Chapter 56
CHAPTER 56
HAYES
T hat wasn’t supposed to happen.
The thought echoed in my head like a broken record as I helped Dixie sit up. She ran her hand over her hair and stood up to fix her dress. She was giggly and breathless, her lips curving into a smile that made my chest ache.
I stood and straightened my pants, quickly zipping and buttoning them. Dixie reached out to adjust my bowtie, her fingers brushing against my neck. A shiver ran down my spine at her touch. I cursed myself for how much I still wanted her.
“You’re a mess,” she murmured, a teasing lilt in her voice as she smoothed the front of my shirt.
I forced a smile, but it felt hollow. My mind was spinning, guilt and uncertainty gnawing at me. This was supposed to be us talking about a very serious situation. Instead, I ended up fucking her. That was wrong. I knew it, but even though I regretted my hasty actions, I couldn’t feel bad about it. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d crossed a line we couldn’t uncross.
“Can you zip me?” she asked.
She turned around and moved her hair to the side. I zipped up the dress and stepped back.
“It might be the hormones, but that was one of the best orgasms I’ve ever had,” she said with a laugh.
Her words sent a jolt through me, but not in a good way. I felt like an ass. I needed to talk to her, not fuck her. Damn it. Why was it so hard for me to keep my head when she was around?
“I’ve missed you,” she said softly. “So much.”
“I’ve missed you too,” I replied, the words slipping out before I could stop them. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t what I wanted to talk about, either. The truth was eating me alive. Dixie didn’t know that her mother had cornered me, that she’d pressed me to give Dixie money to support her and the baby and then disappear from her daughter’s life for good. She didn’t know that I’d even considered it as an option. And now, after what had just happened, I felt like I couldn’t say anything.
What the hell was I thinking?
“So, uh, we didn’t do a lot of talking,” she said. “Do we need to talk? Are we good?”
I took a deep breath. “Honestly, I don’t know.”
She looked surprised. And hurt. “Oh.”
“I think we should go back inside.”
“Hayes, I think we should talk,” she said. “I need to know where we stand.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Yes, we should talk, but this isn’t the time or place.”
“I see,” she murmured.
I felt like such an asshole. “I didn’t bring you out here to do that,” I said.
“I know,” she said with a smile. “I initiated it. Like I said, the hormones. I saw you and I couldn’t resist.” She reached down and picked up her ripped panties. “Uh, I don’t have my purse.”
I took them from her and stuffed them in my pocket. “Sorry about that.”
She grinned. “I’m not.”
I kept my mouth shut and we wandered back to the venue. I knew Dixie was assuming we were fully back together and diving headfirst into this relationship—and this baby. My baby.
But I was still dealing with some things. I still had to figure out how to get my head around the fact she didn’t trust me. I wasn’t a relationship expert, but I knew trust was a major pillar in a successful relationship.
And I knew I wasn’t being totally honest with her either. I was certain she had no idea her mother tried to send me packing. I needed to tell her. If Dixie was in on the attempt to extort money from me, that was a whole new problem to deal with.
But deep down, I didn’t believe Dixie would ever do that.
I knew I screwed up big time by having sex with her while carrying this secret. We were supposed to talk everything through. I was supposed to tell her the truth. If she did agree with her mom, I had planned to tell her that if she wanted to take the money, I’d understand. I wouldn’t blame her.
Bullshit.
Obviously, I would.
It felt like I’d trapped us both in a lie. They just kept coming. How were we ever going to dig out of this hole that just kept getting deeper?
I pulled open the door and allowed her to go in first. The party was still in full swing. Kids were on the dance floor along with adults. I was pretty certain no one realized we had even slipped away.
“There you are!” Diana said. She took one look at Dixie and grinned. “Come with me. I have an emergency makeup kit in the room.”
Dixie looked at me like she wasn’t sure she should leave my side.
That was exactly what I needed her to do. “I’ll see you around.”
She glanced over her shoulder at me as Diana pulled her away. It wasn’t exactly the gentlemanly thing to do, but I needed some space. I was dying for a second round with her. Sex was not going to solve the many problems between us. Sex was why we were where we were now.
But damn it had been so good to be inside her without a condom. I grunted, feeling the familiar tug in my groin. I made a beeline for the bar. I needed a drink. Or four.
Isaac was already there, which was no surprise. He was busy trying to talk to a woman I didn’t recognize. He was playing with fire. The Bancroft family tree had way too many branches. In this situation, that was not a good thing. He watched me out of the corner of his eye as I tried to slyly order four tequila shots. The bartender gave me a funny look but didn’t question my order. He slid the glasses onto the counter and lined them up.
I reached for a lime slice. I doubted I would need it. I wanted the burn. No need to dull it with a shot of citrus. I downed three shots in rapid succession, the burn of the alcohol doing little to numb the chaos in my head.
