Epilogue
Esther
My hands were clammy and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest as I pressed the phone to my ear and waited for my mom to pick up.
When she finally did, I grew strangely calm.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Mom.”
“Esther?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Oh, Esther,” she said softly. “Noel said you were okay. She said it, but I didn’t believe it.”
“I’m okay,” I confirmed. “And Noel is with me.”
“Praise God,” she replied, letting out a huge breath. “Ephraim? Noel’s okay. She’s with Esther.”
“You can come pick her up if you want,” I interrupted, ignoring my brother’s voice in the background. “We’re at Otto’s parents’ house.”
“That’s—that’s your husband?” she asked tentatively.
“He is.”
“Okay. Okay, we can do that.”
Somehow, in the months that I’d been apart from her, I’d forgotten how very timid my mother was. I wondered for a moment if she’d always been that way or if she’d adapted after a lifetime of living with my dad.
“Esther?” my brother Ephraim barked through the phone. “Give me the address.”
“I was talking to Mom,” I replied, sitting forward on the couch. “Give her back the phone.”
“Mom gave the phone to me,” he replied importantly. “What’s the address so I can come get Noel.”
I looked at the people across the room from me, who’d quietly moved away to give me some privacy to call my mom.
My hand fisted in my lap. I loved my brother, but I also remembered every single time he was chosen over me.
Every time I got in trouble for something that was his fault.
Every time that he was put on some crappy pedestal just because he was a boy and every time I had to defer to him even though he was only a couple of years older. I didn’t have to submit to him anymore.
“You’re not doing anything,” I replied firmly. “Noel isn’t going anywhere with you. If Mom wants to pick her up, then Mom can come get her.”
“I’m already on my way,” he replied stubbornly. “What’s the address?”
I rattled off the address Heather had given me. “If you show up here without Mom, you’ll leave empty-handed,” I warned.
He hung up without responding.
“That seemed like it went well,” Otto said sarcastically from behind me.
“Ephraim’s trying to throw his weight around,” I replied, not even trying to hide my frustration.
“Sounded like you put your foot down.” He shrugged and gave my shoulders a squeeze. “It’s like you said. He shows up here without your mom, he’s outta luck.”
“Is Mom coming?” Noel asked listlessly, sitting down next to me.
“Hopefully.” I pulled her against me and squeezed.
We’d decided not to tell Noel anything more than she already knew, and it was a very strange position to be in—sending her back home.
I knew that my dad was gone and she would be safe, but Noel didn’t.
The closer it came to when my mom would come get her, the more tense she became.
“Ephraim got on the phone and started trying to boss me around.”
“He’s such a pain in the neck,” she sighed, laying her head on my shoulder. “He’s just like Dad.”
“Hopefully Caity will soften him a little,” I replied. Neither of us believed it, but she didn’t argue.
We sat like that until headlights came through the front window.
“Esther,” Otto called from the front door. “Looks like Noel’s ride is here.”
I hopped up and moved toward the door as Titus crouched down in front of Noel.
“Did he show up without her?”
“Look for yourself,” Otto murmured, opening the door wider.
My mom stood at the edge of the porch, her hands nervously clenched together.
“Mom,” I breathed.
I didn’t consciously move toward her, but a few seconds later, we were only a couple of feet apart.
“Hi.”
“Esther.” She smiled. “You’re blooming.”
“Almost halfway there,” I whispered, my hand going instinctively to my belly.
“Where’s Noel?” Ephraim called obnoxiously, leaning against the car.
“Come meet my husband.” I reached for her hand.
“We don’t have all night,” Ephraim added.
“I better not,” my mom said quietly, squeezing my hand before letting it go.
I glared at my brother. “Otto, come meet my mom!”
He’d been giving us space but immediately strode down the steps, his shoulders straight. My chest filled with pride.
Ephraim had nothing to say.
“We’ve met,” Otto said kindly, reaching out to shake my mom’s hand. “It’s nice to see you again.”
“You found your brother,” my mom said, putting her hand in his.
Tears stung my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I wasn’t going to miss a second.
“I did,” Otto replied with a nod. His hand moved to my lower back. “Found Noel, too.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, glancing over her shoulder at Ephraim. “Is she coming out?”
“Yeah, Mom,” I assured her. “She was just saying goodbye.”
