Chapter 23
You Know Why
Mia
Erik was surprisingly consistent about seeing Arne this visit.
He’d made it to a couple of soccer games and invited us to watch him work again today.
Arne was as excited about the treats at the craft service table as watching the filming, but as long as Erik didn’t flake, I’d try to carve out the time.
Today was a green screen filming. I hadn’t understood, but when Erik set us up in a spot to watch, he and some other actors were put into harnesses. Using those, they did flips and jumps in front of a green background. What people would see in the background would be added later by computers.
Erik explained what the scenes would look like when they were finished as we enjoyed another on-set meal. The food was really good. This acting gig had some nice perks.
Trouble started when Erik asked Arne what was new with him.
“I skated! Mom says I can have lessons in the fall. I want to play hockey, but I have to learn to skate first. My friend Barney plays, so I hope I can play with him after I get good at skating.”
Erik turned to me. His eyes narrowed. “You took Arne skating?”
Arne beat me to the answer. “We went with Mr. Justin. Barney was sick so I went with Mommy to Mr. Justin’s house and we went to an arena and Mr. Justin got us skates and he helped me. I didn’t know Mommy could skate! Can you skate, Daddy?”
Erik’s lips thinned, but he kept it together for Arne. “I can skate, sure. Haven’t done it for a while, but I’m pretty good.”
“Mr. Justin is good too. He’s fast, and he can skate backward!”
Damn it, this was not the time for Arne to fanboy over my ex-boyfriend. Erik wasn’t happy. He distracted Arne by mentioning ice cream. We left soon after, but later, after Arne was in bed and I was settled in, ready to sleep myself, I got a call from Erik.
“Is everything okay?” I spoke quietly, not wanting to wake up my son.
“What the hell is your ex doing taking Arne skating?”
I stepped out of the room. “One minute.” I went downstairs and out the back door to the rusty lawn chairs around the BBQ where no one should be able to overhear.
“Justin did not take Arne skating, not like you’re implying. I’ll explain if you’re willing to listen.” Was I hearing gritted teeth on the other end?
“Fine.”
“There wasn’t any school that day—a Professional Development day for the teachers. I’d arranged for Arne to stay with his friend while I worked but the kid got sick and had to go to the doctor. Was I supposed to call you and ask you to babysit?”
He ignored that. “What about Cora or your mom?”
“Cora took Mom to a doctor’s appointment we set up months ago.” I hated having to justify myself. But Erik was entitled to know that I was taking care of our child.
“What do you do when I’m not around?”
Which was always. “I find ways to make it work. In this case, Justin told me when he hired me that I could bring Arne if there were problems with childcare.”
“So how often has that happened?”
Was this paternal worry, or stupid male posturing because it involved my ex, my more-famous-than-Erik ex?
“This was the second time. Justin’s team set up an on-ice assessment, so I had to drive him to the arena.
After it was over, he offered us the chance to skate.
He knows Arne is hockey obsessed, and that I hoped he might hate skating and get over it. ”
“He didn’t, did he?”
I drew in a breath. “No. So I’ll let him take skating lessons in the fall and maybe he’ll not be very good or get diverted into speed skating or figure skating. I have neither the time nor money for hockey.”
“Maybe you should talk to me before you enroll him in something that could be dangerous?”
My hold on my temper slipped. “Maybe if you were in Arne’s life on a consistent basis, I would do that.
But when you’re off in LA living your dream, I’m the one dealing with everything.
His school, his hobbies, his clothing, his food, when he goes to the doctor, who takes care of him when I’m working—that’s all me.
So don’t you dare drop in for a few weeks and try to demand co-parenting rights when you aren’t here to deal with all the shit I have to take care of on my own. ”
“Bitchy much?”
I closed my eyes and counted to ten. Any more truths and Erik would nurse his wounded feelings and things would be messier later. “I’m going now. Good night.” I hung up and turned off my phone.
Damn it. Why was everything so hard?
Erik was only shooting here for another few weeks.
Justin would leave before that, so hopefully Erik would get over his hissy fit.
I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t taking every chance he had to spend time with his son.
He only had these few weeks. Why not enjoy them, instead of getting pissy over Justin?
At least there wasn’t much he could do.
“What’s wrong?”
