Chapter 1 #2
He said it so flatly that Eden couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ve never been in love before,” she admitted. “Not like that.” Maybe if she told herself that, she would convince herself that she hadn’t been falling for both Benson and Liam. “But he’s been in love a few times, huh?”
“Man falls hard and fast.” Liam amended that. “Incredibly loyal, though. And he’ll always do the right thing once he’s all-in.”
“Yes. I got that feeling about him.”
Liam finally leaned forward, bowing his elbows against his knees as he turned toward Eden.
“I’m not gonna lie, love,” he said. “Last weekend was…” He cleared his throat, lest he say any of the details out loud in public.
“Reminded me of old times. Benson broke up with me. I was one of the first and only people he broke up with. He’s only publicly dated women since, but I know he’s part of the same underground clubs I am. ”
“Underground clubs?”
“You know. Downlow. Cruising. Ahem.”
“I see.”
“That’s why it was a big deal to go for it with me.
It would mean being out. There are gay power couples out there, but neither are we gay, nor is Benson used to facing that kind of scrutiny.
I think Sydney fucked him up. Deep down, that lug wants a woman.
I knew it. He knew it. He just wouldn’t admit that we had to find a woman who would make it work with us. ”
“And how do you feel about all of this right now?”
Liam puffed out his cheeks before shaking his head. “Like him, I’m trying not to get my heart broken again.”
“He broke your heart?”
“Love.” He leveled his gaze on her. “We were getting married. We had been sharing all of our innermost secrets for two years. We were building something together.” Liam opened his hands to her. “Of course he broke my heart. I loved him.”
It was those words that sealed something in her mind. “I’m gonna talk to him.”
“Maybe give him a couple more days.”
Eden checked the time on her phone. It was 4:30 pm. Benson would be home from work in another hour.
“Eden.”
She leaned forward, matching his stance as the two of them brought their heads close enough to kiss. Yet they both refrained, not that it stopped Eden from putting her hand on his knee. “Thank you for telling me your side of the story. All I’ve wanted is transparency.”
“I know.” Liam swallowed. “Me, I’m an open book, warts and all. Ben, though…”
“Benson is older than both of us and has seen things we haven’t. He’s got a kid. He’s been married before.”
“When you put it that way…”
She kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll text you later. I’ve got to get going.”
“At least tell me we can go out this weekend, love. I’ve missed you like crazy, and it’s only been a few days.”
Eden grinned. “Naughty boy.”
“What can I say? Dangle a beautiful woman in front of me, and I can’t wait to make something out of the chance.”
“Have I been dangled?”
“I mean, not literally. But I did dangle you in front of a window.”
She rolled her eyes as she got up.
“What?”
All of that introspection, and he still sounded like such a dude when he spoke. “I’ll see you later.”
He didn’t ask her where she was going.
Granted, she didn’t go straight to Benson’s. The man was still at work, and she wanted to clear her head before making him talk to her. So she went home. Ate something light. Cleaned up her kitchen.
Then she grabbed her other jacket and headed to his place a few blocks away.
Her name was still on a list that allowed her to bypass the concierge’s desk. Someone behind the counter announced they would inform Mr. Smith that she was there to visit, but she made it to Benson’s floor without being stopped, so he must not have objected.
Despite wearing his work suit at six, he was disheveled. The first thing Eden did was smooth down some of his hair before he let her into his apartment.
“I was about to change,” he said, heading toward his room. “You’re welcome to watch.”
Was he flirting? Now?
“I wanted to check up on you,” she said, standing in his bedroom doorway as he undressed and got into his sweatpants and a T-shirt.
Eden did not linger on his physique or the way he cut his clothes with it.
One of the most gorgeous men in the city.
That’s what she thought every time she saw him.
The man who was still technically her boyfriend. “You weren’t responding to my texts.”
He slowly finished putting on his shirt before turning toward her. “There’s been a lot going on. Liam won’t leave me alone, and I’m just tired by the end of it.”
She wrapped her arm around him when he approached. “I was worried about you.”
Benson cupped a hand around her face. “You’re a very sweet woman, Eden.”
While she had his captivated attention, she said, “And you’ve been keeping a lot locked away inside of you. You know I won’t judge.”
Benson reclaimed his hand and headed down the hallway. Eden silently followed.
He offered her tea, but she had plenty earlier. Instead, he leaned against his island counter with his hot drink while Eden stood before him,
“Sounds like you’ve been talking to Liam.”
“You mean your ex-fiancé? Yes.”
Benson grunted, staring into his tea without drinking it. “What the hell did he tell you?”
“His side of things about why you broke up.”
“We told you last weekend why we broke up.”
“I still like hearing it again.”
“It was a long time ago. We fought. We didn’t agree on what our future should look like. So, I…”
His voice trailed off. “So, you broke up with him?”
He didn’t deny it. Good. The more their stories lined up, the better.
“Do you still care about him?”
Benson’s mouth twisted as he forced himself to drink his tea. “It’s not like that. I mean, I’m not… I’m not meant to be with another guy like that. I know that now.”
“Ben.” She took his cup out of his hands and put it on the counter behind him. “I don’t care that you’re bi. I’m not your ex-wife.”
The look on his face was one of disgusting surprise – not at her, but at Liam.
“The fuck did he tell you?”
