Chapter 33
Ani
It was two days after the wedding. This morning in her apartment in Russian Hill, Ani found her bank account so full that she immediately paid off her personal loan, then made a credit card payment.
She still had twenty thousand to go, a number which, after all that, should have been demoralizing.
Would have still felt totally out of reach. Except…
Her inbox had been blowing up since Kami and Grace’s wedding, all the leaked photos, all the times she’d been tagged on Instagram. Grace had done her a huge solid and given Ani a full-on shout-out on her social media pages, which absolutely flooded Ani’s DMs.
She couldn’t believe it. She was getting so many requests she couldn’t keep up with them all.
All that negative press in the Daily Mail had been for nothing.
It had completely vanished after the wedding and concentrated instead on the happy couple.
That photo of her and Raffi that the paps had caught had never materialized. Very strange.
Last night after Grace’s Instagram post and the subsequent rush of interest in Ani’s services, Ani wrote Grace and Kami a heartfelt thank-you email and sent best wishes for their honeymoon and life together. And she meant it.
So now she had it. She had exactly what she wanted. Credibility, the path to success, and the ability to charge more (and dig herself out of this debt hole probably much sooner than later). It felt good.
But she also felt like a dry husk of herself.
She regretted, more than anything, that conversation with Raffi.
Why had she sabotaged herself like that?
Why hadn’t she let herself believe she deserved happiness and goodness?
He’d proven himself to her over and over, and that was how she’d repaid him.
Then he said he didn’t think he’d ever want to get back with her.
Those words had been on her mind for two days, and she’d shoved the framed photograph of them into the back of a busy desk drawer.
She hadn’t heard from him since her sudden departure, and would she ever again?
She wanted to tell him she was sorry, but would it just crush her further?
Ani pulled herself out of bed right as she got a FaceTime request from Talar.
Oh God. She had sent Talar a quick “Talk later” text the day after the wedding, and she supposed today was technically “later.” She could just imagine how she looked.
Well, her sister had seen her literally at her worst, so this wouldn’t be anything new. Ani picked up.
“Just waking up?” Talar admonished.
“ ‘Hello’ is customary,” Ani grumbled.
“It’s eleven a.m. I’ve been wanting to talk to you about—”
Ani wanted to face this head-on. She interrupted, “I messed up, Tal.”
Talar’s face immediately softened. “What happened?”
“I assume you saw the second article?”
Talar nodded. “And it’s bullshit, right?”
“No. Not really.”
Talar stared at her. “Which part isn’t?”
“I am—actually, I was—in about fifty thousand dollars’ worth of debt.”
“What the—”
Ani quickly recounted the story of the scheming Avedissian family.
“Ani,” Talar said angrily. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have given you money. You should not be paying twenty percent interest. Do you know how insane that is? When I could have just helped you?”
“No,” Ani said, that old flame building inside her. The one of shame. “I needed to do this on my own, entirely. And I have. I’m almost out of it now, and if I just do two more luxury weddings, which I easily can now, I’ll be in the clear.”
Talar propped up the phone and clasped her hands together in a prayer position. “Ani. Please, please, please let me lend you whatever else you currently owe. I cannot in good conscience let my sister pay those fucking vultures twenty percent APR.”
“Twenty point nine nine, actually,” Ani smiled.
“No time for jokes! Let me. Please. An actual loan. Not a gift. Not charity, okay? Just good business.”
Ani thought about it. There was a time when she would have been too proud to even consider this.
Bootstrap everything, earn it through hard work, or don’t earn it at all.
But she had done so much. She’d dug herself out of the worst of it.
Her sister was just saving her one, or at most two, shitty monthly payments.
She wasn’t being pitied. Just helped. And that was okay.
“All right. Okay. Fine.”
Talar breathed out in relief. “Thank God. I’ll wire you today. Pay those fuckers off, I’m serious. Don’t give them another cent of interest.”
“But Talar?” Ani said, her voice unsteady, her throat tight. A familiar weight pressed against her chest. “I just—do you know the reason I didn’t tell you about the debt?”
“Uh—” Talar was at a loss, and she appeared uncomfortable.
Ani’s pulse drummed in her ears. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath, forcing air into her lungs, trying to steady herself before the words tumbled out.
“Because you guys—you, Mom, and Bab—won’t just let me be the big sister.
