Chapter 28
Colton
“I’m sorry, sir, but we did everything we could to make sure your wife was comfortable and peaceful.” The older doctor informed me as I held our crying one-year-old daughter to my tightening chest.
We knew this was going to happen.
I knew she didn’t have long.
I looked down at my daughter. Her red face was screwed up in anger, her little cries bouncing off the hallway walls.
Shannon Michaels, my wife, riddled with cancer had finally passed, leaving me and our child to fend for ourselves.
My head fell back and bounced off the wall. The doctor walked off, his shoes squeaking with each step. I closed my eyes, bouncing Heather on my knee to make her cries stop.
I wasn’t ready for this.
She hadn’t prepared me to be a single father.
Kids were never part of the plan.
She wasn’t supposed to die so suddenly. The doctors told us we had time, that we had a few years.
Opening my eyes, I looked down at our little girl. Her cries were quietening, those soft, black curls of her bouncing with the movement of my leg.
Her mouth fell open, and she giggled, the sound piercing the last wall to my heart.
The first tear fell, quickly followed by the next, and then, I couldn’t see through the blur of tears anymore. I clutched my sweet, innocent child to my chest, inhaling her intoxicating scent, trying to ease my broken heart.
Her small hands grasped my face, her podgy fingers digging into my cheeks, reminding me of my duties. I didn’t have time to cry. This little girl needed me to be strong, needed me to take care of her, to guide her through life.
Wiping the last tear from my eye, I gazed down at her toothless smile. She would never know her mother’s love.
It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.
---
I carried Heather on my hip into work the next day, trying to sort through the mess wreaking havoc in my mind.
Do I hand in my resignation? Do I explain to him my circumstances? Would anyone understand?
I bumped into Summer on my way to her father’s office. She was smiling down at her phone, but she abruptly looked up when we collided. Her smile dropped when she saw me, and then, I saw the questions in her blue eyes.
Can she see the darkness in my face? Am I an open book to her? Can she hear the cries from my broken heart?
Her eyes moved from mine to my little girl, and a small smile took place of her frown. “She’s so beautiful.” She started to reach for her but stopped herself, taking a step back. “Is everything okay?”
Shannon’s father had asked me the same question yesterday when I called him from the hospital lobby to let him know he had lost his daughter the same fucking way he lost his wife. Life didn’t seem to be fair.
I couldn’t seem to find the words I needed to say. When she looked at me with those blue eyes, she saw right through me. I hadn’t told anyone at work that my wife had cancer.
I didn’t want their pity then, and I sure as hell didn’t want it now. I shook my head, opening my mouth to try and find the words I needed to say, but again, I couldn’t seem to find any. Her father stepped out of his office a few feet away and quickly assessed the situation.
“Summer, why don’t you take her to your office so I can speak with Colton?” He phrased it as a question, but he left no room for her to argue. From the sadness I saw reflected in her eyes, I think she knew.
She reached for Heather again, and I reluctantly handed over my child to the woman I had fallen for. My heart shuddered when I saw the immediate adoration take over Summer’s features as she cooed at the child like Heather was her own.
I never should have played Summer, not someone as pure as her.
She turned and walked away with my little girl giggling happily. I watched in awe at the way she handled the situation and then followed Mr. Danvers into his office.
I took a seat across from him at his big, mahogany desk. I was instantly brought back to the day he hired me, and I sat in this same exact spot, thinking my life would only get better from that moment.
If only I had known then that the girl on the wall behind him in a big, family picture would have stolen my breath away completely, and I would have fucked it all up.
“What’s going on?” His voice left no room for lies. I sat forward, swallowing thickly while I tried to find the words to say.
“My wife,” I paused. Saying the words made this all the more real, “died yesterday, Sir. She had terminal cancer, and we knew this day was coming, but it, unfortunately, snuck up on us much sooner than even her doctors suspected.” I looked away from the sadness on his face and fidgeted with my fingers, needing to do something.
“I’m sorry to hear that. How long has she been fighting?”
“Years. Her mother suffered the same fate. I came to tell you that I can no longer work for you. As much as I have loved the opportunity, I have a one-year-old daughter who needs my immediate care for the time being, and I don’t have anyone else to take care of her.”
Mr. Danvers cleared his throat, looking away from me for the first time since I sat down in the chair. He looked around his office, clearly looking for the right words.
“You will also have to provide for this child, and that won’t be possible without a job,” he said, stating the obvious.
I sighed and nodded in agreement. I had some money saved up, enough to live off for the time being until she was in school, and then, I could work again, but the medical bills had eaten away at most of my finances.
“Yes, sir, I will.”
