Chapter One
Three Months Later
“B eck, come on, one more drink?” I ask my best friend Wes Beckham as he gets up from the bar stool after draining the contents of his beer. I can practically hear the pleading in my voice.
“I have to be in early tomorrow.” He looks at me from over the top of his glasses giving me a look that isn’t exactly scolding but direct enough to tell me he thinks I should follow suit. “As do you.”
“We’ve had like two beers, come on. You act like I want to get hammered.”
“You’re avoiding going home.” He crosses his arms over his chest.
“Obviously.” I drag my hand through my hair. “Holly is getting worse,” I say, rubbing my fingers over my temples as I think about the woman I’m married to. “I even suggested counseling again and she still will not go for it.”
Beck drops to his seat with a sigh and holds up a finger towards the bartender signaling another beer. “Why?”
“Something about it not being anyone’s business but ours what goes on in our marriage.”
Beck’s face forms a frown as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Okay, but…it’s a counselor and you guys have been having trouble for a few years now.”
I snort. “Tell that to her.”
I’ve been married for almost six years. I would say only the first two years were good but even that feels like a stretch. It was like after we got married and settled into our new life, something changed and I’ve been holding onto hope ever since that she’d revert to the woman I fell in love with. The woman who was sweet and charming. Fun and independent. A woman who actually cared about me and not just my bank account.
But it’s been six years and I’m beginning to think all of that pre-marital bliss had been smoke and mirrors.
Holly and I met on my first weekend here in Philly almost eight years ago. I’d moved here somewhat on a whim because Wes Beckham, my mentor and one of my best friends, decided to start a company and he wanted me to be his CFO. I had just finished grad school and was dreading the thought of going to work in the shadow of my grandfather so I jumped at the opportunity to go off on my own and make something of myself that wasn’t bordering on nepotism.
The weekend I moved here, we’d gone out and I met Holly that first night. Beautiful. Flirtatious. Fun. I hadn’t laughed that much in ages and maybe it was the high of the move and the excitement of Wes’ business plan but I’d gotten her number that night and spent the next several weeks pursuing her. Looking back, I realize how enamored I was with the idea of having it all. The career and the relationship. I loved the idea of her.
We did all the steps. Dated for a year. Moved in together. I proposed. We got married. It was all so easy. And then, it wasn’t.
It was as if a switch flipped overnight. She quit her job, which was fine. Beckham Securities was off the ground at this point and was starting to thrive so I was technically able to support us on my income alone. I’ll admit it bothered me that she hadn’t even talked to me about it before she did it though. I was literally the last person to know and that wasn’t until weeks later.
When I asked her what she was planning to do, she said it was in preparation for us having a baby. Another thing we hadn’t talked about. We’d only been married about two months at that time and I was working nonstop. I definitely wanted children, but I wanted to get to more stable ground financially and for us to have a little more time as a newly married couple before we had children. She agreed quickly and then proceeded to take vacations every month. Shopping trips every other day. The most expensive dinners. Long weekends with her friends at spas on our dime because ‘ we could afford it. ’
When I confronted her about a month where she spent almost fifty thousand dollars on our credit card, she lost it. Called me every name in the book before storming out and staying with her best friend for three days. We’d only been married about five months at that point and I was already beginning to wonder if I’d made a mistake. We were doing well, but not well enough for me to afford that kind of credit card bill every month in addition to everything else I was paying for.
When the money started flowing more easily, I thought things would get better. I knew there was a mounting problem in our marriage, but I was hoping I could sweep it under the rug for the time being. Then I realized there were even bigger problems. Holly had this condescending nature that really got under my skin and it bothered me the way she talked to literally everyone. Specifically, anyone that worked for me. It was like she got off on letting everyone know that she believed she was better than them. It was a constant battle between us. I was so miserable and fed up over it that one night after one too many drinks I went home with someone else.
I felt like shit.
I held it in for a week before the guilt started to eat me alive and I confessed everything. She blinked at me like she was unfazed before shrugging and saying, “It’s whatever.” I was shocked. She didn’t care? She wasn’t angry? And then she looked me up and down and said with a patronizing pat to my cheek, “You shouldn’t want me to be angry. I didn’t sign a prenuptial agreement so if I’m angry enough to want a divorce, I get half of everything.”
Her words were like a punch in the gut.