I jerked at the sound of Justin’s voice.
I’d been lost in thought and probably been scrubbing the coffee pot long after it was clean.
“Sorry, just daydreaming.” It wasn’t his problem, and I didn’t need to burden him with my latest drama.
There’d been a tangible drawing of the lines of separation since Cooper had been here, and that was fine. Totally.
“If you don’t want to tell me, just say so.”
Damn it, the man knew me too well. But this was supposed to be a professional relationship.
Which was almost over. After a couple of weeks of exercising his hand, he’d regained a lot of his motor skills.
Not everything, but he could tie laces and even handle buttons.
I was contracted for two more weeks, but I wasn’t doing anything necessary now.
From the beginning, I’d known this contract could end sooner, and maybe it was time.
Then I’d have no reason to see him again.
Just another thing to look forward to.
“What’s Arne up to? Would he like another chance to skate?”
Yeah, one cheerful thought led right into another. “He’s away for the weekend, so we’ll have to see when he’s back.” If he was back. I wasn’t sure of my legal standing if Erik decided to keep him longer.
“Is that why you’re upset?”
I turned to Justin. “Why do you think I’m upset?” I’d been mostly doing a good job of hiding it. No one at home had noticed.
He shrugged. “The line on your forehead. The frown on your face when you forget what you’re doing. Your shoulders are high and tight.”
I rubbed a hand over my face. Justin remembered me better from eleven years ago than the people I lived with.
I was upset. I hadn’t spent more than a day away from Arne since he was born, and now…
Was he missing me? Was Erik taking proper care of him?
Would he bring Arne back? But I couldn’t let that worry impact my job.
“You don’t need me here anymore.” Changing the topic. I’d rather deal with that issue than keep dwelling on Arne.
Justin didn’t react at first. Finally, he spoke. “Are you worried that I’m going to tell you not to come back, or hoping I will?”
I didn’t have a good answer to that one either. “I’m wasting the team’s money.”
He frowned. “Believe me, they’re not hurting.
Unless…are you bored? Do you have another job lined up you want to get to?
If you want to be done, you can be. We’ve paid through the end of the month, and you’ll get your money in any case.
I can get someone to come in for a couple of hours if I need to. ”
Now I felt worse. “I’m sorry, I’m taking out my bad mood on you and that’s not fair.”
I could almost feel his gaze as he checked for what was bothering me. “If you need to vent to someone, who else have you got?”
I dropped into a kitchen chair. How pathetic was it that he was right?
My coworkers I normally saw for a few minutes at the start or end of a shift, or in passing at the office.
There was Tonya, but I didn’t like to take any more advantage of her.
She’d been great with giving me rides while the car was in the shop, until I started driving the Subaru.
At least I got my car back yesterday, after almost igniting my credit card.
There was no one to talk to in my family. Mom would end up spilling anything I told her to Bruce. And Cora and Dorian were too much like him—selfish and spoiled. Erik? He was the current source of my worry.
“Erik took Arne to visit his family,” I blurted out. Guess I was sharing with Justin.
He narrowed his eyes, focused on me. “That’s not a normal thing?”
I shook my head. “They, his parents, flew out when Arne was born—they live in Manitoba, so it’s too far for them to drive.
But they couldn’t afford to stay for long, and by the time Arne was old enough that I’d even think of visiting anyone, Erik had left.
I had too much to do here to take him to Gimli, and they wouldn’t have wanted me there, just Arne.
Over the last couple of years their health has deteriorated and they couldn’t handle a flight here.
They call sometimes, send him birthday and Christmas cards, but that’s about it. ”
“This is the first time Arne has seen them since he was a baby?”
I bit my lips. “Yeah. And his first time on an airplane.”
Justin ran his hand through his hair. “Why didn’t you go with them? I’d have given you the time.”
“I wasn’t invited.” I hadn’t even been asked.
He cocked his head. “Did you want to be?”
I couldn’t really stop now, could I? “It’s not that.
” I sighed. “Erik has been coming to Arne’s games, taking us out to dinner, inviting us to watch him work…
He’s been more involved with Arne than he has been since he went to LA.
But he got pissed that Arne wasn’t more impressed with his acting work.
