Chapter 5
Summer
I’d regretted every second of that car ride until we showed up at the apartment building and Hannah happened.
He had been cheating on me.
Tommy had been cheating on me for months with the campus sluts, the girls he said were trashy and not worth his while. They were the same ones he had assured me over and over weren’t attractive because they never kept their legs closed and wore next to no clothes.
He had slept with all of them all the while telling me we would wait for marriage.
I had been a fool.
What guy waited for marriage in college?
What guy didn’t want sex when girls were offering it to him on a golden platter?
What a fool I had been.
A few minutes ago, I had been anxious about him seeing me with Colton, wondering if he would hit me again because he thought I was flirting with another man.
Sitting here in the car, I struggled to breathe, to think past the tears rushing down my cheeks and the pain pulsing in my heart.
I didn’t want to think of him with all of those girls, but it was running through my mind like a freight train. I hadn’t been good enough. I hadn’t been worth the wait, worth the chase.
Rage had consumed me at first, and I attacked Hannah, wanting to scar her gorgeous face and her perfect body. I wanted to hurt her for the pain flaring throughout my body that pulsed with vigor throughout my chest.
When Colton pulled me away, I was infuriated. He had stopped me from unleashing my rage, and so, I thrashed against his strong arms, needing him to let me hurt her. But his hold was unyielding, and eventually, the adrenaline faded, and the pain of Tommy’s actions swept through me worse than any blow Hannah could have dealt.
I sagged in his hold, wishing someone could have protected me from this, that I had someone who would hold me together while I cried for the loss of our love, but I had no one. I had moved out like a silly, lovesick girl, and now, I had nowhere to go.
Mom and Dad would let me move back in. I knew that, but the shame would tear me apart to know I had failed.
I chose the wrong guy.
I cried when Colton put me in the truck. With so much care, he buckled my seatbelt, closed my door, got in, and drove away like this was a normal Friday night occurrence.
The tears I had masked with rage flowed down my cheeks, and I wheezed through the pain crippling me.
I apologized over and over, wishing I could control my emotions until I was alone, but there was no hope of that because the gate had been opened, and there was no closing it. I was just going to have to deal with embarrassing myself in front of my hot as hell coworker and prayed he didn’t tell everyone at work.
He was kind enough to stop at a gas station and get me something to eat and drink inside the small store, but now, we were sitting here in this awkward silence while I sniffled and tried to sip the sugary soda.
He held out a Snickers bar with a small smile, and my broken heart skipped a beat at the small gesture. He had gotten my favorite.
I asked to go home because I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. My friends were all his friends, too, and involving them would make this an even bigger nightmare that I really didn’t want to face tonight.
I just wanted to go home and cry into my mom’s chest and let her healing arms fix this. My mom fixed everything. She had since I was little, and I knew she would have the right wisdom to get me through this.
We were stuck in traffic, and just when I wanted to scream in exasperation, Colton tried to lighten the mood like prince freaking charming.
Did he have to be my knight in shining armor? Did he have to be so perfect?
It probably wouldn’t have mattered if he looked like a toad. I would still have been attracted to him with those soft eyes, kind smile, and big heart.
He had stayed when the walls around my perfect castle had been burnt to the ground. He had picked up the ashes and held them in the palm of his hand and brought them to me, had licked my wounds, and tried to lighten a dark situation.
He had been more than perfect, and any chance of me fighting this attraction had just blown out the window and down the street, because I wanted more. I needed more.
---
Mom and Dad had been downright furious when I arrived at their doorstep crying like a little girl who had fallen off her bike.
The pain flowing through me hurt worse than any time I had ever fallen. This pain was different. My entire chest ached, and my head hurt with every breath I sucked in.
“He – he – he.” My bottom lip trembled as I stumbled into my mother’s open arms, and the tears – the ones I thought I had cried out in Colton’s car – broke through the still mending barrier and cascaded down my flushed cheeks right onto my mother’s warm chest.
