Chapter 48 – Jaxon #2
It’s the opposite of what I grew up around.
My parents were always invested in our lives.
Dinners were loud and obnoxious, filled with laughter and an occasional food fight.
When Dad was still in the league, he’d Skype into dinners when possible and when home, he’d give us his undivided attention. I never felt left out or skipped over.
It was full of love, not this disdain.
The singular time Jaxon spoke, I could see the way his mom’s shoulders tensed, bracing a hand tightly on her fork and knife, assuming he’d say something stupid.
Pieces of my heart are breaking off.
I wish we had never come. I know he said he was okay, that he’s over the past, but that doesn’t mean he needs to sit through this.
I slip my hand under the table, covering his resting on my thigh.
Minutes later, as the waiter refills water glasses, Jaxon’s mom sets her wine glass down with a loud clink. I wouldn’t be surprised if the glass was cracked. “You dated Luka. That’s why you look familiar.”
Jaxon leans toward me. “You’ve met my mom?”
“No,” his mom and I say in unison.
“I did talk about you, you know? We dated for a year.” Luka flicks his brows up with annoyance over the lip of his third old-fashioned tonight.
His eyes going glassy. Does he forget we have a game tomorrow?
Both Jaxon and I have switched to water.
“Wasn’t as terrible a boyfriend as you made me out to be. ”
I squeeze Jaxon’s thigh when I sense he’s about to say something.
“Wait,” Alessia speaks. “You dated him”—she points her fork at Luka—“and are now dating him.” She points at Jaxon, eyes bugging out before bursting out in a witchy cackle.
“Are you dating her on purpose?” his mom interrogates. “Is this payback to Luka or another ploy to get attention?” She peppers him with more questions, but face falls flat with…disappointment.
“Always knew you were jealous of me,” Luka, as cocky as ever, accuses. “Have fun with my sloppy seconds.”
“Luka,” his dad snaps, deep voice stern causing the hair on my arms to stand up. “I raised you better than to speak of a woman like that.” If he only knew.
“I’m not apologizing.” Luka snickers.
“Why would you?” Jaxon jumps in, knuckles white on his water glass. “Apologizing would mean you have—”
“Jaxon.”
“What, Mom? You aren’t any different than him. I came into tonight believing that for once you wanted me around, but I was wrong. I should’ve trusted my gut that this was nothing but another opportunity to rub your new, better family in my face.
“I might’ve done something like this a decade ago, because I thought you wanted me to be him. But you know what? I don’t want to be like Luka, or any of you. I’m content with who I am, and I don’t need your love to validate me anymore.”
Jaxon turns, our eyes meeting.
“I have plenty of people in my life who love me for me. They don’t ask or want me to be anything but myself. They’ve taken the time to see me. Understand me.” He lets out a humorless laugh. “I’m sorry you didn’t take the time to get to know me. I’m fucking awesome.”
She sits there. Stunned. Speechless, and frozen to her chair. Chest rises and falls slowly.
I squeeze Jaxon’s thigh, overwhelmed with pride for him. He glances at me again, and I give him a subtle nod. He stands first, and I follow, hand in hand.
“Thank you for dinner,” I say to Mr. Valentini. The plate going to waste, barely touched.
We start to leave without another goodbye.
“You can’t be serious,” Jaxon’s mom says.
Before she can say anything else, he gets the final word. “I am serious, you’ve just never allowed yourself to see it.”
Did I think we’d leave dinner abruptly? Unfortunately, yeah. That’s why I spent part of our two-hour bus ride googling cereal bars in Chicago.
“Car should be here in ten.”
“Cancel it. I want to take you somewhere, and no, I’m not telling you where. It’s a surprise.”
It takes us twenty minutes, but we make it to Murder She Spilled, a cereal bar.
I make my bowl, waiting at the cash register to pay, while Jaxon is like a kid in a candy store.
Working his way down the second wall of cereal dispensers.
Each time he pulls the lever, his smile grows.
At this rate, it’s going to take up the volume of the storefront, but I don’t care because I love it and can’t help but let my own smile double in size.
“Okay, I think I’m finished.” He brings his bowls over to me, setting it on the scale next to mine.
“Where’s the milk supposed to go?”
“Maybe…” He thinks. “I’ll fill up another bowl with milk and get two spoons. Spoon some cereal into my mouth and then milk.” Sounds like a mess waiting to happen. I grab extra napkins after paying.
Jaxon selects the table, a group of middle school girls in matching pajamas next to us. I stifle a laugh as they watch him inhale his cereal, half of it decorating the table.
“Did you see they had ten versions of Fruit Loops? I’ve never seen chocolate ones before. Or the ones with marshmallows.”
“I must’ve missed them.”
He looks at my beige bowl. “Boring.” Then spoons some of his Fruit Loops into my bowl.
“She never looked at my report cards,” he says, swallowing a generous bite.
“I used to take them with me when I visited her, desperate for her to see that I was doing well in school and not the stupid class clown she thought I was.” I take another bite and listen.
“Okay, so maybe I was both, but I can’t help it. I’m a fun guy.
“The attention I got from my classmates had me thinking that maybe if I behaved the same way around her—made jokes or was obnoxious—I’d get her attention. And I did, but not the kind I wanted. It took years for me to accept that’s all I’d be able to get from her.”
“And do you want it now?”
Jaxon finishes his first bowl of cereal, stacking the full bowl into the empty one. “No. I meant what I said back there. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay. I love myself.” I do too, I think. “I’m sorry about tonight.”
“Don’t be. I’m not.”
Jaxon yawns, stretching his arm out and dropping it on my far shoulder.
“The move, really?”
“I’ve always wanted to do that.”
“Liar, I bet you were the king of it in middle school.”
“Nah.” He tugs me into him, dropping a kiss on the top of my head. I sigh, sagging into his embrace. “I was a dweeb with no moves. Be happy you met me when you did.”
“You’ve got moves now?”
He nips at my ear. “Need a reminder?”
“Maybe.” I drag my bottom lip between my teeth.