Chapter 4
Otto
It had taken me a couple of days to remember exactly who I’d fucked on the front seat of my Mustang, and if I was being honest with myself that was probably because a couple months later I still couldn’t quite believe it.
Esther Allen was a good girl and the absolute last person on earth I would’ve ever thought would get down with me, especially in a public place.
The only thing that made me feel a little better about the whole situation was the memory that she’d been stone cold sober.
Once I’d realized exactly what I’d done—I’d gone to find her.
She’d been pissed when she left the party that night so I hadn’t expected a warm reception, but fuck, I hadn’t anticipated how freaked out she’d been when I showed up at her work.
She’d been so panicked by my appearance that I’d asked her to meet me later.
It had been almost four months since my dumb ass had sat at the high school for hours before realizing that Esther wasn’t coming, and with each passing week, the thought of just forgetting about Esther became harder to stomach.
I wasn’t sure if I should try to reach out again.
The thought of just never speaking to her again made my guts twist, but I also knew that her family was seriously strict and I didn’t want to cause any trouble for her.
It wouldn’t matter that she was legally an adult—if she was still living at home, they still controlled everything she did.
There was a whole group of the ultra-religious families that I’d gone to school with.
Some were more strict than others, but everyone knew that Ephraim, Esther and their little sister were from one of the stricter families.
She never wore anything but skirts, for fuck’s sake—even during PE in high school.
How Esther had gone to the party without her family knowing was a goddamn miracle, but what I couldn’t figure out was why she’d hooked up with me. We’d never even spoken before that night.
It was driving me fucking crazy.
I wasn’t current on the views of their little fundamentalist church, but I would’ve bet my house and my bike that they believed virginity was still a requirement before marriage.
So why the hell would she jeopardize all that for an hour in the front of my Mustang?
I could still see her eyes when I closed mine, and she’d been clear-headed.
She hadn’t even wanted a beer that night—the entire reason we’d walked over to the car was to get her a water bottle from my back seat.
After turning it over and over in my brain, I finally caved and looked for a second opinion.
“You slept with who?” my little brother Titus asked, staring at me from across the kitchen.
“Esther.”
“Esther Allen?” he asked, his eyes still so wide they looked like they were going to pop out of his head.
“Do you know any other Esthers?” I barked, guilt riding me hard as he gaped like a fish. I knew I was an asshole. I didn’t need him acting like I was the devil himself.
“What?” he asked faintly. “When? How? Why?”
“What do you mean, why?”
“She’s just not your usual type,” Titus said defensively. “With the skirts, and the—” He gestured toward his chest and head. “She doesn’t even wear makeup!”
“What the hell does that have to do with anything?”
“I’m pretty sure she’s not even allowed to talk to guys,” he snapped incredulously.
“She talked to me.”
“Obviously,” he muttered nastily. “Jesus, Otto. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“I was drunk.”
“In the words of our mother, drinking is never an excuse to behave like a dickhead.”
“She was as into it as I was.”
“Was she drinking?” he ground out accusingly through his teeth.
“No! Fuck no.”
“That’s good at least.” He scrubbed his hands over his face.
We stood there staring at each other.
“Oh fuck,” he said with a little laugh, looking down at the floor. “I get it.”
“Get what?”
“It was her fuckin’ hair wasn’t it?”
I glared.
“Was it down? I’ve seen that bun. It has to reach her waist at least.”
“Her ass, actually,” I murmured.
“Yeah, that tracks.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “God, you’re a freak.”
“Shut up.”
“So what now, Otto?” he asked, ignoring my question. “You want my advice or somethin’? Cause I gotta say, I have no fuckin’ clue what you should do. Ignore her for the rest of time, probably.”
“And you say I’m the dickhead?” I asked incredulously.
“What’s the other option? Go talk to her?”
“I tried that,” I confessed, heat burning up my neck. “She blew me off.”
“Well, there you go,” he shot back. “Leave it.”
“I just wanna make sure everythin’ is good with her,” I said with a sigh. “The way we left it was—” I shook my head, not sure how to explain it. Something felt really off and I couldn’t put my finger on why that was.
“Yeah, her family’s gonna be real excited about you comin’ around. Why not just add fuel to the fire? Good thinkin’.”
“You think they know?”
“They will if you show up at her house.”
“You know where she lives?” I asked, jerking my head up to look at him.
Titus glared at me. “In no universe would you showing up at her house be a good fuckin’ idea.”
