10. Voyage Ridley
Chapter 10
Voyage Ridley
I’d awaken with puffy eyes, a stiff neck from sleeping on the couch, and a scratchy throat. It had been a full day and I hadn’t left the sofa besides to pee and throw up two more times. I’d called Dutton’s line so much that he had ended up getting it disconnected. I’d also used Baela’s fake page to send him messages, but he blocked that page, too. I didn’t want to sleep, but I’d cried so much that sleep overcame me. I was sitting on the couch after showering, washing my face, and brushing and flossing my teeth. The smell of bacon and eggs made my stomach growl, although I was sure I couldn’t keep anything down. I’d watched Amanda’s videos more times than I could count. I’d even tried calling her from Facebook Messenger and sent her a message to contact me. I hadn’t heard back yet.
“Here is breakfast.”
My cousin came into view holding a tray that was meant to house decorative towels. Instead, two plates of food and two cups of orange juice were being carried on it. I hadn’t had many words for Baela. All I’ve been doing is crying since we discovered Amanda’s videos. Now that I’d had time to sleep and cry it all out, I was ready for the explanation I owed her. I tried getting it out yesterday, but I just couldn’t find the words.
Baela set the tray on the coffee table and handed me my plate. A fork was already stuck inside the syrupy pancakes with melted butter pooling on top. My cousin was so thoughtful that she’d even cut the pancakes up. When she sat beside me, creating a comfortable distance, I forked a pancake that probably would have tasted a lot better if my taste buds weren’t bitter, and then I chewed down on a piece of bacon. Taking a sip of orange juice, I washed down the small portion of food I’d eaten and set my plate and cup back on the tray. Baela was eyeing me as she ate from the plate of food on her lap.
“Baela-”
“If you’re not ready to talk about it, you don’t have to. But know, whatever you tell me, I have a feeling it’s going to land me in jail alongside my man. But instead of a trafficking charge, I’ll be in for murder.” She spat without blinking.
Swallowing hard, my chest swelled as I closed my eyes, taking a walk down memory lane.
“Oh my God, it’s positive Dutton!”
Holding the test in my hand, the sight of the positive sign made me want to toss the piece of plastic across the bathroom. I could feel the tears in my eyes as my heart dropped to the sole of my shoes. We didn’t need a baby. My job was barely paying the bills on our apartment. I’d only been here for two months and regretted letting Dutton talk me into the overpriced one-bedroom. Then, to make matters worse, I had a car that I could easily afford the payments on if I didn’t have to pay so much in rent.
Tears fell from my eyes as I looked at him, who was eerily quiet. When my eyes met his, a wide grin spread across his face. That instantly pissed me off. I knew other girls would have been elated that their man was excited about a pregnancy, but I was not. We barely had money to feed ourselves daily, and now a baby was thrown into the mix.
“Baby, this is a good thing.”
Tossing the test in the small white trashcan that was full of nothing but paper towels I wanted to pull my fucking hair out.
“How in the hell is this a good thing? I barely make enough money for the bills, and you aren’t exactly pulling your weight. Fuuuuck!” I slapped my forehead. “Baela told me this shit would happen.” I cried.
The smile on Dutton’s handsome face fell, and he stood straight as he’d been leaning in the door frame.
“Man fuck Baela.”
My eyes shot daggers at Dutton. He knew I didn’t play about my cousin and every time he bad mouthed her and her incarcerated boyfriend Riker, I got on his ass. Baela was all I had and had been there for me more times than I could count. She begged me to move in with her and I was about to right before I fell for Dutton’s ass and let him talk me into signing a lease because he knew damn well Baela wouldn’t allow him in her home. He didn’t even know their address. My cousin made it clear that she did not want Dutton knowing where she stayed, and I respected her to the fullest.
“Baby,”
Dutton placed his hands on my shoulders, the Prada cologne I bought him but hated so much, making me feel sick to my stomach.
“You know I love Baela’s mean ass.”
Lies. He hated her, and she hated him too.
