Chapter Fourteen
CHAPTER FOURTEE N
MARK
I stare at Shane’s name on my phone screen for much too long before I click on his name. The only communication between us since our phone conversation—the one Claire had overheard—was an exchange of "Merry Christmas" texts a couple days ago along with a selfie of him and Dani on the beach.
It’s not rare for us to go a few days without chatting, but the times between our phone calls and his text responses seem to grow longer and longer lately. He’s busy, and I know that, but there’s a part of me that hopes things go back to normal after the wedding.
Shane answers on the third ring.
"Hey, man. What’s up?"
"Hey, I’m sorry to bother you, but I think you said you’d be back from your trip by now. I was wondering if you could give me the contact info for that therapist you mentioned a while back," I say. No point in dancing around the point.
"Sure. I’ll text it to you so you don’t lose it. Finally ready to get some professional help with that emotional constipation of yours?"
I feign a laugh, but it falls flat. Our entire friendship revolves around giving each other shit, so I know he’s not actually being an asshole, but his jab hits a little too close to home today. "It’s actually not for me."
"Oh?" When I don’t provide more information, he asks, "Is it for that girl staying with you?"
"Yeah. She’s pretty hesitant about opening up, but I can tell she’s been through some shit. I think it would be good for her to talk with a professional." She’s constantly writing in that notebook I gave her, and I’d venture a guess that she’s made it into a journal of sorts. And while writing things out is usually a good way to manage feelings, I can’t help but think that maybe she needs more.
Why I’m going out of my way to help her so much, I’m still not sure. In some way, it feels like passing on the good karma from Shane and his parents helping me out so long ago, supporting me when my piece-of-shit father was too drunk to care about taking care of his child.
Yeah, passing on the good karma. That’s exactly what I’m doing , I decide.
"Hmmm, those words sound familiar," Shane teases. "It’s almost like I’ve said the exact same words to you in the past…"
I roll my eyes. "I’m perfectly fine with how my life is going. This is different."
"Whatever you say. This must be serious between you two if you’re doing all this to keep her around."
"How was your trip?" I ask, desperate to change the subject now that he’s agreed to text me the therapist’s information. He’s already given me shit about Claire being here, and while I can’t deny that I’m attracted to her, she’s not someone I can fuck for a few weeks then move on from. She’s clearly not the type for that, and I’m still dealing with whatever weird protective feelings I have over her.
"It was amazing. We found the perfect spot to have the wedding and the reception."
Despite my serious mood, I smile at how excited he sounds. "That’s awesome. I can’t wait to see it."
"You’ll love it." I hear Dani talking in the background but can’t make out what she’s saying. "Hey, can I call you back?" Shane asks.
"Yeah, that’s fine. Just don’t forget to text me that info, please."
"You got it, lover boy."
Less than a minute after we hang up, he’s texted me the contact information, and I’m doing research. I could’ve looked for someone myself, but Shane always seems to know the best of the best in this city, so if it helps Claire, it’ll be worth it.
It’s not that I think she’s some broken thing that needs fixing, though. She’s fragile, sure, but not in a weak way. More like something delicate that’s been battered and bruised by the harsh realities of life. Yet she’s still fighting, making a life for herself despite whatever she left behind. I know what it’s like to be in her shoes, at least in the sense of needing to fight my way to a better life, but even when I felt entirely alone, I at least had Shane and his parents. Claire doesn’t seem to have anybody .
That evening, I’m mindlessly scrolling on my laptop a couple hours after dinner when Claire’s voice breaks the silence.
"Hi."
I jump, startled by her presence. "Hey, I didn’t even hear you come in here," I laugh, amused by my own reaction. It’s not often I’m caught off guard.
"Sorry," she says, trying to hide her amused grin. "I’m used to trying to be quiet when I walk."
The way she phrases that gives me pause—why would she actively try to make her presence unheard?—but I don’t mention it.
"No need to be sorry. Is there something you wanted to talk about?" I can tell by the way she’s hovering at the edge of the room and fidgeting with the hem of her oversized sweater that she’s nervous and came in here with a purpose.
"I’d like to try out college if your offer still stands."
Her eyes flit to mine before falling away again, as if she’s embarrassed or awaiting some sort of negative reaction. "That’s a great idea." I give her a bright smile to let her know I genuinely mean it. "Have you looked at any classes yet?"
She shakes her head. "I didn’t know where to look."
"I think you can just look up the course catalog. Either way, we’ll have to get your application in, though there shouldn’t be an issue with applying this late to the community college. Do you need help with that?"
"Yes. I don’t have a laptop, and my phone is just a cheap pre-paid one." Hmm, that might need to change …
"Do you have your legal documents with you?"
She nods.
"Go get those and let’s get this filled out, then."
She grins and scampers down the hallway before returning a few minutes later.
We spend the next hour navigating the online enrollment system for the closest community college, and while a normal person might be annoyed by the tedious filling in of boxes, Claire lights up with every new page.
