Chapter 53
CHAPTER 53
DIXIE
T he morning of the wedding, I woke up with a knot in my stomach that refused to loosen. I didn’t think this was morning sickness. It was a different kind of icky feeling. Like sad and scared and lonely all at once. And nervous as hell.
Hayes had been distant the last few days. No, distant would have been better. He’d been a ghost. All but vanished into the ether. I wasn’t sure what I expected. He did say he needed time. I supposed I thought he needed to be alone—together.
The silence and distance between us felt heavier than ever. I was going into this massive event feeling like an imposter, like I didn’t belong. I had hurt one of their own. I didn’t think they were going to be all that happy with me.
Nobody knew about the baby. At least I didn’t think they did. He wasn’t exactly talking to me. He said he wanted to keep things between us, but I had no idea if that meant between me and him or me and his closest family members.
Hayes hadn’t exactly given me the reassurance I hoped for. Now, I had to pretend like everything was fine all night. I’ve never been very good at that kind of thing. He was my co-conspirator. And yet, we weren’t even talking. I was seriously thinking about using the pregnancy as an excuse not to go. I could tell him I wasn’t feeling well and he wouldn’t be able to argue with me about it. I was the one pregnant.
But I had to admit, I was looking forward to seeing Kathy and Armand get their special day. We were almost family after all. I was taking my baby to see his grandparents get married in a way.
I sat up in bed, my hands resting on my still-flat stomach. The thought of the baby growing inside me was both overwhelming and comforting. I had been so focused on Hayes and his reaction that I hadn’t allowed myself to truly process what this meant for me—for us.
I glanced at the clock. Eight a.m. The wedding was at four, which meant I had hours to kill before I needed to start getting ready. Hours to overthink, to worry, to replay every word Hayes had said—or hadn’t said—since he left my apartment.
I dragged myself out of bed and shuffled to the kitchen, where I made a cup of decaf tea. It didn’t taste the same as coffee, but it was something. I sat at the table, staring out the window at nothing in particular. The world outside seemed so calm, so normal, while inside I felt like I was teetering on the edge of an emotional cliff.
I finished my tea and toast and waited to see if it was all going to stay down.
It did. For now, at least. The nausea had been unpredictable, rolling in like a tide and receding just as quickly. I couldn’t afford to be sick today. Not today. I had to pull myself together, even if it felt like my heart was being slowly torn apart.
By noon, I was pacing my apartment, trying to distract myself with mundane tasks—folding laundry, dusting shelves, anything to keep my mind from spiraling. But every time I stopped moving, I thought about him.
Frankie showed up early to help me get ready. She curled my hair while I did my makeup, the two of us talking about everything that had happened since my conversation with Hayes.
“I still can’t believe Mom told him,” I said, staring at my reflection in the mirror. “Why would she do that? What was she thinking?”
Frankie shrugged. “I don’t know. But Hayes will come around. He just needs some time to process everything. Once he’s digested the life-changing information, I’m sure you two will work things out and be stronger than ever.”
I wanted to believe her. “What if he doesn’t, Frankie? What if this is it? What if he really can’t accept the fact I didn’t tell him?”
“He can be pissed but there’s still a baby to consider,” she said. “He needs to put on his big boy panties and get over it.”
“Big boy panties. Right. Easy for you to say.”
“Someone has to say it,” Frankie said, twisting another strand of my hair around the curling iron. “He’s not the only one with feelings here. You’re carrying his child, Dixie. If he can’t see past his own hurt to be there for you, then maybe he’s not the guy we all thought he was.”
Was that what this was? Was Hayes showing his true colors? Or was he just struggling, like I was?
I didn’t have an answer. And I wasn’t sure I wanted one.
By the time Frankie finished with my hair, I barely recognized myself. She had done something magical with the curling
She set the curling iron down and placed her hands on my shoulders, meeting my eyes in the mirror. “He’ll be taking you to your next ultrasound, I’m sure of it.”
Her confidence was something I wished I felt. I forced a smile, but it didn’t reach my eyes.
When it was time to get dressed, I slipped into the dress and shoes Hayes had given me. The fabric felt luxurious against my skin. Frankie held up a pair of sparkly earrings she’d brought for me to borrow. I put them on, completing the look.
“You look stunning,” Frankie said, her voice filled with admiration.
I glanced at my reflection, trying to see what she saw. The dress hugged my figure perfectly, and the earrings added just the right amount of sparkle. But no matter how good I looked on the outside, I couldn’t shake the feeling of dread on the inside.
I ran my hand over my stomach that looked the same as it did three months ago. No one could tell by looking at me that I was pregnant.
“I love that dress,” Frankie said. “You look good in designer labels.”
