25. Opal
TWENTY-FIVE
Opal
October
B linking the sleep from my eyes, I reach over to check my phone. Today is my birthday, October 23rd.
I haven’t heard from Alex since yesterday morning. Our conversations are becoming more and more sporadic. I know he’s super busy, half of his day is spent driving to a new city and the other half is spent performing, and a lot of times when he calls me late at night I’m already too exhausted to have a real conversation.
With a sigh I pull myself out of bed and waddle to the bathroom before washing my face and braiding my hair. Mamaw is still asleep, so I quietly make myself a pot of coffee and bring a cup of it back to my room.
A notification causes my phone to rattle on the side table. I halfway expect to find a happy birthday text from him, but instead it’s just a notification from Youtube. I’m not sure why I even have those turned on.
Alex Anderson just posted a new video.
I hate the ball of dread that always forms in my gut every time I see that. I should be happy about this, this is his dream, and I need to be supportive. But the more time that passes, the more it feels like his dream is pulling us apart from one another.
He only left two months ago, but it already feels like it’s been an eternity with no end in sight.
I try my best to stamp out the negative thoughts swirling around my brain as I tap on the notification.
The sound of Alex’s guitar floats through my phone’s speaker and an image of him on stage under a blue spotlight appears on the screen. He looks so handsome, but also tired, his eyes look heavy and a bit glazed over.
He’s singing a new song that I’ve never heard before. It sounds good, although a little different from his other stuff.
Said I miss you but I miss the feeling I lost long ago
Maybe we just need to be apart if we're ever gonna grow
Your face held no surprise as tears filled up your perfect eyes
Darkness filled the broken skies
My heart was breaking and I don't know why.
I hear the crowd cheering loudly in the background as a woman walks across the stage, waving and smiling at the audience as they cheer for her. I recognize her from the photo of the band Alex showed me months prior. She has short blonde hair styled in a wispy pixie cut, and she’s tall and slender. She looks to be at least a few years older than us. She’s gorgeous.
I don’t know why it never bothered me until now. Maybe because I didn’t notice that she’s built like a supermodel. I know that shouldn’t matter, she’s an artist just doing her job, and so is he. Neither of them have done anything wrong.
She approaches the mic and grabs it off the stand while there’s a break in the lyrics. Suddenly the chorus picks up and they both sing together.
It's the same old thing year after year
I don't know why you even want me here
There's nothing I can do, there's nothing I can say
That'll ever make us feel the same again
Their voices blend together to create a beautiful harmony. I don’t have a musical bone in my body, but even I know they sound fantastic.
During the last line of the chorus they both glance over at each other for a few beats.
My stomach drops. That’s not the way you look at a coworker. Or an acquaintance. Or even a friend.
I scroll down to the comment section when I realize I can’t watch any more of this.
Are they dating? They have some serious chemistry going on
Alexa is so gorgeous omg!
I close out of the app and stare blankly at my wall for a moment as I wrestle with this feeling that I’ve never before experienced. It’s not jealousy. I’ve felt that plenty of times. Insecurity, too. No. This is different.
It feels like I’m dangling off the edge of a cliff, knowing exactly what comes next. I either let go and freefall, or I hang on until all my strength is gone.
And either way the outcome is the same.