Chapter 11
I’m Not Okay
Mia
It was a quiet shift. I’d done some vitals checks and given my client pain meds during the night, but otherwise he’d slept. This should be an easy assignment. The day PSW came in, and I passed over responsibility for my patient.
In the rideshare home I checked my phone and found a message to get in touch with the office of Caring Hands Home Care.
I called immediately, covering up a yawn with one forearm.
I didn’t like it when a shift ended too late for me to see Arne off to school but still stretched over nights so I was out of sync with my family.
I should have taken the bus home but I was so tired. I needed our car.
What did Caring Hands want to talk to me about?
My current patient was recovering from a pelvic fracture, and while he was doing well, the family would need me there for the next two weeks, possibly longer.
The man’s wife had thanked me for my assistance before I left, so there were no complaints from them.
As far as I knew, all my paperwork was up to date, but I mentally ran over everything while I waited to be put through to the operations manager.
I did not expect her to inform me that I was being switched to a new assignment, effective tomorrow.
“Tomorrow?” How the hell were they going to work things out that quickly?
“You were requested as soon as possible.” Legally, I couldn’t work today since I was just off shift. And I desperately needed sleep.
“But what about Mr. Liu?” I asked. He wasn’t the most complicated assignment I’d ever had, but he would definitely need someone on site by this evening when the day shift nurse went home. I couldn’t leave a patient in the lurch, but then neither would the company.
“We’ve asked Olive to take on a few shifts till we can get someone else in.”
Olive was not going to be happy about that. She took fewer assignments in the spring and summer so they could enjoy their sailboat.
I needed details to make sure Arne’s care was covered. “Okay, so tell me about this job.”
“I’m sending you all the information.”
“Can you give me the basics now? I’m going home to sleep, and if I have to arrange for childcare, I need to get on it.”
“Monday to Friday, days, hours can be flexible if you and the client agree.”
That sounded good. Almost too good. Perhaps a senior who could no longer handle regular care and had some health issues that needed to be monitored?
“Is anyone else working there?” Was there someone covering nights? Was I taking over for another worker? Maybe they’d been unhappy with their care from another company?
“No. You’re the only one working. They’ve booked for six weeks and promised to pay the contract in advance even though they’ve indicated they might not require you for the full period.
They insisted that you would be paid regardless.
Since we’re removing you from your current assignment and a possible long-term one following that, it’s fair. ”
If something sounded too good to be true, it normally was.
And my spidey senses were tingling. “So what does this job entail?” A horrible client who couldn’t keep a nurse around?
Interfering family members? Oh, maybe it was for a film, with an injured crew member or to advise on medical procedures.
They’d be willing to pay more than a regular person.
“There are some unusual circumstances with this assignment, as you’ll see in the paperwork. Read it carefully.”
Hinkier and hinkier. “Can I know who the client is?”
“You’ll meet him when you go for your first shift tomorrow. The paperwork we’ve sent through includes the address and an NDA.”
An NDA? We were already pledged to confidentiality about our work. Something was seriously whack about this assignment. “What if I don’t want to take this one?”
“It will make things very awkward for us. You were requested by name.” I heard the pressure in her voice. They didn’t want me to mess this contract up for them.
“I’ll take a look when I get home and let you know if there’s a problem.
” There was something off. Pretty sure Gail knew what it was, but she wouldn’t say over the phone.
I’d have to check out what information I could get from the digital package she was sending me, to figure out if I needed to turn it down.
I sighed. It would be nice to find something easy one of these days. But today was not that day.
I heard the ping of the incoming message but waited till I’d been dropped off to check it out. I sat on the steps to read it. As soon as I saw the client’s address, anger boiled.
Oh no. Not happening. I didn’t bother to go inside, but instead stalked down the sidewalk toward my supposed new assignment. Someone had some explaining to do.
By the time I got to the Johnson house I was almost steaming I was so angry. Fatigue was shoved aside by adrenaline. What the hell did Justin think he was playing at? This was my damn job, my life. Too many people depended on me for him to mess around with it.
I pounded the front door hard enough to make it shudder in the doorframe and was shaking out my bruised knuckles when it opened.
Justin stood there, hair and beard a wild mess, in a wrinkled T-shirt and shorts. I did not feel a tug seeing him like that. Damn it, not happening!
“I didn’t expect you until tomorrow,” he said, brow creased.
“I wouldn’t count on tomorrow. That depends entirely on your answers to my questions right now.”
He blinked at me. “You’re angry.”
“Good guess. So, do you want to do this out here or am I coming in?”
He backed away, holding the door open with his left hand. I stomped past him then whirled around to face him. I wasn’t going farther into the house than I had to.
“What the actual hell are you doing, Justin?”
He crossed his arms, the cast covered in writing showing bright against his dark T-shirt. “You mean about the job, right?”
My fists clenched. “You can’t screw around with my work.
There’s supposed to be a line between personal and work life and that’s not possible here.
I have a good reputation as a private nurse that I’ve worked hard to keep.
I might not have a perfect life, but I’m juggling a lot of balls.
