Chapter 6
Shannon waited nearly two hours before going into her mother’s office and shutting the door. Instead of sitting at her desk,
Cindy was standing by the window, staring out at what Shannon would guess was the past rather than the view. After a few seconds,
her mom looked at her.
“I’m fine,” she said, obviously attempting a normal tone. “Really. It was just a shock.”
“For me, too. Were you really going to give me up for adoption?”
Her mother seemed to shrink in on herself before drawing in a breath. “It was a different time.”
Shannon stared at her. “Wait, you think I’m mad? I’m not. Mom, you were seventeen. I get it.” She paused. “Okay, that’s not
true, but I get the concept. I just want to understand what happened. Everything about that meeting was uncomfortable.”
“For me, too.” Cindy crossed to her desk chair and pointed to the visitor one. “Have a seat.”
Shannon did as requested. “I’m not upset about the adoption.
I want you to know that. It’s strange to think about.
You’re my mom. I can’t imagine being raised by someone else.
” Why would she want to be? Sure there were times when she and her mom fought, and Cindy did tend to hover, but it wasn’t like Shannon was out there living her best life.
She was the one who was drifting and unable to admit she was engaged.
Of the two of them, she seemed more flawed.
“You know I got pregnant in high school,” her mother said. “Technically it was the summer between my junior and senior year.
I’d lost my mom unexpectedly and was still dealing with it. Through the local church, I was sent to a summer camp for teenagers
who’d lost a parent.”
Shannon grinned. “A church sent you? They can’t have been happy about the sex thing.”
Cindy managed a faint smile. “Hopefully they never found out. As for the sex, well, it was only a couple of times the night
before camp ended. I came home, I started my senior year.” Her voice turned wistful. “I had so many plans back then. College,
a career.”
Shannon remembered what her senior year had been like. She’d been full of hopes and dreams with her whole life in front of
her. Finding out she was pregnant would have been awful.
“What happened when you figured out you were having a baby?”
“I was in denial for a long time,” her mother admitted. “Not unusual, considering what was happening. It was only twice, and
the guy and I had already broken up. I couldn’t be pregnant.” She pressed her lips together. “Only I was.”
Tears filled her eyes. She blinked them away. “I still remember the look on your grandfather’s face when I told him. He was
so disappointed in me. He kept talking about my future and how a baby would ruin everything.”
She quickly put her hand on Shannon’s arm. “Don’t take that wrong. You know he loved you very much.”
“I know, Mom. It’s okay. Just tell me.” At this point she wasn’t going to judge anyone. She simply wanted information.
“We talked about me getting an abortion, but I was far enough along that I wasn’t comfortable with that. So I decided the best thing was to give you up for adoption. By then I’d already heard back from a couple of colleges. I was probably going to get financial aid.”
Shannon didn’t ask about her biological father. She already knew that part of the story. He and his family hadn’t wanted anything
to do with her.
“A friend of my father’s told us about a lawyer who specialized in private adoptions. It seemed like the easiest way to handle
things.” Her mom shook her head. “I was given a notebook filled with applications. There were maybe a half dozen couples looking
for a baby.” She smiled. “Everyone wanted you.”
Shannon laughed. “They didn’t want me specifically, Mom. They wanted a baby, and I was going to be that.”
“No, they knew you were special, just like I did.” Her smile faded. “I read through all the material. There was something
about Ava and Milton. She was young, still in her twenties, and I thought that would be good. And maybe it was a little because
she looked like me. I thought it would be nice if you and your mother shared features and coloring. So we met.”
Shannon couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be so young and scared and meeting the people who would take your child
and raise it.
“You were terrified,” she said, listening without judgment. Later, when she was alone, she would process what she was being
told.
“I was, but they were lovely. Gracious and kind. So understanding. Ava and I clicked instantly. It was like we’d always known
each other. The first time we went out for lunch, just the two of us, an older woman stopped by our table and said how nice
it was to see sisters getting along.” Cindy looked at her. “So I picked them.”
“Did you have doubts from the beginning?”
“Not really. I knew I was doing the right thing. Not just for you and me but for them. Ava was impressive. She’d already gotten her MBA. She and Milton were so in love—I knew they’d be together for always.”