I feel like I have to be perfect, that I have so much to live up to.
You, your constant success, Mom and Bab’s ideal relationship.
Making a mistake this big, it felt like confirmation that I was the dunce of the family. ”
As soon as she said it, a wave of vulnerability washed over her, leaving her raw and exposed. She wasn’t sure how Talar would take it. In fact, Talar didn’t say anything.
But then Ani saw the tears forming in her sister’s eyes. “Is that how I’ve been making you feel?”
Now Ani felt her own eyes getting hot and wet. “Yes,” she whispered.
Although they were close, the two sisters never talked about anything too heavy, preferring to stick to lighter topics, inside jokes, and the like. They especially never discussed their relationship.
On the screen, Talar’s face crumpled. She blinked rapidly, then tears slipped down her cheeks in shimmering streaks.
She wiped at them with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.
When she finally spoke, her voice was thick with emotion.
“I’m sorry, Ani. I know I can be a little—you know, a little domineering.
” She let out a short, unsteady laugh, then pressed her lips together, shaking her head as more tears escaped.
“With Mom and Bab all caught up in themselves, I felt like I had to be loud and bossy and successful to be noticed by them. When you said you feel this pressure to be perfect, I feel that, too,” she admitted, her voice breaking.
“And I’m sorry that you got caught up in my, I don’t know, my personality.
I sensed it but thought it was fine, and now hearing you say that, I just— I’m so embarrassed, so sorry.
I care about you. And I miss you. I’m sadder than—”
She broke off, covering her face with one hand.
Wow.
Ani stared at the screen, momentarily stunned. So the way Talar acted was also in response to Mom and Bab. It all made sense.
But more than that, Talar had apologized. Without deflecting, without getting defensive, without brushing aside Ani’s feelings. She had acknowledged the hurt she had caused, even if she hadn’t meant to. That alone was staggering. God, she was lucky to have a sibling like Talar.
A lump formed in Ani’s throat. She had spent years feeling like the little sister, like the one lagging behind, never quite catching up. But now Talar wasn’t standing above her, looking down—she was beside her, admitting that she, too, had been struggling in her own way.
What had that last part been about, when she cut herself off? Was it because of Ani? Or something else?
Ani studied her sister’s face, the way her eyes shone, her breath still uneven, as if she was holding back. “Are you okay? Besides me. And thank you for saying all that. I care so much about you, too. So that’s why I’m asking…”
Talar gave her a sad smile. “I’m figuring things out. I’ll fill you in soon, I promise.”
“Okay,” Ani said, holding her gaze, making sure she knew she meant it. “But you know I’m here for you, right?”
“Yes,” she said, her voice a little steadier this time. “Definitely.”
Just then, Ani got a text from Kami. She saw it flash over her FaceTime with Talar but didn’t have message previews on. Then another one came in quick succession.
“Hey, Talar, can I call you back?”
“Sure,” Talar said. “Ani, I love you.”
Ani sat with that for a moment. It wasn’t that they never said the words—they did often, in passing, in casual goodbyes—but this felt different. It was so unexpected but so needed. “I love you, too, kourig,” she said. “Sister.”
She hung up and let out a deep breath, taking in the emotions and holding back the tears. She’d kept them all in for so many days. She wanted to let them go but wasn’t fully able to. She couldn’t just have a good cry.
There was always something more to do. Always another call to make, another thing demanding her attention. If she stopped, even for a second, she’d fall behind. Or have to face her feelings, which was too terrifying. And now Kami needed her.
So instead of breaking down, she swallowed hard, wiped at her eyes before anything could spill over, and got ready to talk to her ex.
Ani tapped on her messages and read what Kami sent. Hey girl, can you give me a quick call? Nothing bad I pinkie promise!
Ani’s stomach clenched.
Nothing bad. That was supposed to be reassuring, but the fact that Kami even had to say it made Ani uneasy.
Nevertheless, Ani hit call before she could second-guess herself.
As soon as Kami picked up, her voice burst through the speaker, fast and breathless, her words tumbling over one another like an avalanche of energy.
“Hi hi! First of all, don’t freak out, it’s nothing bad, I swear—I know I already said that, but in case you thought I was lying, I double swear.
So anyway, we’re packing for St. Barts right now but I wanted to call you before I got there since we’re doing a phone detox on our honeymoon. ”