I’m still sitting in the same spot, but she’s been standing despite my repeated offers for her to pull up a chair. She hovers over my shoulder, accidentally brushing up against my arm more than once, and it makes my skin break out in goosebumps. She’s so close, I could reach out and pull her into my lap in an instant, really feel her against me instead of these soft, accidental touches.
Stop it, Mark . Jesus .
After filling out the application, we scroll through the catalogue of courses for the spring semester, noting any of the ones she’s interested in.
She settles on taking two evening classes, English Composition and Intro to Psychology, which will be enough to keep her occupied but not overwhelm her.
I create a reminder on my phone to help her actually enroll in the courses once she gets officially accepted, which will likely only be a few days at most.
As soon as we’ve completed everything we’re able to, she looks at me with a massive grin, practically bouncing on her feet as she stands beside me. "It’s only two weeks away!"
I smile back, a warmth blossoming in my chest. She’s fucking adorable , I think. I shake the thought away and replace it with a more appropriate one. She’s excited, and I’m happy to see her smiling about something. That’s all .
Claire goes to bed soon after, and I suddenly feel the need to preoccupy myself. I head to my office, the one place that’s my escape in the apartment after she’s moved in because I know it’s the only place I’m certain to be alone .
It’s not that I want to be away from Claire; it’s that I want to be around her too much. The magnetism between us is something I can’t shake. Being near her, seeing her open up or watching her slowly find pieces of herself she’s lost… it throws me off balance.
"I probably just need to get some of this pent-up energy out of my system," I mutter to myself as I brush aside the papers on my desk to set my laptop down. It’s been a few weeks now since I’ve gone to the club, which is highly unusual for me. Normally, it’s my way of blowing off steam—no strings, no complications. But now, the idea just doesn’t hold the same appeal, and I’m willing to bet it has something to do with the sweet, petite blonde staying in my guest room.
Maybe I just need to go to the gym more and blow off steam that way.
My phone lights up, giving me a welcome distraction. Shane.
"Hello again," I say in greeting, feeling a little more lighthearted since our conversation earlier.
"Hey, sorry I had to cut our call short earlier. Dani needed my help with something."
"Is that code for sex? Because I really don’t need to know that."
He chuckles. "No. Not this time, anyway. But since we’re on the topic of women…"
Here we go.
"Seriously, what’s up with having this girl live with you? This goes against everything you stand for." He says it as a joke, but both of us know there’s a hint of truth to his words.
"I already told you what’s going on with her. I haven’t so much as touched her."
Shane chuckles. "I’m just surprised you’ve lasted this long living with anyone, let alone a pretty stranger. It’s not like you."
"It’s platonic," I argue. "That’s why it works."
"So you’re telling me you’re not attracted to her at all?"
I sigh, and Shane’s laughter only grows. "That’s what I thought."
A smile pulls at the corners of my mouth. "Do you have a point, or are you just calling to be a pain in the ass?"
"I actually did call with a purpose. I have two invites for you. Number one, I’m inviting you and Claire to our New Year’s Eve party, and I’ve also already accepted the invitation on your behalf, because you have to be there."
"Naturally," I chuckle.
"I was also wondering if you’d want to take a trip to Hawaii at the end of March. Figured you could use a break from work, and Dani and I need to nail down some wedding details that we didn’t get to this time around. I’d pay, of course."
It doesn’t take much for me to consider the offer. "Yeah, that would be nice. Feels like we haven’t seen each other much lately." I might be a third wheel, but I’ll happily accept that awkward role if it allows me a free trip to Hawaii.
Shane’s tone softens. "You’re right. Sorry about that. Life’s been hectic. But hey, by the way, if you want to bring your not-girlfriend on the trip, you’re welcome to."
"That’s not a thing. So no." I’m careful with my words now, knowing from experience that Claire might overhear.
"Don’t say I didn’t offer."
We eventually wrap up the conversation after I catch Shane up on most of the details of what’s happened with Claire—even though he’s being annoying about it, he’s still my best friend. As I hang up, I lean back in my chair and take a long, deep breath before slowly exhaling.
A vacation is exactly what I need. And Shane footing the bill doesn’t bother me much; the guy has more money than he knows what to do with. My income is more than comfortable, but it doesn’t come close to touching his.
For a brief moment, I allow myself to get lost in the fantasy of bringing Claire along for the vacation. I wonder if she’s ever been to the beach. Would it be a brand new experience for her, lighting up her expression the way filling out the college application did earlier? It was the first time since she’s been here that I’ve seen pure, unadulterated joy on her face, and it tugged at my heart. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and celebrate with her.
No. I shake the thought away. She’s sweet, sure, but this isn’t the kind of risk I can afford to take. The last few days have already felt too dangerous, filled with stolen glances and moments that linger just a little too long. Claire doesn’t know what she needs from a relationship yet, and she’s likely latching onto me because I’m the first man to show her basic decency based on the little I know of her past.
This is just a stepping stone for her. She needs freedom, not a man like me. And I need to remember that my relationships have always been simple—no strings attached, no feelings—and I’m not about to complicate that. It’s my one rule, and breaking it for Claire would be a disaster for both of us.
I can’t afford to hurt her. But I can’t afford to hurt myself, either.