She couldn’t be fucking serious.
“Did…did you ever love me?” I’d asked her, my words getting caught in my throat. It seemed I’d not only climbed into bed with the devil, but I’d slid a ring on her finger tying us together and creating my own personal hell.
“I do love you, Chris. You’re successful and brilliant and we are going to create such a legacy.”
“You love my money.”
“Your ambition,” she’d corrected as she turned back to her phone without another look at me.
I went out that night and fucked someone else.
That was almost two years ago and for a while, it was the only thing that kept me sane. It felt like one of the few things in my life I had any control over. I wasn’t proud of it, but I felt like I was drowning.
Until three months ago.
Until my childhood best friend’s wedding when I slept with the most gorgeous woman I’d ever met, had the best sex of my life, and then snuck out before the sun rose because I’d woken up to approximately twenty texts from Holly and I felt like an asshole.
Not for cheating on Holly again, but for dragging Marissa into my dysfunctional life without her knowing.
So, I left like a coward instead of telling her the truth. At least if she hated me, she wouldn’t be tempted to contact me. I didn’t even know her last name and as much as I wanted to, I didn’t probe Owen for any details on the bridesmaid that I couldn’t stop thinking about. I didn’t even tell him what I did. Mostly because I knew it would lead to a lecture about it being time to leave Holly. And I’d hoped she wouldn’t try to find me because I was in no place to offer her anything even if I wanted to.
A part of me wasn’t even sure I did want to. Yes, the sex was amazing and she was gorgeous and incredible, but I hardly knew her. Not to mention I’d been fooled and burned by a woman once already and I’d become skeptical of everyone’s motives.
I reach my hand into my slacks pocket and pull out one of the hair pins she’d had in her hair that night. She’d had three, all silver and made to look like a tree branch with crystals as the leaves. I’d taken one, hoping she wouldn’t notice or would just assume she lost it, but I wanted a memory of what had become the best night of my life. I’ve been carrying it in my pocket every day for the past three months.
I drag my thumb over the stones again and feel Beck’s gaze. When I look up he’s staring down at my hands. “Still thinking about the girl from the wedding?” he asks, having heard the story the first time I pulled it out of my pocket. And then at least once a week since.
“I’m never not thinking about her,” I confess. Sometimes, I even let myself think about a life where I get out of this mess with Holly and Marissa forgives me for disappearing into the night. Morning, whatever.
“Maybe you should try to reach out.”
“And say what? Want to be my mistress?”
He winces in response. “The truth? But I mean…maybe this is the time to get a divorce.”
I groan, putting a hand over my eyes. “And give Holly almost four hundred million dollars? Maybe more? Fuck, I should have done this years ago.” I feel sick for the umpteenth time thinking about the fact that I could have been done with this hundreds of millions of dollars ago before Beckham Securities really took off.
“I won’t say I told you so,” Beck says…because he definitely had, multiple times. “Look, what’s the alternative? Being miserable for the rest of your life? Chris, we’ll make more money. Take it from me, you will feel so much better once you leave the wrong partner.” I nod, thinking about Beck’s ex-fiancée, Hannah. She and Holly were like two peas in a pod. So similar that it was almost comical and yet the irony that they didn’t like each other somehow still made perfect sense. “I go home to peace and quiet and can do whatever I want.”
“And you don’t even appreciate it. You could literally fuck anyone and you haven’t since you and Hannah broke up.”
He shrugs and stares down into his beer like the answer is in the amber liquid. “I’m tired of the casual sex thing. I want something real. Just because I didn’t want to marry Hannah doesn’t mean I don’t ever want to get married. I just want the right woman.”
Normally, I’d rag on him a little bit about his hopeless romantic nature, but the truth is I haven’t slept with anyone else in three months. Not since Marissa. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her long enough to even entertain another woman.
My wife included.
Holly and I rarely have sex, and now we even sleep in separate bedrooms, but there were a few times here and there where she’d initiate it and I’d go with it for the sake of keeping the peace. She hadn’t in months though, and for that I was grateful.
I don’t think I fell in love with Marissa after one night of drunken sex, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I felt something and I’m sure she did too.
Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to at least find out her last name. I could stalk her on Instagram or LinkedIn because as I’ve been thoroughly informed by Alexis, “ People don’t use Facebook anymore, Grandpa. ”
Beck and I stay at the bar for a bit longer, both of us commiserating over how lacking our love lives are, and for the hundredth time, I’m reminded that all the money in the world really can’t buy happiness.
There’s a knock on my office door and then my assistant, Christine, is pushing through the door with a cup of coffee and a stack of pink post-it notes in her other hand. “Mr. Holt, I have your coffee and some messages,” she says as she pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “Also, Mr. Beckham asked if you can handle the onboarding orientation for the new hires.”
I groan, thinking about the six new members of the sales team that are starting today. The last thing I feel like doing right now is talking to a bunch of twenty-one-year-olds fresh out of college who are far too chipper and eager to impress. I’m not in the mood to be on right now and that’s exactly what I have to do. Get them excited to work for us. Tell them that they made the right decision coming to work at Beckham Securities and that this is a great place to work, healthy work-life balance, my door is always open, blah blah blah . It’s true, but I’m in a foul mood.
Holly and I got into it over the same old bullshit last night and I jerked off in the shower thinking about Marissa for the millionth time before going to bed annoyed and horny.
I’d woken up annoyed and horny.
“Where is Beck?” I ask her, because he better have a good excuse as to why he’s pushing this off on me. He may be my boss technically, but I can still tell him to fuck off when necessary.
“He got called into a meeting with the Seattle team.”
I look at my watch and snort at the fact that it’s three hours earlier than it is here. “At seven a.m.?” I ask. “He’s full of shit.” Christine sighs and gives me a look that says don’t shoot the messenger. “He just doesn’t want to deal with it either.”
“Okay, well they need someone in ten minutes.” She shrugs as if to say you two work it out.
Ten minutes later, I’m walking towards the conference room when a familiar smell hits me. It’s feminine but not too floral or fruity and somehow has the power to make me hard because I feel myself thickening in my pants. I turn around, looking for the source of the scent and trying to recall why I recognize it. When I see nothing and no one out of the norm, I ignore it and open the door to the conference room. As Dana and the rest of the Human Resources team go through their PowerPoint slides, I stand and watch in the back of the room, leaning against the wall with my arms crossed as I take in the six new members of our team. Their backs are all to me and it’s not lost on me that the scent from the hallway is even stronger in here which means someone is wearing that perfume.
I’ve slept with women that have worked for us before but it always got messy, and even though someone in this room has the power to make my dick hard with just a whiff, I am not interested.
Though I’ll admit, no one has made me this hard since Marissa.
Maybe I’m getting over her.
“Oh, and here he is.” Dana points towards me. “This is our CFO, Christopher Holt. You will all be reporting directly to him.”
Their heads turn as I make my way towards the front. “Hello everyone, welcome to—” I stop short when I get to the front of the room and have dragged my eyes over all six people seated at the conference table.
One very familiar person sits in the front, her legs crossed and her eyes wide, almost scared, as she meets my gaze. Those dark brown eyes that stared up at me while I was on top of her, that looked down at me while she rode me and while I ate her pussy.
God, she had the sweetest cunt.
Her hair is a little longer, more wavy than curly with one side pushed behind her ear, but she has the same high cheekbones and a full pout that is painted bright red. Warm brown skin that looks darker than I remember, like she’d spent the whole summer being kissed by the sun and I grit my teeth at the memory of running my lips all over her skin. Christ, she’s even more gorgeous than I remember her. I reluctantly pull my gaze away from her so it’s not obvious that I’m blatantly staring but not before I sweep my gaze over her bare toned legs that I can still feel wrapped around my waist.
My mouth goes dry and I feel like someone has knocked the wind out of me. I don’t know how much time has gone by but I think I recover quickly as I give them my very accelerated introductory spiel wanting to get the hell out of this room to collect my thoughts. “I’ll be conducting meetings with each of you today after onboarding,” I add as an afterthought wanting, no needing, a moment alone with her.
“Today?” Dana holds up her folder in front of our faces to give us a second of privacy and looks at me. “One on one’s this soon?” she whispers.
I nod before turning back to the six individuals all giving me varying looks of trepidation. “Very informal. I just want to get to know each of you.” I hold my hand out for the folder in Dana’s hand. She hands it to me and I open it doing a brief scan of the names.
Marissa Collins.
I snap the folder closed. “Great. Alphabetical order please.”