“But this is about us. God makes no mistakes. You about to have my child. I love you so much, and I know this baby will be what we need to get us on track. Babies motivate you to be better. To do better. You not trying to have my baby? I thought you loved me?” His thick brow lifted.
“I do love you, Dutton. I can’t afford a baby. We can’t afford a baby.”
“We can. My uncle been talking about putting me on. Only reason his lowdown ass been mentioning it is because he likes you. He claims I can’t have no bad bitch with broken pockets. I think that old nigga wants to fuck you.”
It wasn’t a laughing matter, but I smiled. Dutton’s uncle was cool. He was a retired dope boy who was always nice. He’d even given me money here and there to put on a bill. He’d never made a move on me or given me creep vibes.
“He does not want to have sex with me. He’s just nice.”
And he knows his nephew is a bum.
“How about this. We keep the baby and we keep it on the low. Before you go off on me, hear me out. Baela works all the time, and so do you. It’s nothing to keep this from her. We only do this so we can enjoy the pregnancy without outside noises. Pregnancy is stressful, and I don’t want my baby to come out missing fingers and toes.”
I laughed again through the tears. Dutton used his thumb to wipe my face.
“I can’t just cut my cousin off. We are all we have. Her man is locked up, and she needs me more now than ever.”
“I’m not saying don’t talk to her, baby. But talk to her over the phone for the next couple of months. Let us at least make it to the second trimester, and then you can surprise her after we find out the gender. By then, our baby will be developed and out of the danger zone, just in case she sends you to the hospital with a heart attack after attempting to kill me.” Dutton kissed my lips, making my body heat before kissing down my face and neck.
“She wouldn’t kill you. Curse you out? Yes. But kill you? No.”
Dutton squeezed my but, making me moan.
“Good. Because I know there ain’t no good pussy like yours in heaven.”
I slapped his shoulders, making him laugh.
“You die before me, and you better be up there jacking off. I’ll act a fool if you up there fucking on angel hoes.”
“I gotchu bae. But you got me? You gone keep this a secret for a while?”
He latched down hard on my neck, and by now, my panties were soaked.
“Yesss. But only until I’m five or six months. I feel bad for agreeing, but I do want the baby healthy if we are going to keep it.” I had no family outside of Baela, so starting my own was always on my to-do list. I just wanted to be financially free before doing so. Maybe now I could take the Praxis test and become a teacher. My degree was collecting dust. I had no business settling for fifteen dollars an hour when I could make much more as an educator. If it weren’t for me doing tutoring sessions, I wouldn’t be able to afford my rent.
“That’s all I ask. Now et me feel that pregnant pussy. I heard it’s superb.”
Pregnancy hadn’t been horrible. It was actually a breeze. Dutton had even started to give me a thousand dollars a month, which wasn’t a lot, but it was enough for me to take it easy throughout my pregnancy. The money he was giving me, the attention he’d shown, and the way he would be all over the doctor made sure the baby was healthy, and asking all the right questions made me fall deeper and deeper in love with him. When I hit the six-month mark and found out we were having a girl, things were going so well that I let him convince me to hold Baela off until the day we gave birth. I was due on her birthday, and Dutton thought that finding out she had a new baby cousin would have been the best birthday gift. Baela had been pissed at me for nine months wondering why she could only see me on facetime but I was anxious to surprise her for her birthday. Anticipating the look I would see on her face when I went into labor outweighed the guilt that consumed me from shutting her out.
Three weeks before her birthday, my plans went left. I went into labor in the middle of the night, and Dutton was so scared something was wrong that he rushed me out of the house before I could grab my phone to tell her. It wasn’t her birthday, but I knew how dangerous labor was for black women, and I wanted to make sure I had her in the know just in case I didn’t survive labor. Things were moving so fast that my legs were up and I was pushing by the time I was assigned a room. One hour later, my baby was born. She was a sight for sore eyes at a healthy eight pounds, using no medication. She had so much hair that it nearly fell over her eyes. I’d torn so much during labor and lost so much blood that I was too weak even to hold her.