“Something I’ve managed to put together for myself as well. You’ve been cryptic about the real reason behind your divorce, but now I figured it out. You came out to her, and she freaked.”
“It’s not that simple. Our marriage was on life support before that. It was just the straw that broke that camel’s back.”
“Sydney’s a good woman,” Benson insisted. “She was just in way over her head at the end of our relationship. I sprang so much on her. I doubt my… predilections… were a surprise.”
“She rejected you, though. I’m not.”
Benson still couldn’t bring himself to look at her, so Eden placed both hands on his cheeks, her thumbs pressing into the dimples beneath his eyes.
“It took a long time,” Benson muttered, “to be honest with myself.”
She didn’t say anything.
“I grew up in a world where you just didn’t do that, no matter how you felt. Other guys, maybe even your buddies, could be gay, but you? No way. And things were very either-or. There was no liking both shit. I bet it was different for you.”
Eden maintained her silence. It was better for him to let it out.
“If a guy liked girls, he just went with it. So, that’s what I did. Maybe things would have been different if Sydney hadn’t gotten pregnant, but she did, and that’s where my life went.”
“You had to be a family man.”
“Yeah. Family men don’t hook up with other guys at parties. Let alone with their wives.”
“I’m sorry, Ben.”
“Yeah, well, as you’ve surmised, she knew something was up and probably wasn’t shocked when I came out to her. But I think she was expecting me to be gay. Then, when Liam came around, she was even more confused. She almost took me to court to get full custody.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“But my daughter was old enough, it didn’t matter, I guess. She’s a smart girl. She figured out her old man as soon as she was in middle school. Said there were like five bi boys in her class. Can you imagine?”
“Not really. I mean, in middle school?”
“Times change, angel.”
“I wish you could have grown up in those times, Ben.”
“Well, I didn’t. So now I get to be in therapy about it.”
She braved hugging him, offering her weight, her warmth to him. Benson wasn’t the kind to use a lot of words in these situations, so for him to say this much must have been exhausting. I just need him to know that I don’t hate him. I don’t judge him.
Instead, he brought up something else.
“You don’t think I’m disgusting, do you?”
Eden was so caught off guard that it took her a moment to realize what he meant. “What? No. Why would I think that?”
“Because…” Benson tensed beneath her hold.
“It’s what Sydney said, isn’t it?”
“She said it made her completely rethink our marriage, never mind my love for sharing her with other men. I admit it, angel, that was a bit of a stepping stone for me to explore my sexuality, but I purposely did it with her because I loved her. I trusted her.”
“Ben…”
“A part of me will always miss her and that potential.”
Eden’s chest was heavy as she took that in. “I get it. I mean, I’ve never been through that, but I can empathize. She was half your life. She’s the mother of your child. Who else can you trust, if not her, right?”
“Sure.”
“You’ve been carrying that this whole time?”
“The only person I’ve told is… him.” Even though he meant Liam, Benson couldn’t say his name. “He said a lot of the same things you have. He’s said a lot this week.”
“He mentioned being exhausted because he’s been yelling at you all week.”
“Yeah, well… I always give him a lot to yell about. I’m not as comfortable with myself as he is. That man’s been getting around since he was in high school. I’m shocked he could put up with me for as long as he could.”
“He told me today you broke his heart, you know.”
“Did he?”
Eden nodded. “You trying to break my heart, too, Ben?”
“The only way I could break your heart is if you…”
She held herself close to him. “I don’t think you’re disgusting.
I don’t think you’re messed up. I…” She inhaled his scent, remembering how safe and delighted she had always felt in these arms. “I’m falling for you, Ben.
And I’m telling you right now, I’m nearing the point of no return.
If I keep hanging around you two, I’m gonna fall for both of you.
Harder than I have for anyone. You’re both wonderful.
For different reasons, but together? It’s like magic. ”
His eyes widened as his arms wrapped around her.
“I like this whole falling for someone thing,” she said against his chest. “I don’t wanna regret it.
So before I go all-in, I need to know that it isn’t something I’ll regret.
You two…” She stepped back, holding the hem of his shirt before slowly releasing it.
“You two need to sort your shit out. So I can have you both.”
Benson crossed his arms. “I don’t know about that. Liam and I… it didn’t work. I don’t know if I can actually be in a public relationship like that with another guy. I thought I could.”
“Don’t make any decisions right now, Ben.” Eden checked for her wallet, keys, and phone in her skirt pocket. “I just wanted you to know where I stand. I’ve got a whole life ahead of me. Things can happen anytime. You could die, for example.”
“Wha…”
Like she had with Liam, Eden kissed his cheek. “I’ll call you later. Or call me tomorrow. Someone call someone this weekend.”
He watched after her. He must have known that he didn’t have to go after her.
Eden had places to be, anyway. She had decisions to make.
She walked into her apartment, slumping against the wall as she removed her shoes and tossed her keys and wallet into a dish by her door.
After grabbing a can of soda from the fridge, she ambled over to her loveseat. She didn’t turn on the TV. Instead, she stared at a letter on her coffee table.
It was from La Mariposa. Apparently, she had been so well-received the month before that they were inviting her to work the May retreat. She had a few weeks to decide, but the sooner she replied, the sooner she could secure some high-paying work.
Absolutely insane… Another hundred grand in her pocket for one weekend’s work fucking a bunch of guys whenever they wanted.
When she thought of it that way, she laughed.