And so far, they’re all in the air.” I pointed a finger at him.
“You, you’re here for a month or so and take off again and it doesn’t matter.
But this is vital to me. What are you doing?
Because you sure as hell don’t need home care for a hand that’s been in a cast for a couple of weeks already, and you don’t need me in particular. ”
Justin ran his left hand through his hair, fingers catching on knots in the overgrown mess he was sporting, making him flinch. “I need coffee to explain. Can you give me a couple of minutes to get my brain going so I can do it properly?”
I wanted to say no. Maybe shake him until his brain rattled to get him to spit it out. But something about that gesture, the snarls in his hair, reminded me of Arne and softened me against my will.
It might be better if I calmed down a bit. Before I did something stupid. Stupider than coming here to yell at Justin. “Okay. But you owe me a full explanation.”
He shuffled barefoot down the hallway to the kitchen. He was awkward using his left hand, but I wasn’t helping. I was afraid that would open the doors to agreeing to this position and I wasn’t risking it.
“Your teammate is gone?”
“Yeah. He just stopped in to help me out for a few days.”
I didn’t speak again till he’d finished making the coffee and poured it into a mug. He sat with it at the table, and rather than keep looming over him, I sat across from him. Memories of doing this years ago along with being tired made it all surreal.
“Thanks. You don’t want any?”
“I need to sleep, so no.”
“Sorry—I didn’t realize you’ve been working. We could do this later.”
“No, we damn well can’t. I’m not going to sleep until I know what you’re up to.”
He wrapped a hand around the mug and tensed his jaw. Familiar indicators of discomfort. “I’m not okay.”
“What’s the problem? Are you in a doctor’s care?”
“No, it’s not a physical thing.” He tapped his chest. “I mean, in here.” He shook his head. “Not my heart, but inside. Kind of obvious, after I punched my teammate at practice. I have to deal with things that happened in the past, that I didn’t.”
Despite myself, concern for him made me ask, “Have you talked to a therapist?”
“Just started. The team is worried about me. Hitting Alek and breaking my hand. Trying to slice a bagel and cutting my wrist.”
I gasped. Had he?
He shook his head. “It was an accident. Barely bled, compared to things that happened on the ice and I called Fitch for help right away. But because of all that, the team hired someone to come and make sure I was doing okay. The hand, the therapy sessions, workouts. All that stuff.”
I was getting an idea about why he needed someone, but not me. I spun my hand, trying to make him move things along. My bed was calling me, the adrenaline and anger wearing off.
“The first person they hired recorded me talking to Jess. It was just after a therapy session, so she might have recorded that too.”
My jaw dropped. “What the hell? That’s—that costs you your career.”
“Stuff like that can earn someone a lot of cash. I learned that after my divorce.”
Oh, shit. That was horrible.
“The next person asked for a selfie when I opened the door. I didn’t let her in. And the next guy works for your company—do you remember Ian, from the school paper?”
“They sent him?”
“I’ve had enough. I need someone I can trust. I can’t be digging up old history in sessions with the therapist when I’m afraid someone is listening in.”
“Justin, that’s not how most people would react. You just found a few suboptimal people.”
“I asked for you. I trust you.”
Gaah. How was I supposed to respond to that?
As much as I’d tried to avoid any Justin news after we broke up, I hadn’t been able to miss the publicity his divorce got.
The personal details that were shared, whether or not they were true.
It had been horrible—especially for the guy I knew Justin to be. I could feel myself caving.
“Okay, I think I get where you’re coming from. But you can’t just change my life around to help yourself. I have to consider my family, my son. Working days means I need childcare for after school if Cora isn’t free. Mom can’t do it, not now.”
“She’s worse?”
I nodded. If Mom was having one of her really bad days, it wasn’t just that she couldn’t do things for Arne. She needed help to manage herself.
“Bring him along.”
I blinked. “What?”
“Bring your son with you. Or if you have to, leave early. The team wants someone to check my hand and make sure I don’t knock myself out at workouts. If you bring your son, that’s not going to interfere.”
That would make things easier. Arne was able to amuse himself most of the time, so he’d behave if I had to bring him. And Justin’s place was close enough to the house that I could walk. If the car took a while to fix, I could still handle work. But…
“People are going to talk.”
His brows drew down. “After all this time?”
I rolled my eyes. “Have you forgotten how popular hockey is here? Yes, people will talk. It’s going to seem weird that you want your ex-girlfriend to work for you.”
“We can tell them the truth. I trust you and I wouldn’t trust a stranger. You’re not going to sell my story to the press.”
“I’d lose my job if I did that.”
“But somehow stories still leak.”
He had a point. “Someone actually asked me for a comment after the news got out about…” I nodded at his hand. “People are undoubtedly speculating about whether your hand is healing and if you’re going to play next season.”
He nodded. “I’ve been turning away reporters too. So, will you do it?”
I shoved a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I needed to walk home, shower, and get some sleep. But the office needed my answer, and maybe this would be a break for me. I could use it. “I hope I don’t regret this, but I’ll do it.”