31. Opal
THIRTY-ONE
Opal
H is golden locks are still as majestic as ever, though a little longer than the last time I saw him in person. His formerly bare face is now covered in a layer of stubble that makes him look older. Well, he is older now. We’re not teenagers anymore. And on him it’s obvious. The tall, gangly boy I fell in love with years ago has been replaced by a man with sculpted arm muscles and a sharp jawline. Even from across the bar I can see his green eyes gleaming in the lone spotlight that shines down on him. And they’re staring straight at me.
I always wondered what this would be like, if we ever saw each other again. If that electricity between us would still be there, and it is. The proximity of our bodies is eating me alive.
“I can hold out hope that maybe one day I’ll forget,
That one night I’ll wake up without your ghost in my bed.
Who has to know that you’re haunting me?
Who has to know I’m not complete?”
My jaw hangs slack and my heart hammers against my ribcage. Even surrounded by dozens of strangers, it feels like he and I are the only two people in this room right now. Like he’s singing straight to me.
It’s obvious that his songwriting ability has increased a lot since he left Willow Grove. The way he effortlessly strums his guitar, too, picking the individual notes with his fingers like a professional would. And his voice is deeper, more mature. Dare I say, sexy.
Ugh, I don’t want to have those kinds of thoughts about him. I’m supposed to hate him.
“What the fuck?” Maisie shrieks, breaking me out of my trance. “Did you know he was back in town?” Unlike me, she’s never had trouble staying on the ‘I hate Alex Anderson bandwagon’.
Maisie knows better than anyone how much it destroyed me when we broke up. It was her bathroom floor I laid on as I kicked and screamed, wishing we could’ve had a different fate. I can’t blame her for feeling the way she does, who wants to watch their best friend go through that?
I nod stiffly, seemingly unable to answer her with words. I feel like I’m frozen. I want to move, I need to get out of here, but it’s like my body isn’t cooperating with my mind.
Finally I find the strength to move my legs and escape from the confines of the booth. “Come on,” I spin on my heels and grab onto her arm, pulling her behind me and out the door. I walk down the street as quickly as I can without actually running, feeling the lump in my throat turn into actual tears.
“Why didn’t you tell me he was back?” she practically yells at me, which only makes me cry harder.
“I don’t know,” I grit out. Actually, I do know, I didn’t want to talk about it with anybody. I hoped it would never come up, and I could simply ignore the fact altogether. I’m embarrassed that his existence still has any effect on me, and talking about him only makes it worse.
“Opal.” My body tenses at the unmistakable sound of his voice. Every nerve ending in my body seems to tingle and vibrate, the hair on the nape of my neck sticking straight up. The smell of his cologne is the same as it was five years ago, hints of cedarwood and tobacco tickle my senses and a bouquet of memories suddenly bloom in my brain.
“Oh no you don’t. Go back in there and sing your little songs, dude. You’re not wanted here.” I can’t help but smile through my tears at Maisie’s protective mama bear voice. She steps in between him and I, creating a shield with her body.
I spin around to face him, and I’m stunned again by how beautiful he is, even more so up close. Why couldn’t he have gotten ugly?
“Please,” he looks back and forth between the two of us, a pleading expression in his eyes. “Just give me one minute, Opal.”
Maisie glances over at me, and I blink at her a few times before nodding. Her eyes soften, and I can tell she doesn’t agree with my decision, but isn’t going to argue with me about it.
“One minute,” her disapproving gaze sweeps over Alex one more time before she opens the door of her car and gets inside, leaving the two of us in the middle of the sidewalk alone. Only the light of a lonely street lamp shines down on us.
“I’m sorry,” he says as his eyes bore into mine.
I can’t stop the laugh that bubbles out of my throat. It feels foreign, completely out of place, but it’s my natural reaction. “Really? You’re sorry? That’s it?”
“I’ve tried to contact you. So many times, Opal.”
All I can do is shake my head. “What are you doing here?”
“I-I’m here to help my dad.”
I arch my brow, I had no idea he and his dad still spoke. “Oh.”
“I fucked up. So badly. You can’t even imagine how much I wish I could take it all back.”
“I can, actually. There’s a lot of things I wish I could take back.”
He winces slightly. “I just want a chance to explain myself. That’s it. If you give me that, I'll never ask you for anything again.”
“You mean a chance to explain that you cheated on me with a famous singer slash model and then humiliated me by letting the entire world know about it? Explain that ?” My voice shakes, flames of anger and fear flickering in my chest.
His nostrils flared as his eyes bore into mine relentlessly. “I know you don’t believe me, but I swear on everything that means anything to me that I never cheated on you. I never did anything with Alexa.”
