Chapter 7
“You okay?” Aaron asked for maybe the fourth time.
They sat together on the sofa, facing each other, his gaze on her face.
“I don’t know,” Shannon admitted. “I don’t know what I feel. It was just so strange and random. It’s like my whole life has
just changed, only nothing’s different.”
“Exactly.” His tone was earnest. “You’re who you always were, baby. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” He was her rock—always someone she could depend on. Aaron got her and didn’t mind the bad parts.
“It happened so fast,” she said, remembering the chance encounter. “At first I didn’t even understand what that woman was
talking about with my mom. Ava. Her name is Ava. But she kept staring at me. I couldn’t figure it out at first, but now it
makes sense, I guess.”
“You never knew your mom was thinking about giving you up for adoption?”
Shannon shook her head. “No. We never talked about it.” She gave a strangled laugh. “Why would we? At no point in my life
did I think to say ‘Hey, Mom. Ever think of giving me up for adoption?’ It’s not anything I can relate to.” She paused, not
sure how to express what she was feeling.
“It’s like I could have been someone else.”
Aaron frowned. “What do you mean? You’re you. That’s not going to change.”
“I would have had the same DNA,” she said slowly. “But if she had given me up, if Ava had been my mom, I wouldn’t have been
the same person at all.” She looked at him. “Just as huge, my mom would have had a totally different life. She would have
gone to college. She would have gotten her degree and had a career and met someone and had a whole different family.”
She was stating the obvious but was still having trouble grasping it. “Her life would have been easy. But she chose to keep
me. At the very last minute, she changed her mind, altering all our lives. Just one decision did that.”
“It wasn’t your decision,” he told her. “Nothing that happened or didn’t happen is your fault.”
“I know. But it’s so strange to think about. What could have been, what was. That Ava woman. She wanted a baby. Me, I guess.”
She couldn’t imagine not being able to have kids and being dependent on someone else giving up their child. “Mom picked her
and her husband to be my parents, so she must have seen something in them. She must have liked them.”
“She would only want the best for you,” he said. “She always has.”
“Mom said Ava became like a sister. She went to every doctor’s appointment, they hung out and stuff. They were so close. But
she started having doubts and then knew she couldn’t give me up.” She clutched Aaron’s hand. “She told me she knew she was
breaking Ava’s heart, but she didn’t have a choice. My mom gave up everything for me.”
“Does that make you feel like you owe her something?”
“More like I owe her everything.”
He nodded. “I get that. It’s like now you’re even more responsible for her happiness.”
His words surprised her. “I’m not.”
He didn’t say anything.
“I’m not,” she repeated, only to realize that in some ways she’d always felt responsible for her mother’s life. Even without
knowing about how her mom had given up college and all her dreams and plans for the future to become a single mom at eighteen,
she’d known her mother had sacrificed for her. Cindy wanted her to be happy and was willing to do whatever it took to make
that happen. She’d given up having her own life to make sure Shannon was doing well. She’d frequently gone without to provide
everything from the new clothes to dance lessons to a shiny new phone every couple of years. Cindy had made do, had pretended
she didn’t care that her shoes were falling apart or that she hadn’t had a professional haircut in years.
When her grandfather had been alive, he’d mentioned how much his daughter was giving to both him and her. Shannon had frequently
vowed to be the perfect child to make her mom’s life easier. But being perfect was impossible, and after a few days she always
forgot her vow and returned to just being a kid. After her grandfather had died, there hadn’t been anyone to do the reminding,
and she’d been a self-absorbed teenager.
“I didn’t even see how much she’d given up for me until she started dating Luis. I finally realized that she’d never dated
the whole time I’d been growing up. My life had been her life. My dreams were her dreams.”
“And when you let her down?” he asked gently.
Shannon hung her head. “It was so awful. I knew how disappointed she would be in me.” She sucked in a breath. “I knew I was
in trouble at college long before I flunked out. But I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t face her. I knew she’d be crushed.
So it was a shock. The look on her face when I told her . . . I don’t want to think about it.”
She raised her head and stared at him. “You’re right, I’m responsible for my mother’s happiness.”
“Technically you’re not.”
