Chapter Twenty-Four
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOU R
MARK
"You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me."
"What’s wrong?" Claire asks. I gesture to the room in front of us, and after a few seconds, understanding falls over her expression. "Ah."
Our bags have already been brought up courtesy of the bellhop, and they’re propped against the far wall under the window. I can’t make out the view past the window with it being so dark now, but I’d be willing to bet it’ll be beautiful when the sun is up.
"I’m going to go downstairs and see if they have a room with more than one fucking bed," I grumble. As much as I’d love to believe this was a simple mistake, I know in my heart that it was Shane’s doing. He’s always been too concerned about my love life, so here he is, trying to force me to share a bed with Claire.
Claire, who has never kissed a man before me. Claire, who’s certainly never shared a bed with a man. Hell, seeing me shirtless was scandalous for her; she had literally ran from the room when it happened.
No. There is absolutely no way can I share a bed with her. If not for her honor, then for the fact that I won’t be able to think straight lying next to her.
I make for the door when Claire’s small hand rests on my arm, stopping me. "No, it’s okay. It’s late, and we’re both tired. I can sleep on the floor."
I scoff. "You’re not sleeping on the floor. That’s ridiculous."
"Seriously, it’s fine," she argues.
Like hell I’d let her sleep on the floor. "No, it’s not." I go to take another step toward the door, but this time it’s the pained tone of her voice that stops me.
"Is the idea of sharing a bed with me really that awful?"
God damn it. Taking a deep breath, I turn to face her, and the hurt expression she’s wearing is a knife through my chest. "No, of course not, Claire."
"Then why are you so angry?"
"I’m not angry, I’m…" I’m already imagining how fucking difficult it’s going to be to control my thoughts with our bodies so close. I’m annoyed that my best friend has spent all day telling me about how great you’d be for me, but I’m even more annoyed that he’s right. I can’t stop thinking about how your lips felt when we kissed and how perfect your body feels tucked into mine. "I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable."
"I’m not uncomfortable," she says. "If it’s still a big deal, just go down there tomorrow and ask to switch rooms. But right now, I’d love nothing more than to take a shower and get some sleep. And I’m sure you’re just as tired as I am."
"Fine," I concede .
Claire unpacks her suitcase, using up exactly half of the dresser space, and goes to shower. I dig sweatpants and a t-shirt out of my bag, grateful I decided to bring the sweatpants on a whim considering I usually sleep in just my boxers. Changing quickly, I throw my dirty clothes in one of the empty dresser drawers and lay on top of the blankets in the bed.
Ugh, I’m going to have to share a blanket with Claire too.
Once she finally emerges from the bathroom, I get up to take my turn and have a thought. I open the armoire near the door, and there it is—a spare blanket folded up on the highest shelf. Thank God. It’s a bit scratchy, but it’ll work. One blanket would have meant being even closer to each other with nothing between us. That could’ve been dangerous.
I toss it onto the bed and tell Claire I’ll use it and that she can have the comforter before making my way into the bathroom and taking a shower of my own.
The hot water is soothing after the long day of traveling and enduring Shane’s constant questioning sandwiched by his chattering about wedding details. I never thought I’d say this, but I think I’d prefer to hear about the wedding details.
Even when Shane and I finally started talking about something interesting, I could hardly stop wondering what sort of ideas Dani was putting into Claire’s head while they were shopping. Dani is Shane’s match in every way that counts, which means that if he’s been plotting to get me into a relationship, she’d be entirely too enthusiastic about making it happen.
I take my time washing myself, letting the water cascade down my large frame and pull away some of the tension in my muscles.
I also know that as soon as I crawl into that bed, the tension is going to come right back. I’m a big guy—I take up a lot of room. Even with a king bed, we’re going to be way too close.
Fuck. This really shouldn’t be bothering me as much as it is, but it’s not that I don’t want to feel her body close to mine; It’s that I want it too much, and that scares the fucking hell out of me.
When my fingers are wrinkled, I take that as a sign that I need to stop hiding from my problems under the hot water.
