31. Cori
Chapter thirty-one
Cori
W hen the nurse came in to let us know Johnny was awake and talking, Deck and I still had no concrete resolution.
All I knew was that we loved each other, and I wanted to be with him, but the idea of it also completely overwhelmed me.
I envied sixteen-year-old me, who loved Deck with her whole heart and had no reservations.
Twenty-nine-year-old me was too afraid of showing my belly or doing things wrong.
The nurse offered to walk us to Johnny’s room, but then her tablet beeped.
“Shoot,” she said, swiping at it. “I need to head in the opposite direction. Do you think you can find your brother’s room on your own? It’s at the end of the hall and around the corner.”
“No problem,” I replied.
I held Deck’s arm as we made our way. Outside, the early morning light was dim, but inside, with the bright fluorescents, time had no meaning. I whispered in Deck’s ear, “I don’t want to tell my brother, or anyone, that we’re together yet. That feels like extra pressure we don’t need.”
“I think everyone we know will be happy for us. But if that’s what you want, that’s what I’ll do.” He leaned over and kissed me on the head. “I’m just happy to hear you say we’re together, mi preciosa .”
I laughed. “We’re together, but I have no idea what that means, and I don’t want anyone to know. Also, I reserve the right to wake up tomorrow morning and say something different and overthink and have new hang-ups.”
He grinned back. “Fair enough. Now let’s go take care of our brother.”
We rounded the corner and heard the heavy sound of boots hitting the linoleum. Another man headed our way from the end of the corridor. He wasn’t wearing medical scrubs, so I assumed he was a visitor like us.
The man came closer, and Deck’s arm grew stiff in my grasp. I peered sideways, startled to see a fierce, thousand-yard stare on Deck’s face. A moment ago, he’d been smiling. Now, he was clenching his jaw, nostrils flared. He looked hard. Unyielding.
As the man passed, I saw that he was young, perhaps in his mid-twenties, dressed in a white T-shirt and baggy jeans, with a black baseball cap.
He narrowed his gaze on Deck, and Deck met his eyes directly, keeping his posture stiff.
The man’s features eased slightly before he gave Deck the barest of upnods.
“’Sup,” he said gruffly, walking on without an answer.
Once the man turned down the corner and was out of earshot, Deck relaxed. The intensity in the air took a few more beats to dissolve.
“Who was that?” I asked in a hushed voice.
“Alejandro.”
“The guy who gave Jayden the gun?”
Deck dipped his chin. “That’s the one.”
“He knows you?”
“Probably just from around the neighborhood. I only know his face because Emilio pointed him out once. Benefit of having a cop brother, I guess, but I’ve heard his name plenty.”
We were almost at the door to Johnny’s room. I stopped Deck, pulling him to the side of the hallway. “Why did he look at you like that?” I asked. “Like he had a problem with you or something?”
Deck rubbed the back of his neck. “ No sé . Doesn’t matter how many businesses I start or years I stay away from the game.
I’m always gonna be the guy who went to prison for almost killing Chi-chi.
It gives me cred but also invites interest .
” Deck moved to pull me into his arms. “It’s fine, Cori.
You’ve been away from all this for a while, but you remember how it works.
He’s just a dog trying to make sure I don’t want to piss on his tree. ”
The prison stint would follow Deck for the rest of his life. I admired how he didn’t feel the need to fix his narrative or hide it like I had.
“Well, I liked that scary-looking mafia boss face you made at him,” I teased. “Very sexy.”
He choked on a laugh. “Let’s go see Johnny.”
We walked into my brother’s room, and I felt optimistic.
Somehow, Deck’s exchange with Alejandro had grounded me.
We could all do hard things, including Johnny.
I probably had no business feeling that way, considering the beeping machines hooked up to my brother.
Not to mention how ragged and pale he appeared.
But even with looking wrecked and all the wires amidst the antiseptic-smelling hospital air, Johnny reminded us immediately that he was still himself.
“If it isn’t the happy couple,” he whispered, mischief lacing his words. “I’m assuming you’re here to discuss the blissful joys of married life.”
“Cut the shit,” Deck said, fighting a smile and taking a seat on a rolling chair next to Johnny’s head. “You really scared us.”
“What Deck said,” I agreed, sitting on the edge of the bed. I wanted to say more, but the events of the day must have caught up to me because words got stuck in my throat as I struggled to keep myself from crying.