“I shouldn’t be,” she corrected. “But we’re so entwined. It can’t be healthy. In some ways, it’s worse now because I know that she could have taken the easier path. It’s what she was supposed to do.”
“But she loved you too much.”
“Yes, she did. And then she was a teenager with a baby and no way to make it. She felt so guilty for keeping me from the life
she thought I was supposed to have that she spent her life trying to make my life perfect. In her mind, she had to make up for everything I’d supposedly lost. She should have given me up, for her own
sake, not mine.”
“But she didn’t.” He leaned close. “Don’t take this wrong, but maybe what happened today was a sign that you two need to start
living for yourselves and not because of what the other person will think.”
“But that’s so logical.”
“I can’t help the way I think.”
“I love how you think,” she told him. “So to answer the original question, I think I’m okay. This is all confusing and strange,
and I can’t reconcile how I feel with what I know. At the same time, I’m telling myself nothing has changed. I’m still me
with the past I always had. Yet I feel totally different.”
“Don’t be different,” he said, leaning in and kissing her.
She let her lips linger, then drew back enough to look into his eyes. “You had tone,” she said. “We’ve been talking about
me and my mom all this time. Are you okay?”
He raised one shoulder. “I don’t like thinking about you being someone else. It scares me.”
His confession surprised her. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know.” He avoided her gaze for a second before looking at her. “I love you, Shannon. I’m not sure you understand
how much. If your mom had given you up for adoption, I would never have met you. And even if we had met, you would have been
different. I don’t like thinking about us not being together.”
She flung herself at him and hung on. “I’m here, and I love you, Aaron. You’re everything to me.”
“Good. I need you, Shannon. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t. I swear.” She looked up at him and smiled. “One way or another, we’re getting married.”
“Just not a double wedding?” he teased.
She shuddered. “No double wedding. It’s not gonna happen. You have my word.”
Victoria didn’t go down to dinner that night. Her mother came to check on her, but she said she wasn’t hungry, and for once
Ava didn’t push back. The next morning she tried to do her Morning Pages, but there weren’t any words. Just a down-to-the-bone
sadness that made it hurt to breathe more than the bruised ribs ever had. She felt defeated in a way she’d never experienced
before. Until yesterday, she’d always done whatever she wanted, regardless of what conventional wisdom said. She’d been fearless
and strong, ready to take on any challenge. But this morning, with the gray skies matching her mood, she felt . . . small.
No, not small. Frail—almost broken.
She closed her laptop and looked around her room. No way she could stay here, she thought, longing for her own space. It was
time for her to go home where she could lick her wounds in peace and try to figure out how to heal.
Even with the crutches slowing her down, she managed to collect everything her mother had brought from her place. There wasn’t
all that much, and whatever didn’t fit into the small carry-on bag in the closet could stay behind to be picked up later.
But once the roller bag was packed, she was faced with the reality of being unable to manage it and her crutches at the same
time. Well, crapola.
Just when she’d accepted that she was going to have to ask for help, her mother knocked once, then opened the door.
“Victoria, you need to eat something,” Ava said as she stepped inside. Her gaze dropped to the closed suitcase. Her mouth straightened, and her brows drew together. “I know you’re upset, but leaving isn’t an option. You’re still on crutches.”
“And getting better every day,” she answered with false cheer. “I’ll be fine. I’ve ordered an Uber. He should be here any
minute.”
“You can’t possibly manage on your own.”
“I can. I can order in food for a few days, then I’ll be able to drive myself.”
“How? You have a broken leg.”
“It’s my left one. My right leg works fine. I can drive. I’m not even on pain medication.” She paused, wondering why she was
justifying her decision. She was an adult, and she could go back to her own place if she wanted to. “I can’t stay,” she added.
“I just can’t.”
Her mother looked at her. “Your father told me what the two of you discussed.” She drew in a breath and squared her shoulders,
as if preparing for battle. “I’m sorry I never mentioned there had been another child. At the time it didn’t seem relevant.
There was no way you would find out about her, and I always suspected there was the possibility of a misunderstanding.”
“A misunderstanding?” Victoria glared at her. “Really, Mom? Don’t you think it’s a little bit more than that? You had another
baby. You went looking for a child who could pass for your own.”
“No! That isn’t true.”
“You and Cindy look like sisters.”