peaceful. Closing his eyes again, he sighed and let his body relax the tension drain away.
He could hear Orsen getting closer and when Orsen’s arms slid over his shoulders, he opened his eyes and smiled down at him. “It’s nice here.”
“It’s amazing here.” Orsen rose and kissed Santino’s lips. “I can’t wait to live here.” Another kiss, then he moved away and ran over to the creek. “Look!”
Santino followed and watched the water rush over the stones. Small fish moved along the water, which was so clear Santino could count them. “This would be a good spot to do some fishing.”
“And then cook whatever we catch on a grill outside.” Orsen grinned, walked back toward the car, pointing places out where he wanted to have a barn and a root cellar. “I could grow my own food as well. I always wanted a garden. Oh, and flowers. I could have flowers out in the front.”
“You can, and you have years to make this your home.”
“Years. That sounds nice, like putting down roots.”
“Yes. A place that will grow with you.”
“We could live here,” Orsen smiled, his face tilted to the sun. “Me and you together.”
Santino inhaled, then slowly exhaled. “It’s too soon to be talking about living together.
You should finish school, decide what you want to do with your life.
You’re young, only eighteen. Don’t rush into anything.
” It was far too soon to be talking about living together.
They’d been together a couple of months, been intimate even less.
Eighteen was far too young to be moving in with Santino and planning to live his life that way.
He needed to focus on his education, and think about his future.
“You don’t want to live with me because I’m younger than you?” Orsen frowned, his eyes narrowing.
“That isn’t what I said. I said—”
“That is what you said. I’m young. Only eighteen.
I need to focus on my education and not on living with you.
Not thinking about spending my life with you.
Why is that, Santino? Why shouldn’t I think about a future with you in it?
Don’t you see us lasting, or do you still see my age and think that limits what I’m capable of?
Isn’t that what you said? I’m capable of doing so much?
But clearly not capable of having a relationship with you.
” Orsen walked back to the car. “I’d like to go home now. Can you take me to Crompton’s, please?”
“Orsen don’t. Let’s talk about it.” Santino followed Orsen to his car, stepping around a rut in the so-called track. Orsen watched him as he approached. “Just because I’m thinking about your future doesn’t mean—”
“Maybe I’m the one who should be thinking about my future. Me wanting us to live together doesn’t mean I’ve stopped thinking about what I might want to do once I leave high school. You work in the city but live here. Maybe I can commute to college like Cody does.”
“Maybe you could, but you don’t have to make any of those decisions yet. You have plenty of time and it will take months to have your house built. That doesn’t include fitting out the interior.”
“Of course you’re right.” Orsen gave him the fakest smile. “Can I get in?”
“Yes, of course. We can go back to my place to talk—”
“No, that’s okay. I’d like to go home.”
Santino unlocked the car and watched Orsen get in, but remained outside. He only wanted to put Orsen first. He had his whole future ahead of him and Santino wanted him to explore all options and that included him. Did Santino really want Orsen making promises he might later regret?
Running a hand over his face, he sighed. Maybe their age gap still affected him if he considered the possibility Orsen could leave. There were no guarantees in life, but when you were younger, you changed your mind, and Santino was concerned that Orsen would do the same.
If Orsen went to college, he would meet new people, have new experiences, be exposed to different cultures and events that rarely, if ever, occurred in Robinson.
Santino didn’t want to be left behind. There, he’d thought it.
He didn’t want Orsen to leave him behind once he’d had more experience in life and discovered what it could offer.
He didn’t want to be hurt. Didn’t want to have his heart broken.
Getting in the car, he started the engine, then turned to face Orsen. “We said we’d go slow.”
“We did,” Orsen murmured, staring out of the passenger window. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I’m more than happy you want us to live together, but we need to slow down.” He was happy, but his apprehension outweighed his happiness. “Let’s get to know each other better. Dating is fun. I like coming home to you, knowing you’re here.”
Orsen gave him a ghost of a smile. “I’m always excited when Friday comes.”
