Chapter 24
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Gram’s words were still going around in Nora’s mind when she woke up the next morning, and she decided this was the first day of the rest of her life. She browsed the website on her laptop as she sat at the kitchen table with her cup of coffee.
“What’s that you’re looking at?” Gram asked, puttering into the kitchen.
“Travel destinations. Places I’d like to visit.”
“Already? We just got back,” Gram said with a laugh as she made herself a coffee and sat down next to Nora. “Where were you interested in going?”
“So many places. I looked up the Cotswolds. That’s definitely on my list. And so are London and Paris. I’d like to go to this island called Paros in Greece, Bora Bora, and, of course, New York… I’m making a list.”
“Oh, I hope we go to all of them.”
“I have no idea if we’ll actually go to any of them.” She added Montana to her list.
“But you’re writing them down. That’s a start.”
“Yeah. I have no money now, but maybe if I make this list and create the intention of going, somehow, I’ll make it happen. I’m not sure with work, though. We’ll have to plan a trip each summer or something.”
“Gramps is up there with The Big Man. If anyone can talk Him into helping you make your trips happen, it’s your grandfather.” Gran grinned.
Nora closed her laptop. “Have you heard from Ivy today at all?”
“She texted me to tell me she’s decided to attend Brentwood Academy. She’s been heavy with that Jake boy. Other than that, she’s been too busy to text an old woman.”
Nora gripped her mug. “Brentwood?”
Gram nodded.
Nora let the fact that she wouldn’t see Ivy next school year sink in.
“You okay?” Gram asked.
“I suppose so.” Truthfully, she wasn’t sure if she was okay or not. Would she find a way to catch up with Ivy to see how she was doing? “I hope she’s able to have a good summer.”
“What about your summer? Have you heard from Blaze?”
“I called him last night, but things were awkward. And then I texted him right before bed, but he didn’t come back to me.”
“He’s the first man you’ve had any interest in since Carson.”
“Being with him feels different from other people. I felt something for him,” she admitted. “He said he cares about me.”
“That’s a start.”
Nora shook her head. “But he said, ‘You deserve someone who will give you everything, and I don’t know if I’m that guy.’ Something’s holding him back. And I think I know what it is.”
“What, dear?”
“I’d get in the way of his life.”
“You think?” Gram asked, not looking convinced.
“I’m willing to put money on it.”
“I’ll bet he’s stewing over you right now,” Gram said.
“Oh, really? Let’s put that theory to the test.” Nora opened her laptop once more. “We’ll go to his social media and see if he’s posted anything.” As she pulled up his page, she sent a silent wish into the air that he’d mention something that would give her an inkling as to his thinking—even if it was cryptic. She hoped to see him contemplating his life and wondering what was next, the way she was. She clicked on his story and held her breath.
His handsome face filled the screen.
“Back in the studio today, working with an incredibly talented band.”
That familiar voice made her skin tingle.
Blaze’s camera turned around, giving her a glimpse behind the glass wall of a beautiful woman with headphones on, singing into a mic. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, and she was stunningly gorgeous, without a bit of makeup on from the looks of her milky skin. She winked at the camera, and Nora was left to wonder if that little wink had been at Blaze and not the viewers.
Feeling deflated, she clicked through to the next story, perking up when she saw Blaze and Ivy together. Ivy had a silly grin on her face and a loaded burger between her fingers. Brightly colored words on the screen said, Pickle burgers are great, but pickle burgers with this one are the best burgers!
Nora smiled, glad they were back at Cappy’s together. Maybe one day, she’d go with Gram.
The video kept looping, showing Ivy’s smile over and over, and Nora couldn’t deny she missed the girl.
She clicked to a third story to see Blaze diving into his pool. He came up from the bright blue surface and shook the water from his hair.
“Working on a record is hard work. Time to play,” his overlaid voice said. His triceps bulged as he hoisted himself out of the pool, retrieved a towel, and wrapped it around his fit waist. Then he seized the camera and turned it around. The band from earlier filled the loungers around the pool, the lead singer in a fringed bikini. She fluttered her manicured fingers in a little wave at the camera before Ivy came out of nowhere and did a cannonball into the pool, splashing them all.
“He seems to be having a great summer,” Gram said.
“Yeah.” She peered into her coffee, the surface of it cloudy as the temperature had cooled. “Looks like he isn’t missing me at all.”
Not like I’m missing him .
Gram set her hand on Nora’s arm, commanding her attention. “What’s meant to be will be.”
“You talk to Gramps still, right? Get him to do a little persuading up there, like you said.”
Gram chuckled. “I’ll tell him.” She clapped her hands. “Now. Enough of this wallowing. We need to go get groceries. There’s nothing in the house to eat.”
“I’ll go. Do you want to write down what we need?”
