Chapter One #2
I hadn’t planned to be. Hadn’t expected him to respond after the first couple of times I’d checked in, never mind keep responding.
But he’d been a thread of connection for me too. An unexpected source of comfort that could make me laugh or feel seen with a few simple words through my phone screen. One I saw no reason to give up just because Evan had taken a pair of kitchen shears to his own relationship with Gabe.
“You think I should, is that it?” His gaze lowered to the counter, hands squeezed into fists, every part of him drawn tight.
We were both adults, nearly twenty-nine, but all I saw in front of me was the boy I’d grown up with. The one who loved so big and hurt even bigger. Who did everything he could to protect himself from pain for fear it would be too much.
I kept my voice gentle. “Do I think you should reconcile your estranged relationship with your brother who, for most of your life, was your best friend? Yes. I do.”
“I don’t need him as a best friend,” he insisted. “I’ve got you.”
My heart squeezed at the depth of that simple truth. He did have me, just like I had him. Just like we’d always had each other. There wasn’t a day I wasn’t grateful.
I grazed his fist with my pinky, and he uncurled his own to hook with mine.
“What about as a brother? Do you not need that either?” I asked, knowing how much he did. No one else could fill the void of all Gabe was to him.
His voice was hollow. “He made that choice for me when he left.”
“And now he’s coming back. You get to decide what that means for you, but I won’t shun him just because you are.”
He finally met my gaze, his eyes red. “He still might bail.”
“He might,” I agreed. I didn’t believe he would, but there were no guarantees.
“And even if he doesn’t, that won’t mean he’ll stay.”
“You’re right.”
He sighed through his nose, not liking where that left him but too tired to fight it. He rocked our linked hands. “You’ve got work to do. I’ll finish unpacking the boxes.”
“Fifteen minutes to midnight,” I called to Zach as I finished plating a tray of lamb and pear meatballs with a pomegranate-balsamic reduction. “I want the last of the dishes ready to go out in ten. You almost done with the wild mushrooms?”
I patted my hands on the towel tucked into my apron, then reached for the linen napkin to wipe the rims of the plates.
The adrenaline rush from the start of the night redoubled as the ball drop drew near, perspiration gathering beneath my chef coat and along the bandanna I wore to keep loose hair off my face.
“Bringing them to you now. Behind.” Zach approached my prep table, his tattoos, piercings, and shaved mohawk as punk rock as you could get in a pristine white chef jacket, and placed the hot frying pan of perfectly glazed wild mushrooms to my right. The earthy aroma of black garlic infused the air.
“Looks good, Chef. Thank you.”
The night was going well so far. Food flowed out of the kitchen on schedule, and empty trays came back in record time. Zach and I had slid into the zone, communication coming easily from having worked hundreds of dinner services together at Ardena.
Once we got through this push, there’d be only desserts and cleanup to handle. With the desserts waiting to be garnished in the blast chiller and two industrial dishwasher machines at our disposal, the rest of the night would be a breeze.
My phone buzzed as I sent out the final round of savory food. I smiled when I saw Gabe’s name, the first I’d heard from him today. It was just before five a.m. in London, which meant either he was up early or he’d had one hell of a New Year’s celebration of his own.
I’d filled him in last night on Evan’s plan to find me a stranger to kiss. A plan Evan had determinedly tried to convince me to accept. He’d popped into the kitchen three times tonight to describe potential candidates he’d spotted at the party in case I’d changed my mind.
I hadn’t. But I did explain to Gabe the reasoning behind Evan’s plan, including that I’d never had a New Year’s kiss, despite Patrick and I being together for three years.
Where I loved any excuse to dress in something sparkly and dance in a crowded room, Patrick had embraced the accountant stereotype of preferring to be in bed by eleven. He’d encouraged me to go out and have fun, which I did. It just meant I’d gotten New Year’s Day kisses, but never one at midnight.
I should have known when I’d mentioned it to Evan months ago that he’d take it on as his personal mission. The only thing as fun for him as prowling through his own love life was meddling in mine.
I smirked at Gabe’s text. They might not be talking, but he and Evan were definitely still brothers.
Gabe: I could help you with that
A handful of butterflies kicked up their wings at the thought, a holdover from the childhood crush I’d buried around the time I left for culinary school. Not that it took a crush to see how attractive Gabe was. Half the people at this party would easily jump on his kiss.
Me: Ha. You’d have to be on the same continent as me first.
“Can we head out for the ball drop, Chef?” Zach asked after starting a load of dishes.
I pocketed my phone. “Definitely. In fact, enjoy the rest of the party. I have dessert covered.”
His face lit up. “Really?”
“You earned it.”
“I can still help with cleanup.”
I waved him off. “Let’s go say hi to everyone.”
We weaved through the crowd of expensive suits and glittering dresses until we found Jase and the group on the edge of the dance floor. They cheered as we approached. Jase’s girlfriend, Dani, was wrapped in his arms while his brother, Alec, and sister-in-law, Steph, raised glasses of champagne.
“The food’s been incredible!” Dani said with a warm smile, her brown hair and fair skin popping against the deep purple of her dress. With Jase in dark trousers and a navy sweater, his own dark hair intentionally ruffled, they looked absurdly attractive together. Not to mention ridiculously happy.
