Chapter 11
Esther
The bed in Heather and Tommy’s guest room was soft and comfortable, but I spent the night tossing and turning anyway.
After the house had quieted and Otto had left for the night, anxiety had settled around my shoulders like a cloak.
While his mom and the rest of the ladies had taken me all over town, it had been impossible to focus on anything but shopping for wedding supplies, but once the day was over all of my fears had come back to the surface.
I was willing to marry Otto. I even cautiously looked forward to it.
But I couldn’t help but remember my mom once mentioning that she’d married my dad because she wanted a home of her own.
Was I doing the same thing? Probably. No, not probably.
I was. I was using Otto, and we both knew it.
He was my chance at security for me and the baby.
He’d been so sweet about it, though. I couldn’t understand. He didn’t have to marry me. A lot of men wouldn’t have. Just because we were having a baby didn’t mean that he had to tie himself to me for life.
I stuffed bobby pins into my hair and stared at myself in the Hawthorne’s bathroom mirror.
I hadn’t shown Otto everything we’d bought the day before.
While we’d spent a lot of our time shopping for wedding supplies, the women had also been insistent on getting me some new clothes.
That was actually where most of Otto’s cash had gone because his mom had insisted on paying for most of the wedding supplies, including my dress.
I’d balked at the idea of spending Otto’s money on clothes for myself, but the expressions on my companions’ faces had quickly changed my mind.
It hadn’t been quite embarrassment or pity, but fit somewhere between the two emotions.
After deciding that I really didn’t want Otto to look at me that way, the ladies had been like an invading army in the stores, dividing and conquering the different racks to pick out things for me to try on.
I’d ended up hiding some of the things they’d picked at the bottom of the piles of clothes they brought to the fitting rooms—I wasn’t comfortable wearing jeans, no matter how loose they fit—but they’d also grabbed a lot of things they knew I’d be comfortable in.
I was currently wearing one of those things, a plum-colored sweater dress that hit just below my knees.
It was snugger around the bodice than I was used to, but it flowed softly over my belly which I liked.
Heather had found some maternity tights in one of the small shops we’d stopped in and they were so comfortable that I could’ve cried.
No more waistband digging in, they pulled all the way up over my small belly.
I’d put my foot down, literally and figuratively when we’d made our way to the shoe section and only come home with three new pairs—short brown ankle boots, black flats, and short-heeled white pumps with a pointy toe for the wedding that Otto’s cousin Charlie had described as vintage looking and very cool.
“Esther!” Heather called from somewhere in the house. “Otto’s here!”
Taking a deep breath, I opened the bathroom door and headed toward the entryway.
Spending the day with Otto made me nervous and jittery even though I’d seen him less than twelve hours before as he’d kissed me goodnight.
There was something about him that made every electrical impulse in my body fire up like lightning in a storm.
I’d felt it that night in the woods, and again, to a lesser degree when he’d shown up at the cabin and while we were at the clubhouse, but it seemed to grow even stronger the longer I was in his presence.
Chemistry. That indefinable thing that I’d never really understood before. We had it. I just hoped it would be enough to get us to the next part. The real marriage part.
“Damn,” Otto murmured, smiling as I came into the room. “New dress?”
“I used the cash you gave me,” I blurted, smoothing the dress down for the thousandth time since I’d put it on.
“Money well spent.” He looked me up and down. “You ready to head out?”
“I put your purse on the table by the door,” Heather called from the kitchen. “Have fun, kids!”
“I’m ready,” I replied, fumbling for the purse.
“You got a coat?”
I paused, the purse strap halfway up my shoulder. It was the one thing none of us had thought to buy the day before, and I hated the idea of putting my old ratty jacket over my beautiful new dress.
“No worries,” Otto said with a flick of his hand. He opened up the closet near the door and pulled out a brown canvas coat.
“That’s not mine,” I argued, even as I stepped forward.
“It’s Myla’s,” he replied with a shrug, holding it out so I could slip my arms into it. “She won’t care if you borrow it.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
He held my hand as he walked me outside, and I barely kept myself from stumbling when I caught sight of his car. The car. The place where the whole mess started.
“I don’t mind ridin’ in the rain,” he said, opening the door for me. “But I figured you’d appreciate the roof more.”
