Chapter 36 Florence
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
florence
Love is in the air tonight.
It threatens to choke me.
Johanna and Patrick mingle with their guests. They levitate with love, floating through the bar, smiling, laughing, and sharing kisses any chance they get.
For them, it’s effortless. Yes, it took time for them to get here, but the years and distance didn’t stand in their way.
All my brothers have proven love doesn’t come easy, yet they conquered whatever challenges they faced. I watch each of them with their partners from my corner of the bar.
The man I love is across the room, hidden in the shadows as he nurses a glass of whiskey. Distance isn’t the problem, but the clock is ticking. I’m trying my hardest to follow the girls’ advice, but simply looking at him weakens my defenses.
Not to mention that kiss.
His attention shifts to his parents. Not wanting to be a nuisance, I tidied the A-frame for his parents. I still had plenty of clothes over in the main cabin, but if it means stepping foot into his room, I’d sleep in my dress tonight.
“Sweetheart, are you okay?” my mom asks, rubbing my bare arm. “You’ve hardly eaten or said a word.”
I lean into her touch, my response mindless. “How did you know Daddy was the one?”
She’s silent, eyes flicking between me and the giant in the corner.
“It took your father years to find the courage to pursue me. There was a point I thought all his subtle flirting was in my head and he wanted to remain friends. Then, one day, after my shift at the post office, I found him waiting for me with a beautiful bouquet of tulips. He was a nervous wreck, shaking so much, he strangled the flowers to death. So before he got himself worked up, I said, ‘Well, what took you so long?’”
I smile, thinking about the younger versions of my parents falling in love in this very town. “He’s like a mix of Patrick, Graham, and Booth.”
Her eyes mist. “He is, but do you know who I saw the most in him?”
I shake my head.
“His baby girl.” She loops her arm through mine and taps the tattoo on my arm. “You both love deeply, freely, and unconditionally. I spent every day trying to match the love your father gave me. I hope he knew that.”
“Mom,” I croak and rest my head on top of hers. “He knew. I want…I want a love like that.”
My gaze wanders across the room. Dex stares at me, face pained, jaw tight.
“You will, Florence.” She kisses my cheek, whispering, “And maybe you already have.”
Sharp feedback and crackling fill the room, and all eyes turn to my brother. Patrick taps the microphone twice then hooks an arm around Jo’s waist. “I’ll make this quick and save the hour-long speech for tomorrow.”
The room boos.
“Kidding, kidding, but I believe Booth is taking bets on who cries the most.” He scans the crowd.
“Thank you all for coming down tonight, especially anyone who traveled from out of town. It means the world to me and my wife.” He grins at Jo.
“I know we’re not officially married yet, but I told you I was going to marry you when my two front teeth were missing. I’m done waiting.”
Waiting.
That’s all I seem to do. Waiting for a break. Waiting for my brain to be kind. Waiting for my feelings to be reciprocated.
Tough love isn’t working.
Love is just tough.
I want chill inducing, heart aching, soul altering love.
As Patrick asks everyone to raise a glass, I slink through the sea of bodies, sprinting toward the exit. Humid air licks at my already heated skin. Gravel flies as I make my escape. Where to, I’m not sure.
“Florence?” a deep voice calls.
I don’t turn, simply continuing on my pursuit. I’ll walk home.
“Florence!” Boot-clad feet stomp behind me, drawing closer. His gaze burns the back of my head.
My steps quicken. It’s foolish to think I can outrun him. Dex blocks my path, palms raised. “Where are you going?”
“Anywhere.” My arms fly up.
He’s close. Too close.
A sigh filled with heartache flutters past my lips. “I think it’s best I stay somewhere else tonight.”
“No.”
“No?” I parrot. “That’s all you have to say?”
He swipes a frustrated hand over his short hair. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“Everything, Dex. I want everything, and right now, I’m only getting half of you. I need to protect my heart. You’re either all in or…” I can’t bring myself to say it.
Or it’s over.
The only noises are the buzz of cicadas and rustling of the blueberry fields.
“Why? Why are you so determined to keep me at arm’s length?”
His chest heaves, hands shaking at his sides. He’s fighting with himself. An internal war rages inside him, and the tension from his body ripples through the balmy evening.
“It’s not that simple,” he grits.
“It’s actually very simple. I’m going to say goodbye, and then I’d like to go home.” I turn on my heel, retreating into the bar.
“I’m driving you,” he calls, and the energy to argue with him depletes.
With the party winding down, no one questions our exit. We’re all up early for the wedding tomorrow anyway.
The ride back tests my anxiety. Dex’s fingers drum on the steering wheel, a new tick. Tiredness settles in my bones, and I practically drag myself into the cabin. Dex’s bed is where I want to lay my head, but my heart demands space.
He sags onto the sofa, big body curling in on itself. He looks how I feel.
Wretched.
With my back to the fireplace, I stand in front of him. “I have to be at my mom’s early, but Quinn offered to give me a ride, so you don’t have to worry.”
He looks down at his clasped hands, knuckles white. He’s wound tight, broad shoulders hunched over. An impenetrable fortress. I’ve tried. Getting him to open up is a battle neither of us will win.
One step is all it takes for the first brick to fall.
“You were never supposed to be mine,” he says softly. “I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you.”