I did remember Dutton yelling at the doctor about something being wrong with her. But to me, she was perfect. The doctors assured she was fine but Dutton who had been so loving and attentive had turned cold. When I mentioned calling Baela, he cursed me so badly that the staff threatened to put him out. When we were released, he barely let me hold the baby and made sure I didn’t snap any photos. He had turned into a possessive bastard. When I had begun to show, he’d even made me tell my boss to switch me to work from home. At the time, I thought my man just wanted me to have an easy pregnancy. But Dutton was possessive.
Nearly three weeks after birth, Dutton all of a sudden got nice. I didn’t give a shit about him flipping the mean switch off. I had plans on pulling up on my cousin on her birthday with my baby in tow. She didn’t deserve to be told via phone. I wanted to look her in the eye and give her the truth along with a big apology. My daughter was the most beautiful baby I’d even seen despite the bullshit her daddy talked and I wanted to show her off to the world. But first, I had to let her meet her big cousin. It was a day before Baela’s birthday, and I couldn’t wait until the next day. Dutton usually took my car and phone and would be gone all day, but I had a plan. I would use my neighbor’s phone to order an Uber with the thirty bucks I had in my account and pull down on my cousin.
“Baby. Ride with me.”
With her resting between my legs as I sat on the bed, I changed my daughter’s diaper. She looked so cute today in her seashell onesie and matching hair bow. I wanted so badly to take pictures, but Dutton took my phone and went through it every day. I was over his ass.
“Dutton, I’m still bleeding and sore, and she is only three weeks old. It’s too many germs out there.”
“Man, y’all not getting out the car. She had her vaccinations in the hospital. She fine. Plus, it won’t be long. Just pack her up a bag. Matter of fact, I’ll do it.”
Dutton jumped into action, grabbing her bag and going into our walk-in closet. Dutton had so many clothes that there was barely enough room for me and my baby’s stuff, but we made it work. It was crazy how he always had new clothes but never had money like that. Even now, he was in black cat Jordans with a black and red Jordan outfit.
“Why you in the closet? The bag is already packed.”
I’d packed her bag because I was more than ready for tomorrow. I heard him shuffling around some papers.
“Are you going in our important paper bin?”
I kept a bucket with all of our papers –mine and the baby’s- because Dutton’s essential documents were at his uncle’s. The baby didn’t have much outside of a Folder that Beach Baptist provided me, which houses the mother's copy birth certificate, her height and weight at birth, and all of my discharge papers. I was told to take the mother's copy of birth certificate to the Department of Health to get her real birth certificate, and I was still waiting for her Social Security card to come in the mail. I would be going to get her birth certificate as soon as I could get my car from Dutton because I needed it to apply for state insurance for her. I couldn’t add us both on my work insurance if I wanted to keep a roof over our heads. I also needed her social to apply for food stamps and daycare assistance.
Wrapping the pamper, I placed it in the diaper genie I kept on the side of the bed, and lifted my daughter in my arms. Placing a kiss on her lips, I stood from the bed. Getting her everything she needed was hard, but I made it work. She didn’t have an overload of things, but she had just enough. I didn’t take but a two-week maternity leave from work because I worked from home, and as soon as I got my check, I was getting her so much stuff. Dutton swore she didn’t need a lot, but that was rich coming from him because he had a whole lot.
He walked out with the diaper bag on his shoulder when I approached the closet door.
“Why were you in the bin?”
Dutton kissed my forehead and the back of our baby’s silky head.
“I was trying to reach her hand mittens and knocked it down. Here.”
He tried adding her hand mittens, and I saw he also had a pair of socks.
“It’s too hot for all that. I cut her nails. She won’t be scratching her face.”
Ignoring what I was saying, Dutton added the hand mittens, and I nearly lost it when he doubled up and added a second pair on top of those. I didn’t trip because he at least had the nerve to get ones that matched her outfit.
“Here, hold her while I change my pad. Then, I’ll be ready to go.”
Dutton took the baby while licking his lips.
