Chapter 10 Red
Chapter ten
Red
Callisto arrives as I’m packing my bag, and bittersweet relief pours through me as I meet his serious dark eyes. I offer him a shaky smile. “Hi.”
He steps forward, and for a split second I think he’s going to hug me, but he picks up my bag instead and sets it on the foot of the bed, where I can pack more easily. A whiff of his clean cherry wood scent slides through my senses.
His Adam’s apple bobs furiously for a moment. “Hello, gorgeous.”
I sit down on the bed, one leg under me, and give him a swift nod.
“Ricky says you’re going to the Omega Center.”
I grimace and trace the pattern on my skirt. “I think Ricky’s falling apart over the idea more than I am.” The admission costs me, but if anyone can be a safe space for me right now, it’d be Callisto. So long as he’s not here to talk me out of my decision.
No one could miss the pained expression on his face. “Can I ask what your reasons are?” he asks gently, leaning on the wall.
At least he’s asking, though I’m not sure how well I can put this desperation into words.
I study my hands, pushing the nail quicks back.
“This isn’t like last time. Or any of the times before.
” A painful knot lodges in my throat. I work my shirt hem through my hands repeatedly and avoid looking at the alpha.
“Life should be better now that I’m free, right?
I’m not fighting for my life every single day.
” I spread my hand across my belly, as if to feel the faint bond within.
“But now I’ve had a taste of a pack . . .
it’s worse. I didn’t know before, you know?
What life could be like.” I sniff back a thick wave of emotion.
“I dreamed, and imagined, but I didn’t feel it, in here.
” My hand glides up to cover my left breast. Tilting my head, I peek at Callisto.
He moves over to the bed and sits with his elbow balanced on his knee and his head in his palm.
His silence unnerves me. “Stupid, right?” I scoff at myself. “I feel like I finally found my breaking point, and I can’t do a heat on top of this.” It could kill me. Better not say those words out loud, though.
“No, it’s not stupid.” Callisto swivels, looking at me between his fingers, and I stiffen at the sight of tears in his eyes. His voice cracks as he says, “Once you realize what you’re missing out on, it destroys you a little more every day.”
The tortured look in his gaze tells me he knows exactly how I feel.
Without his pack, the alpha who rejected me is suffering the same as I am. How painfully ironic that this gut-wrenching agony is something we have in common.
He goes on, speaking slowly. “Even though you didn’t have a great time there, the Omega Center was the first place you went to after your rescue.
” Callisto shudders with a heavy breath, and then scoots around the edge of the mattress and takes my face between his hands.
“Um, Zack asked me not to hug you, and I’m trying hard to resist—”
I choke on a dry laugh. Trust Zack to get territorial when he’s not even in the house.
“Can I . . .?” Callisto Wren, the fearless lawyer, crumples until his head rests over my heart. “Can I go with you? Can I help you?”
My body locks up with the brutal reality of my plan. “I’m not going there to have my heat, Calli. I’m going to sleep through it.”
He jerks upright, eyes feverish. “But that means—”
I nod. “Yeah. I’m going to be sedated.”
Callisto works his jaw several times. “Why, Red?” His gaze falls to my collarbone, and I cover the fine scars instinctively.
But this man knows all about them, so I can’t hide.
“Why go so far?” He strokes my hands while studying them.
“I’m trying to understand you, but I know how much you hate needles. ”
I grab the shirt Callisto brought me two days ago off the nightstand, knocking over a water bottle with a loud clatter.
Lifting the fabric to my nose, I breathe deep of my missing pack alpha’s scent.
“Because now the bond links me and Zack, and if I go into heat and lose control, he’ll freak out.
Might even kill someone while trying to get to me.
” I meet Callisto’s eyes and sigh. “And I will lose control, Calli. I know enough about myself to be sure of that.” Not even Ghost Red can control the wild omega lurking within.
Add a fragile bond and a missing pack alpha, and it’s like a gasoline mainline to a fire.
I’m not okay. And I hate that I must think about myself when Zack’s out there all alone.
Callisto’s mouth twitches with a smile, drawing my gaze. His neatly trimmed beard and goatee frames surprisingly pink lips, and I can’t help recalling how he tasted the day we first met.
He nods, deep in thought. “So you’re willing to do the thing you hate most for the alpha you love?”
Yeah, that sums it up. Sounds self-sacrificing, but it’s really not. Just self-preservation. I manage a weak nod to answer his question.
I don’t deserve the look of wonder on his face as he stares at me, his thumb marking gentle circles on my cheek. “You’re incredible, Red.”
A scoff escapes me as I shake my head. “No, I’m broken.”
“But the pieces are stunning.”
I shove him away, knowing any more kindness will send me catatonic. I need to hold myself together long enough to get to the Omega Center. Avoiding his gaze, I return to packing my bags.
“Can I accompany you?” Callisto asks again. “I can’t replace your missing alpha, but as a friend to lean on. I’ll do anything, Red.”
His admission makes me pause, sweatpants folded over my hand. “If you want a challenge, then convince Rickon I’m doing the right thing.”
Callisto snorts and rises to his feet. “He’s just worried about you.”
The soft fabric envelops my hands as I shove it deep inside the case. “I know.”
Callisto squeezes my shoulder and leaves the room, as if understanding that Rickon’s concern is a burden I can’t carry right now. Even kindness hurts when I have a hole in my heart.
Whatever Callisto said to Rickon, he calmed him down.
If we get through this in one piece, I might ask what they discussed because Rickon seems resigned as he clasps my hand in his and helps me out of the car.
But right now, I need all my concentration to will my feet into the big nest-shaped building.
