Chapter 15 – Jordan
FIFTEEN
JORDAN
A large hand snakes under my bent knees, the other behind my back, skimming lightly, playing with the waistband of my black seersucker bikini—there’s absolutely nothing special about it, but it did the trick: confiscating Jaxon’s attention.
He picks me up like I’m nothing. A devilish smirk curls at the corner of his mouth, pressing into his cheek in the faintest divot. It would be criminal to call it a dimple, but everything about Jaxon’s smiles are criminal…and I’m a victim to them.
“Greene,” I warn. “You’re going to hurt yourself. I’m too heavy.”
Jaxon laughs twice. “You’re not a very good liar, Little Carmichael. We both know what I can squat and bench…unless you want a reminder.” He moves his hands, arms beginning to press me into the air.
“Okay, okay.” I can’t help the girlish giggle that comes out of me. He returns me safely to his chest, which I proceed to flick. “Show off. You’re making those girls over there jealous.”
“They won’t be jealous in three seconds.”
Puzzled, I stare up at him. Before I can ask what he means, Jaxon launches us into the pool.
He doesn’t let go the entire time we sink to the bottom.
I open my eyes, finding his greens, now an oceanic teal, locked on me.
The burn from the chlorine is nothing compared to the sizzle, the brand forming on my skin from where his fingers press into me.
Along the ties at my waist. Up my obliques, a pointer finger along my top rib, the other playing with the string at my back.
His hands aren’t the only ones exploring.
Mine are on his chest, then his abs. Around to his back and up to the hair curling at the nape of his neck.
Jaxon leans in…or am I pulling him closer?
I don’t care. I can’t care when I think he’s going to kiss me.
Mouths closing in on each other, our ascent is just as slow. Neither of us wanting to resurface, or burst our underwater bubble.
But there’s only five feet of water and Jaxon’s over six feet.
A breathe away from each other, we break the surface. Jaxon pulls back.
“I’m proud of you.” He smiles, and I wish he’d kiss me.
Wish I knew what that smile felt like on me.
“I can’t wait till you’re in the NHL and little girls are coming to your games, decked in your jersey, screaming your name, and do anything to get your autograph.
Telling you how you’ve inspired them and they’re already beating boys. ”
I roll my eyes; his words are a fever dream.
“I mean it.” My legs wrap around his waist. “You inspire me, Blue.”
I bathe in his admission. Let his words lap at my skin like the pool water, absorb them and tattoo them on my heart. Jaxon doesn’t know what his words mean to me.
We slowly creep to the side of the pool. A looming body with crossed arms is staring down at us, and coughs. “What are you doing to my sister?”
Later in the evening, everyone is lounging around the living room. Cooper ordered pizza, picking up a change of clothes for him and Jaxon. By the time he returned Jaxon had already raided Elliot’s lost and found.
It was honestly impressive the quantity of random sweatshirts and shirts she’s collected. Sprinkled in are a few pairs of pants and, weirdly, a couple of pairs of socks. Elliot swears she’s thrown out any boxers and that the only reason she’s kept the socks is because of our dreadful snowy winters.
Sutton acted as if this was completely normal, and I kept my questions to myself. Jaxon didn’t care, grabbing two items that belonged to Kendall, the quarterback of the football team.
Twilight is on in the background, but no one’s paying attention, like they don’t pay attention to me getting up from the couch. Fifteen minutes pass before I return, and silently slip back into my spot.
I tuck my legs underneath me, feeling like a pinball trying to keep up with the boys’ current debate topic.
It’s a never-ending cycle from one thing to the next.
Earlier, it was what’s the greatest Pokémon generation, to the Mount Rushmore of sundae toppings, to whether aliens are real.
I know it’s never serious unless Beck speaks up in some sort of grunt or singular answer.
But I’m lost, not able to keep up or find a place to insert myself. Even in a crowded room, filled with people I know, people I could consider friends, I feel like an outsider. A fly on the wall to my own life. Another friend by association, an invitation based on proximity.
