25. Cori #2
My neck heated.
Deck shifted in his seat. “I guess it would be fair to say that. Cori used to come over to my house and babysit my sister. Plus, Johnny let Cori tag along with us a lot when we went places.”
Britta hummed, exchanging a glance with Marcus before letting the subject drop. She and Johnny carried the conversation for the rest of the meal, mostly discussing the merits of Squid Game .
Deck exited quickly after eating, apologizing awkwardly on his way out the door, citing prior plans with his parents. After he left, Johnny admitted to running on fumes, still adjusting to his withdrawal and his new medications.
Britta pulled him into a tight hug before he went to lie down. “It was a pleasure meeting you. I hope we can do it again soon.”
“Yeah.” He scratched at his scalp. “Same. I mean that.”
Marcus snuck out on the deck to take a phone call while Britta helped me wash dishes. I thanked her for putting my brother at ease.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “Johnny’s a sweetheart. I totally see what you meant when you described him as charming. Let me know if there’s anything I can do for either of you to help with the situation.”
“You’re already doing it. Treating him the way you did.”
“Well, that’s too easy.” She put down the sponge and leaned against the sink, checking to make sure Marcus couldn’t hear before turning to me with a leer. “And not to change the subject… But how about you tell me what’s up between you and that sex-on-a-stick man who ate brunch with us?”
My jaw dropped.
“Oh, come off it, Cor.” Britta laughed. “I know you. And ohmygod why the heck didn’t you mention how hot he is? That tight body and all that yummy black hair. Don’t get me wrong, Marcus is a total dime, but Deck is like that mysterious broody type who makes you want to…decipher him.”
I huffed. “I’m glad you liked him. But there is no deciphering going on. How about we return to our discussion on the great solar panel installation saga of our lifetime?”
“Nuh-uh. This is so much more interesting—”
“Are we talking about how Deck wants to throw Cori down on the bed and do dirty, dirty things to her?” Marcus asked, coming in from outside.
“What!?” I squawked.
Britta gave me a see, I told you so look, crossing her arms gleefully.
“Oh, he definitely does.” Marcus waggled his eyebrows. “The air was full of horny pheromones, and he eye-fucked you the whole time.”
“Horny pheromones? What the hell?”
Marcus held up his hands. “Whatever.”
I knew they thought they were being playful, funny even, but they didn’t understand my history with Deck. It wasn't something I could be flippant about. Or sanguine. That would never be our story.
“Guys, I know you mean well. And I’m not trying to be coy…” Sitting down on the couch, I squeezed my eyes shut for a second before opening them again.
Britta and Marcus sobered.
“What’s going on, Cori?” Britta asked.
I exhaled the air from my lungs. “So…long story short…When we were teenagers, Deck and I had more-than-friendly feelings for each other. Ones we never acted on. Now that we’re back in each other’s orbit, that pull is still there.
But there are reasons we don’t acknowledge—” My voice faltered. “It’s complicated.”
Britta seated herself next to me, placing a hand on my knee. “We’re missing something here, obviously. It’s more than what’s going on with your brother?”
I nodded, releasing another deep, slow breath. After twelve years, I was finally ready to share with them.
“It has to do with the last night I saw Deck when we were kids.”
Speaking rapidly, I spared nothing. I told them about Deck and me, how our relationship evolved from friendship into lingering glances and stolen touches, always with our feelings unstated.
Detailing how Deck, Johnny, and their friends fell in with criminals, and how that situation spiraled, I then recounted Chi-chi’s assault in painstaking detail, down to my bloody foot.
I finished with my recollection of Deck nearly killing Chi-chi with his bare fists, and the look on his face when they shoved him into the back of a police car.
“I sent him a few letters after he got locked up,” I added.
“When he didn’t reply, I figured he was done with me.
After my mom died, it just made sense to…
leave it all behind. Leave him behind. I became a new Cori, a successful Cori.
To use Marcus’s term— Robot Cori . Being back in Everett now, spending time with Johnny, and having Deck in my life have given me back little pieces of my soul.