“You know, she made you thick as fuck. I may need to get your fine ass pregnant again asap. When can we try again?”
Blushing should have been the last thing I did with Dutton, but I was blushing like a lovesick teenager. I’d been feeling insecure about my weight gain. Outside of my dark stomach, I didn’t have any stretch marks, but I gained close to forty pounds. Post partum depression had been hitting my ass hard so to hear him appreciate my body had me feeling good.
“Whatever, Dutton. I’m getting on birth control.”
Closing the door, I grabbed the pads from under the cabinet and proceeded to handle my business.
“Aye no yo ass not. You not putting that shit in your body.”
Ignoring my man, I washed my hands and prepared to leave. Sitting in the back seat as Dutton drove, I cheesed hard as the beach came into view. We lived fifteen minutes from the nearest beach, and I couldn’t wait to take my baby. A few times, I’d snuck off and taken the bus during my pregnancy just to put my feet in the water and feel my baby kick. I’d even tried to get Dutton to let me do a maternity shoot, but he shut that down quick. I had only a few pictures of me pregnant, and those were ones I had to hide in my email so that he wouldn’t delete them. I didn’t know Dutton’s issue but regretted keeping my family in the dark. He acted as if he had a family somewhere, and documenting my pregnancy and daughter was a way I could send them to his wife or something. I didn’t know what his sudden changes were about, but Dutton was weird as hell, and I had to figure out a way to get him out of my life. The issue was that he and I shared a child. I loved my daughter down but, this was why I didn’t want to have her to begin with. We were not ready.
“Where are we going?”
We’d passed several beaches, with palm trees turning into street lights and crater-sized street cracks. My Madea lived in the hood our entire lives, but even this side of town was one I never frequented. Even though the sun was out, a gloomy cast shadowed over the car, putting a grey hue on my sleeping baby. I grabbed her mitten-covered hand and watched her sleep while her daddy took us to God knows where.
“I’m just about to grab some smoke real quick. Then, we can get some food, take it home, and watch movies.”
It had been so long since Dutton had stayed in the house with us and done anything besides sleep, so I didn’t have a rebuttal. With all the potholes Dutton ran over, I was sure my car would need new tires and a front-end alignment, especially if this was where he hung all day. That was just another expense I added to the mental list of things I needed to do once my money started rolling back in with the tutoring.
The car stopped, and we seemed to be in an alley when I looked around.
“Dutton-”
The front door flew open, and Dutton was yanked out of the driver’s side.
“Ahhhhhhh! What the fuck!”
My door was snatched open, and instead of seeing who it was, I grabbed the car seat.
“Let the fucking car seat go bitch!” One of the two masked men boomed. My baby jumped, and her little cries broke my heart. Looking up front, I saw Dutton getting stomped out.
“I don’t have any money! We are broke! Please just let us go!”
The masked man snatched the baby carrier and pointed a gun at my face.
“Bitch if you scream you die!”
Tears fell, but my eyes were studying the carrier in his arms. This couldn’t be happening.
“I won’t scream. Please give me my baby! Please!”
An unwelcome tension stretched tighter between us. I tried to study the man’s eyes but could not pinpoint him or his voice.
“We taking this fucking baby.”
What? Nooooo!”
The gunman placed the carrier on the ground, keeping the gun trained on me. He pulled out a photo and held it up.
“Forget about this day. Forget about this baby. If you report this to the laws, I’m killing your cousin Baela and I’ll have some niggas to shank Riker’s ass in the pen. You want to be the reason your people die?”
Feverishly, I shook my head, "No," but I wanted my baby back. Picking the carrier back up, he grabbed the diaper bag on the backseat floor, and I spotted her folder with all of her essential paperwork. His accomplice kicked Dutton one last time, and the two of them ran through the back alley.
“Baby. You good?”
Dutton got back in the car holding his stomach and that man’s licks must was weak as fuck because there wasn’t a scratch on him. His ribs may have been bruised, but that didn’t matter. Our daughter had been kidnapped.