“That’s so you can jump me the minute I open the door.”
“Hmm. Sex. I’m old enough for that.”
Santino heard him and gave Orsen a sharp look. “You are, and we waited even when you pushed things.”
“I know, because I’m young, right? Always wanting to rush into things. Don’t worry. I won’t rush into this. I’ll go slow.” Orsen yawned. “I’d like to go home now.”
Santino nodded and drove back the way they’d come, but the tension hadn’t eased between them by the time he pulled into Crompton’s. Orsen sighed, then twisted in his seat and looked at Santino. “You’re right.”
“About what?” Santino’s brow furrowed and when Orsen didn’t respond, he said Orsen’s name.
“Thanks for helping me. I know you didn’t have to do that.”
Santino’s chest tightened. Was Orsen ending things between them? It sounded like it. “You know I’ll always be there for you. It’s what people in relationships do.”
“It is, but we’re not in one now. I’m sorry but…
thanks for helping me when I needed it. If anything comes up about Ambrose or the money, we can arrange to meet.
” Orsen gave him a shaky smile, then got out and slammed the door shut.
Santino got out as well and watched Orsen run toward Crompton’s ranch.
Crompton came out seconds later, glared at Santino, then pointed off his ranch.
Santino got back in his car and pulled away, his mind going over their conversation. What had he said that had caused Orsen to break up with him? He’d been honest about something they’d agreed on when they’d first met. He hadn’t lied to Orsen, and now he was single because of it.
Pulling into his driveway, Santino blinked.
He had no recollection of driving home and now he was here.
It was the last place he wanted to be. Fuck, his chest hurt, and he rubbed it, trying to relieve the ache.
Getting out of his car, Santino walked into his house, stroked an overly excited Charlie, then pulled his phone out and called TJ. Orsen would need Cody.
“Santino! How are you two doing?”
“TJ,” Santino mumbled his name, then exhaled. “Fuck.”
“Uh-oh. That doesn’t sound good. You’ve annoyed Orsen, haven’t you?”
“He broke up with me.”
“He did what?” A pause, then, “Orsen broke up with you?”
“Yes.”
“Why would he do that? He adores you, Santino.”
“He asked me to live with him once the house built and I said no. I told him he was only eighteen, with his life ahead of him, and that we could go slow, and then he dumped me.”
“Oh, you fucked up.”
Santino frowned. “Me? How did I fuck up when all I was doing was putting him first? He is only eighteen and has had a shitty upbringing.”
“Let me get this straight. He’s old enough for you to fuck but not old enough for you to attempt to have a meaningful and long-lasting relationship with? Did I get it right?”
“I… no. Well, no, not really. That isn’t it…” Santino trailed off, then winced. “Fuck.”
“Pretty much. Some days you appear to be accepting of your relationship with Orsen, then you do something like this, and I have to question who the adult is between you both, because right now that would be him. He walked because he can see you don’t believe you’ll have a future together.
I agree with you that he is young, but take it from someone who is in a very happy relationship with a younger man that some of them do know their own minds and do know what they want. ”
“Cody is different. Your relationship with him is different.”
“How?”
Santino opened his mouth, then closed it. “He’s not as young as Orsen, for a start, and he had a rough time.”
“Yes, he’s a couple of years older than Orsen, and yes, he had a horrific time when he was younger.
Most of it self-inflicted. Though I doubt he would see it that way.
He takes that horrendous time as being something he needed to endure to be the man he is today.
He took something destructive and shaped it unto something positive.
Orsen has done the same.” Santino heard TJ sigh, then he said, “I hear them talking sometimes. I hear what Orsen went through, and it staggers me that he can be the person he is today. He looks to the future with a positive mind, sees only the good in people when he’s only known the bad.
He makes the decisions in his life, and he wanted to include you in it, and you threw it away because of his age and experience that you have based on your age and your experience. ”
“It’s because of my life and experience that I know—”
“Repeat that to yourself in your cold, lonely bed tonight.” TJ hung up and Santino threw his phone onto the sofa.