Chapter 21 He only has to care a little
He only has to care a little
Max leaves to join his brothers, and I spend the next few hours preparing for the wedding.
After slipping into my dress, a nude, backless piece that stops at mid-thigh, I straighten my hair, then spray it to keep it smooth.
Positioning myself in front of the mirror, I apply a tiny amount of makeup, contouring my face, adding little ticks to the corners of my eyes, and smacking on natural gloss.
As I stare at my reflection, I feel a flutter of nerves. This is definitely a sexier look than I usually go for. I'd like to see Toni call me an asexual pigeon now. I giggle. I'd like to see him call me an asexual pigeon at all. I'm a falcon now. I giggle again.
It's four p.m. when I slip on my wedges and join Flick and Stacey on their way to the chapel. It's a classic building with stained glass windows and steep walls and is surrounded by lush, green grass. Indonesia might be predominantly Muslim and Hindu, but it's a wedding destination for all faiths.
I try to catch Stacey's eye, flicking her a smile, but she pretends she doesn't see it.
She merely picks up pace and strides ahead of us. "There's going to be over three hundred people here today. If we want a seat, we better get a move on."
I stumble on the cobblestone road. "Wow."
"That's insanity," Flick says, scooping her long red hair to the side.
"I don't even know three hundred people," I say, chuckling awkwardly.
Stacey stares straight ahead at the church. "Family has flown here all the way from Sicily and most of them haven't even met the bride and groom, but it doesn’t matter. If you’re Family, you're invited. If you're not invited, well, there's a message in that."
I struggle to keep up with her as she charges ahead. "Three hundred is a big family, " I say.
She glances over her shoulder at me. "Yeah, it is, Cassidy."
I still. "Stacey, stop walking." She slows. "I'm so sorry about the way Max spoke to you. Don't be upset with me." She halts altogether. When she turns around, she's even more tight faced than she was before.
Flick eyes us both. "What's going on?"
"Cassidy and Max are officially together," Stacey says.
Flick forces a smile and looks at me. "Well, that's what you wanted, right?"
I refrain from beaming like a silly little girl. "Yes."
She nods. "Are you happy?"
"Knee-weak happy," I say.
She laughs a little. "But do you trust him?"
"I have to. I've decided I'd rather risk heartbreak than regret."
Flick seems to like that response because she touches my arm and grins. "Well, if you're happy, then I'm happy."
"Cool, we're all fucking happy!" Stacey says. "Max sticking his dick in another girl is the least of your fucking problems." She spins on her heels and continues down the street.
I cringe and call after her. "Please don't be mad at me, Stacey. I'm seriously sorry. Max was a jerk."
She swirls around to face us again. "Stop apologising for him!
I'm used to Max Butcher and his moods and his holier than thou attitude.
Bronson and Xander have my back, so don't you dare feel sorry for me.
Yesterday was just about Max feeling vulnerable and needing to beat his chest.. . Anyway, I'm not mad. I'm worried."
I sigh. "About Max."
"Yes!"
"Why, though? I'm not going to hurt him."
She groans at the sky. "Because you're everything Jimmy has ever wanted for Max! With you in the picture... he can control him."
I take a step back and frown. "Jimmy has been wonderful to me."
"I'm sure he has." She closes the gap that I'd just made. "Have you ever wondered why?"
I blink at her. "Because he likes the ballet. He's sponsoring me."
She smirks. "That's very nice of him."
I swallow hard and look around nervously. "Max doesn't care that much about me."
"Even if that were true, he only needs to care a little."
"No one can control Max."
"I saw you do it yesterday."
I breathe out fast. "You're making me really nervous."
Flick clears her throat. "I don't understand what you two are talking about."
"The Mafia, Felicity," Stacey whispers the words and yet we still flinch. "I'm so sick of trying to keep their secrets when they are just throwing you guys in anyway and asking me to babysit."
"Woah." Flick steps back and crosses her arms. "Babysit?"
"I was told to bring you, Felicity. I was told by Jimmy because he thought Cassidy would feel more comfortable if you came."
I cover my mouth to smother a gasp.
Flick exhales slowly. "Okay."
"And he wanted Cassidy here because he wants to see her with Max."
Flick frowns. "So you don’t want me here?"
