Chapter Thirty #2
She could’ve better handled him admitting that his motivations lay in making sure she remained useful as a war piece.
As for what he did impart … she was simply too prideful to abide Malachi forcing himself to be anywhere or anything he didn’t wish to be.
She looked him square in the eyes, letting a coolness freeze over her own stare, and told Malachi, “I am neither a responsibility nor a duty. We do not have those sorts of ties between us. We have an arrangement born of a series of carefully negotiated bargains; that is all. Therefore, you may get on with your day guilt-free.”
Yet, she couldn’t help but think there was something off here.
Because she was pretty sure there was a sense of guilt, one akin to the glimmer of the same emotion she’d wondered at in his study, and that meant Malachi had to have at least a sliver of humanity inside of him.
To be honest, she didn’t even know the male had the ability to possess a conscience to begin with.
She added it to the growing list of bewildering revelations the morning had brought, all the while wondering why he still hadn’t left.
“I’ve cleared my agenda until tomorrow eve.” He nodded to the tea. “Yashira mentioned the brew should be completely safe, but I … she insisted you still be looked after for a day or so. Also, I’m aware you aren’t a mere duty. You could never be anything so ordinary.”
She didn’t know how to respond to any of that.
It continued to throw her off-balance that he was the one sitting with her making sure she ate enough before drinking the tea and would then be the one to remain with her and look after her.
That he’d volunteered for the tasks. His guilt, or whatever else drove him to care about her welfare, aside, Malachi himself didn’t have to be here.
Yashira would’ve taken care of her well and Malachi knew that.
Which brought her back to how startling and perplexing his attentiveness was.
Who are you and what have you done with the real Malachi? The accusation was on the tip of her tongue. But she ended up asking him a different question, one that she found herself burning to know the answer to all of a sudden.
“I don’t mean with me, obviously, but do you desire children at all someday?”
His laugh was caustic. Dry. “I’m a king.
Not desiring children isn’t a real choice I get to make.
I must take a wife and I must sire heirs to place my people at ease that the continuation of the Diamundis bloodline will carry on and that the line of succession is secured.
” Malachi poured a second full glass of wine and drained that too.
His answer was the reply any monarch, herself included, was bred to give.
The need to proliferate and carry on royal lines was ground into each and every individual who wore the mantle of heir.
But it didn’t mean he’d actually answered her.
“Desiring something and being duty bound to see an action through are not the same thing,” she pointed out.
She wasn’t certain why she stated it so gently.
Maybe because he’d been gentle with her this morning, and as Malachi guzzled the wine, there was a discernible fragility about him.
He looked like he might break at any second, and it rattled the hell out of Kadeesha because she’d never seen this male display any facets other than sheer arrogance or deadliness.
“Us faefolk, we’re as close to immortal as any species can get.
We can live for millennia, and you’ve proven to be both a stubborn and lethal enough bastard that I’m positive there’s very few individuals who could succeed in killing you now or in the future.
So must you really capitulate anytime soon to siring offspring?
Does one who is immortal truly need heirs?
” She meant the words to be snide, teasing.
Yet as she said them, she could hear how they might be interpreted as … comforting?
Malachi barked out another corrosive laugh. “If I try to use that rationale with my nobles, I’ll lose many of the loyal ones I’ve got left. Then I’ll have to turn this court into an actual bloodbath.”
Kadeesha blinked. Slowly. Did he just say actual, as if the blood he’d already spilled was a mere drop in the bucket?
“Why don’t you want them?” she asked, hurtling right past the chilling picture he’d painted. She found herself strangely curious and eager for the truth.
“You know my court’s history, my family’s history.
Watching your parents be murdered as a boy and being terrified their enemies were coming after you next puts what it means to be a monarch and to play the vicious games of court politics into perspective.
Tussling with all of that while having a family to protect?
It’s downright selfish to aspire to be both a king and a father.
” He stated all this in a bland tone, but his hardened stare couldn’t quite mask the flickers of grief that broke through.
“I am sorry that happened to you and your parents,” she said quietly.
“Rishaud is cruel and sadistic, and he’s warped the other monarchs of the Six Kingdoms into much the same.
” Sometimes, she found herself wondering how much better off the Six Kingdoms might be if they’d remained independent territories, if they’d managed to band together and slay Rishaud instead of kneeling before him.
She reached for the pitcher of water beside the wine and poured a bit into one of the empty goblets.
She drank it, needing to clear the foul taste left behind from thinking about Rishaud and the stains he imparted on her own father and court, the wider southern dominions … and beyond.
“What about you? Do you … want children in the future?” Malachi’s question ripped her out of her thoughts about the Hyperion king. Not that they planted her among anything cheerier.
“I have no idea,” she admitted. He’d been honest with her, so she decided to return the gesture.
“I was promised to Rishaud when I was a babe. But I didn’t know it until my thirteenth birthday.
Then, my father informed me of my betrothal.
He and Yashira delivered the news together as a birthday present, if you can believe it. ”
He looked at her, and then barked out a laugh.
“I know, right?” She shook her head. “They told me I’d be high queen of the entirety of Nimani someday.
They said it was a position of great honor and it would come with a level of immense power that every other female across Nimani coveted.
I suppose another young girl might’ve squealed and immediately begun dreaming of her wedding day and subsequent coronation as high queen.
But I’d met Rishaud a few times before when he’d either visited the Aether Court or my father took me along on visits to the Hyperion Court.
Rishaud was cruel and violent toward those who displeased him on each one of those visits.
It didn’t matter who they were, or what position of esteem they did or did not hold.
He is capricious, and his temper is infamous.
After I gained that knowledge, I cried that night, trapped in the horror of envisioning what my future as Rishaud’s wife would be like, an endless loop of misery and isolation.
I cried many other nights too, until there were simply no tears left.
Then, I vowed to devise a plan. I was determined to prove my worth to Sylas as his heir and a squadron general and make him see I’d serve him better if he kept me within his court rather than marrying me off.
So, I’ve never looked upon things like marriage and having children favorably.
I’ve tried my very best not to think about either at all.
Because before my disastrous wedding, Rishaud was the male marked to be my husband and the father of my children, whether I wanted him to be or not.
It was a nightmare that would break me if I dwelled on it.
” She took a deep breath before looking Malachi square in the eyes. “Therefore, I didn’t.”
And recalling that precise fact to Malachi was the jolt she needed to remember that her tea had grown cold. She’d eaten, as Yashira had prescribed; she could drink up now. She seized the teacup—
The door to her rooms banged open, Nychelle, Trystin, and Yashira rushing inside.
“What is the meaning of—” Malachi started.
“Rishaud is at the gates!” Nychelle snarled. “He claims he’s come to talk peace before declaring full-on war. He’s requested to speak with you and Kadeesha.”
“Then let’s go talk to Kadeesha’s betrothed,” he said, rising from his seat.
Kadeesha stared at Malachi as he stormed from the room, then quickly got up and did the same, the tea still sitting on the table.