9. Deacon
Chapter nine
Deacon
The moment the words pass my lips, I wish I could take them back. Vasile stares up at me, mouth half-open, blue eyes wide with surprise.
Why would he ask? It has been a century. If he wanted to know before now, there are ways to find that out. Sam and his mages are not the first we have ever met.
“Deacon,” he says, the word heavy with pain, with the weight of all that lost time between us. “Deacon, I—”
“Don’t,” I say, and it comes out sharper than I intend. “Sorry, I shouldn’t—That’s not what it’s about. How can you think connecting with Tamesis again is a good idea?”
He shakes his head. “It isn’t. I know it isn’t. But if it’s the only way…” When he looks at me again, his expression is anguished. “What else do we do , Deacon? He’s my responsibility. I’m the reason he’s here.”
I start moving again, pacing around the living room. My wolf is as restless as I am, though he’s demanding that I keep my eyes on Vasile at all times. So I circle around him on the sofa. His shoulders stiffen when I’m at his back, but he doesn’t turn his head to look.
“We need another plan,” I say. “You cannot place yourself in danger unless we’re certain it will lead to him. Unless we’re certain…”
Vasile’s frowning when I make it to his front again. He gets to his feet all at once, all that vampire grace, and shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter tonight, does it?” His hands pat the pocket he put the note into. “You should go. You have a pack to run.”
I freeze mid-step. He wants me to go ? Of course it’s not a completely unreasonable request, but I stare at him as he crosses to the door, opens it, and signals for me to leave with a dramatic wave of his hand.
When I don’t move, his frown turns into a scowl. “Deacon—”
“Close the door.” My voice comes out rough. Are my eyes silver? The shift tingles just under my skin.
Vasile huffs but closes it without hesitation. “Deacon, I don’t want to argue—”
He’s cut off when I slam him none-too-gently against the wood. His scent—irritation and hurt and anger—shifts into something softer, and I fight the urge to lower my face to his throat and greedily breathe him in.
“Deacon. What are you doing?”
“Don’t reforge that connection, Vasile,” I say. “Don’t bind yourself to him again.”
“I won’t be bound to him!” I move my hands from his shoulders to rest against the door on either side of them, and he doesn’t slip away. “The bond will help me find him, and that way I can kill him. For good, this time.”
“What if it’s more powerful than you’re anticipating? You heard what Ophelia said. Sires have more power over fledglings, and this will be a new bond. Who’s to say he won’t have that kind of control over you?”
“I’m not a fledgling!”
“I know that.” Unbidden, a growl rises in my throat. “What if he uses you to kill everyone you care about?”
For a moment, the words linger. Vasile’s panting in much the way I am, but his eyes are wide, and I realise there’s pain in my voice. I’ve given away too much.
I ran that night because I failed him. And I stayed away because there’s no coming back from the kind of failure that came between us. There’s no amount of forgiveness that will change the fact that I hurt him, something I never should have been able to do.
Vasile may think he can withstand a bond to Tamesis, but I don’t see how that’s possible when I couldn’t, and a wolf can never hurt their mate.
“Deacon.” Vasile’s voice says he understands, but I don’t know how he could. He shifts on his feet, and as the scent of him hits me again, I breathe in deep, allowing myself this moment.
Just one.
“Promise me,” I say. It’s unreasonable of me to ask, I know that. “Promise me you won’t tie yourself to him again.”
I move one hand, pressing it to Vasile’s chest, to where I know the broken remains of our bond rest. Well, maybe they do. He’s a vampire. Maybe it shattered and now he feels nothing of its absence.
The way he sucks in a breath tells me he does. The way his eyes turn liquid, too, and his scent changes, just a little—
“Deacon,” he says again. He licks his lips, and they part slightly, and though all I want to do is lean in and take his mouth, I can’t. I do that, and I’m beginning something I am not—will never be—prepared to deal with.
Instead, I sink to my knees.
Vasile swallows hard. “Deacon, wh-what?”
I rest my hands on his belt buckle. The trousers he’s wearing are grey, pinstriped, ever so expensive. He’d probably be angry if I tore them off.
“Tell me not to.”
“Deacon.” How many ways can he say my name? This time it’s a whine, and I lean in, pressing my forehead against his hip.
“Tell me you want it.”
He lets out a long, heavy breath. One hand tangles in my hair, running through the strands with something that feels close to reverence.
“I want it. I want you .”
That’s all the permission I need. I work his belt buckle open with clumsy fingers, then the fastenings of his trousers. His briefs are dark, straining around his already swelling cock. I breathe him in again as I shove his trousers down, then hook my fingers into the waistband of his briefs.
