Chapter Thirty-Three
Gabe
Aubrey nodded against my lips, and this time, I didn’t pull away. I kissed her like I needed her lips on mine to breathe. Like my very existence depended on the feel of her mouth, the softness of her cheek beneath my hand, on being as close to her as I could.
I released her hand to cup both sides of her face, and the shift of my torso made my shoulder groan. I ignored it and drew her closer.
In some ways, I welcomed the pain. Needed it as a reminder of why I didn’t get to keep her in my arms. I’d only end up breaking her the way I broke everything. Taking from her the way I took from everyone close to me, never considering how it might hurt them.
I’d hurt her worse if I stayed. I wouldn’t mean to, but I would.
If my mom’s death had taught me anything, it was that I was selfish, and without trying, that selfishness would lead me to let the people who cared about me down. Better I stayed away than let them care about me at all. Better I loved them from afar than do more damage than I already had.
Aubrey’s fingers threaded my hair, and I parted her lips with my tongue.
One last time. One last time I would be selfish with her. One last time I would take as much of her as she was willing to give me.
I hadn’t waited for her to take the lead, too afraid she wouldn’t. Too afraid she’d say we were friends and I would have to go back to the way we were before New Year’s like I promised her I would.
I wasn’t ready. Not to go back to wanting her from afar like I had since the Thanksgiving before my mom died. Not to give up the taste of her on my tongue and the heady scent of her coconut shampoo or the unrestrained trust she handed me every time I touched her.
Even now, she inched forward on the couch, trying to get closer as if being with me made her feel as whole as being with her did me.
I scooped her onto my lap, and she squeaked as I stood, wrapping her legs around my waist as I trailed kisses down her neck.
“Your shoulder,” she said, barely grazing my left arm with her fingers.
“It’s okay.” I sucked below her ear and strode for her bedroom, the pain in my shoulder dulling against my need for her.
She pressed soft kisses along my shoulder as if to make it better. If anyone’s touch could, it would be hers.
I eased us onto her bed, bracing myself over her on my right arm, and kissed her again.
Her hands snaked around my torso, pulling more of my weight onto her, connecting us from chests to hips.
I was hard, my erection nestled between her thighs, but even that felt secondary to kissing her. Holding her. Existing here with her.
“Let me feel your skin?” I murmured against her lips.
Her nod was instant, her hands already peeling off my T-shirt.
I sat back to pull it over my head, then ran my hands along the soft rise of her stomach, lifting her shirt’s hem as I went, revealing each of her tattoos. She arched her back so I could free her from it completely, no bra in sight.
“You’re beautiful,” I said as I drew my thumb across one breast. My tongue followed, swirling over her nipple before switching to the other, her chest rising and falling with quickened breaths.
She scraped her fingers lightly over my scalp, sending a shiver down my spine that tightened my balls and made my cock throb.
Moving lower, I kissed the vines and butterflies tattooed along her ribs, then dragged my lips across her belly to reach the daisies on her hip. I worked the waistband of her pants down, kissing each inch of newly discovered skin, sucking briefly on her clit, committing every part of her to memory.
Only when I had her completely naked did I bother with my own pants. I almost kept my head between her legs all night, not wanting to give up her taste or her wetness on my tongue, but I needed the feel of her body against mine more.
Her eyes devoured me as she slid her gaze over my torso and below my waist before quickly bringing it back to mine.
We stayed there for a moment, watching each other. Both fully bare and at our most vulnerable. Both not hiding, letting the other see.
Being seen by her was better than any sex. And sex with her…
I couldn’t wait anymore. I lowered myself to her, my eyes falling closed at her softness. Her smooth skin. The warmth of her body and the clasp of her thighs. I opened my eyes and looked into her hazel gaze, rocking my hips to feel more of her.
My length slid over her clit, and we both groaned. I did it again, raising goose bumps along my skin.
“You still have those condoms I gave you?” I whispered against her lips. She’d wanted a few on hand in case I ever forgot one or we needed extra. Her tongue slid into my mouth as my cock slid along her slit. My body shuddered. I wanted to bury myself in her heat and never leave.
“Yeah, but—” She moaned, rocking her hips to meet mine. “Not yet. Keep doing this. God, you feel so good.”
Fuck, so did she. I dropped my head to the mattress alongside her cheek and drew back my hips, rocking forward in one long glide, letting her feel all of me.
