Chapter 19 Ouch
Ouch
“We haven’t had sex yet.”
We bumped along the side road leading to his parents’ place to pick up Isaiah as the early morning summer sun aimed its rays through the front windscreen. I pushed my sunglasses up my nose and adjusted the visor for the umpteenth time.
He smirked. “That did not escape me.”
My face flushed. Did he not want me? Was I too much last night? Maybe he changed his mind about us. “We could have done it this morning?”
He smiled at me before returning his eyes to the road. “We could have. And had you given me any indication you wanted to, we would have. I’m not going to push, Bridget. I’m in. Completely. You set the pace.”
I swallowed, disappointment and relief vying for top spot. Because he was right. I was up and in the shower when he’d barely opened his eyes. “Okay.’
“What’s a little blue balls between friends?” he teased.
“Best friends,” I corrected, smiling.
My cell phone buzzed in my hand. With growing trepidation, I checked it for the fourth time that morning. My hand trembled as I noted yet another call from an unknown number.
“You okay?”
My head snapped up to meet Kian’s questioning gaze. “I’m fine. Good. No problem.”
He shook his head. “You’re a terrible liar.”
I held up my phone. “Unknown number again, a different one from last time.”
“You want me to answer it?”
The blood drained from my face. “God, no. He’ll go apoplectic.”
“I’m strangely okay with that,” he replied, his voice hard.
I laughed but shook my head. “No. The best thing to do is not rise to the bait. Any emotional response only encourages him.”
He pulled into the driveway and turned off the ignition. “My sister’s a lawyer. Want me to talk to her about a restraining order?”
My eyes skittered back and forth as I thought about it. When we first separated, I couldn’t bring myself to do it, knowing he would see it as a challenge, something to work around.
But back then, I was alone.
Now I lived in Sage Ridge. Two hours away from my old life and surrounded by friends. And I had Kian.
“I think a restraining order is a good idea, but I’ll talk to the police in Sage Ridge myself. I don’t want your family to know how messed up my life is.”
Brushing the backs of his fingers across my cheek, he murmured, “They wouldn’t judge, but I respect your decision. Can I at least come with you to the police station? And will you find me a recent picture so I’ll recognize him if he comes to Sage Ridge?”
I nodded. “That I can do.”
Leaning across the seat, he hooked his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me in for a soft kiss, his sweet lips barely brushing over mine as he spoke against my mouth, his tone reverent. “I adore you.”
I sighed into his mouth, my eyes closing while the rest of the world melted away. “You’re wonderful, Kian,” I replied, my voice husky. “The best person I know.”
Giving my neck a final squeeze, he drew back with a smile.
I touched my fingers to my lips, my eyes drifting over his.
He chuckled softly. “If we don’t go in, they’ll come out.”
Walking up the front path, I reveled once again in the wide-open spaces. “It really is so beautiful here.”
Climbing the stairs to the porch, Kian stopped and hitched his hands on his hips before slanting a glance at me. “Are you ready to face the inquisition?”
I drew back. “What do you mean?”
Instead of answering, he simply sighed and opened the front door.
Isaiah flew down the hall and jumped into Kian’s arms. Kian caught him and laughed. “Did you miss me, buddy? I missed you.”
Isaiah’s arms tightened around Kian’s neck. For a long moment, he didn’t speak then all at once, his little chest rose and fell with a big sigh.
He lifted his head. “Can we stay one more day, dad? All of us here together?”
Kian shook his head, eyes soft. “Not this time, buddy. I’ve got all kinds of contractors coming out tomorrow to start renovations.”
“Next time?” he asked hopefully.
“Next time,” Kian agreed, putting him down on his feet and taking my hand to lead me down the hall.
Finn’s head snapped up as soon as we entered the family room. Looking back and forth between us, a slow smile spread across his handsome face that reminded me so much of Aaron.
Lachlan granted me another slow wink. “You’re welcome.”
I blushed and rolled my eyes. These two would give any woman a run for their money.
“Fucking neanderthals,” Neve complained, shaking her head. “Are you an only child, Bridget? Or do you, too, get to experience the joys of your siblings’ vested interest in your sex life?”
Lachlan scowled. “You girls don’t have a sex life.”
Neve cocked an eyebrow. “I’m married. I get COD.”
Teagan laughed at their confusion; her eyes gleaming wickedly as she added, “On the contrary, I have a very satisfying sex life.”
“Lalalalalala,” Finn covered his ears and squeezed his eyes shut. “I can’t with you. I just can’t.”
Lachlan narrowed his gaze. “What’s COD?”
Neve smiled sweetly. “Cock-on-demand.”
“Argh,” he growled, twisting away. “Too much.”