“I won’t let you leave this company for trying to do right by your child. I know what it’s like to take care of one. I have three, if you can recall. Let’s come to a different agreement to help you and your little one.”
I nodded eagerly because leaving here was the last thing I ever wanted to do.
We came to the conclusion that I would bring Heather to work with me for the time being and keep her in my office until I could find a part-time nanny and work partial hours until she was old enough for day school.
Relief hit me like a ton of bricks as I walked down the familiar hall to Summer’s office. The number of times I had walked these walls with the intent to kiss her slammed into me. And now, I was going to pick up my kid from her, my kid that I hadn’t had with her – the woman of my dreams.
Her new boyfriend was standing in her office, both of them talking in high-pitched voices to my daughter. Summer smiled and looked at him with so much love that my gut twisted.
She had looked at me that way not too long ago.
And I had pushed her to the curb like she meant nothing to me when in reality, she was everything.
I entered her office, and her boyfriend stood, sizing me up with one look. She had bragged about his heroism to anyone that listened.
And because I liked to know what she was up to, I knew she was dating a paramedic who had saved her cousins. I had seen him around work the last few weeks, always surprising her with flowers and lunch.
Despite finding any possible reason to hate the guy, he seemed worthy enough for her. That didn’t mean I wanted to see the two looking at my little girl like they wanted to have their own though.
“Everything okay, Colton?” Her voice broke my train of thought, and I realized I had been standing by her door, just staring at the pair of them.
She must have seen the haunted look in my eyes or the dark bags lying right underneath because her face softened in concern.
“Is Shannon okay?”
I shook my head, not able to find the words to tell her the truth, the truth I should have told her two years ago.
“She passed away yesterday.” I couldn’t look at her, so I found the floor real damn interesting while I heard her sharp intake of breath.
“Oh, Colton. I’m so sorry.” Her heels clicked against the small piece of tiled floor separating us, and she threw herself at me, wrapping me in her warm embrace.
Her spicy perfume overwhelmed my senses as she clutched my head to hers, whispering her apologies.
I stiffened in her embrace, not wanting to react. I couldn’t do this today. I couldn’t have everyone apologize. She pulled back from me, hurt flashing across her face. “What happened?”
“She had terminal cancer.” I finally found the courage to look into her blue eyes, and I watched as she began putting the pieces together.
“For how long?” I looked between her and the paramedic who was holding my child, keeping her entertained all while he watched us.
“Years.” I saw it when she realized the truth, the truth I had hidden from her for years. Guilt crept into my stomach, through my heart, and up my throat.
“I understand now,” she whispered. Instantly, I was reminded of all the times I told her she wouldn’t understand why I couldn’t pick her.
“Yeah,” I said softly. “I guess you do.”
---
The next few weeks passed by in a blur, and those weeks eventually turned into months until Heather was finally old enough for day school.
During the time I spent at work, I constantly fought anger at watching Summer and her boyfriend Brook fall in love. How she could ever fall for a man with a woman’s name was beyond me but watching him court my girl had started to wear my nerves out.
Grief over losing Shannon had slowly ebbed away until I only thought about her fleetingly. All of my attention was consumed with my hatred for Brook and my love for Summer.
I wanted her to be mine again.
No matter how sick and twisted it may be, I was ready to claim what I had lost.
She didn’t understand the anger that coursed through my veins when she walked into the building from lunch one day holding his hand. Pure acid had poured through my veins at the sight of him touching her.
But then again, maybe she did know. After all, she saw Shannon and me together countless times. I clenched the pen in my hand so hard that it broke. I hated feeling like this.
Our fates had been twisted together, and yet, I had to walk away from her the first time. But I would be damned if I let her go a second.
Fire burned through my entire body for her. I needed to make her mine and show her that every empty promise I had made before wasn’t just words.
She had always been worried about what everyone would say in the building, what outsiders would say when they saw our age gap, but I didn’t care. I didn’t see anything wrong with being with the woman I loved.
There was a different kind of excitement at this year’s holiday party. Her whole family was humming with it – everyone except for her.
And when her boyfriend dropped down on one knee and proposed, I saw red.
Because I was supposed to marry her.
I was supposed to be the one she went to bed with every night.
My arms were supposed to hold her until she fell asleep.
I was supposed to be the one to make her happy until my last, dying breath.
But she didn’t want me anymore.
With tear-filled eyes, and a blubbering response, she accepted his request to become his wife, and my heart dropped to the floor while everyone else cheered.
Looking at her, I wondered if she could read my mind, could hear the thoughts that bombarded my mind.
Does he know I’ve touched your skin, whispered my fingers against your soft arms, pulled my fingers through your hair while I devoured your mouth?
Does he know that you were supposed to be mine?