Arne mostly talks about going skating and playing hockey, and suddenly Erik is all ‘I’m his father and I should be involved in these decisions’ even though he hasn’t been around to be consulted. ” I paused, hands in fists.
Justin raised his brows. “He’s that upset about the skating?”
“The skating, but also you. Sure, Erik finally has a big part, but it’s in a project for adults so Arne won’t be able to see it for years. As a kid, a hockey player is more impressive.”
“Erik’s jealous?” Justin was watching me closely.
“He always has been.” Oops, shouldn’t have shared that part.
He blinked. “Jealous? Of…me?”
Might as well spill everything. “Yeah. I told him we used to go out, of course. Part of the whole ‘here’s my life story.’ You’re the local celebrity, playing in the NHL.
Best player to come out of PoCo. Whenever your team is in town, there’s a big thing about it.
He’s always compared himself to you, so when he found out you were skating with Arne, he blew up.
He’s off this weekend and wanted to have time with Arne, and I was okay with that.
Arne should know his dad. But he didn’t tell me he was taking him to see his parents till after they were already in Manitoba. ”
Justin pushed to his feet. “Fucking… Can he do that? Is it legal?”
I shrugged. “He’s Arne’s dad. We don’t have a formal custody agreement. After Erik left for LA, I filed for divorce, but we agreed verbally that I’d have Arne and he’d pay what he could to help out.”
Justin’s brows were down and his mouth frowning. “He just left?”
“Not his finest hour, and the reason I filed for divorce. But we were living at Mom’s house, and to be fair, it was pretty stressful with Bruce and the kids and the baby.”
Justin’s mouth twisted. “Wasn’t it stressful for you too? But you didn’t leave.”
“I’m the one who insisted we had to stay. How many guys would want to live in those conditions in that house?” Justin knew what it had been like. It was worse in many ways now.
“Then why did you get married?”
“I was pregnant, and he insisted he wanted to be a family and do everything the right way.”
I’d been…well, in a stew of pregnancy hormones, and Erik wanting to get married had won me over. But there was no money and Mom needed help, so we moved into the basement of the house. It hadn’t been a shock when he decided it was too much, but it had hurt.
Just maybe not as much as when Justin and I split.
“Are you worried about Arne? I get it, but he seems like a pretty resilient kid.”
I swallowed. “He is. But Erik was so mad. What if he decides not to come back?” I covered my mouth with my hands. That was the big fear. I wasn’t sure what I’d do without my son.
Justin took a couple of jerky steps. “You have legal grounds to get him back, you must have.”
“But that takes time and money. I don’t have that. And Erik is getting paid for this role—”
Justin squatted in front of me. “Mia.”
I drew in a shaky breath.
“Mia, I’ve got time and money. I’ll make sure you get Arne back.” His voice was quiet and level, but I could hear the determination in it.
I might not have a lot of tools to use in a legal battle, but he did. I opened my mouth to argue. I couldn’t ask him to do that— But he put his finger on my mouth. I shivered.
“You’re not asking. I’m offering. I can’t do anything about your mom or Bruce or the kids, but I can do this.”
I blinked back tears. “But why would you?”
“You know why.”
That was it. He’d ripped open the polite fiction we’d been trying to maintain, exposing emotions that had been there all the time.
Pretending we were over each other, instead of reigniting long-buried feelings.
Finding all the ways we worked together, even if we kept physical distance.
Maintaining the fiction that if we didn’t touch each other, we weren’t together.
I didn’t know if he reached for me or I reached for him, but our mouths met and nothing else existed.
It was familiar and strange, flashing heat and chills through me.
His lips were firm, more confident than in my memories, the bristles of his beard tickling the skin around my lips.
One hand slid against my jaw, holding me in place as he deepened the kiss.
I opened my mouth with a whimper and his tongue slipped in.
Of course I’d imagined this, what it would be like to kiss Justin again, but I’d never thought it could happen. He was my client and—
I ripped my mouth away with a gasp. “We can’t!”
Justin stayed still, taking in deep breaths. “You don’t want…” he whispered.
I swallowed. Kind of hard to deny how into that kiss I’d been. “I work for you.” This wasn’t professional.
As my brain cells processed more than the idea of Justin, the repercussions of what we’d been about to do started to hit home. I could lose my job. My license. My ability to support my son.
I was risking everything.