Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Ava
I was seriously relieved to watch food, downtime, and a stupid TV show unwind some of the tension in Tori’s neck and shoulders.
She was always wound tight when she came back from visiting that side of her family, and it sounded like her twatwaffle of an aunt was in rare form today.
I didn’t mind at all that she didn’t invite me to those events, not even now when we were trying to sell it that we were getting married.
“I should bring you along to keep up appearances,” she told me this morning, “but I’d rather not subject you to that garbage. Because it’s probably not going to be a fun visit.”
She’d called that one, that’s for sure.
But some chicken teriyaki from a meal kit, a couple of episodes of an old reality show, and some cuddles with Tucker later, she was breathing easier and didn’t look so tense. Seemed like a good sign to me.
And now that she was finally relaxed, it probably wasn’t the best time to bring up some things I’d been thinking about today. The problem was that I was hard-pressed to conjure up a better time, and we were getting down to the wire on some things. The wedding was still about three months out.
Our engagement photos, however, were coming up fast. Like, really fast—today was Saturday, and our session was on Tuesday afternoon.
Regardless of Tori’s stressful day, there were some things we needed to talk about sooner than later.
After we’d tossed our takeout dishes, we opened up a bottle of wine and settled back on the couch. Tucker draped himself across the back of it, a paw hanging down between us and his long tail laying across Tori’s shoulder.
I wasn’t nearly as relaxed, and the wine wasn’t helping as much as I would’ve liked. Even a second glass of wine didn’t help. Oh well. Not much I could do, and I wasn’t going to sleep tonight if I didn’t bring this up.
I faced Tori and took a deep breath. “So, while I was taking a break from addressing invites today…” I sipped my wine. “I was looking through our photographer’s engagement portfolio, and also the trends on social media.”
Her eyebrows climbed. “Yeah?”
“Mmhmm. And there’s…” I chewed my lip, staring into my wineglass. “There are some, uh, pretty popular poses and stuff, you know?”
“Right. I figured there would be.” She was studying me—I could feel it even without looking at her. “So… is there a trend you want to do? Or not do?”
“It’s… It’s not that.” I took a gulp of wine, put my glass on the end table, and twisted toward her, pulling my knee up on the cushion between us.
My heart was going absolutely nuts, and it didn’t get any better when I met Tori’s puzzled and concerned expression.
I could only imagine where her mind was going.
What she might be thinking was on the tip of my tongue if I was this worried over something seemingly small.
I just needed to blurt this out and be done with it.
So, I did:
“Every single couple has at least one engagement photo of them kissing.” I swallowed. “And I’m thinking maybe if we want to sell this, our first time kissing shouldn’t be in front of a camera on our engagement shoot.”
Tori’s eyes went wide and her lips rounded into an O . Then she whispered, “And it definitely shouldn’t be at the wedding.”
“Right? I… I swear, every step of this feels like we’re getting in over our heads, but…” I tipped my spinning head toward the pile of invites, which were about three-quarters complete. “We’re in a bit far to turn back, you know?”
She gulped. “Yeah. We are. And I don’t want to turn back. Just… It’s a lot.”
“It is. But we’ve got our engagement shoot this week. I, uh…” I had to fight hard not to let my gaze flick to her lips. “If that shouldn’t be the first time, then…”
Some color rose in Tori’s cheeks. She exhaled, then finished her wine in one go. As she leaned forward to put the empty glass on the coffee table, she said, “Guess we don’t have a lot of time, do we?”
“No. We don’t.” My heart slammed against my ribs as she sat back on the couch. “So we should… I mean, I don’t really know what…”
“There’s probably only one thing we can do,” she said, and I pretended not to notice the way she glanced at my lips. Or the way her blush deepened. Or how cute it was to see her as shy and flustered as I was in this moment.
We stared at each other in silence. Beside us, Tucker gave a heavy sigh, rolled onto his back, and put his paw over his face.
Tori and I both glanced at him, but neither of us spoke. Not to comment on him. Not to suggest a direction for this awkward little standoff to go.
It was Tori who finally broke the silence: “More wine?”
“More wine.”
We both jumped up and headed for the kitchen, glasses in hand.
As she poured a little too much into each glass, she said, “Don’t take this as me saying the only way someone would want to kiss you is with liquid courage.”
“Oh, don’t worry.” I took one of the glasses. “I don’t think anyone would need it to kiss you either. I just?—”
She looked at me right then, and my train of thought jumped the tracks.
No, I couldn’t imagine needing alcohol to kiss someone as gorgeous as Tori.
She’d been cute when we were teenagers, and she was absolutely stunning in her twenties.
While she’d been with Jillian, she’d lost a lot of her shine, weighed down by the stress and toxicity of that miserable relationship.
In the year since they’d split up, though, she’d blossomed right back to life.
Her mischievous eyes, full lips, adorable grin—I mean, what wasn’t jaw-dropping about her?
Fact was, if the woman standing in front of me had been a stranger on a dancefloor, I’d have gravitated toward her without a second thought.