My cock was coated in her arousal, our bodies growing sticky with sweat, and for a moment, I imagined what it would be like to slip inside her bare.
To have absolutely nothing between us. To empty myself in her and give her all of me in a way I hadn’t with anyone else.
It was enough to let myself imagine other things.
That I’d won the tournament and gotten my gym.
That my dad and Evan both had been in the front row, celebrating with me.
That when Aubrey jumped into my arms to congratulate me, I’d kissed her like I was kissing her now.
With my whole body. Unrestrained. Not hiding any of how I felt for her.
I let myself imagine one day being married. Let myself imagine Aubrey being that wife. That I was making love to her as her husband. Her partner. That we were sharing a life together. Raising kids together. Chasing the things we both wanted, together.
Teammates.
Life mates.
Two people who belonged to each other.
Who loved each other.
“Aubrey.” A low groan escaped me as my muscles strained, my rhythm picking up. I’d have to stop soon or I’d come. But the way her hips were circling and her breath had caught told me she was on the verge herself. “Breathe, baby. Breathe into it.”
“Gabe,” she whimpered.
“I got you.” I kept up my rhythm, sliding against her clit with long, steady strokes. “Let it go. That’s it. That’s it.”
Her head flew back, eyes squeezed shut as her body convulsed as if the pleasure jumped through her like electricity. I focused on her face, memorizing the flush that stained her cheeks and the way her lips fell apart. When her muscles relaxed, I kissed her neck and behind her ear.
“Condoms are in the nightstand,” she whispered, voice shaky.
I pulled back to meet her gaze. Her eyes were shiny. “You okay to keep going?”
“Please don’t stop.”
I wouldn’t. Not until she told me to. That or we couldn’t stay awake any longer. If this was my last night with her, I would make it last as close to forever as I could.
I got up and rounded the bed, grabbing all three condoms from the nightstand. When I returned to kneel between her legs, she plucked one from my hand.
“Let me,” she said.
Her hands were steady as she opened the wrapper and placed the condom on my tip. We held each other’s gazes as she rolled it over my length, just like she had the first time we’d had sex. My cock jumped in her hand.
I’d never wanted a woman the way I wanted her. I braced myself on my right forearm and let her line me up at her entrance.
“Ready?” I breathed, brushing her hair from her forehead.
“Ready.”
I eased my hips forward, her clasp around me unreal. So warm. So wet. Her body opened for me like it was welcoming me home.
I cupped her cheek. “You’re amazing,” I whispered, wishing I could give her more. Be more. Be everything she deserved.
Tears welled in her eyes, one escaping down her cheek. I wiped it away with my thumb as my own eyes burned.
Her lips lifted into a shaky smile. “Kiss me.”
I dragged my thumb over her bottom lip as more of her tears fell.
Then I held her gaze as I pressed my mouth to hers, matching the tempo of our bodies coming together in the gentlest of waves.
Our stares stayed connected, mouths tangled, hips rocking, neither of us looking away as something too big to name built between us.
When her next orgasm hit, she melted into it, moaning as if taken by surprise.
The way her inner muscles contracted around me and the way she breathed my name like a chant had my hips pumping faster, chasing her pleasure with my own.
When it had strung me up tight enough to cut off my breath, I gave a final thrust and let go, pulsing my release into the condom, the feeling so good I thought I might die.
Her arms around me, holding me to her as she buried her face in the crook of my neck, was the first thing I registered when my thoughts came back online. The ache in my left shoulder from collapsing my weight onto it was the second.
I shifted to check on her, but her hold on me tightened. “Not yet,” she mumbled against my skin. Her voice was thick with emotion. “Just…don’t go yet.”
Letting more of my weight settle over her, I lowered my forehead to her mane of blond waves. The scent of coconut and her washed over me, easing my muscles.
I’d stay.
Despite everything in me that wanted the best for her screaming it was wrong, if she asked me to stay, I would. If she told me it was what she wanted, what she needed, I didn’t think I would be strong enough to deny her. Not when it was what I wanted too.
But she wasn’t asking me that. She probably knew as well as I did what a terrible idea it would be.
All she was asking for was right now. One more moment of comfort in each other’s arms before returning to a sensible path.
I ignored my aching shoulder, not caring about it at the moment, though I’d need to take care of the condom soon. But for a minute, I’d savor holding her and pretending she was mine.
Pretending I was hers too.