"That's what you're taking from this?" Stacey says, wide-eyed. "What about the part about the Mafia?"
Flick scoffs. "I already knew they were involved in something illegal. The whole fucking District is corrupt. What I didn't know was that you didn't want me here."
Flick withdraws when Stacey reaches for her. "I want to be with you, baby," Stacey says. "But I'd never willingly bring you into this world." She shakes her head slowly and swallows hard. "No way."
Flick turns to me. "Did you know?"
"I didn't know anything," I lie. Looking at Stacey, I ask, "Does Max know? That Jimmy has orchestrated this whole thing?"
Stacey nods. "Max isn't dumb, Cassidy."
I wince. "He's just doing as he's told then? He doesn't actually..." My voice breaks. "Like me?"
"Of course he does. None of this was in play until Max hit that cop, dragged you out of the waterpark, and drove you home.
That's so uncharacteristic of him. He's a lot more careful than that.
One of Jimmy's men saw and well, Jimmy rubbed his hands together.
You were invited to dance at the wedding after that, right? "
"Yes," I whisper. "I got the call the day after. But he approached me days before that."
"Yes. He likes ballet. He likes you; this is all true. But he wouldn’t have invited you here if it wasn't for Max."
Flick hugs my shoulder. "How do you know all this?"
"Jimmy told me. Very casually. He said he thinks you'd make a beautiful couple and he wants to see Max happy. He asked me to invite Flick so that you'd feel comfortable."
I breathe out steadily. "That all sounds kinda nice, though."
"Yeah. But I know what that really means.
You're an asset. Leverage. This is what they do.
It's the long game. It doesn't look that bad at first, which is how you miss it.
It's a favour. It's a kindness. It's a sponsorship.
But then they have claws in every part of your life and one day, you sit up and you wonder how you'd gotten in so deep.
.." Stacey's voice stammers and her eyes drop to the ground.
After several long moments of thick, tangible silence, she breathes out and looks up at us again.
"Now you know. Keep your mouths shut. Behave.
Do not tell anyone what I've just said unless you want me to go missing. "
I tilt my head and bounce my gaze around nervously. "That's a bit of an exaggeration..."
Stacey's lips tighten. "People go missing in the District all the time, Cassidy. It has the highest missing persons rate in the country."
"Yeah, but—"
"But what? You want to be Max's right-hand girl? Then you should know. My advice is to remember what they are capable of."
I cuddle myself and Flick squeezes my shoulder tighter. "The boys are good guys though," I state.
"I love them more than life," Stacey admits. "They are my family, but Max has never allowed anyone to get close before and he definitely doesn't fetch drinks like a Labrador."
"You think they're good guys though, right?" I repeat.
She sighs. "I love them. But no. I wouldn't use the word good."
Heat builds in my head. "You know nothing about Max!"
She feeds a tremoring hand through her hair before leaning in until I can feel her breath on my cheek.
"I've seen your boyfriend stomp on a guy's head.
I've seen Bronson smash a glass on the bar and then shove it into someone's neck.
Xander's climbed through my window, covered in blood, and has cried in my arms more times than I can count.
I've seen Butch kill... I've seen a lot. And that's just surface stuff."
Every fibre in my being wants to defend Max and his brothers, but there is a part of me that's known this for a while. When Max hit Luke and saw no repercussions, I knew then that he... I shake my head.
"Max is a good person."
Stacey doesn't respond, but her eyes say it all. Turning, she continues toward the church, where we find a seat at the back on the groom's side. Butch is already in the front row with Victoria, who is peering around with a tight smile.
Nestled against the flower garlands that run the entire length of our pew, I stare at my pink nails, trying to process everything Stacey had said.
At first, I consider grabbing Flick and leaving, refusing to be used against Max, but then I realise we can't. Max would want to know why I'd left and then Stacey might get into some kind of trouble.
Confusion and uneasiness crash together inside me. I'm not sure how I feel about Jimmy now, and Stacey has seen Max stomp on someone's head... No. I can't even picture that. It's too unfathomable to visualise.
I'm yearning for Max to hold me and tell me it'll be fine. That this doesn't change anything. That he's a good guy who happens to have done some bad things. My stomach rolls. The moment I'd accepted that gun, I'd accepted his lifestyle. The Ballerina and The Gangster. What a pair we make.