Chapter 41
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
florence
Sleep is the best remedy.
Sadly, I spent the night tossing and turning. Too hot and too cold. The mattress was soft and hard all at once. Dex didn’t push, and he scarfed down the veggie chili I whipped up, though I hardly remember making it. My body was on auto-pilot, and I wasn’t in the driver’s seat.
Tired to my bones, I dragged myself to bed before the sun set. He had better things to do, and it should’ve made me happy he followed, yet it irked me. The comfort of his solid embrace was overwhelming. His mustache scratched my skin. The tick of the clock in the bedroom corner beat like a drum.
Yesterday’s appointment poisoned everything.
Today was a fresh start, and although my muscles ached and head pounded, I was determined to get through the day and put it behind me.
There was no avoiding my mom’s inquisition when she met me outside the medical center, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell Dex the truth.
I left him to sleep in, fed the goats, and headed to the office to catch up on the work I missed yesterday.
Mistake number one.
Everything was a disaster.
Email responses made no sense.
My attention was everywhere and nowhere.
It was as if thick, greasy oil coated my brain. No matter what I did, nothing stuck. Before the mental paralysis took hold of me, I stepped away, breathing slowly.
In, out. In, out. In, out.
Start small. Break down the tasks. Don’t rush.
I repeat those tips over and decide to reorganize Dex’s desk. It might not be a priority, but reshuffling things is therapeutic, and it’s basically my workspace these days.
Once the top drawer was decluttered, I move onto the bottom.
“Jesus, Dex,” I mumble and pull out the stack of papers shoved inside. Clearly, I missed this one when I first blitzed his office. Dumping it all on the floor, I sit crossed leg and get to work. Checking dates. Names of suppliers. Sorting alphabetically.
Slowly, the haze lifts.
I’m halfway through the pile when something familiar catches my eye. I can’t help but laugh when I read over a piece of paper that became the bane of my existence for so many months.
I lost count of the number of resumes I handed out to businesses, only to never hear back. Dex was the only one to give me a chance.
Wait.
The door to the office opens, and understanding smacks me in the face.
Spying me on the floor, Dex smiles. “You snuck out of bed.”
Holding the piece of paper up, I beg my brain not to jump to conclusions. “Why do you have this?”
Bending down, he plucks it from my fingers, scanning it over. His smile slips.
I’m already on my feet. “You knew it was me? When I asked if you knew, you told me you didn’t.”
Calm as ever, Dex takes a slow step in my direction. “You asked me if I knew, and I said my decision was based on the contents of the resume. I stand by that.”
“You hired me because you pitied me.” My hands have a mind of their own, tugging at the neckline of my T-shirt then fiddling with my ring.
“I helped a friend who needed a break. Pity had nothing to do with it.”
I throw my arms out. “Because we slept with each other.”
“That’s not the reason. Yes, I saw your name, and I won’t lie and say it didn’t tilt the scales in your favor.
I’m sorry for not telling you the truth, but had you known, you would’ve turned it down.
You’re amazing at your job. Do you even realize how easily you picked everything up?
I was screwing reservations up, double booking contractors, and working myself to the bone until you showed.
” He raises his palms. “Each time we ran into one another, you were so sad, so hard on yourself. I wanted to help.”
His words do nothing.
I pace harder, spiral further.
He wraps both of my hands in one of his, halting my hurried movements.
His lips flatten, eyes filled with apology. “Your mom told me about the appointment.”
Humiliation drags me out of his reach.
One step. Two steps.
“You had no right,” I rasp.
He shakes his head. “She called me. She was worried about you. So am I.”
I clutch my stomach. “Of course you are.” Because I’m a mess.
“I realize now not telling you about the resumes was a mistake, and I’m sorry.”
I ignore him, spurting whatever thoughts surface. “Someone else deserves this job. Would we even be together if you hadn’t hired me?”
His eyes darken. “You know that isn’t true. Tell me you know that.”
“I don’t, though. That’s the thing. You felt obligated to hire me.” My eyes widen in horror. “I’m practically living here—do you recall asking me to move in? No. I’ve bulldozed my way into your life. We’ve done everything backward. Oh god, I got a tattoo dedicated to you.”
My chest aches. Stomach cramps. Head spins.
“Baby, stop for a second and breathe.” Worry swirls in his gaze, but he doesn’t reach for me. Good. One touch, and I’ll crumble.
“I can’t,” I croak, digging my palms into my tummy. “You shouldn’t want to tie yourself to a woman who can’t trust herself to complete the simplest of tasks. How can you trust me with a future you’ve fought to protect?”
“There was no future until you!” he shouts.
I jump, and he inhales deeply.
“Florence, I’ve never trusted anyone the way I do you. My future was drab. Lifeless. And when you accepted me as I am, you showed me a new one. A dream.”
“What about my future? This is the house you built, your business, your life.” I suck in a breath. “Where do I fit in?”
Then, he’s there. Despite his harsh exterior, his voice is gentle, touch soft as he cups my cheek.
“With me. This is where you fit. Your feelings are valid, and while I love everything about you, I hate your brain right now for making you think otherwise.” His hand shakes. “Tell me how to fix this.”
I slip out of his hold, and he lets me, his face sullen.
“That’s it, Dex—it’s not for you to fix.
I want to be sad, to be angry. You knew how much finding my independence meant to me, and you did the exact opposite.
Once again, you made the decision for me, the same way you did when you pushed me away after the accident at the job site.
If I turn to you every time life gets tough, how can I be strong enough when you need me? ”
“You’re the strongest person I know, Florence.” He goes to step toward me, but I shake my head. His shoulder slump in defeat. I hate hurting him, but the pain in my chest outweighs it.
“You say you love me?”
His eyes flare. “Without question.”
Slowly, I back toward the open door. Panic flares in his expression, but if I stay in this room for a second longer, I’ll implode with the heaviness of my emotions. This is my tipping point, and I don’t want him to watch me fall.
“Then stop trying to fix me, Dex.”