Chapter 10
Stella
I ’m thrumming with nervousness as I look around my room for what to bring.
It’s been so long since I’d had a girls’ night. What do I talk about with them? What do they expect of me?
What if they don’t like me?
And now I’m annoyed with myself because those shouldn’t be the thoughts of a twenty-seven-year-old woman, goddammit. I should be able to be myself and not look for acceptance from others.
But it’s hard.
A knock on my door distracts me from my nervousness.
Wait. They can’t be here already! I’m—I’m not ready!
Panic makes my heart pound.
Crap, crap, crap! What should I do?!
Well, you open the door, dumbass.
I take a deep breath to steady my panic as I open the door, my whole body sagging in relief when I realize it’s Adrian.
“Hey.” I open the door wide in case he wants to come in.
“Hey. I was just coming to check on you,” Adrian says, stepping inside my hotel room.
I turn my head away from my bag and stare at him. I hate that my eyes turn a little teary. “Thank you, Adrian. But yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”
I smile at him. He smiles back, yet he remains tense.
“What’s wrong? Is something worrying you?” I ask him, my bag long forgotten as my focus zeroes on him.
“I could ask you the same.”
Oh. He’s worried about me.
Of course he is.
I smile tightly. “Yeah, don’t worry about me. I’m not worried in the slightest.”
His eyes turn curious, a little teasing. “Would you tell me if you were nervous?”
I’m taken aback by his blunt question. “Uh, yeah. Of course I would,” I mutter.
Ugh, who am I kidding. I am very, very nervous!
I sigh heavily. “Yeah, I am nervous. I was kinda losing my mind when you knocked on my door.”
He smiles before turning serious again. “What makes you so nervous?”
I hesitate. “It’s stupid really. Don’t worry about it.”
“Nothing about being nervous is stupid. You can tell me if you want to,” he says softly.
I sit on my bed, trying to find the words. Adrian joins me and sits by my side.
“It’s just that . . . You’re all so welcoming.
You see each other in a way that’s truly beautiful and inspiring.
I’m not used to that.” My voice cracks. “Sorry.” I chuckle in embarrassment.
Adrian stays quiet and looks at me, wanting me to keep going.
“It’s just that I don’t want to lose that feeling—of being seen.
But I also don’t want to . . . scare them away, because they see me. ”
Nervous, I keep babbling. “It’s really stupid to still worry about people liking me, especially after being in the public eye for so long, but.
. . I never had to be scared that they wouldn’t like me because they didn’t see the real me.
But here, it’s different. If I lose them, it’s because of me.
Because I scared them away by being myself. And that is terrifying.”
Admitting everything lifts a weight off my chest. I think I would have exploded if I kept it all to myself.
I sigh, embarrassed as memories from my teenage years flood my mind.
“Do you know how long it’s been since I had a girls’ night?
Seventeen years! And the last one I had doesn’t even count.
We were supposed to study for the night, but we stayed too long and just had to sleep over.
It wasn’t even planned! I am so outside my comfort zone it’s ridiculous.
I don’t know what to expect or how to act or even what to say! ”
He smiles softly at me. “You’ll be fine.
Hazel is very introverted, and she’ll understand where your nervousness is coming from.
Layla will be too busy in her own head, trying to craft characters that look like you or using your personality to create a character from it.
And Isabella will likely do all of the talking for the night, if you let her. ”
Seeing how much he knows his sisters warms my heart. The little details he sees and understands, the affection in his voice when he speaks about them.
It comforts me. A little. I can do this.
Adrian admits quietly, “I came to see you because I knew you would be nervous.”
Why is it that this man keeps saying what I need to hear?
It’s like he feels my emotions because he smiles softly and wipes away the tears sliding down my cheek. I’d be embarrassed if it wasn’t for the absolute care that was put into that touch. If his eyes weren’t screaming, I’ll take care of you .
It reminds me of our time at the beach earlier today. Adrian Westwood really can’t help himself when it comes to taking care of people.
“Beneath the struggles and challenges you face, you . . . you’re a wonderful person. You’re honest, sincere and kind. There’s so much about you that’s refreshing to see, and if my sisters can’t see how amazing you are, then I’ve clearly messed up somewhere.”
His reassurance feels like he wrapped his hands around my heart, protecting it from any outside negativity. Gratitude fills me to my very bones.