Showed me what’s been missing. I feel whole again, a whole person who can own her truth, who can finally tell you about the night Chi-chi held me down on my bed and almost raped me. ”
A tear fell down Britta’s cheek. Her fingers on my knee clutched tightly.
“I don’t know what to say,” Marcus breathed out, shaking his head slowly. “All this time, I didn’t know.”
“I didn’t want you to know,” I said. “Keeping the most horrible details to myself gave me a sense of control over the narrative. I’m telling you now because I’m letting go of that. Finally.”
Britta wrapped me in her arms. “I’m so sorry that happened to you,” she said.
Pulling back, I gave her a firm glance. “I’m okay.
I’ve done some therapy, and like I said, every day it gets easier.
” She waited as I gathered myself and continued, “But maybe don’t make jokes about me and Deck, how he looks at me or whatever.
I’m not ready to be normal with it yet. To treat it like some random attraction.
Let alone open it up to commentary. It’s heavier than all that.
And I’m still figuring out how to deal with that weight between us. ”
Britta was instantly contrite. “Of course we won’t make light of it anymore! We never meant to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“It’s okay,” I assured her. “Under all usual circumstances, I like that you joke around with me. It feels like something regular people do. I don’t want anyone’s pity. Or to be treated differently.”
Britta pointed at her nose, exaggeratedly rotating her finger in a circle. “This is not my I pity you face. This is my I’m so glad you told me, and I’m so proud to be your friend, and I love you face.”
I laughed. “I love you too.”
Slumped in a side chair, Marcus grunted as though to agree, but he still looked wide-eyed. It was understandable, considering he’d known me for over ten years and most of this was new information.
Britta peered at him before facing me again. “Can I ask one thing? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
I eyed her. “Okay.”
“Why didn’t you and Deck get together back then? Before all the stuff with that Chi-chi character? You said you never told him how you felt, but you also said he probably felt the same way. I know you were young, but…”
I looked up at the ceiling. “It’s not my place to give up his secrets, but Deck has his own demons. They gave him a reason to run from me. Going to prison convinced him he was right all along to stay away.”
“That’s why he didn’t answer your letters,” Marcus spoke up. “To give you a clean break from his ‘demons.’”
“I don’t know if that’s incredibly sad or incredibly romantic,” Britta said. “For what it’s worth, he looked at you today like he really, really liked you. And if you’re working through the stuff from your past, maybe he is too.”
“Maybe.”
“Hopefully, this is okay to ask…” Marcus said slowly. “But whatever happened to Chi-chi? Are you safe?”
I hmphed. “Interesting footnote. Turns out, the cops had eyes on the big man Chi-chi ran scores for and had plenty on him already. That’s how they picked up Cruz.
In exchange for a reduced sentence, Chi-chi rolled on his boss and got a nasty prison-yard death for his trouble.
Shanked right in the back. Bash got the same two months later. ”
“Jesus,” Marcus breathed out.
I shrugged. “Meh. That’s what you get when you snitch like a little bitch.” I couldn’t drum up much compassion for the man who’d assaulted me.
Marcus did a double take. “Damn, Cori. At no point in our relationship have I ever thought I’d hear you utter the phrase ‘snitch like a little bitch.’” He cracked a smile.
“Shut up.” I laughed.
Britta cackled. “Oh my god. Say it again. Except give me a sec to grab my phone. I want to record it for Instagram.”
“Fuck off.” I threw a pillow at her.
I knew they weren’t making fun of me. They were letting me know that, whoever I was and whoever I’d been, it was all okay with them.
By the time they went home, our conversation had turned to the more benign topics of Marcus’s squabbling interns and Britta’s next work trip. But the glow of unburdening myself lingered, of finally being in the right headspace to relay all the gory details of my past.
I wondered about Deck. Being in his arms was one thing, but being in his head was another. I didn’t understand the full extent of his demons, but I couldn’t stop myself from imagining what might be on the other side of him conquering them.