I toss on my sweatpants and a clean t-shirt, hang my towel up on the hook behind the door, and mentally prepare myself for whatever awkwardness awaits me.
But when I make my way into the room, the lights are off and Claire is wrapped in the comforter and breathing steadily.
She’s already asleep.
I let out a sigh of relief and crawl into the bed beside her, careful not to wake her up and especially careful not to touch her.
The first thing I notice when I wake up is how warm I am, and the second thing I notice is the soft, small body curled into my side. Claire’s breathing is still steady as she sleeps, but the thin beams of light bordering the edges of the curtains tell me it’s morning.
I try to keep still as I figure out what the hell to do. If she wakes up like this, is she going to think I did this? No, I’m simply lying on my back with an arm behind my head, and I’m still on my side of the bed. But what if she wakes up and takes this to mean something more than it does? Maybe I should get up…
No , I argue with myself. It’ll be fine . From our positions, it’s clear she snuggled up to me in her sleep without realizing it. Honestly, it feels nice to have her here lying against me, even if unintentionally.
My body tenses for a second, and I think again about shifting away, but she stirs slightly and nestles closer into me. Her hair, wild from sleep, tickles my arm, and a sudden pang of affection shoots through me.
God, she looks peaceful.
Her lips are slightly parted and her cheek is pressed against my chest. There’s a calmness in the way she’s curled up beside me, as though it’s the most natural thing in the world. I don’t dare move, not yet. Instead, I let myself enjoy it—just for a little while. Half an hour, maybe.
But the longer I lie here, the more conflicted I feel. I’m not used to this kind of closeness. It’s dangerous. It makes me imagine what could happen if things were different, makes me want things I shouldn’t.
When Claire finally stirs, it’s gradual, her head shifting slightly before her eyes flutter open. It takes her a moment to realize where she is—and who she’s lying against.
Her face goes red almost instantly. "Oh my God, I’m so sorry!" she blurts, scrambling to sit up and put space between us. She smooths her hair with trembling fingers, not meeting my gaze. "I didn’t mean to... I must have rolled over in my sleep or something—"
"It’s fine," I interrupt, trying and failing to keep the grin off my face at the sight of her mortified expression. "Don’t worry about it."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I’m sure," I chuckle. "I only woke up a few minutes ago, and you were still sound asleep. It wasn’t like it was intentional."
That earns me a small smile, and some of the tension leaves her shoulders .
She scoots to the edge of the bed, muttering something about needing to get ready for the day, then retreats to the bathroom, her hair a mess and her eyes still half-lidded from her abrupt wakeup. Something in my chest twists. I ignore the feeling and get up to get ready for the day.
By the time Claire emerges, dressed in a light yellow sundress and looking hesitant as she ties her hair back into a ponytail, the tension from earlier has mostly dissipated.
Shane had told us last night that he and Dani would be occupied for the first half of the day doing wedding stuff—checking out their venue again to plan for decor and doing a food tasting, I think. Claire and I decide to grab some coffee from the cafe in the hotel lobby then walk around to find a place for an early lunch.
It’s a small city, especially compared to Chicago, but Claire’s eyes dart from one thing to another in constant wonder.
I get a call from Shane letting me know they’re on their way back not long after our lunch at a local family-owned restaurant, so Claire and I head back to the hotel. It’s been a relaxed morning of walking around and enjoying the sights with no particular destination in mind. In all honesty, I’m surprised by how much I’ve enjoyed the morning. Claire is easy to be around, even if she’s the exact opposite of the type of woman I usually go for. Or maybe that’s why everything with her feels so effortless. She’s different.
Shane and Dani are waiting for us in the lobby when we return, and Shane gives me a knowing look as soon as he sees us. Claire is already chatting animatedly with Dani about our morning.
"Hey, asshole," I say in greeting. It’s a common way for us to greet each other, but today there’s an accusatory edge to my words. Not much, just barely enough for him to catch, even though I’m not actually mad.