“You’re right, I don’t believe you.” I cross my arms and turn away from him, headed across the parking lot to Maisie’s car until he lightly grabs my arm. I curse myself for liking what his touch feels like. Having his skin on mine in any way should disgust me, but it doesn’t.
“One night. Give me one night to explain. Not even a night, give me an hour.”
My eyebrows bunch together as I swing my head around to face him again. “What the hell are you talking about? Let me go.” I pull my arm away from his grasp and instantly miss the contact.
“Just let me explain what happened. One hour, that’s all I need, and then I’ll leave you alone forever if that’s what you want.”
Another whiff of his cologne catches on the warm, evening breeze, and brings with it a slough of memories. Summer days at the swimming hole, winter nights wrapped up in his bed. It’s still the same inexpensive body spray he wore in high school. Kind of surprising that he wouldn’t trade it out for something fancier, but also not surprising at all.
Alex has never been one to care what others think. He’s never tried to change himself based on the people around him, and for that reason it’s no wonder he was in such a hurry to leave this town. No one wanted to accept who he was, and he wasn’t willing to pretend for their sake.
And now he’s standing in front of me. Still the same Alex I always knew, but with a million unspoken words stretching between us. I’ve found who I am without him, and it wasn’t easy. I know I couldn’t recover from him a second time.
“I’m not doing that, Alex. I’m seeing someone anyway.” The words pop out of my mouth before I can think better of them.
His eyes flash with an emotion I can’t quite read, some mixture of disappointment and surprise. “You are?”
“Is it that hard to believe?” I scoff.
“No,” he stuffs his hands in his pockets. “Not at all.” He blinks at me a few times. “How long have you been seeing him?”
“About a year.”
He looks utterly crushed and I can’t help but revel in it a little bit. I never thought this conversation would happen in the first place, much less that he would look upset over it.
“What do you like about him?”
I shift uneasily at the unexpected question. “He’s nice.”
He cocks a brow. “Nice. And what else?”
It takes me a second too long to come up with an answer. “He’s…smart. And I can trust him.” I level him with a glare. The lie burns my lips. Ian is trustworthy enough when it comes to most things, but he isn’t at all the type of guy I’d want to settle down with. But Alex doesn’t need to know that. For all he knows, we’re the happiest couple in town.
I notice the frown that forms on his lips and he looks away. “I’m glad to hear it. You deserve the absolute best, Bluebird.”
“Don’t call me that,” I shake my head, it feels like a weight has just been dropped on my chest.
His frown deepens, but he looks more angry with himself than with me. “I understand if you hate me. I just hoped I’d get a chance to explain things to you eventually, and now here you are. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
My throat feels tight, and tears prick at my eyes. “You never tried.”
“I did,” the amount of pain stuffed into his clipped words is alarming. “I tried to get in touch with you so many times, for two fucking years I tried. I couldn’t find any way to contact you.”
I want to tell him that isn’t true. He could have come home and talked to me face to face. But I know deep down that even if he did, I would have been too angry and hurt to look at him. I scrub my hand down my face, trying to rein in the storm of emotions brewing inside.
“I’ll stay out of your way while I’m here, if that’s what you want,” he says.
“How long?”
“What?” His brow furrows.
“How long will you be here?” I choke out.
He folds his lips together, then sticks his tongue out quickly to lick them. It makes my stomach twist in the worst way. “I don’t know. It could be a while.”
The soft vulnerability in his eyes pulls at my heart, and my gaze swings between him and Maisie’s car a couple of times. I walk away from him without saying anything else.
Am I really going to do this? I shouldn’t, I know I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t give him one more second of my time. I should walk away and pretend like tonight never happened. Continue on with my life the way it’s been for the last five years.
I tap on her window and she rolls it down. “What the hell did he say?”
“A lot…” I sigh.
“Okay, well get in and tell me.”
I nervously pinch the back of my neck, avoiding eye contact with her. “I’m going to go talk to him for a little bit.”
Her mouth drops open. “Are you serious, Opal?”
“I’m fine, Maze. We’re just going to talk for a few minutes, he’s here to see his dad, he’s not here for me. I’ll call you as soon as we’re done, promise.”
She subtly shakes her head and rolls her eyes. I know she’s disappointed in me, but she’s not the type to try and stop people from making their own choices. “Fine,” she shoves the key in her ignition and turns the engine over. “Talk to you later.” She rolls the window back up and backs out of the parking spot before slowly driving away. I don’t miss the daggers she shoots at Alex on the way out.