Tears filled her mother’s eyes. “She was there for every appointment or if I just needed to talk. The bigger I got, the less
my friends would hang out with me, but Ava was always available. She took me clothes shopping, and I helped her decorate your
room. It was supposed to be perfect.”
Except it hadn’t been, Shannon thought. “When did you start to question your decision?”
“I can’t remember exactly. At six months, maybe. Certainly by my seventh month. I couldn’t say anything. I’d promised to give
you up, and they were wonderful people. I couldn’t hurt them, and they could give you a much better life. They were both successful
and wealthy. You should have seen their house.”
“You’re saying I could have had a pony?” she teased.
“You could have had an entire stable.” She grabbed a tissue from the box on her desk and wiped her eyes. “That’s what I kept
telling myself. If I didn’t give you to them, life would be hard for both of us. I wouldn’t be able to go to college. Dad
was getting worse every year, and his disability check and veterans benefits didn’t go very far. We were already struggling.
We couldn’t afford a baby.”
She sniffed. “Plus Ava loved you so much. She would talk about what it was going to be like when you were born. She runs a
foundation. I never understood what it was, but she would be able to take off as much time as she wanted. She could work from
home. She was sweet and grateful and hopeful, and she was there for me.”
More tears spilled down her cheeks. “She insisted I spend the weekend with her and Milton when it was my prom. Of course I didn’t go to the dance.
I was weeks from giving birth and huge and so uncomfortable.
Not just physically but emotionally. We had a girls weekend with mani-pedis, and we ordered clothes for me to wear after you were born.
Saturday night she arranged for us to have a private showing of a big blockbuster movie that hadn’t been released yet. ”
Shannon was impressed. “That sounds amazing.”
“It was. It was perfect.” She ducked her head. “I never told her about the doubts. I never said a word. I laughed with her
and let her think everything was fine, and it wasn’t.”
Shannon moved close and hugged her mom. Her mind couldn’t take in all she was hearing. There was too much to think about.
Too much to try to understand.
Her mom drew back and blew her nose. “Then she and Milton went away for a last vacation before you were born.” She pressed
her lips together, as if to hold in a sob. “I went into labor early, and she wasn’t there. They put you in my arms, and I
knew I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let you go.”
“Oh, Mom. I’m sorry. That must have been so hard. What happened when you told her?”
Her mother turned away. “I didn’t.” Her voice was a whisper.
“I don’t understand. How could you not tell her?”
“I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t face her.” She pressed a hand to her mouth as the tears flowed faster. “I felt so awful, but
I was scared and dealing with you, and my dad was upset. He came around, of course, but no one thought I’d go back on my word.”
“Who told them?”
“That lawyer friend. I was so ashamed, and I was scared. I thought she’d try to take you away from me.”
“Did she?”
Cindy shook her head. “She came over and asked to speak to me, but I wouldn’t see her. My dad took all the gifts back to her
and told her I wanted to be left alone. I never heard from her or saw her again. Until today.”
Shannon collapsed back in her seat. “Oh my God! No wonder you nearly fainted. I can’t believe I didn’t know any of this. I
can’t believe we ran into her. Are you okay?”
“No. I’m a horrible person. Now you know the worst thing I’ve ever done.”
Shannon stood and pulled her mom to her feet, then hugged her tight. “You loved me so much, you gave up your whole future
for me. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to make me think you’re horrible.”
“Thank you. You’re the best daughter ever.”
They hung on to each other for a few seconds before drawing back. Cindy wiped her face.
“It’s just that I would always think about the road not taken. Not so much for me but for you and Ava. She loved you so much,
and I believe she would have been a wonderful mother. You would have had every opportunity. When you were little, money was
tight, and everything was a struggle. You could have gone to private schools and the best college. You could have had everything.”
“You’re wrong,” Shannon told her as they took their seats again. “I had everything, Mom. I had you. You’ve always been on
my side. You take care of me. Maybe a little too much, but you’re always there.”
It was Cindy’s nature, but Shannon wondered if a part of her attentiveness came from what she’d called the road not taken. That and guilt. Or was she being unfair? There was no way to know.
“Does Luis know?” she asked, thinking of her soon-to-be stepfather.
“About the adoption? I’m not sure. I told Gloria years ago when we were having one of our late-night talks.”