As expected, he notices the slight shift in tone and raises his hands in mock surrender. "What did I do?" He’s already grinning, knowing exactly what he did.
"Oh, I don’t know, maybe booking a room for Claire and I with one bed?" I speak in a low voice so Claire doesn’t hear me, but thankfully she’s still too distracted by Dani to listen in on our conversation.
He simply shrugs, but the mischievous smile on his face gives him away. "When I first asked you if she was coming, you insisted she wouldn’t be. Sorry for trusting your word."
I roll my eyes and jab him in the side with my elbow even as I smile. "I hate you."
"No you don’t. You’ll thank me for this one day." He claps me on the back, as if he’s doing me some great favor by meddling, then asks, "You ready to hit the beach?"
"Absolutely." Now more than ever, I’m grateful for his company, even despite his antics. I’m enjoying my time alone with Claire more than I should, and even though we’ve spent plenty of time together over the past couple months, it feels different here. There’s an air of excitement and possibility that always seems to accompany a vacation. But even knowing that, I can’t fight the heat humming through my veins when she turns her sweet smile on me from across the room.
Any hope I might have had of resisting temptation and looking at Claire in a platonic light has gone out the fucking window.
First, her excited squeals and wide eyes as we came into sight of the beach were fucking adorable. Her smile was infectious as she marveled at the ocean and how it was even more beautiful up close.
But when we settled in our spot, claiming four of the reclining plastic chairs in the private beach area, she had timidly looked around before shedding the sundress she wore, and I couldn’t keep my jaw from falling to the floor.
My sweet, shy Claire now stands in front of me wearing a sexy red swimsuit that criss-crosses over her skin, and dear God, her body is fucking perfect . Not to mention, the layers of red fabric crossing over each other immediately remind me of the ropes in Shibari demonstrations I watch at the club.
It takes me a few seconds to realize just how much I’m staring, made evident by Dani clearing her throat and smirking at me when my eyes dart to her. Honestly, I don’t even care. How could I not look at Claire when she’s the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever laid eyes on? I thought her outfit on New Year’s Eve was hot, but this…
"Do you like Claire’s new swimsuit? I told her it was perfect on her," Dani asks me, her tone taunting. I should’ve known this was her doing.
Like a blubbering idiot, I can barely get words out. "I, um, yeah. It looks great." Seriously, what’s wrong with me? It’s not like I don’t see half-dressed (or entirely naked) women on a regular basis when I go to the club.
"Thanks," Claire says in response to my stuttered compliment. She tugs at one of the straps on her shoulder like it’s suddenly uncomfortable, her shyness resurfacing.
I want to say something to ease her nerves, but my brain is short-circuiting. Every inch of her—every curve, every freckle—is etched into my mind now, and I can’t seem to get a grip on myself.
Dani gives me a knowing look, her smirk widening as she leans back in her chair. "See? Told you it’d be a hit," she says to Claire.
"Okay, okay," Claire mutters, waving Dani off with a small laugh. She grabs a towel and spreads it out over her chair. "I’m going to get some sun." Her eyes flick to mine for the briefest moment.
Dani and Shane start chatting about something—plans for dinner, maybe—but I can barely hear them. My attention is glued to Claire as she stretches out on the beach chair, leaning back and tipping her face toward the sun. The way the light hits her, catching on her golden hair and glinting off the sheen of sunscreen on her skin, is mesmerizing.
I force myself to look away, shifting in my chair and grabbing a water bottle to give my hands something to do. This is ridiculous. I’m ridiculous. Claire deserves better than to be ogled like this, especially by someone like me.
But even as I try to focus on anything else—the waves crashing on the shore, a couple of kids building a sandcastle in the distance—my eyes keep drifting back to her. She looks so free, so happy, and it hits me how much she’s changed since the day I first saw her. Back then, she was like a shadow of herself, skittish and silent, afraid to take up space or make herself heard. Now she’s laughing, joking with Dani, and stretching out on the beach like she belongs here.