“ Deacon ,” Vasile says when I hesitate. His voice is hoarse. My lips quirk and I tug his briefs down, breath catching in my throat when his cock springs free.
He’s so pretty, my vampire. Pretty all over—though he’d hate to hear me say it—but especially here. I press a kiss to the underside of his cock, just beneath the head, and the strangled sound he lets out has me so hard it hurts.
“Are you going to—fuck—tease me all night?”
Could I? Something in his expression tells me I could. We could have this and forget about everything outside of this flat for a little while. All our duties and responsibilities, gone.
But there’s a spectre just outside the door, waiting to be let in. We don’t have that kind of time.
So I wink at him instead, darting my tongue out for a taste of his pre-cum before I take him into my mouth. Vasile lets out a startled cry, hips jerking forward. I suck hard, and the hand he has in my hair tightens as I bob my head back and forth, stroking my tongue along his shaft.
“Deacon, you—Your mouth , fuck—” He’s incomprehensible in minutes as I taste every inch of him, sliding my hands over his inner thighs and then down to his balls. They’re big and heavy, and when I roll them in one hand, the sound Vasile makes has me groaning.
I don’t know if we were ever like this before. For once, I don’t care. We’re here now, the two of us, and it’s just about as close to perfect as I could hope to get.
I suck hard, and Vasile’s hips jerk again. I pull back, his cockhead resting between my lips, and the way he looks at me makes my blood heat. His face is flushed, eyes dark, lips bitten like he’s been trying to hold back sounds. I pull off and stroke him, darting my tongue out once for another taste.
“Deacon, please…”
“Fuck my face, baby.”
Vasile’s eyes widen, but if it’s at the request or the term of endearment, I can’t tell.
“Do it. You want to.”
I can see it in the way his thighs are trembling, hips pressed so determinedly back against the door.
“I—” He cuts himself off. “You’re certain?”
“Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.” I kiss the head of his cock again. “Come on, Vas. Use me.”
He clenches his jaw so tightly I’m surprised I don’t hear a tooth crack, but then he nods, hand tightening in my hair again. I let my jaw drop open, saliva filling my mouth.
His first thrust is gentle. Restrained. I grunt all the same, though I hope the scowl I give him tells him some of what I’m thinking.
He huffs and it sounds amused. It’s lost on his next couple of thrusts as he remembers I have no gag reflex and goes deep, hips moving faster. I press my tongue against his cock and suck hard, swallowing the bitter, familiar taste of him.
As much as I want it to, it can’t last forever. Vasile fucks me harder, faster, and I ignore the ache in my throat and my knees and the way my eyes are watering. All the physical hurts will heal as though they were never there at all.
And maybe I’m fucking with my own emotions more than anyone else’s right now, but we’re both adults. We know what we’re doing.
Vasile pulls my hair again, tugging until I moan around him, and I see the moment when pleasure finally overtakes him. His eyes roll back, and he thrusts deep, spilling onto my tongue and down my throat.
I swallow every last drop and when I pull off his cock, I lick him clean, then my lips, making sure nothing has escaped. Vasile drops his head back against the door, breathing hard. I rest my forehead against his stomach, panting myself. My cock throbs in my trousers, but that’s the least of my concerns.
I want to take him by the hand and lead him to the bedroom. I want to lay him out on the bed, undress him like the precious creature he is, and lick every inch of him.
But I can’t do that. I can’t risk that for either of us. I tuck him back in, righting his briefs and then his trousers, and when I stand and he lifts his hands to touch me, I step neatly out of reach.
His face falls. I can’t do it. If he kisses me, touches me, then I’ll give in. The bond aches less than it has in years, and if I’m asking him not to reignite the one between him and Tamesis, then I can’t lead him to actions that will reignite ours.
Not yet.
“Deacon?” The uncertainty in his voice hurts. And I can’t—
I crowd him against the door again, ducking my head to breathe him in. We’re not touching, not anywhere, but this is as close as I can get.
“We’ll make it through this,” I say in a low voice, and I feel the way he shivers. “And then we’re going to talk about what happened. What we want. Got it?”
The breath he lets out is unsteady. He clenches his hands into fists, and I don’t know for a second if it’s because he’s angry at me or because he doesn’t want to reach for me in turn.
“Don’t start thinking you’re in charge here, lupul meu,” he replies, and there’s enough steel in his voice to send heat shuddering down my spine. “We’ll survive this first.”
“We will.”
I step back and he moves aside, opening the door again. I don’t brush against him as I pass, but I glance back once I’m in the hall.
He’s still as flushed, still looks as deliciously fucked as I want him to. His eyes, though. For the first time since we’ve known Tamesis is back, they’re clear. Determined.
My vampire. My monster.
I grin as he shuts the door.
I’ll see him again soon.