These are Cooper’s people, not mine.
I appreciate the way they’ve slotted me into their group, but I can’t help the lingering feelings that if I do or say something wrong, they’ll realize they’re better off without me.
I’ve witnessed it happen before, quickly and slowly. Sometimes, I’m gum on the bottom of their shoe, picked off in disgust and flung into the closest waste basket. Or it’s a gradual freeze-out, a slow progression of being pushed away and ghosted.
Everyone talks about being ghosted by a guy, but what about when it’s supposed to be your best friend?
I give it another minute before I slip out of the apartment and head back down to the pool. There’s still not a cloud in the sky as I dip my feet into the water, finding a seat along the edge. I lie back, concrete digging into my skin, staring up at the stars.
Right away, through a pine tree frame, I spot the Big Dipper. Then Orion’s belt.
Jaxon sits down beside me. His foot bumps mine in the water, pinky brushing mine as he lies back.
“I was wondering where you snuck off to.”
“Needed some fresh air.”
“Thought it was to get away from the Team Jacob or Edward debate. Your brother is suffocating. I don’t know how anyone is anything but Team Edward.”
“Try reading fanfic.”
“What’s that?”
“Exactly what it sounds like, fan-written fiction. Fans of the books or movies will make up their own plot lines for the characters, write and share them online.”
“And you’ve read these?”
“Possibly.” He bumps my foot again. “Fine, all the time.” And since it was age appropriate.
“What about writing them?” Yes, is on the tip of my tongue, but I wrangle it back. It’s my secret that I swore to myself would be taken to the grave. My pause must give me away. “No fucking way. You do.”
“Did,” I correct him.
Jaxon rolls over, head propped on a fist. “Tell me everything.”
I give him a pointed look, which only earns me a puppy dog response. The stars illuminate his eyes, causing them to sparkle, and I’m ensnared by the Jaxon Greene effect.
Sighing, I relinquish my secret. “I was twelve and had my first crush.”
“Your first crush was Robert Pattinson?”
“Do you want to know or not?” He shuts his mouth, miming zipping it and turning a key that’s placed in my open palm.
Jaxon’s fingers linger as he pulls his hand away.
“At twelve, he was dreamy,” I start defensively, then clarify, “Still is.” Jaxon listens intently as I confess to the not one, but two.
Not once laughing, even though I can tell he wants to, when I share what my pen name was.
“But you can’t tell anyone. Nobody knows. ”
“Looks like I’m keeping a lot of your secrets, Little Carmichael,” he teases. “I’ll keep this one on one condition, let me read it.”
“No.”
“Yes.” We go back and forth till I give in, doubtful he’d have the time or would actually read it.
“You owe me a secret now, it’s only fair.”
Jaxon doesn’t miss a beat, opening up. “I hate clowns, like deathly afraid of them.” He shakes his head, a slight laughter shifts his jaw.
“One of my teammates found out in high school, and during a team bonding, I got locked in the bathroom. It was an old house, the guy who lived there warned us. Said to text and he’d let us out from the outside if it happened.
Lights cut out on me while I was peeing.
And of course, I didn’t have my phone with me.
I’m rattling the doorknob when the next thing you know, the scariest clown slaps against the window.
Not a picture or a screen, the real freaking thing.
Red nose, face painted smile, wig. Screamed like a little girl and… I peed my pants.”
I snort, slapping a hand over my mouth to muffle my laughter. “Lemme guess, someone was video taping.”
“Unfortunately, yes.”
“You’re lucky live wasn’t around then.”
“Trust me, I know. I was lent a change of clothes, but I was never able to live that down.”
“I’m surprised you stayed. You weren’t mad at them?”
“Nah. I don’t really get angry. Plus, we pulled pranks on each other all the time and—”
“You were the ring leader.”
“Bingo. Hard to be upset when the cogs in your brain were already spinning on how to prank them back.” I’m staring up at the stars, but I can feel his eyes on me. “Tell me something else.”