Of course the staff welcomed my call, sounding delighted to hear from me. And they said I could have my old room back for as long as I needed it. “Only three and a half days,” I mutter under my breath as I force myself in through the front door.
Samantha waits for me in the lobby. “Welcome, Red. I’m so happy to see you again.” She spreads her arms and gives me a querying look to see if I’ll accept a hug.
Despite wanting to scratch the cheerful smile off her face, I lean in and pat her back awkwardly. “Hello, Samantha.”
She turns to greet Rickon and Callisto, who walks a few steps behind, carrying my bags, before leading me deeper into the building. “Come. Your room’s ready. Now, the booking notes said you didn’t want a nest. Have I got that right?”
“Yep. Just my old room.” Plain white curtains, a double bed, plenty of sunlight in the tall windows. Clinical. Sane.
Staff greet me warmly as we pass, looking delighted to see me back. If a single person said I told you so, I might’ve walked myself back out immediately, but everyone treats me like this is an ordinary visitation. Even better. I’ll walk in, stay a few nights, and walk out again. I can do this.
Gotta do this for Zack. And maybe for myself.
“Here we are,” Samantha declares, opening the familiar door.
I step inside, and the room swims with overlaid memories from my previous stay: the constant sensation that my new freedom was only a dream, noisy gatherings with the other omegas, and a deranged heat that had me threatening Samantha.
But like Callisto pointed out, it was also my first refuge after captivity, and that carries a special beauty.
And at least it’s a decent suite for the three of us to fit into, with an attached bathroom, a couch and TV, and a desk with an office chair.
“All right,” I tell myself. “We’ll do nicely here.
” Pep talk complete, I march in and throw the wardrobe doors open.
“Did you miss me, pal?” I ask the dark wooden furniture.
“Chuck the bag in here, Callisto. No need to unpack since we won’t be long.
” I clasp my hands behind my back to hide the tremor.
Callisto nods and sets the bag down, trying to hide a grin. Yes, I talk to furniture. So fucking what? But I’m not mad he finds it funny—if anything, his smile sets me at ease.
The nurse opens the window an inch, letting in a pleasant warm draft. “If you’re ready, Red, we’d like to sit down and have a chat about your expectations for this visit.” Samantha’s choosing her words carefully, avoiding the term heat, which I’m grateful for.
“Not real keen on talking about it,” I mutter, straddling the sofa armrest. “But I get we don’t want a repeat of last time.”
She grins. “You and me both. Come on. Let’s go.”
I should’ve realized that sly smile masked the meaning of her words. “We” includes Dr Marilyn Woods, who honestly, is on my list of least liked people, right beside Bradley Jacks.
I hide my irritation behind a sweet smile as the two alphas and I slide in at a round table set up with scones and jam in the head psychologist’s office.
Dr Woods reaches for my hand. “Red, I can’t tell you what a joy it is to see you again. I’ve been following your progress reports, and can I just say, I’m so sorry to hear about your alpha being taken into custody. Have we heard if he’s doing okay?”
I stare at her hand covering mine. Progress reports. The very reason I wanted out of this place. An irrational desire to plunge my fork through her fingers seizes me—good thing I left Fabby McStabby’s replacement cutlery at home in my bedside table.
“I met with Zack two days ago,” Callisto says, saving me from answering. “He’s doing remarkably well, all thanks to Red and Rickon’s teaching.”
I flash him a grateful look, and he nods slightly.
Dr Woods nods with satisfaction. “That’s wonderful news.”
Watching her, I get the slightest twinge of longing for my new, crazy therapist, Leanne. At least the Einstein-looking artist would make me laugh in this situation. In fact, just thinking of what she said about all psychologists being bastards makes me want to giggle.
Samantha slides a plate across the table, giving me an excuse to withdraw my hand from the doctor’s. “Shall we start now?” the nurse asks. “Red, how about you tell us what you want during your visit?”
I lift a scone off the platter and busy myself adding jam and cream. “Okay, well, I want . . .” The words stick to my tongue and the treat cracks down the middle as my grip tightens. “The thing is, I don’t want to feel this heat. I want . . . I need to be sedated.”
The following silence feels deafening. I shrink away from their stares.
“Okay, then. We can arrange that,” Dr Woods declares, drumming her fingers lightly on the table and exchanging concerned glances with Samantha. “I have one question, though. Given your discomfort with needles, have you given any thought to how you can tolerate the injection?”
Phantom sharp points prick me from the very idea. The only way I take needles is when they’re forced on me. “You’ll have to restrain me,” I whisper, crumbling more dough.
Rickon jolts and swivels on his chair, but Callisto grabs his arm and shakes his head at him. I’m suddenly very glad the suave alpha begged to come along. Rickon scowls, all stiff with refusal, and I drop my head.
A moment later, Rickon kneels at my feet and takes my hands, attitude soft as melted butter. “I’m sorry, Biscuit. We’re doing this however you want, so would you prefer to decide all the details, or do you need us to just make it happen?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Make it happen,” I grind out, breathless. “If you two are here, I think I can survive. But don’t give me a safe word, and don’t believe anything I say once it . . . starts.” My gaze flits to Samantha, hoping she understands.
She nods. I think she might be a kinder person than I’ve given her credit for.
“Okay, beautiful. Leave it all to us.” Rickon lays his head on top of my hands, and we sit for a long moment, soaking in each other’s presence.
I know he’s upset for me, not at me; his beautiful heart wants justice for all the wrongs that turned me into this monster.
But most important, he’s supporting me now.
Even though the alpha I need most in the world isn’t here, I’m not alone.