Teagan fist-bumped her older sister and winked at me broadly. “You’re welcome.”
I laughed, I couldn’t help it. Where Kian’s family was large, mine was small. But the laughter that bounced off their walls? It made me miss my parents because that was the same.
It wasn’t until we were on our way home after being stuffed to the gills with brunch that I learned how much of his family had been missing from this weekend.
Isaiah stared out the window, his small mouth drawn down into a frown. By the time we made it to the highway, he conked out.
Kian glanced at him through the rearview mirror. “He misses his big family.”
“He was so quiet. I think he’s got a lot of emotions to process, poor little guy,” I mused. “I thought he had cousins?”
“Finn has a little girl, but she was with her mom this week.”
My eyebrows flew up. “They have shared custody?”
He nodded. “They live side-by-side and have committed to raising her together. Neve has two kids, but they stayed home with their dad. Her son is on the spectrum. This weekend, with so many of us there, would be too hard for them on short notice.”
I thought of Wren’s Audrey and the challenges she faced. “Do they ever participate in large family gatherings?”
“With a lot of preparation.” He paused. “It was good for Neve to get a few hours to herself. Whenever they go anywhere, her sole focus is understandably on her son. She rarely gets to relax her guard and enjoy herself.” He smiled. “She was like the old Neve this weekend.”
“I admire her.”
“So do I. She makes being a mother look easy even though it’s more challenging for her than it is for most.” He chuckled. “Her daughter is pretty intense, too, but in a different way. Funny like Teagan, she constantly pushes the envelope.”
“Keeps mom on her toes,” I murmured.
Had I been a good mom? A good stepmom?
My heart twisted in my chest. Just a few days ago, I would have sworn I knew the answer to that question. Now, I wasn’t sure.
I tried not to think back to the years I had Jakey to myself. Those memories led to murderous inclinations and a grief so deep and wide I might never find my way across it.
“Gary said I abandoned his children by not spending enough time with them.” I laughed bitterly. “He also said he didn’t want me to have them unsupervised as I ‘lacked judgment’ and was a ‘poor influence’ for supporting their goals.”
“Did you have anybody on your side?”
“No.” I shook my head and looked out the window. “But that was my fault. I allowed him to cut me off from my friends. By the time he kicked me out, all of our friends were his friends. He wasted no time inciting them against me.”
“I’m sorry. You know it’s not your fault, right?”
“I came from a good home, Kian.” Disappointment weighed heavy on my chest. “I should have known better.”
“You came from a good home, Bridget,” he echoed. “Nothing in your experience prepared you to recognize or understand that type of abuse.”
My gaze dropped to the floorboards; my eyes wide as his words sunk in. Once again, Kian pinpointed the fatal flaw in my reasoning.
And released me from its prison.
“Thank you,” I breathed.
“Nothing, baby,” he murmured.
“Are you ready to talk about Aaron?”
“I probably should.” He narrowed his gaze on the horizon. “When we first met, I had hope. He smiled at me. He grilled me a bit, but it seemed hopeful. I don’t know what happened between then and now. I don’t know what to do.”
“What have you tried?”
He winced. “I tried to give him the money I put aside for child support all these years.”
My eyebrows flew up. “You’re such a good man, Kian. I don’t know of any other man who would do that. It must be a sizeable sum.”
“It is,” he agreed. “I invested it well, but Aaron doesn’t want it. I don’t think he wants to be beholden to me.”
“Would he be?”
“Of course not. If he wanted me to leave and never come back, I would. And I would leave the money with him.
“He’s angry, and rightfully so. The money doesn’t make up for anything, but Wren should have had it all these years.” He frowned. “She doesn’t want it, either.
“I’ve invited him and Nadine over countless times, but he only comes if it’s to babysit Isaiah.
“I offered to fix them up a little house with the money. He said he’s happy in his apartment.
“Everything I offer, he turns down. And he won’t spend any time with me, so it’s not like I can win him over with my charm,” he joked but the pain in his voice made it fall flat.
“I’m sorry, Kian. Do you want me to try talking to him? Wren has tried but maybe a different perspective might help?”
He shook his head. “Leave him be. He’s got a right to be angry.”
I countered, “You know he’s not the only one who suffered a loss.”
“It’s okay,” he murmured.
“It’s really not,” I protested.
He shook his head. “I don’t expect you to understand. You don’t have kids.”
You don’t understand. They’re not your kids.
“Ouch,” I whispered.
“Fuck,” he spat, rubbing his hand over his face. “I’m sorry. You probably understand better than anyone with everything you’ve been through.” He squeezed my thigh. “I’m so fucking sorry, Bridget.”
I nodded. “It’s okay.”
But it wasn’t.
Not at all.