Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
LETTIE
S ick. Sick. Sick.
My stomach.
My mind.
My heart.
Mr. Greathouse asked if I wanted to get a chili dog in the VIP area during half-time of Dane’s first game, I didn’t expect to be sucker punched. He waited until my mouth was full and cheese dripped from the corners of my mouth to deliver it.
As he stood two feet from me, he looked at me with an unreadable expression. “Lettie, I love you like you’re my own daughter. We’ve done a lot for you over the years, so I’m asking you to return the favor.” He placed his hands over his nose for a second, and my eyebrows drew to the center.
Where’s he going with this?
“Since Dane and you have become a couple, he’s acting out of character—missing assignments, missing anything he thinks he can do without like study hall, weightlifting, physical therapy on his knee, and his coach says he’s making it on time to practice by seconds. Do you want to be the reason Dane doesn’t make it to the NBA?”
With a knee-jerk reaction, I blurted out, “Of course not.”
He put a finger over his lips in an effort for me to be quiet. “It’s too much for him right now. He can’t balance a girlfriend, singing gigs, class, sponsorship obligations, and all of the tasks that being a star college athlete entails. There aren’t enough hours in the day.”
“Mr. Greathouse, what do you want me to do? Be his tutor so that would kill two birds with one stone?” I threw the chili dog in the trash, wiped my mouth, and crossed my arms over my waist.
“I’m asking you to do what’s best for Dane. You love him, and he loves you; that won’t change. Go back to being best friends.”
My lungs squeezed, and my pulse raced at the mere idea. When Dane and I became a couple, all I could think of was losing our friendship and how awful that would be. I never imagined that our newfound status would jeopardize his dreams. My hand flew over my mouth. I can’t lose Dane. He’ll never forgive me if I break it off. The weight of his father’s request is bone crushing. It’s so fucking heavy.
“I love him.” The words came out scratchy as tears filled my eyes.
“I know you do. That’s why I know you’ll do what is best for him.”
When I looked into his eyes, I saw the desperation and fear for his son’s future. I don’t agree. Actually, I don’t remember if I said anything. Maybe I nodded. I bawled my eyes out in the bathroom stall.
When I w ent back out, I told them the chili dog must have been bad, and I threw up. That was the only reason my eyes would be red and bulging. The rest of the game was a blur.
But this morning, when I woke up to my good morning text, I knew what I had to do. His dad was right. Dane’s putting our relationship above everything else.
Dane: Morning. Did you know you’re beautiful even when you’re sick? I’ve contacted my professors and told them I couldn’t be in class today. I’m at the grocery store buying ginger.
Dane’s missing class for me. Fear slowly creeps into my heart, as his father’s words echo in my mind, shattering every cell of my body. “I know you do. That’s why I know you’ll do what’s best for him .” I can’t be the reason for him failing to reach the goal he has worked for his entire life, and I’ve been there with him every step of the way.
The door opens and closes, and my whole body shakes, knowing I’m minutes away from breaking both of our hearts. I sit on the edge of the bed, frozen.
I hear him breaking the seal of a bottle, filling a glass with water, and his heavy steps get closer. He walks into my bedroom and sees the tears streaking down my cheeks. “Are you in pain? Has it gotten worse? What can I do? Here.” He holds out the glass and ginger pills.
I take a drink of the water and put the pills on the nightstand. “I’m okay.”
His eyes narrow in confusion. As much as I want to fight for us, guilt consumes me. Dane will do anything for me, a nd I need to do this for him.
Grabbing his hands, I pull him to sit by me on the bed, and I reposition myself, sitting cross-legged. “I… I want to go back to being the way we were—just best friends.”
Dane’s face pinches, moving slightly from left to right. “What?”
Struggling to find the strength to follow through, my chest heaves. “I love you. But I need my life back. We’re both half-assing everything we do. Graduating with the highest honors means something to me. I can barely stay awake when I’m training from staying up half the night.”
“Lettie, you’ve always partied Thursday night through Sunday. Honest.”
“I can’t be the reason you don’t achieve your goals, and I don’t want you to be the reason I don’t reach mine.”
His eyes search mine, darting around. “Are you involved with Jasper Cole?”
“What? No.”
“This doesn’t make any sense. I love you more than anyone in the entire world. More than my parents. I know that sounds awful but Lettie, you are my fucking world.”
“That’s the problem.”
He stands up, pacing around my bedroom, mumbling to himself, “Why?”
“Dane, we can still be best friends. I’ll always be here for whatever you need.” My heart feels like it’s stitched together, and each stitch is popping open, as I bleed out.
“Fuck that. You’re not making any sense. You’re sick and hallucinating or something.”
“I’m not,” I whisper as I stand and reach for his arm.
“Don’t fucking touch me.”
He punches a hole in my bedroom wall. The drywall crumbles, dusting the floor with chalk like pieces. I stare at the mess, a reflection of my life without Dane.
Jumping back, I yell, “Dane.”
“Don’t do this, Lettie,” he pleads.
My tears feel like waterfalls coating my skin, and he brings his strong but trembling hands to my face. I lean my cheek into the warmth of his hand, and his thumbs sweep away one tear, but then the next one falls. “I have to.”