Chapter 39
CHAPTER 39
DIXIE
T he warmth of the hot tub wrapped around my body like a warm hug. The gentle rippling of the water lulled me into a state of pure bliss. Hayes had been right. I needed this—needed him to pull me out of the dark cloud I’d been drowning in all day.
The bartender placed a frothy, bright pink mocktail on the ledge next to me, and I gave him a quick smile of thanks before taking a sip. It was sweet and tart, a perfect balance, and I sighed as the citrusy flavors danced on my tongue.
I felt a little guilty for lying to Hayes about why I didn’t want to drink. I told him all the stress had given me an upset stomach and I didn’t want to risk ruining a perfect evening by puking my guts out. He seemed more than happy to accommodate my wishes.
I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He was leaning back, his arms resting on the edge of the tub, his face tilted toward the sky. The soft lighting from the yacht caught the angles of his jaw. For a moment, I let myself imagine what it would be like to tell him. To see his reaction. Would he be excited? Terrified? Both?
I looked around once again. I could see the lights of Manhattan in the distance. I couldn’t believe I was soaking in a hot tub while casually floating off the shore of New York on a yacht that was the epitome of luxury. So far, I had only seen this one small section of the massive yacht, but I knew the rest of it would be just as luxurious.
I was with the man who was somehow managing to make me feel whole again after a day of absolute wreckage. My lips curled into a smile as I glanced at him, sitting across from me in the hot tub, his gaze fixed on me.
“You’re staring,” I said again, unable to keep the teasing tone out of my voice.
His mouth quirked up into a smirk, and he leaned back, the muscles of his chest glistening under the soft deck lights. “Can you blame me?”
I chuckled and shook my head. “No, I guess I can’t. You’re probably wondering where you picked up this ragamuffin.”
He laughed. “Nope. Not even close.”
The world seemed to shrink to just the two of us. The hum of the yacht’s engine faded into the background. All that mattered was the way he looked at me, like I was the only thing in the universe worth seeing.
“I don’t wonder where I picked you up,” he said, his voice husky. “I wonder how I got so lucky.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. What could I say? That I didn’t feel lucky? That I felt broken, scared, and unsure? That there was something big I wasn’t telling him?
Instead, I looked down at the water, watching the steam rise in delicate curls. “You’re full of surprises tonight.”
“I like to keep you on your toes.”
I sipped my mocktail and stared at him this time. His gaze was focused on something in the distance. I smiled when I noticed the way his dark hair curled slightly at the edges from the steam of the hot tub. He was stupidly handsome, the kind of man who could have anyone he wanted, yet here he was—focused entirely on me.
“This is slightly better than watching The Office reruns and crying my way through a box of tissues,” I said, setting my drink back on the ledge. The heat was wonderful, but I wondered if there were rules about pregnant women sitting in hot tubs for too long. I realized in that moment I really had no idea about pregnancy.
That was something I was going to deal with. But not right then. I wanted to be in the moment. There was a good chance all of this would evaporate the moment he found out about the baby. He might decide he wanted nothing to do with me or our child.
“Only slightly?” he asked, his smirk widening into a full grin.
I blinked, trying to remember what he was saying. “What?”
“Sitting here with me is only slightly better than vegging on your couch in the dark?” he teased.
I laughed, shaking my head. “Fine. It’s much better.”
“That’s more like it,” he said, moving through the water toward me. The way he moved—so sure of himself, so effortlessly graceful—made my breath hitch. He stopped just in front of me, his hands resting on either side of my thighs, and looked up at me with a playful glint in his eyes.
“Thank you,” I said softly, reaching out to brush my fingers along the wet curls at his temple. “For getting me out of the house tonight. For all of this.”
His gaze softened, and he caught my hand, pressing a kiss to my palm. “You needed it. And I’m not about to let you spiral when I can do something about it.”
“I didn’t even know I needed this.”
He smiled, his thumb brushing over the back of my hand. “That’s what I’m here for. To remind you that you don’t have to carry everything alone.”
For a moment, I couldn’t breathe. The weight of what I was keeping from him pressed down harder, and I felt the sting of tears threatening to spill over. I blinked them back quickly, forcing a smile.
“You’re too good to me,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Not possible,” he replied. He leaned in closer, his forehead resting against mine. “You deserve this, Dixie. You deserve everything.”