“For real, I can’t stop eating that cheesy onion thing,” Alec said. The sweet onion galette with truffle fonduta. It was basically French onion soup in fancy bite-size form and was always a crowd-pleaser.
Jase flashed me a look that said he’d never expected different. “You’re crushing it, Chef.”
That uncomfortable slurry of pride and melancholy swirled around my chest at the compliment, intensifying when Jase turned to Zach and asked, “You looking for your boyfriend?”
My gaze swung to Zach, who was taking advantage of his wiry height to peer over me into the crowd. “Boyfriend?” I asked. “Since when?”
His gauged ears went pink as he failed to hold back a smile. “That guy from the concert last month. We sort of made it official a few days ago.”
Had I heard about the guy from the concert? I had no clue which concert, so probably not.
“Luis brought a date too,” Zach added, eager to shift the attention from himself. “He finally asked out that girl who’s been coming into the restaurant.”
“Which girl?” I asked.
“The short one with bangs? Always orders the maitake steak? She started coming in a few weeks ago.”
I managed a smile, forcing it wider as he and Jase joked about the look of pure terror Luis had worn before making his move. A pit opened in my stomach the longer I listened.
How much had I missed in the past three months? What else was I out of the loop on when it came to these boys I practically counted as little brothers?
Not nearly as much as I’d miss from now on.
I may have still been a part of the Ardena family, but not in the same way as before. We were no longer a single unit. They weren’t here celebrating our achievement; they were here celebrating mine.
I was crushing it. I was shining. Yet somehow, it felt like I was being left behind.
The pit in my stomach gaped wider as it fed on itself like a black hole.
An arm draped around my shoulders, and Evan pulled me into a side hug.
“The badass of the hour.” He nodded toward the stunning Asian woman at his side with silky dark hair and cheekbones any social-media model would envy.
“Emily here said she hates collards, and even she couldn’t get enough of the fried rolls. ”
“They were really good,” she agreed about the collard spanakopita cigars with mint oil. She turned a flirtatious grin toward Evan. “I can’t wait for dessert.”
His arm fell from my shoulders as he pulled her close, his voice dropping low. “Oh yeah?”
I averted my eyes. As glad for him as I was he’d found his kiss for the night, I didn’t need to see it up close.
Only, one look around, and I found myself surrounded by couples.
Boyfriend and girlfriend. Boyfriend and boyfriend. Husband and wife. Special someones, if only for tonight. It hadn’t felt significant before this moment, standing amid the cluster of them…alone.
Everyone paired off with me as the odd one out.
“One minute to go!” Jillian announced from the stage, turning the party’s attention to the crystal-studded ball at the far end of the room.
In less than sixty seconds, it would reach the stage in a whirlwind of lights and confetti, and every person here would turn to their partner to share the moment with while I floated adrift, not forgotten but not chosen either. The background extra in someone else’s movie.
My neck went hot as an uncomfortable feeling took root in my stomach, its vines growing and twisting around my organs and squeezing too tight.
“I’ll be right back,” I blurted. My voice got swallowed by the swell of music as I ducked away while everyone’s attention stayed fixed on the display.
The live band started a drumroll, and claps picked up in time to the countdown—all of it drowned out by the pulse in my ears as I pushed my way to the kitchen.
Even as I reached the solitude of tiled floors and stainless steel appliances, my breaths refused to slow, my eyes burning for reasons I didn’t understand as I dug through my pocket for my phone.
What was happening? Nothing about tonight should have upset me.
The people I loved showing up for me shouldn’t have made me feel worse.
My throat shouldn’t have been tightening with held-back tears while everything around me seemed to stretch and fold into a cavern of empty space with me stranded in the middle.
I wasn’t new to being alone, yet here it was swallowing me up like a snake with its jaw stretched wide.
Maybe I should have said yes to one of the guys Evan picked for me. Maybe something shallow and meaningless would have been enough to prevent whatever crack this was inside me from forming.
Something told me it would have made everything worse.
Throat thick, I unlocked my screen and opened Gabe’s messages, seeking the buzz of connection I got any time his texts came through.
My fingers stalled over the keyboard with no clue how to put into words what I wanted. Then I remembered I’d either be waking him or interrupting whatever he’d gotten up so early for before.
A blast of percussion and cheers flooded the kitchen as the door behind me opened, the countdown from ten carrying in the background.
I tucked my phone away and adjusted my headband, not wanting to turn around.
Except it was probably a drunk couple who had wandered off, and the one thing sure to make this moment worse was hearing strangers have sex in my kitchen.
I blew out a breath and drew on my customer-service face, then spun and froze as I registered the person in front of me.
Not a stranger.
Gabe.
He towered before me like a Greek sculpture, all power and beauty captured in sharp lines and tan skin with broad muscles Zeus himself would probably find some envy for. Somehow not in London at all but standing beside my prep bench mere feet away.
His soft blue eyes landed on me, made softer by his growing smile, the kitchen’s fluorescent lights shining off his silky blond hair and comfy-looking sweats.
Seeing him, the twisted vines inside me loosened, and the frenzied energy of the night—every spike of adrenaline and emotion from the past six hours—narrowed to a single burning impulse.
I didn’t ask what he was doing here when his flight wasn’t supposed to arrive until tomorrow night. I didn’t ask how he’d known where to find me or if he was hungry. I didn’t ask if he wanted to see the ball drop.
I didn’t ask him anything.
I closed the five steps between us and kissed him.