“You have a gun, right? Go after them! They took our daughter!”
“Man its two of them and just one of me,” Dutton’s weak ass excused.
“Well, give me my phone! Call the police!”
“They just said no police! They gone kill Baela and them! That shit not worth it!”
“My fucking daughter is worth everything!”
“No the fuck it ain’t. We young! We can have another baby! We can make another her and I promise the next one not gone have no problems. She gone be perfect…”
Tears drenched my face as Baela sat there crying herself as I finished my story. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about my baby. Dutton never did let up with trying to get me pregnant. When I blew up on his ass and he saw that I was not giving him what he wanted, only then did he pack up his shit and leave. I was hurt. I wanted to end it all, but I knew Baela needed me, and a small part of me felt like I would cross paths with my daughter again. I knew she wasn’t dead. I just felt it in my soul.
“Cousin. Cousin. Wow. I can’t believe that shit. I should have known something was up when you went ghost on me. Plus, your nose had spread. I feel so dumb because I’m a nurse, so I should have seen the signs. I’m so fucking sorry. You have a daughter. A fucking daughter. I know she’s so beautiful.”
“She is,” I cried. “She’s so damn gorgeous. Dutton thought she was defective because she was born… different.”
Cocking her head, Baela blinked away her tears.
“How so?”
I held my right hand up and pushed my two fingers together.
“She was born with webbed hands and feet. Her index and middle fingers are fused on both hands. Same with her toes, too. Dutton asked the doctors at the hospital how old she would have to be to get the surgery to fix it. She was only a few minutes old and he was asking that shit. Then again, at her two-week checkup, he inquired. We didn’t even have the money for our bills, and he was asking about a cosmetic surgery. My baby was perfect. Is perfect! I was going to see about getting her the surgery in the future, just so she wouldn’t be different and have to deal with bullies, but that wasn’t a priority.”
Baela pulled me in for a hug, where I came undone on her shoulder.
“It’s okay. Riker will have Dutton hunted down like the dog he is, and we will find her. We will find her. I promise. I am so sorry. I wish I had done more. I should have pulled up, but didn’t want to disrupt your life.”
“Voyage.”
Both Baela and I jumped at the sound of a voice. Standing in the living room was fine ass Jovani. Usually, when I saw him, I had butterflies in my belly, and my panties flooded. Today, I just looked at him with hope. I needed someone to tell me something. Someone to tell me that I hadn’t been in a relationship with the devil. I needed to be assured that Dutton did not set it up for our baby to be taken. He wasn’t that evil. What was the gain?
“The door was unlocked,” Baela asked herself because she was the last one to walk in. Jovan stood looking delectable. He was dressed in all black from the hoodie to the jeans to the black shoes. It was too hot for all that but damn, he was fine in it. I was confused about why he was here, and then I remembered that I hadn’t replied to his text from yesterday. I loved him too. I love him and would want nothing more than to wake up and fall asleep beside him. I deserved not to be the one to carry the relationship, and knew that Jovani was more than capable. But, I missed my daughter so fucking much. I couldn’t stomach seeing him love on his daughter when mine was out there somewhere.
“Aye.”
Jovani took a step and paused.
“That nigga really did that? Is that what really happened?”
How long had he been standing there?
“I heard you. I heard everything. That nigga secluded you from your people and erased all traces of you having proof she existed.”
His question posed as an answer, and that had me confused.
“He sold her, Voyage.”
“Wait. How do you know this?”
Jovani licked his lips and ran his hand down his handsome face. He looked stressed to the max—not the normal cheery Jovani that I was used to.
“He sold her to some human traffickers.”
Baela gasped, and at the same time, my chest panged.
“But how do you know all of this? Is my baby…is she dead?” My lips trembled as tears fell.
“I know because….fuck.”
Jovani looked over his shoulder, “Girl. Come on in here.”