I closed my eyes, savoring the warmth of his skin against mine, the way his presence seemed to anchor me. But even as I did, the guilt gnawed at me. How could I keep this from him?
He slid his finger under my chin and tilted my face up to look him in the eyes. Our lips met in a kiss that was both tender and electrifying. His hands slid to my hips, pulling me closer as the kiss deepened. It felt so good, so safe to be here with him, like the rest of the world didn’t exist.
I didn’t need to worry about everything for at least five minutes. I could just be in this moment and enjoy everything he was offering.
My heart swelled as I thought about everything he’d done for me tonight, about the way he’d been so patient, so steady. I pushed him away, and when I needed him, he was right there despite the hurt I caused him.
Hayes would be an incredible father. The kind of man who would love our child with his whole heart, who would protect them fiercely, guide them gently, and always show up.
And me? I could lean on him. I could trust him to be my partner, to catch me when I stumbled, just like he had tonight. He had an uncanny way of knowing what I needed before I even knew I needed anything.
I pulled back slightly, my fingers tracing the strong line of his jaw.
“What’s on your mind, pretty girl?” he asked, his voice low and gravelly.
The sound sent shivers down my spine in the best way.
I leaned into his touch as he brushed a stray strand of hair from my cheek. “There’s something I want to tell you.”
The corner of his mouth lifted into a half-smile. “Keeping secrets?”
“Maybe,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
His eyes locked onto mine, blazing with curiosity, and I felt like he could see straight into my soul.
Just say it, I thought. Two little words. I’m pregnant .
But the fear paralyzed me. What if everything changed? What if he felt trapped, like he had no choice but to be with me because of the baby? I didn’t want that. I wanted him to choose me for me, not out of obligation.
I pulled back slightly, my breath coming in short, uneven bursts. The way he looked at me made my chest ache in the best and worst way.
“Hayes,” I started, my voice trembling. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
“What is it?”
I opened my mouth, but the words caught in my throat. How do you tell someone something that could change everything? How do you risk the perfect moment for the uncertain future? My heart pounded so loudly I was sure he could hear it over the gentle lapping of the water.
“Dixie,” he said softly, his thumb brushing against my cheek. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
I swallowed hard, my fingers tracing idle patterns on his shoulder. “It’s just…” I looked away, unable to look him in the eyes any longer. “I’m falling for you,” I said, the words tumbling out before I could stop them. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the truth I’d wanted to tell him either.
He tilted my chin up with a gentle finger, forcing me to meet his eyes. “I’m falling for you too, Dixie. It’s too fucking easy. And it scares the hell out of me.”
My breath hitched, my heart pounding in my chest. The sincerity in his voice, the way his eyes burned with emotion—it was almost too much to take. I felt horrible for keeping the secret.
Just a little longer.
Before I could respond, he pulled me against him, his lips crashing into mine with a fierce passion that stole my breath. His hands roamed my back and down my sides.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing closer as the water sloshed around us. The heat from the hot tub paled in comparison to the heat building between us. I felt myself melting into him, losing myself in the way he made me feel.
“Hayes,” I murmured against his lips, my fingers tangling in his hair.
“Hmm?” he hummed, his lips trailing down my neck, leaving a trail of fire in their wake.
“I don’t deserve you,” I whispered, the words spilling out before I could stop them.
He pulled back, his brow furrowing as he looked at me. “Don’t say that,” he said. “You deserve everything, Dixie. Everything. Me. The world. Everything. I can give you me and I am going to do all I can to give you everything else if you’ll let me.”
I stared at him, my heart aching with the weight of the unspoken truth between us. He deserved to know. He deserved to know everything .
But not tonight.
Tonight, I just wanted to be here with him, to let myself believe—if only for a little while—that everything was going to be okay.
I kissed him again. “I think I could get used to that.”
He smiled against my lips. “Good, because I’m not going anywhere.”
I let myself believe his words. Let myself believe that no matter what I told him, no matter what came next, he would stay. That he would choose me—choose us.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asked even as he ran the pad of his thumb across my nipple.
“Not a thing.”
“Liar.”
I giggled. “Okay, I was kind of thinking about the crew. I know they’re out of sight, but that doesn’t make me feel like we’re really alone.”
“Why don’t we take this party to my state room?” he asked.
“I think that sounds like a very good idea.”