“Thank you for saying that to me, Adrian. I think I needed to hear that,” I admit quietly.
He smiles. “I know you did.”
About ten minutes after Adrian leaves, his sisters arrive behind my door. I hear them before I even open the door.
“Hey, Stella! Get your ass out of there, we’re waiting for you!” Isabella says teasingly, her voice echoing in the hallway.
“Don’t mind her!” Layla calls over her. “Isa’s just mad because she’s not used to having to wait after other people! Same girl who sneak-read chapters of my book draft when I left my laptop open.”
“Hey! I wasn’t impatient! You—”
I open the door and step out, putting a stop to their bickering.
“Hi, Stella,” Hazel welcomes me shyly.
“Hi,” I reply, my voice calmer than I feel.
“We were thinking of having a simple dinner, just the four of us. You okay with that?” Isabella asks me.
“Sure.” It sounds great. Easy, calm and quiet.
I can handle this.
…
We’re all lying on Isabella’s couch, in our pajamas and buried underneath several blankets. The dinner went by flawlessly. It was a calm, warm, and enjoyable night.
But all of us got tired quickly and decided to stay the night at Isa’s place.
Yes, I get to use her nickname now.
The air is calm, but I can feel the curiosity they’ve been holding back all night. I know what’s coming—it’s the moment I was nervous about.
“So, Stella,” Layla starts, clearly wanting to make me feel included. My palms get sweaty. “What did you do back in the city?”
Oh, crap. What should I say?
My feet start tapping, and I start blinking way too much.
I look around, trying to read their faces and determine how they’d react.
Would they want to help like Adrian? Or would they be disappointed?
Maybe even repulsed? Would they still like me if they knew I came here out of weakness? That I don’t have it all figured out?
Who am I kidding, of course they’ll judge me.
These three women have extremely successful jobs and are clearly passionate about them.
And I’m losing everything I’ve been building all my life. I wouldn’t be their friend; I’d be a freaking pity case.
Hazel’s hand lands on my knee, stopping its nervous bouncing. “You can tell us, Stella. If you’re struggling with something, you can talk to us. You wouldn’t be the only one.”
Before I can even react, Isabella adds, “Yeah. All of us have our struggles. If it makes it easier, I’ll go first. Right now, I’m really struggling with handling my coffee shop’s success.
There are going to be a lot of clients coming next Monday and I’m not ready—neither is the shop.
I still have way too much to do and way too little time to do it.
” She laughs in embarrassment. “I’m a nervous wreck right now. ”
My hands stop fidgeting. I’m not the only one whose life is messier than it should be, and it comforts me more than I want to admit.
“You know you can ask us for help, right, Isa? We’ll help out anytime you need us to,” Hazel tells her.
“Of course, I know that. But I’m the older sister . . .” Isa sighs, muttering, “And if I’m feeling this pressure, I can’t imagine how Adrian is feeling.”
“Just because you’re our older sister doesn’t mean you have to be perfect all of the time,” Layla reassures her.
“What’s wrong with Adrian? He doesn’t seem anxious,” I say. He’s clearly struggling, but I don’t think his sisters know everything Adrian told me, and I don’t want to betray him. And I’m interested in his sisters’ perspectives . . .
Isabella looks at me, quiet for a few seconds.
“I don’t seem anxious either, do I? Some people just hide it better.
Our parents . . .” She gulps. “They passed when we were young. Adrian and I are used to hiding those things, since we took care of the girls when we were just teenagers. We didn’t want them to see how much we were struggling, for them to have to lose the piece of their childhood that we lost, so we got really good at hiding how we feel.
And, now, Adrian doesn’t have a job or a career.
He helps out everyone around town, but he has nothing for just him.
I have the coffee shop, Layla has her writing, and Hazel has her flower shop, but he has nothing.
I can’t imagine how he feels. I know he pretends to be okay with it when he isn’t really.
He always wanted to be a source of safety for us, of stability.
But right now, he’s the only one of us that doesn’t have it. ”
Having this new perspective of Adrian makes me understand him a lot more. It makes me see why he wants to help me so badly. It also breaks my heart for this family. They were dealt a shitty hand and are trying to play it the best they can.
The more this night goes on, the less I feel alone. We’re all struggling in our own ways, and it comforts me—eases some of my stress and worries.