I looked at Baela, who was just as confused as I was. We were expecting another person to come in, but when I heard scoots, I looked to the floor and nearly had a heart attack. The prettiest little baby was crawling into the room. On her body, she was wearing a coastal-themed halter dress that went around her neck, and a matching bow was on her head. The print on the outfit was nearly identical to the one she had on when she was taken.
“Oh my god!”
Standing, I rushed to Jovani’s side and scooped the baby up. She smelled so good, like baby powder and baby lotion. She looked exactly like I knew she would, beautiful. I gently grabbed her hand and saw that she was indeed mine. I then checked her toes too; sure enough, they were fused.
“Oh my god! Oh my God!”
“Cousinnnn! She’s so pretty!”
I hugged her body close and snuggled my nose in her neck. I could feel Jovani staring at us as I loved all over her. I then leaned back to check her for marks and bruises. When I was content, she was good, I studied her intricate features. She shared my brown skin, but her round eyes were all Baela. Our hair, though, our big, fluffy curls were nearly identical. She’d been taken care of, and even though it made me sad that she’d been out of my life for eleven months, I was glad to hold her again.
“I busted up a human trafficking ring, and for some reason, I just couldn’t turn her over. That was a little over a month ago. She been with me ever since,” he confessed.
Kissing my baby, I looked up at him.
“You’ve had her this whole time. This is the child you said was yours? You had her and took her?”
“Baby. Believe me when I say I only took care of her. The only reason she hadn’t been sold was because of her fingers and toes. If you ask me she’s perfect but them niggas was holding her until she was old enough to get the surgery. I had a doctor look her over and she’s healthy and hadn’t been messed with or nothing.”
I believed Jovani. But this was all just too much. The man I was sleeping with had my daughter. I’d just seen her when I got caught by his granny on the beach, and since it was the back of her head, I didn’t know. Had I had a clear view, I would have known immediately.
“Jovani. Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m sorry for not telling you. I should have told you I had a daughter-”
Jovani pulled me to his chest and sucked my lips in his mouth. He kissed me with so much passion that I nearly dropped my daughter, but he was there holding his arm around us.
“It’s all good. Ima handle that nigga. Ima handle him and then, I’m coming back to get y’all. I swear to God. You and Girl are my top priority. When I get back, I want you to let me adopt her. She’s mine too, Voyage.”
Letting the tears run, I nodded. He kissed her forehead and ruffled her curls.
“Baela. I want you to go with them to my house. I got a car that’s gone take y’all. Call off work if you need to, I’ll pay you for the time missed.”
Baela came up beside us and held out her hand for my daughter. When she went into her arms, Baela cried, and Jovani scoffed.
“Aye Girl, what I tell you ‘bout all that friendly shit?”
My baby smiled while her big cousin kissed her face.
“Jovani, her name is not Girl,” I laughed through the tears.
“What is it? If that nigga named her, we changing it.”
“He didn’t name her. I did. Her name. Her name is Atlantis. I named her after the city that was lost at sea.”
“Of course your ocean loving ass did Nemo,” Baela teased.
“Atlantis. Pretty name for a pretty baby. Atlantis. That’s your mama with the big hair like you. Say mama.”
Atlantis crawled out of Baela’s arm into mine.
“Yemon drop drinking Bish! Bish! Yemon Drop drinking Bish!”
Jovani’s cheeks redden, and he grabbed the back of his neck.
“Jovani, what the hell have you been over there teaching her?” Baela asked what I wanted to know.
“Shit ion know. She got that from my mama.”
I had my daughter, and Jovani wanted to adopt her. This moment was perfect. All I needed now was for Dutton to pay for what he did. I’d thought he’d come up on a plug, and the whole time, he’d sold my daughter and been living off of it. The thought alone made me nauseous.
Handing Atlantis to Jovani, I ran to the bathroom just in time because I was throwing up the little breakfast I’d consumed.
Feeling a shadow over me, I looked up at a smirking Baela.
“What?”
“You won’t be hiding this baby from me. Bring your ass on. Ima have his driver stop and get a pregnancy test on the way to his house. It’s time for us to find out if pretty ass Atlantis about to be a big sister.