“I didn’t say I was goin’ to.” The words came out more defensively than intended.
“Fuck,” he said under his breath, shaking his head. “Jesus.”
“Would you fuckin’ stop?”
“You realize how bad this could be for her if they find out?” He pointed at me accusingly. “Like apocalyptically bad. That family is fuckin’ nuts man.”
“Yeah, I know, they’re strict Christians,” I replied slowly.
“No. No. Not the kind you’re thinkin’ of.
They might say they’re Christians, but this is a group that’s so far outside the normal religion I’m not even sure why they say they’re the same thing.
Christians believe in Jesus. These people—” He shook his head.
“It’s a fuckin’ cult, no matter how you look at it.
Calgary Church.” He scoffed. “Surprising that they even let their kids go to public school, honestly.”
“Fuck.” My stomach sank. Did I know that Esther’s family was weird? Yes. But by Titus’s tone, they were more than that.
“Yeah, fuck.”
“Well, what should I do?” I asked, a small starburst of panic lighting in my chest. “What if they find out?”
The thought of her getting into trouble because she’d slept with me made my stomach gurgle alarmingly.
Esther was so sweet. I’d thought so even before we’d seen each other at the bonfire.
We’d never interacted, but I’d been in her vicinity enough to know what kind of person she was.
Soft spoken. Kind. She’d never say a bad word about anyone.
“Her family owns a nursery,” Titus said after a minute. “Maybe you could try and go there. See if maybe she’s workin’. Make sure she’s okay.”
“I already did that,” I pointed out. “She was freaked the fuck out.”
“Then I’ll advise you again to leave her the fuck alone,” Titus replied emotionlessly.
“I gotta make sure everythin’ is okay,” I argued. I couldn’t explain the nagging feeling in my belly that something was wrong, but I knew better than to ignore it.
“Whatever you do,” Titus said, shaking his head. “Don’t fuckin’ ask for her.”
“I’m not a fuckin’ moron.”
“Recent events prove otherwise.”
“What if she’s not workin’?”
“Then go back later, or I’ll go. That would be better.”
We planned out what I would say if I talked to anyone at the nursery and how I could get Esther alone long enough to make sure she was alright. The next day I called in to work saying I was going to be late, and drove the Mustang over to the Allen nursery, my stomach in knots.
What the hell would I do if Esther wasn’t fine?
Tell her to come with me? That wouldn’t go over well.
We barely knew each other. I could maybe convince her to go to my parents’ place.
I knew without a doubt that my mom would step in to help.
She’d never seen a person she wasn’t willing to jump in front of a bus for and she had a soft spot for kids with shitty parents.
The nursery was pretty quiet when I got there, only a few cars in the lot, and I slipped off my cut before getting out of the car.
While the sight of the Aces leather wasn’t any kind of novelty in our area, I still figured it would be best not to advertise who I was.
Wiping my hands on the thighs of my jeans, I headed toward the front gate area.
The nursery wasn’t huge and there wasn’t a lot of stuff to choose from, probably because it was winter—but the place looked like it had pretty steady business still. The gravel-covered aisles were tidy and the shelves were covered even if they were lacking in variety.
“Can I help you?”
I turned to face the speaker and was relieved to see Esther’s brother, Ephraim. He’d always been quiet and a little strange, but he was nice enough.
“Ephraim?” I said, putting my hand out. “Hey, man. Haven’t seen you since school.”
“Hey, Otto,” he replied, shaking my hand. “Yeah, it’s been a while.”
“This your place?”
“My family’s,” he said, confirming what I already knew. “You looking for anything in particular?”
“Flower beds at my house are lookin’ pretty pitiful,” I replied, following the script that Titus and I had planned out. “Not sure what to get, though.”
“We can help with that,” Ephraim said, nodding.
“Is there anyone that could help me choose some stuff?” I laughed and threw up my hands. “I’m terrible with this kind of thing.”
Ephraim laughed too. “Just me and my wife here today.”
“You’re married?” I asked in surprise, my hopes sinking at the knowledge that Esther wasn’t there.
“For almost a year now,” he confirmed proudly.
I couldn’t imagine it. He’d been married for almost a year? The guy who barely spoke? He wasn’t a bad-looking dude, but he was goofy as fuck. How the hell had he gotten someone to marry him at what—twenty years old?
“Hey Caity?” he called, looking over his shoulder. “You in here?”