Johnny noticed my watery eyes and frowned. “I’m sorry, Cor. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“We almost lost you, brother,” Deck said. Like me, he seemed too overwhelmed with relief to be angry. “What the hell were you thinking?”
Johnny exhaled. He fidgeted with his blankets a little, drumming his fingers on his thigh before answering. “You know I’ve been trying to stay good. Being at Cori’s place has been helping, I think. But my boy Rocco has been asking to meet up ever since I got out of rehab—”
“Since you walked out,” I corrected.
“Whatever,” Johnny said with minimal bite.
“Anyway, Cori texted she was gonna be pretty late at work. And I dunno, I thought maybe it would be okay. That I could at least try to see. Rocco’s a good guy.
He was there for me after…after Eliazar died.
And even tonight, when someone offered me the pipe, he got in the way, saying I was clean. He was trying to respect it, ya know?”
“So how did you end up in the hospital?” Deck persisted.
“I’m not sure. Someone offered me a hit off a joint.
And I thought that would be okay. It’s legal, right?
What’s crazy is I wasn’t even feeling tempted by the hard stuff.
But I’ve been so tense lately. Figured one toke couldn’t hurt.
Next thing I knew, the EMTs were over me, asking questions.
Then I woke up here. They told me I had fentanyl in my system, so it must have been in the weed. ”
He was a good liar. I wouldn’t put it past him to lie about this, but his story rang true.
Deck and I exchanged a glance that told me he believed Johnny as well.
I decided not to argue right now about his marijuana-doesn’t-count logic, but I took some comfort in knowing he hadn’t gone out in search of hard drugs.
“You realize you’re going back to rehab,” I told Johnny. “It’s not even up for debate.”
He looked toward the window. “Yeah, I know.”
Deck’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out and glanced at it. I saw a long text but couldn’t make out who the sender was.
“It’s nothing,” Deck said, slipping the device into his pocket. “Work stuff.”
I turned back to Johnny. “Dr. Alvarez said he can recommend a facility he thinks you’ll like better. Once you’re cleared to leave the hospital, I’m taking you.”
Johnny blew out a breath. “I’m not going to fight you, Cor.
Not anymore. These past few weeks being at your place have been great.
It’s like I forgot what life can even be.
Clean showers and watching Seahawks games and seeing you every day.
Fucking brunch with the besties . I don’t know why I couldn’t say no when Rocco texted. I guess I just wish I could have both.”
“You can’t have the part with the drugs, or the people who do them,” I said definitively. Just like Deck and me, Johnny was going to have to figure out a better way to marry his past and his present.
“I know. I know.” Johnny nodded resignedly.
The nurse from the waiting room popped her head in. “I’m glad you guys had time to talk, but since we’re outside of regular visiting hours, I’d suggest you go home for now. Mr. Raney can rest, and you can come back later.”
“Johnny,” he corrected the nurse with a wink. The corners of her mouth turned up.
“Of course,” I said. “I appreciate you making the exception.”
I leaned over to kiss Johnny’s forehead. “See you later, Big Bro.”
Deck clasped palms with him. “We’ll be back soon.”
Johnny was practically back to sleep by the time we closed his door. I leaned against Deck as we walked to the parking lot.
“Johnny definitely seems like himself, so hopefully we got lucky again and there’s no cognitive damage,” I said.
“I’m so angry that this happened, but also relieved, and probably at least a little manic from lack of sleep.
” As if proving my point, a demented laugh escaped me.
“Part of me wants to sit with my brother, but I’m glad the nurse ordered us away because I really need to go to sleep and put a period on this day, or two days, whatever you want to call it—”
“Cori.” Deck stopped me as we exited the building, bracing ourselves in the chilly air. “I need to tell you something.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “As much as I wish this could wait, we’re going to have to give Johnny some bad news before one of his bonehead friends does.”
“What bad news?”
“That text I got earlier wasn’t work. It was from Emilio. He’s on duty tonight. He was waiting until the family got notified to tell me, but that guy Johnny mentioned, Rocco…”
“His friend? Yeah. I’ve heard his name from Johnny before.”
“Well, Emilio knows they’re bros. They’ve been picked up together before, apparently.” Deck inhaled. “He wanted to let me know Rocco’s dead. Overdosed earlier tonight. He told me so we could give Johnny the heads-up. Figured the news should come from one of us.”