I suck in a sharp breath.
He loves me.
He thumps a fist to his chest. “I’m terrified of it. You’re already too perfect, too bright, too good for me. You blew through all my walls, Florence. You say you want everything? I doubt you’d want to be tied to a man whose future is unpredictable. It hurts, but losing you would destroy me.”
I’m swaying from the words I’ve only dreamed of hearing. “Why would you lose me? I’m right here, Dex, waiting—wanting—to love you in return.”
Finally, he looks up, and his distraught expression literally brings me to my knees. “What if one day, you stop?”
I shuffle forward, eyes level, hands resting on his thighs. “Stop what?”
I watch his throat work, and when silver lines his eyes, all the fight in me deteriorates. “Loving me.”
My entire world implodes. I’m speechless. Dex’s floodgates swing open, revealing the truth—the heartbreaking truth—as to why this man only allows himself a fraction of happiness.
“I’d accepted a life alone a long time ago.
Ménière's is unpredictable. Along with the tinnitus and vertigo attacks comes hearing loss. It’s been two decades since I lost my hearing, but that doesn’t mean it won’t spread to the other.
” He taps his right ear. “A hearing aid is only so effective, and in my line of work, it’s a big risk.
I’m responsible for my team going home safe to their families.
That day at the site, when the ratchet strap snapped, I failed. Not just my team, but you.”
I fight my tears. “You didn’t fail me. It was an accident.”
“It should have been me running to your side, yet I was the last one there.”
“I’d never hold something out of your control against you, Dex.”
“But it’s my job to keep you safe.” He shakes his head.
“I vowed to not drag another person into my mess the day I was diagnosed. Then, you barreled into my life, flipped it upside down, and gave me a glimpse of a future I hadn’t allowed myself to picture.
” He takes a shuddering breath. “I fell in love with your laughter first, and what if, one day, it’s gone?
What if we have kids, and I don’t hear them crying when they need me?
What if I never know if they share their mother’s laugh?
My whole life, I’ve ignored the what ifs, until you.
You make me want things I swore I’d never have.
My future is unpredictable, and you don’t deserve to drown in a sea of what ifs.
You deserve absolutes and security. I’ll be fine.
I’ve accepted it, but I don’t want that for you.
” A lone tear slides down his cheek, shattering me. “I don’t want to be a burden to you.”
My body trembles, fighting back a sob and to throw myself into his arms. This mountain of a man, so resilient and protective, has weathered his own silent storm this entire time, content with a lifetime of standing on the sidelines.
The sharp pain in my chest intensifies.
I’ve done enough research to know profound hearing loss is a possibility, a fact that has never once made me question a future with Dex.
The weight of his confession sits heavy, sagging his broad shoulders. It’s as if all his strength was used to keep the truth at bay, and now that’s it out, he’s caving in on himself.
I’ve lost count of the times he’s held me up.
Now, it’s my turn.
I cup his face, forcing his broken gaze to meet mine.
“You don’t get to decide my future, Dexter Robert Moore.
It’s my choice, and I choose you a million times over.
Love—real love—isn’t fickle or trivial. It withstands the greatest of challenges.
And whatever life throws our way, we face together.
You’ve accepted every messy, chaotic piece of me, and I’ll accept you no matter what.
That heart of yours is so big, and I want it, whatever happens.
“Our children will be lucky to have a father like you, who protects them fiercely, teaches them kindness through actions, and will love them unconditionally. If, one day, you can’t hear their laughter, I’ll describe it to you.
I won’t let you forget the beautiful sounds of morning songbirds or the crackling of a campfire.
” I drop my forehead to his. “Love doesn’t have to be heard. ”
My hands shift to his ears. Carefully, I unhook his hearing aid, place it on the sofa, and press my palms to either side of his head.
I mouth three words.
I love you.
Something flashes in his storm cloud eyes, breaking through the overcast skies.
I love you, I repeat over and over.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
His tears flow freely, silent sobs wracking his shoulders. Relief, long overdue relief, fills his body.
Uncovering his ears, I speak clearly, voice sure. “You can see it. Feel it. Love is all-encompassing. You push me away, I’ll come right back—pissed and ready to tear you a new one, but that’s love.”
“You can’t know that for sure. You’ve seen how my condit—”
I silence him with a kiss. “Do you love me?”
“Without a doubt.” He doesn’t miss a beat.
“That’s all that matters. We’ll face the rest if the time comes.”
I’m air bound, lifted off the floor and into his arms. I sit sideways in his lap as he buries his face into my neck, whispering apologies against my skin until his voice grows hoarse.
“I don’t deserve you.” He inches back. “You were always there, and I never saw you coming, my beautiful, selfless girl. Since the new year, you’ve chipped away at my armor. This summer just confirmed it.”
“Confirmed what?”
“You’re it for me.” Two large hands frame my face. “You’re my salvation, Florence Sadler. From the evening you stole my favorite shirt, you altered my world. It might have started with a night, but all our long days together, lying in the sun or dancing in the rain, they’re just the beginning.”
I brush my nose along his. “No more hiding?”
“No more hiding,” he agrees, stroking my jaw. “Be sure, Florence, because there’s no going back after this. Some days will be tough…”
My lips stretch, tears catching in my smile lines. “But we brave the storm. Together.”