“There’s nothing to know. I’m a pretty boring person.”
“Highly doubt that.”
“I enjoy climbing into bed early to read or do a crossword. That’s pretty boring.”
“Doesn’t sound boring to me.” He blows out a puff of air, and under his breathe I think I catch him saying, “You’re the most interesting person to me.”
There’s a stretch of silence before he proposes, “How about this, I’ll ask a question and you answer.”
“What do I get in return?” My brows arch, the corner of my mouth quirks upwards.
“What do you want in return?”
There’s something allusive in the way he poses his response.
“You have to answer too.” He snorts a laugh. “And only one question.”
“Deal.”
“Better make it a good one.” There’s a lightness to my tone that mirrors how light I feel inside. The weight of loneliness from earlier dissipating.
“What’s the real reason you snuck out here?”
“Needed fresh air,” I say again, afraid to speak the real reason. Keeping the truth tucked tight to my chest makes it less real, more of a bad dream or a figment of my imagination than reality.
Again, I can feel his eyes on me, bridging the gap between the appearance I keep up twisted within the person I’ve allowed myself to be around him. Body covered by clothes, I’ve never felt so exposed.
“You all can be quite suffocating,” I try to joke, but it’s true. And not in a bad way. Their friendship is chaotic, overwhelming, and full of love. They’re more than friends, they’re family. “But…” I drag my bottom lip between my teeth.
Tell him. It’s like the stars are whispering their encouragement. You can tell him, trust him.
“Sometimes—” I pause, gleaning confidence from the way he looks at me.
“Sometimes I question if I’m only invited because I’m Cooper’s little sister.
That the reason everyone tolerates me, or pretends to be my friend is because of him.
Nights like tonight, I question if anyone would notice if I weren’t there.
” It’s not like people have in the past.
“I noticed. I always do.” My mouth falls open, but nothing comes out. “I can’t speak for them, but I can guarantee that no one is only friends with you because of Cooper. I’m not. I’m your friend because I want to be. If he wasn’t your brother, I’d still want to know you.”
“You don’t have to say that.”
“I’m not, I promise.” He takes a sharp inhale, moving closer to me. “Jordan, we’re lucky he’s your brother. He might be how we know you, but that’s it. We all want you around. We all want to know you. We care about you.”
“I just…I’ve never been good at making friends.
Besides Katie—” I stop myself, not ready to tell him about her.
“People find me—” I stop again, the words sewn to the inside of my throat.
If I tell him, will he agree? I’ve never been able to gauge how Jaxon viewed me.
Before training with him, or today in the pool, I accepted that I might only ever be his best friend’s little sister, but what if he sees me how everyone else does?
“Find you what?”
“Too much, but not enough. Too cold and reserved. Hard to read.”
“Do you see yourself that way?”
“One question,” I remind him.
“Answer it anyway.”
I sigh, contemplating how to respond. I’m standing in the center, two people on either side tugging me one way, then the other. “I don’t know.”
“You aren’t too much, but if you want to be, be too much with me.” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “And you aren’t cold.”
“I am—”
“Not to me.” We stare at each other for a breath, then another. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for.”
“I know, but the people who’ve called you cold or made you feel like you aren’t enough or too much aren’t going to apologize. I’m sorry they’re missing out on how great you are.”
I snort a laugh, my eyes roll involuntary. “Great? Don’t push it, Greene.”
“Okay, Little Carmichael.” He smirks, reaching an arm across his chest, fingers dancing through the ends of my hair spread out against the concrete—surprisingly down for once. “I like your hair this way. Is there a reason you always wear it in braids?”
“That’s another question.”
He chuckles, and I feel it rumble in my lower stomach. “Fine, I’ll ask it tomorrow.”
Jaxon starts to get up, but I rest a hand over his. “I think I’m going to stay here for a few more minutes. If you want to join, I wouldn’t oppose the company.”
“Do you think that star cluster looks like a unicorn?” he asks, sitting back and pointing at what I explain is Ursa Major.