I forced a smile, smoothing the fabric over my hips. “Yeah, it’s beautiful. Hayes liked it.”
“Well, he has good taste,” she said. She gave my arm a reassuring squeeze. “If you start to feel really uncomfortable, call me. I’ll come and get you. I’ll make up some excuse for why you have to leave.”
I smiled. “Thank you.”
A car showed up to pick me up right on time. I kind of hoped Hayes would be in the car waiting for me. But the driver opened the back door to reveal an empty seat.
“You don’t have to go,” Frankie said softly.
“I’ll make an appearance,” I said. “I’m doing this for them and my child. I do hope they will be a part of his life.”
“His?”
“Or her,” I said with a small laugh.
“Good luck,” she said. “Have fun. Maybe tonight is exactly what you and Hayes need to come back to the same page. You need to be forced to be around each other. Don’t let the space between you get comfortable or normal. I am counting on him to be a good guy. If not, I’m going to kick his ass.”
“Thanks.”
I hoped she was right.
When I arrived at the wedding, I was greeted by Diana, who was basically acting like a traffic director. She led me into the venue that was filled with members of the Bancroft family and their friends. I was immediately offered a complimentary glass of champagne. I accepted it, flustered, but the second it was in my hand, I wanted to get rid of it. I had a part to play. I forced a smile but didn’t take a drink. I worried Hayes would see me with the champagne and think I was actually drinking it. I couldn’t begin to imagine what that scene would look like.
Diana noticed my discomfort and gave me a gracious smile as she took the champagne from my hands. “I won’t tell a soul,” she said with a wink.
I thanked her, relieved. How she knew, I wasn’t sure, but I was grateful for her silent support. I trusted her to keep the secret.
I kept looking for Hayes but didn’t see him. I knew he was likely with the other men in the back. The other wives were going out of their way to make sure I felt like I belonged.
Soon, it was announced the ceremony would be starting soon. We found our seats, and the ceremony began. The groomsmen entered through a side door. My heart raced when I saw Hayes. He looked so handsome, so clean-cut. He exuded confidence and masculinity and strength. He caught my eye and gave me a small smile, which was better than nothing.
My heart pounded so hard in my chest it hurt. I longed for that man. He was my heart. I so hoped we could get through this thing. I didn’t just want to be co-parents. I wanted all of it.
Soon, Kathy was coming down the aisle in a magnificent dress that was both sophisticated and glamorous. We all stood. She looked incredible, her smile absolutely radiant as Grayson, her eldest son, gave her away to Armand. It was an emotional and heartfelt moment.
“I’m not giving her away,” Grayson said with a grin. “We’re just sharing her.”
Everyone chuckled. I felt a lump form in my throat. The love in the room was palpable, and I couldn’t help but look around at everyone in attendance. The family was massive and bursting with love. This was my child’s family. Everyone was smiling and doing their best to keep the restless children occupied.
I pictured life a few years down the road, with Hayes and our child at family gatherings. Oh, what a magical life it might be.
Key word: might.
Nothing felt guaranteed right now.
I might be dropping our child off with his father and they would get to spend time with this beautiful family. I would be an outsider. My child would have my sister and parents and this huge family.
I watched Kathy and Armand express their love for each other. Their vows were tender—promises of loyalty, laughter, and lots of adventure. Kathy’s voice trembled with emotion as she spoke. Armand’s eyes never left hers. It was the kind of love that made you believe in forever, even when your own world felt uncertain. I was so happy for them. I doubted either of them ever imagined they would be in their golden years before they finally got to be together.
I glanced at Hayes again. He was standing tall, his hands clasped in front of him, but his gaze flickered to me more than once. I wondered what he was thinking. Was he imagining the future too? Or was he still wrestling with the hurt I’d caused?
The ceremony ended with a kiss that drew cheers from the crowd. Kathy beamed, her cheeks flushed, and Armand looked like the luckiest man alive. As the newlyweds walked back down the aisle, the guests erupted into applause. I clapped along, my heart swelling with a mix of joy and longing.
After the ceremony, the whole family left for pictures, but I wasn’t part of that. Once again, I was on the outskirts looking in. I mingled with the other guests, making my way to the reception space at the country club. I’d never seen anything more beautiful. The room was decorated with twinkling lights and lush floral arrangements, and the tables were set with fine china and crystal glassware.
I found my seat at a table with other members of the family, except they were all getting pictures done. I had to wait by myself, watching the guests enjoy the alcohol and appetizers. I thought about leaving. I had a feeling I wouldn’t really be missed. The minutes felt like hours.
As I sat there, my mind wandered back to Hayes. The small smile he’d given me during the ceremony was better than nothing, but it wasn’t enough. I needed more. I needed to know where we stood, what he was thinking, what he was feeling.