“You know how Ephraim is,” she said apologetically. “Always in a hurry.”
“Why didn’t you drive?”
“Oh—” She waved me off. “You know I’m no good driving at night.”
I didn’t have a chance to contradict her because Noel and Heather came out the door behind us.
“Noel,” my mom gasped, staring at my sister’s battered face.
“She’s alright,” Otto reassured her. “Just a few bruises. She and Titus got jumped at the park. My aunt’s a nurse, and she looked them over, though.”
It was the story we’d all agreed to. There was no reason for my mom to know anything about what my dad had been into if she didn’t already.
After forming her life around him for so long, she was going to struggle when he never came home.
If she knew it all, I was afraid it would send her into a tailspin she might never recover from, and Noel was going to need her.
Heather stepped forward and grabbed my mom’s hand. “Hi, I’m Otto’s mom, Heather.”
“Nice to meet you,” Mom replied. “I’m Savannah Allen.”
I couldn’t catch the rest of what they said when Noel pulled me into a hug.
“I’ll come see you whenever I can,” she whispered. “Promise.”
“Good. Call me, and I’ll pick you up.”
Noel laughed, and I realized that she thought I was joking.
“Remember you said you’d name the baby after me.”
“I will. Even if it’s a boy.”
“Okay, no need to go that far. Only if it’s a girl.”
“You’re always welcome with us, okay? I’ll have your room ready the day you turn eighteen.”
“Deal,” she whispered, sniffling.
“It’s okay,” I whispered, running my hand over the thick bun at the base of her neck. “I promise. It’ll be okay.”
“Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
Ephraim was quiet as long as Otto was outside, but his presence still loomed like a gargoyle. As soon as Noel pulled away, my mom started making noises to leave.
When I met Heather’s apologetic gaze, I realized she’d come outside to stall for time, giving me and Noel a few more minutes.
“Bye, Mom,” I murmured, moving in for a hug.
As she wrapped her arms around me, I soaked in the moment. Noel would be back at some point, but I wasn’t sure if I’d ever have my mom so close again.
I didn’t cry as they pulled away or when Heather and Otto carefully ushered me back inside. I held it in all night. But as soon as I crawled into bed next to Otto and he let out the little huff of contentment that he’d made every night since we married, I let them fall.
He didn’t try to shush me. He just wrapped his arms around me and let me cry.
When we met Bishop at our house the next day to go over all the things that needed to be fixed, I sat on the porch and let the cool air wash the last four months away.
Seeing my mother was a stark reminder of the life that I’d never lead.
How could I have woken up that morning with anything but gratitude for the life in front of me?
Otto and I were back in our house three weeks after the fire.
He said that was one of the perks to being cousins with a guy that owned his own construction company but I thought Heather had probably secretly thrown her weight around.
She tried so hard not to overstep her boundaries, but I think what she loved most about me was that I didn’t mind when she leapfrogged them completely.
Once she knew about my disastrous first doctor appointment, she went with me to every appointment that Otto couldn’t and we usually spent the rest of the day shopping for baby things.
My dad was right about one thing: sometimes God doesn’t answer your prayers the way you think he should—sometimes what you get is better than you could’ve imagined.
My life with Otto was everything. He was the storm cloud to my sunshine. The pragmatist while I dreamed big. We balanced each other perfectly, even when he was grouching his way to the shower after work for just one minute of peace and quiet! I loved him more than I’d ever thought possible.
Noel snuck away to see us three more times, and each time, she showed up with a grinning Titus behind her.
It was easy to see that they found it exciting that they were getting away with something.
I ignored the nervous way my heart fluttered when I saw that look in their eyes.
I regretted it three months later when Titus showed up on our porch alone and devastated.
When the police notified my mom that my dad’s body had been found, Ephraim became the head of the family.
His first decision was to move my mom and Noel to Seattle.
They hadn’t seen it coming. Titus found out where they’d gone by hacking into the high school’s records system to find where they’d sent Noel’s file.
I kept my promise and named our daughter after my baby sister. We also had Noel’s bedroom ready on the day she turned eighteen. Titus spent the entire week with us, waiting, but she never came. Otto offered to go to Seattle to find her, but I wouldn’t let him.
I had faith she’d find her way back to us eventually.