Her steady heartbeat drummed against my hot face. Her hands combed through my messy hair, and she just held me, whispering soothing words into my ear all while her arms tightened around my trembling body.
“It’s going to be okay, baby. You will get through whatever this is. You are strong, my sweet girl.” A sob ripped from my throat, and I clutched at her, needing to believe her, needing to steal some of her unwavering strength.
“What happened, Summer?” My dad’s voice broke through my hysterics. It was then that I registered his big hand on my back, his warmth and strength standing firm right behind me.
I sucked in a long breath, trying and failing to calm my erratic breaths.
“Summer?” Charlie’s deepening voice called from the kitchen, and my heart skipped a beat in response. I didn’t want my little brother to see me like this.
I was supposed to be the strong one.
His loud steps reached the foyer where I was standing in my mom’s arms, crying like a teenage girl, and he paused, inhaling a sharp breath. “Who did this?” His voice cracked, and if it had been any other time, I would have laughed. “Who hurt you, Sunshine?”
Oh, God, did he have to use that nickname?
I stiffened, and Mom’s hold tightened impossibly more. She was holding my broken heart together with her love and strength.
“We are here when you are ready, Summer. Just let it all out, baby girl. Your daddy and I are here to protect you. You aren’t alone, my sweet girl.” I nodded and buried my face in her chest, letting the remainder of my emotions out. The tears, cries of pain – it all left my body until I was numb, barely able to stand without the help of my parents.
“I’ll kill him, Summer. I swear I will,” Charlie vowed from the couch almost an hour later once I had washed my face and calmed down enough to recount the evening to my family.
“Don’t be silly now,” Mom reprimanded, her arms crossed over her chest as she glanced at Dad for help, but he was fuming, his blue eyes slitted with rage.
“Your brother and I will come with you tomorrow to move your things out of that shithole, and you will come back home where you are safe.”
I briefly wondered if he could see the bruise on my neck from our last fight, but I had kept my hair down to hide it. In the dim lighting, I knew it would be near impossible, but the thought remained.
Maybe Dad knew more than he let on.
From the look my mom was shooting my dad, she definitely knew. She knew her daughter had been hit by a man. She knew I had been abused.
I studied her closely, seeing something different in her eyes tonight, something that I had never seen before.
No.
I shook the thought from my head, but then, I looked again, and that same, remorseful look filled her eyes. Her hand crept to her neck, holding it.
Was she?
Her gaze stayed trained on my father who was shaking.
She’d been hurt, too.
Was it Dad?
No. Never. Dad would never hurt us.
“You are safe with us, Summer. You are always safe with us. This home,” Dad paused to stretch his arms out, “is your safe place even after you move out, you hear me?” I nodded because I had no fight left in me, no energy to say anything in response.
I knew he was right, and at that moment, all I wanted to do was to fall into my childhood bed and let sleep take over.
I just wanted to dream this night away and pretend it never happened.
---
The bags under my eyes were a special kind today, and the pulsing headache was a horrible, constant reminder that I had cried my entire weekend away.
And yet, here I was on Monday morning, pulling into work with my dad and pretending like everything was okay, that I was okay when I was really falling apart at the seams.
I slid into my chair behind my desk. After turning my screen on, I checked my emails first, and then, the phone rang. The morning flew by, just like I needed it to, but then, just when I thought I would be okay, Tommy’s black Mercedes pulled into the lot, tires screeching, and I cringed. It was so like him to cause a big scene like this.
I glanced around the shop, making sure it was empty and that everyone was in fact on lunch before I stormed out and put on my bravest face.
I didn’t need to be a source of entertainment for the boys, although this was quickly becoming a case that would have been on Jerry Springer. I didn’t want any witnesses.
He pointed at me through his windshield, and then the passenger seat, and my heart plummeted to the ground. I swallowed thickly, my pulse beating so loudly in my ears that it roared.
This was a bad idea.
God, please don’t let him hurt me.