I climbed inside, smiling awkwardly. Once the door was shut, the familiar smell of the space made a hundred memories flash through my mind, and not surprisingly, a tingle of arousal hit my midsection.
Like one of Pavlov’s dogs, I snorted quietly and watched as he climbed in beside me.
“Where are we going?”
“First,” he said, turning on the engine. “To get our marriage license. You got your ID?”
I nodded, patting the purse on my lap.
“Good. Then I thought we’d grab some lunch and head back to the house,” he continued, turning around in the driveway. “Sound good?”
“Sure.”
“The enthusiasm is overwhelming,” he teased, but there was an underlying thread of seriousness in it.
Guilt hit me hard. He hadn’t planned for any of this any more than I had. We were in the same boat, Otto and I, trying to figure out how we were supposed to navigate this new normal. He’d been trying, really trying, to put me at ease and I hadn’t done any reciprocating.
“I’m nervous,” I confessed. I thought about reaching out to touch him but couldn’t make myself do it.
“Me too,” he replied, glancing at me as we pulled out onto the road.
“Really?”
“Really,” he confirmed. “Haven’t ever been married before.” He shot me a look. “And I don’t think either of us planned on rushin’ to the altar with someone we barely knew.”
“Actually,” I replied, settling more comfortably into my seat. “I hadn’t really planned on knowing my future husband very well before I got married.”
Otto’s chuckle broke off when he glanced at me and realized I was serious.
“For real?” he asked incredulously.
I shrugged. “That’s not really how it works for us,” I explained carefully. “My dad—” I choked a little on the word and cleared my throat. “My dad would’ve chosen someone for me. We would’ve spent some time together beforehand, but not a lot.”
“That’s wild,” Otto replied, shaking his head. “At least know I like you.”
“You barely know me,” I countered.
“I’ve seen you around,” he said, glancing at me.
“I know that you don’t like milk.” My mouth dropped open in surprise.
“And you do this little shimmy thing with your shoulders when you’re excited about somethin’, but only when you’re comfortable with the person you’re talkin’ to.
And I know that you’re always nice to everyone, even when they’re assholes.
You’re smart—I bet you got good grades in school. And you suck at volleyball.”
“How in the world?” I breathed, staring at him.
“I noticed you in school,” he said easily, shrugging one shoulder.
“I don’t know why.”
“Because you’re pretty.” A smile played on his lips. “And I was dyin’ to see your hair down.”
I coughed hard at the reminder, and he laughed.
“I don’t remember you from school,” I replied apologetically.
He brushed that off with a wave of his fingers on the steering wheel.
“I know that you’re kind,” I said tentatively after a moment, making him look at me sharply. “I know that you love your parents and your family. You’re protective of them. You’re handsome—probably too handsome.”
“Can you be too handsome?”
“Yes,” I replied firmly, making him huff out a laugh. “You’re a hard worker. You like riding motorcycles?”
“Love it,” he confirmed.
“You’ll be a good dad.”
“What makes you think that?”
“You’re a good uncle,” I replied, remembering the way he’d lifted his nephew over his head again and again the night before so Rhett could touch the ceiling. He hadn’t once gotten annoyed or brushed off the little boy’s cries to do it again.
“And we have chemistry,” I added before I could talk myself out of it.
Otto grinned at me. “That’s like saying that a wildfire puts off a bit of heat.”
I blushed.
“I won’t ever hurt you,” he said, holding out his hand between us so I’d grasp it. “I won’t lie to you. Won’t cheat on you. I’ve got no idea how to be a husband, but promise I’ll do my best.”
I smiled at him and laced my fingers with his. It was a start.
Getting our license turned out to be just filling out some paperwork, and we were done within fifteen minutes.
We were beginning to feel easier with each other, and beyond the fact that Otto seemed to be continuously looking over his shoulder, it went as well as could’ve been expected.
It was wild seeing his name next to mine on the forms, and I had to fight the feeling of unreality that had been dogging my steps for the past day.
It was real. We were getting married. God help us.
Afterward, he was true to his word, and we stopped by a restaurant to grab some food to go—a hamburger and fries for him and a BLT and salad for me. As we drove out to his house, not far from his parents’ place, I noticed happily, my nerves started humming again.