“Sure.”
Nora gathered her laptop and destination wish list and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. After, she washed her face and combed her hair, fretting the entire time over what to do with her life. She channeled Gram’s explanation about the moments where she didn’t know what was next: “… those moments are the slip of time before God reveals your next big journey.”
Nora was a linear thinker, so the idea that nothing would come of her feelings for Blaze was a difficult pill to swallow. Why had she fallen for him if she was supposed to do something else? And, clearly, he had feelings for her—he’d said so, himself: “I care about you too much to screw this up…” What was the point? The random nature of the situation drove her crazy.
Despite what he’d said, Blaze seemed to be able to go on more easily than she could, which made her feel inadequate. Did she have so few life experiences that she couldn’t rebound as well? That idea only brought her back to the fact that she didn’t even really know who she was anymore. She peered over at the list of travel destinations she’d made. Would she find that paper decades later only to realize that the list was a dream life she’d never been able to manage?
She slipped on her jean shorts and a T-shirt, balled up the paper full of dreams, grabbed her keys, and went into the living room to see Gram. On her way in, she tossed the paper in the kitchen trash can.
“The grocery list is on the counter, dear.”
“Okay, thanks.” Nora grabbed it and headed out the door.
When she got to the market, she sat in her car, watching people go in and out. How many of them knew what they were supposed to do with their lives? Before her beach trip, Nora had thought she knew. Did Blaze have so much pull on her that he could change her outlook on life in a week? How was that possible?
Perhaps that was why things hadn’t worked out. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to be hers, but rather her wake-up call to figure out her real purpose in life. She still couldn’t help but care for him, though. He’d been the first person since Carson to make her feel something again.
She opened her phone and clicked her way to his stories once more. To her surprise, there was a new one. He had his arm around Ivy as they sat out by the pool. Then Jake poked his head through the two of them and made a face, before putting Ivy in a pretend headlock and saying, “She’s all mine.”
Blaze offered a playfully stern face and said, “Excuse me? I think she’s ours.”
Ivy giggled and kissed both of them on the cheek.
Nora clicked off her phone, her heart in her stomach. In her memory, even with the stressful moments, their week together had been like a dream, and she’d stupidly imagined it would continue after they got home.
Brentwood Academy . What would next school year look like without Ivy? The reality of it only clouded Nora’s decision about what to do with the rest of her life more.
They all looked so happy… It was as if God had said, “ Yes, Nora. That’s exactly right. They weren’t meant for you.”
She dropped her phone in her lap and put her hands on the steering wheel, panic taking over. She hadn’t wanted to even allow the thought, but it was squirming around in her mind, not letting go of her this time. Gram had to be okay. If she wasn’t, Nora didn’t know how she’d manage. Gram was her grounding force, and without her, Nora would be completely lost.
* * *
Nora dropped a heavy bag of groceries onto the counter and went out to the car to get another.
“I’ll help,” Gram said from the balcony. She climbed the one flight down the stairs to the bottom floor and walked out to where Nora was unloading. She peered into the back of Nora’s car, which was full of groceries. “Planning for the apocalypse?”
“We didn’t have anything, so I bought everything. I got supplies to make those biscuits you like to bake; I got tons of casserole ingredients; we can make summer salads; we can bake sugar cookies…” She lifted a bag onto each hip as Gram pulled another sack from the backseat of the car. “I also got three different kinds of coffee; I figured we could try matcha lattes—I bought that too. And I got lots of different kinds of syrups—the organic ones.”
Gram stared at her, but didn’t say anything.
“I also thought, since we did all that organizing before the trip, that it would be a great time to redecorate. I might dip into my savings and spring for a new sofa. We need one. I also have some ideas to spruce up the kitchen.”
“All this happened while you were at the grocery store?”
“Yeah, I just got to thinking. You know how we took the beach trip because you said you weren’t getting any younger?”
“Yes.”
“Well, why don’t we live our lives that way? Until now, I’ve spent every calculated minute doing the things I was supposed to do. And look what that got me: a relationship with Carson that was a disaster because I chose to date someone who looked good on paper, and a lifetime of nothing much. Let’s live in the slip of time before God reveals our next journey, like you said. We should be in the moment, and in this moment, I want to redecorate our apartment, light some candles, and sit with you on a new sofa with some delicious home-cooked food.”
What she didn’t say was that she wanted to spend every moment with Gram because she didn’t know what the future held.
Gram smiled. “I like your thinking.”
“What I do with my life is up to me. Blaze taught me that,” Nora said as they climbed the stairs.
“He did?”
She opened the door and held it for Gram with her foot. “Yep. He focused on making his business a success and he did it. I thought maybe I should take a page out of his book and see where it gets me.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
She did like a plan.