I’d have been excruciatingly shy and awkward, and I’d probably have blown it, but I’d have certainly been drawn to her.
But this was just some stranger in a nightclub. This was Tori. My best friend for most of my life. The woman who was willing to turn her life on its head just to give my mom an amazing memory before we lost her.
That should’ve made this easier, shouldn’t it?
Why did it root me to the spot and make it impossible to draw her in?
Tori gave a nervous laugh and brought up her glass for another sip—okay, another swig. “Why do I feel like we’re in middle school again?”
I laughed as I picked up my own glass. “I know, right? This should be…” I didn’t know what word I was going for, so I just took a drink.
Tori put her wine down emphatically and rolled her shoulders. “Okay. Okay, it’s way bigger than we’re making it out to be. Let’s just—I don’t want to say get it over with, but maybe that’s what it is?”
I laughed and put what remained of my wine beside hers. Stepping closer, I made myself look her in the eyes. “Yeah. It’s not a big deal, so if we just do it… then it won’t be a big deal anymore.”
“Right. Exactly.” She closed some of the space between us. I held her gaze. She held mine.
Then we both burst into giggles.
“I’m sorry,” I said through my laughter. “Oh my God, I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” She wasn’t having any better luck pulling herself together. “I don’t know why I’m so…” She waved a hand before letting it fall to her thigh.
“I don’t either. It’s?—”
Tori kissed me.
One second, we were laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.
The next…
Oh. God.
I tensed at first, caught off-guard by her sudden move. Just as I was starting to relax, she drew back, and her expression was as dazed as I felt.
“Sorry,” she whispered. “I just thought… maybe if we weren’t overthinking…”
“Yeah. Good… good idea.” Why was I out of breath?
We held each other’s gazes for a couple of silent heartbeats.
This time, we both moved in. Slowly. Cautiously. When we paused just an inch apart, nervous giggles threatened to pour out again. Being this close to Tori, though, my gaze flicking from her lips to her eyes, I couldn’t even breathe, never mind laugh.
I don’t think either of us moved this time. The space between us just… closed. And then it was gone. And we were…
Fuck.
Tori’s lips were so soft against mine. Her hair was so soft between my fingers. The little sigh that drifted across my cheek… oh my God. When her hand slid around my waist to the small of my back, it wasn’t the alcohol that had my balance tilting and making me lean into her.
I knew Tori’s shape because I’d known her forever, but this was all new.
I’d never given any thought to the gentle swell of her hips until my palms were drifting over them.
I’d never paid any—paid much attention to her breasts until they were pressed up against mine.
I’d definitely never been hit with—never mind overcome by—the impulse to cup them in my hands and feel their shape and their weight and…
I kept my hands on her back, but oh, wow, I wanted to touch her everywhere. I wanted to taste the wine on her tongue, and when I gently prodded at her lips, she opened them to let me in, and I almost lost what was left of my balance.
Tori was the one to break the kiss, and she opened up a little space between us.
The instant I locked gazes with her, I saw everything I was feeling right there in her eyes. Overwhelmed. Startled.
Seriously turned on.
Ava. It’s Tori . You’re not supposed to want Tori . Not like this.
I swept my tongue across my lips, and she jumped like I’d shocked her.
Then she did the same, licking her lips and drawing my attention to how they were ever so slightly swollen.
And how had I never noticed how full they were?
How gorgeous? I’d always loved her smile, but God, if she smiled right then, I might’ve melted to my knees.
She pushed out a ragged breath. “Okay. Um. I think… I think we’ll be okay. For, uh…” She paused, clearing her throat as a renewed blush rose in her cheeks. “The pictures. And the wedding.”
“Right. Yeah.” I laughed, and it came out sounding almost as forced as it was. “I think we’ll be good.”
“Definitely.” Was her laugh forced? Or was she better at this than I was? “Well. Um.” She shook herself. “I should probably think about calling it a night. It’s been a long day.” She looked at me through her lashes, then quickly broke eye contact. “Not because… Not because we, you know…”
“I get it. Don’t worry. And, um, I probably should too. I’m taking my mom shopping tomorrow, and we’re getting an early start.”
“Oh. Oh, good! That’ll be fun.” Tori smiled, and yeah, my knees went a little wobbly. What the hell? “Tell her I said hi.”
“I will. I’ll, um… I’ll see you sometime tomorrow, then. After I get home.”
“Sounds good. I’ll…” She looked around as if desperately trying to find a direction. Her gaze landed on the wine bottle. “I’ll put our glasses in the dishwasher and cork the bottle.”
That would take all of two minutes, but I was relieved for a chance to exit stage left, and I went into my bedroom while she continued in the kitchen.
Alone, I sank onto my bed. I ran my fingertips along my lower lip.
Had we really…
Oh my God. I’d never let myself spend much time wondering about being more than friends with Tori. If she was into me, she’d have let me know by now—she’d never even flirted with me!— so there wasn’t any point in dwelling on it. We were friends. Roommates. About to be sort-of-married.
I’d known for years that that was all we’d ever be.
Why was I suddenly regretting it tonight?