Chapter 43
Austin
On a bright, muggy Saturday morning, I walked onto one of the large grassy portions of Central Park where people often picnicked
or played a sport.
After everything got settled with the foundation’s funding a few days ago, I was supposed to go to the community center in
Brookyln today to start plans on staffing both the community center and training faculty.
But Isa called, asked that I meet her here, and having played games my entire life, I wasn’t going to play them with her.
I took a few more steps, and next to a picnic bench was Isa, hard at work. Her hair was pulled into a bun and she had on my jersey with a pair of shorts underneath. She was setting something up. With a book held open in one hand and a palmful of
red marking flags in another, Isa pushed a flag into the ground, stood, read some more, took a few steps forward, and repeated
the process. Next to my feet just below the bench at the picnic table were a few soccer balls.
“Isa,” I called. My nerves lifted.
She was here, which meant she was trying.
She sprang up and her focus lifted to me. “Hi.”
My heart started to race. For some reason all I could think about was that once I was up close, I’d be able to see the golden
flecks that lined her dark brown eyes. “What is this?”
Isa looked at all the flags she’d stuck in the ground in two parallel lines, glanced at the book, closed it, and held it to
her chest. Chewing on her lip, she closed the distance between us, shy a few steps. “You owe me lessons, remember?”
I looked around again. The soccer balls in the corner, a recreational soccer net at the end of the flagged area. .
The gesture rattled between my ribs.
“I owe Selena lessons,” I teased, because she was nervous, and I didn’t like seeing Isa as anything other than happy. So, I wanted to make
her comfortable.
She was wrong. She got scared and lashed out. It hurt us both. But here she was doing . . . something, and it was sweet. And
Isa, for all her strength, wasn’t good at being vulnerable.
She held the book to her chest. “She bought them for me.”
The gentle banter poked holes in the apprehension that hung in the air.
“Because you have that little crush on me?”
She shook her head. “It’s a big one.”
Finally closing all the space between us, my hands cautiously slid along her hips. I didn’t pull her in just yet. “Isa, what
is this?”
“I have four weeks of lessons.” She ran her hands over my chest. Now I yanked her close, reveling in the feeling of her. “I just wanted to show you that . . .”
Her throat shifted with a hard swallow. Years of armor would take time to remove.
“Isa?” I lifted her chin with my index finger.
“I’m sorry.” Her eyes stayed fixed on mine. “I got scared. I’ve never wanted to compromise before. It felt like losing something.
And if I wasn’t losing something, then you were, and suddenly it felt like I had to end it before we both got hurt.” She looked
down. “I’m sorry. You were right. I was scared and I do want this. Us.”
I managed to—unknowingly—get the upper hand on her. As far as I could tell, only one other person had done that, and the last
time it happened, she lost her balance.
And for someone like Isa, a person who was steadfast, that was probably the scariest part of it.
“I know,” I told her.
My fingers slipped around the nape of her neck. My heart thumped a little faster in my chest. A skitter ran across my nerves
knowing we still needed to talk about what happened but aching to kiss her. It would have to wait.
She hummed and her body relaxed against mine.
“Is this a grand gesture?” I asked. “I might need grander . . .”
A curve slid up the side of her mouth. A fleeting spark in her eye faded as swiftly as it lit.
“For so long . . .” she started to explain and took a step back. My hands fell back to my sides as I let her get her bearings. “I thought compromise meant abandoning what I wanted. So, I never wanted to compromise for anyone.”
I waited for a second to let that hang in the air because it seemed like that explanation was just as important for her to
hear as it was for me.
“I’ll never make you choose, Isa.”
When I started to get to know her, I thought Isa was fiercely independent because of Blake and her pride. But all this time
it was the fear that she might be boxed into a corner she couldn’t get out of. Independence meant being able to maneuver however
she wanted.
“I know.” She blinked a couple times. Taking my hands in hers, she nodded. “Listen, Austin. I know there are a lot of things
you probably want . . . like a family. And, eventually, when I’m ready for all of that, I’m not sure what it’ll look like.”
“Okay,” I answered cautiously.
“If that’s what you want—”
“Isa, I have a family. And I, of all people, understand they can look different than a cookie-cutter one.”
“I mean kids,” she blurted bluntly. A little impatient, refusing to skirt around it, for the sake of efficiency or to get
a point across. The most “Isa” way to do it. “If I can make space for properly raising children within all the goals I have
for my career, I want them. But if I can’t . . .” Her weight shifted between her feet. Her voice wavered. “Then I’m not going
to have them.”
“If you want kids, we’ll have them,” I told her seriously, a little surprised that she brought up something so committed.
It made me even more sure that her pushing me away was all fear, not much else.
I dipped my head a little so she had to look me in the eyes.
“And if not . . . then I guess I can kiss you anywhere I want.”
She shook with a reluctant laugh. “Austin, I’m serious.”
“So am I.” I put my hands back on her hips and pulled her to me. “Listen, Isa. I want this. I like that you’re a little bit
of an egomaniac. Or that you’re so sure of yourself that you won’t let anything get in the way of your dreams. It’s inspiring
and sexy as hell.”
Her lips tilted up. “My life is never convenient.”
I shrugged. “Mine is these days.”
“I’m still figuring out the whole work-life balance thing. And—for a while at least—work is going to win.”
“I’m professionally trained to get a lot done in just ninety minutes,” I shot back calmly. “I’m not worried.”
“I’m high-maintenance. It’s not a bad thing. I like being at the top of my game,” she added. Her hands slid up my chest and
her eyes met mine. “That requires time and energy. I’m always going to be my best . . . that’s not going to change.”
“Good.”
She looked down. “I know that sometimes . . . I’m too much.”
“For who?” I whispered. “Because, Isa, I can’t get enough.”
She nodded. “Sometimes I run from things that scare me.”
My heart dipped.
I leaned my head against hers. “Don’t worry. I’ll catch you.”
“I pushed you away.” Her throat bobbed. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t do it again.” I dropped a quick kiss on her lips, finding it impossible not to. The fact was, I was a goner when it came to Isa. She could try to push me away, but I had a feeling she’d never be able to push me so far we couldn’t find our way back. “Talk to me instead.”
She nodded and tilted her head up, rocking to her tiptoes and brushing her lips against mine. This time, I pressed my lips
against hers soundly.
Her warmth seeped into my bones, embedding itself so deep that she’d always be a part of me. A tiny moan from her and both
my hands moved from along her face to her waist to her hips. The kiss deepened and we stood there, lost in each other.
“We should start the lesson,” I whispered, pulling away and reminding myself that we were in public.
She pulled away slowly. “Before we do . . .” She took half a step back. “I need to tell you something.”
“Yeah?”
“I . . .” Her brow crinkled, she twisted her fingers. “I saw Blake. I called him. Only for closure so I never have to think
about him again.”
My chest tightened. I didn’t love that.
“Okay.” I weaved my fingers into hers. “Thanks for telling me.”
Her eyes narrowed at the corners. “You’re not annoyed?”
“Because you saw your ex? No.” I yanked her close. “That’s the thing, Isa. No man is ever competing against some other guy
for you. I’m competing with the life you’re building for yourself. Because unless I can add to it, I don’t deserve to be part
of it.”
Her chin wobbled.
“While we’re on the subject,” I told her more firmly. She needed to hear this because I wasn’t having this argument again.
“I know I can add to it. You need to let me and trust that I will.”
This time, she put both hands on my cheeks and dragged me down to her lips.
I wrapped my arms around her waist again, feeling every inch of her relax in my arms, and we kissed deeply in the park. It
was all I could ever want, her feeling completely herself exactly where she belonged.