I sent a quick prayer up above before storming over to his car, throwing open the door, and sliding into the seat with much more bravado than I felt. I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to fight the emotions begging to be released. I was immediately hit with a waft of his cologne, and it brought forth a tirade of memories – both good and bad. I smothered them down and glared at him with every ounce of rage in my being.
He opened his mouth, and instantly, hatred spewed from his lips. It started with name-calling. Every derogatory word he could think of was thrown at me, hitting me like a whip. He lashed out at me, and yet, I had done nothing wrong.
“You embarrassed me on Friday night, you little bitch, starting a fight in the entrance of the apartment building. How dare you?”
Finally, I couldn’t take another word from his nasally voice. How had I been with him that long? I couldn’t stand the sound of his voice.
“I embarrassed you? You cheated on me! You freaking cheated on me, Thomas!” I used his full name for the first time since we first started dating, and he reared back like I had physically assaulted him. The urge to hit him boiled up from my gut, but I restrained myself.
He would be the kind that pressed charges.
What on earth had I ever seen in him?
Embarrassment flickered through me for ever loving him, but even though he had hurt me repeatedly, a small part of my heart still beat for him, still beat for the moments when he was perfect.
There was once a day that he bought me ice cream in class after I had failed a test that I spent weeks studying for. Another time, he took me to a drive-in. God, then there was the first time I kissed him and his promise to wait until marriage.
It had all been a lie.
I blinked back tears. I wouldn’t let him see the pain he had caused.
I let him do this to me. I let him hurt me over and over.
All because I wasn’t strong enough.
That ended today.
Tommy was glaring at something outside, and he wouldn’t meet my gaze. “Is that the guy you cheated on me with?” he whispered, and my gaze darted to Colton who was watching. His intense eyes were fixated on Tommy, and if looks could kill, Tommy would have been road kill.
A sense of relief filled me knowing that Tommy couldn’t hurt me now. Someone was watching. He had never hurt me in public.
I threw the car door open and turned back to him. “Fuck you, Tommy!” I screamed, astounded that he had the audacity to accuse me of cheating when the sole reason I had been with Colton Friday evening was because he couldn’t pick me up from work!
Just as I was about to place my foot on the ground, he reached forward almost as fast as lightning and shoved me out of the car.
“You whore!” he shouted when my head connected with the window of his car. I fell in slow motion to the hard ground.
I cried out in pure agony, a tidal wave of pain flushing through me. My ears blurred out all the noise around me, and I whimpered, curling into a ball.
He was racing towards me now, and I curled into myself to protect my body from the pain he was going to inflict. But then Colton was there. My knight with dirt-stained knees and tattered clothes was standing there to save me.
Tommy shoved Colton, but Colton didn’t move. He craned his neck to look at my pathetic excuse of a boyfriend, and words flew between the two, but I couldn’t make out anything through the constant pounding in my ears.
Colton turned to me and squatted down at my level. His lips moved, but I couldn’t hear anything he was saying. He gently picked me up into his big arms and carried me across the small lot to a chair and settled me there.
Tommy was running up behind him, fist raised when I looked up. “Oh, God!” I screamed, clutching my chest as I rocked in the chair, completely terrified.
There was a pause as the tension in the air became incredibly thick, and then Colton reared his fist back and punched Tommy right off his feet.
I watched Colton in astonishment, surprised that I wasn’t afraid of him. There isn’t an ounce of fear in my body towards Colton – only Tommy.
Tommy got up on shaking legs and ran back to his car, peeling out of the lot, My eyes slowly focused on Colton who had turned back to face me.
His chest heaved up and down, and his muscles were tense as he raised his arm to yank his hand through his short hair.
The dam that was holding my tears back broke, and I succumbed to the pain, unable to not cry. I could barely see Colton’s large figure through my blurry eyes.
“I’m here,” Colton soothed, crouching down in front of me. “It’s going to be okay. You’re safe now.”
I’m safe now.
I chanted that over and over in my head, hoping that I would eventually believe it, too.