And she does belong here. I’ve never seen anyone more beautiful in my life.
I get up abruptly, the need to move overwhelming. "I’m going for a swim," I announce, not waiting for a response before striding toward the water.
The cool waves are a shock to my overheated skin, and I dive in headfirst once I’ve walked in deep enough to do so, hoping the cool water will knock some sense into me. When I resurface, I see Shane jogging toward the shoreline to join me, and right behind him, the women are whispering to each other and giggling while darting frequent glances in our direction.
Claire sits cross-legged on her chair now, her head tilted slightly as she follows my movements and a smile curving her lips. Even from this distance, I can see the happiness glowing in her expression.
It’s like the sun itself just flared in my chest.
Somehow over the course of a few months, she’s become everything I never knew I needed. I used to cherish my alone time, my lack of attachments, but now I can’t possibly imagine not having Claire around.
But I’ll never admit that to anyone but myself. No matter how much I care for her, she has such a full life ahead of her. I think about all the life I’ve lived since I was her age, and it feels like such a significant amount of time. The experiences I’ve had between my early twenties to my almost-forties have shaped who I am—all the joy and pain, the love and loss, the millions of decisions for better or worse. I can’t take that away from her.
But maybe I can give her some of those experiences before she goes off into the limitless world on her own…
Shane splashes me, rousing me from my daydreams of just exactly what I could show Claire.
"You’re staring," he says matter-of-factly.
I splash him back, and he laughs.
We stay in the water for a while, mostly chatting about our mornings, and the conversation is thankfully free from insinuations about Claire and me since I steer it toward wedding details. I’ve got enough going on in my head; I don’t need more of Shane’s taunting.
When we finally decide our wrinkled skin is a good indicator to get out of the water, we head back to where the girls are sitting with their chairs pushed together. Dani has her phone in front of them, and as I get closer, I hear a woman’s voice on the other end. It sounds familiar, and it’s not until I sit down and see a flash of purple hair on the screen that I see it’s Audrey. I had met her once or twice before the New Year’s party, and she seemed nice, if not a little feisty.
"So, we were totally flirting and he told me to get on my knees for him, so obviously —" Audrey draws out the last word as if it’s the most evident thing in the world "—I said ‘make me,’ because I’m not about to go easy on him just because he’s hot. He has to earn it, ya know?"
Dani laughs, and I don’t know if Claire’s pink cheeks are due to her embarrassment with sex talk or simply too much sun, but regardless, Audrey has her enraptured with the story. "So what he do?" Dani prompts.
"He fucking left!"
Dani gasps. "No!"
"Uh-huh. He stood up, said he ‘didn’t have time for this,’ and walked away. I told him I was a brat beforehand, that it’s just how I play, and somehow it’s my fault that he didn’t like it?"
"Ridiculous."
That familiar feeling of discomfort threads through my body, the same way it has every time I’ve caught Claire in the midst of a conversation involving Club Caliber, BDSM, or sex in general. But she’s clearly getting a little more comfortable with it, because she laughs along with Dani, and I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.
I’d give anything to know what goes on in her mind when she sits in on those conversations. Is she embarrassed but too polite to walk away? Is she curious? Is she fantasizing about what it might feel like to be in such a sexual relationship?
As if my curiosity was a beacon, Claire glances over and catches my eye. She smiles shyly and quickly looks away, like she’s been caught doing something she shouldn’t. It’s adorable and weirdly hot. Her sweet, innocent demeanor combined with that sexy-as-sin swimsuit might be melting my brain a little.
Dani hangs up the call with Audrey a moment later and looks over at Claire with a grin. "Race you to the beach?"
"You’re on."
They both pop up and sprint across the sand toward the water, and my traitorous eyes watch every inch of Claire’s exposed skin as she runs.
She and Dani make it to the water at the same time, and as they fall down laughing and grabbing at each other, another part of the wall around my heart comes crumbling down.
I push the feeling aside, but deep down, I know that there’s no way things will be the same between us after this vacation.