“Slow down,” Isaac said, putting his hand on my arm when I was about to reach for the fourth. “And here Dad thought I was the loose cannon they’d need a babysitter for. What’s this about?”
“I’m thirsty,” I said.
“You’ve got lipstick on your neck,” he said.
I froze, my hand instinctively moving to the side of my neck. Dixie’s lipstick. I cursed under my breath and grabbed a napkin from the bar, wiping at the spot with more force than necessary. Isaac raised an eyebrow, his smirk growing wider.
“Dixie, huh?” he said, leaning against the bar. “Man, you’ve got it bad. Thought you two were supposed to be ‘talking things out.’”
I shot him a glare, tossing the napkin onto the bar. “Mind your own business, Isaac.”
He held up his hands in mock surrender. “Hey, I’m just saying. You’re walking around looking like you just lost a fight with a strawberry popsicle. People are gonna talk.”
“Let them,” I snapped.
“Someone is grumpy,” he joked. “I’m guessing it has a little something to do with her.”
He nodded in Dixie’s direction, where she was laughing and dancing to Mamma Mia with a group of women.
I nodded curtly. “What do you think?”
Isaac raised an eyebrow. “I think getting shitfaced at this wedding is a big mistake, and I’m kind of the ringleader of big mistakes around here.” He took the fourth shot and threw it back himself, stopping me from taking it.
I glared at him.
“You can thank me later,” he said, setting the empty glass down with a clink.
I leaned against the bar, debating whether to order another couple of shots. I wasn’t feeling anything. I wanted to quiet the little voice in the back of my head lecturing me. “Dixie’s under the impression we’re fully back together and everything’s going to be fine,” I said with a sigh.
“Gee, I wonder why she would be under that impression,” he said. He pointed at my shirt. I looked down and realized I had missed a button. “Pretty obvious you two were feeling the love in the air.”
I groaned, quickly buttoning my shirt back up. “This is a mess,” I muttered.
Isaac chuckled, shaking his head. “Understatement of the year, brother.” He leaned in closer, lowering his voice. “Look, I get it. Dixie’s Dixie. But you’ve got to figure your shit out before this baby arrives. You can’t keep flip-flopping on her. Either you’re all in or you’re not. And if you’re not, you need to tell her before she gets too deep into this fantasy of the happy family you two are apparently building.”
“I know,” I said. “But it’s not that simple.”
“No shit,” Isaac replied with a shrug.
“I’m so pissed at her mother,” I said. “And I’m mad at myself for even starting to think her offer is a valid option.”
Isaac didn’t even blink. “Shut the fuck up.”
I lifted my eyebrows, caught off guard by his tone. “What?”
“Don’t you dare consider her offer. If you pay off that woman, you’re a fucking weasel like our uncle. You don’t go around knocking up women and then writing a check and walking away. Don’t be a deadbeat dad.”
I gritted my teeth, my frustration boiling over. “Easy for you to say.”
“You don’t abandon your responsibility because you’re scared,” Isaac growled, his voice low but fierce. “What asshole wouldn’t be scared? But you don’t bail.”
I stared at Isaac. He wasn’t wrong, but he also didn’t know the full weight of what I was carrying. The guilt, the fear.
“It’s not that simple,” I said again, more to myself than to him.
Isaac snorted. “Who said it’s supposed to be simple? But here’s the thing—you don’t get to just walk away from this. You made a choice, and now you’re dealing with the consequences. Welcome to adulthood, buddy. I know Dad gave you the same speech he gave me. I know you know those condoms are never a guarantee.”
I shot him a dark look, but he just grinned back, unfazed.
“Dixie’s a good girl,” he said. “She doesn’t deserve someone who’s half in, half out. If you care about her—and I know you do—then you need to man up and tell her the truth. All of it. I won’t keep that secret for you.”
He walked off, leaving me standing there like a dumbass. I wanted to hit something, to scream, to do anything to release the tension building inside me. I did the only thing I could. I turned around and ordered two more shots. I was sure that would do it.
The bartender was giving me the side eye. I ignored him. He had no idea. He placed the shot glasses down in front of me. And then purposely plopped down a bag of peanuts. As if that was going to be the magic ticket that sobered me up. Didn’t he know the goal was to get drunk? Why in the hell would I want peanuts?
I shoved the bag aside and grabbed the first shot. The burn of the tequila was sharper this time, almost like a punishment. I deserved it. I deserved worse.
I glanced over at Dixie again. She was glowing, her laughter carrying across the room like music. She looked so happy, so carefree—so completely unaware of the storm that was about to engulf her.
I downed the second shot, slamming the glass onto the bar harder than I meant to. The sound made a few heads turn, but I didn’t care. Let them stare. Let them whisper. What did it matter now?
I didn’t deserve her.
But I couldn’t walk away. Not now. Not after everything.
I just didn’t know how to fix this.