Chapter Forty-Three
CHAPTER FORTY-THRE E
CLAIRE
I sprint across the yard and leap into Mark’s open arms. He lifts me easily and squeezes me so tight I can hardly breathe. Burying my face in his chest, I inhale his scent and realize just how much I’ve missed it. How much I’ve missed him.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, pulling away just enough to look at him. My eyes are brimming with tears. They’re really here .
"I’m getting back the woman I love. And I’m really hoping she forgives me for being such an ass." His gentle smile melts away all the negativity that’s been raging inside me, but I still have to make sure he really means this.
I lock eyes with him. "I’ve spent my entire life being promised a love I’ve never felt. I don’t need that from you too. Are you sure about this?"
"More sure than I’ve ever been about anything. I love you, Claire, and I’ll spend every day showing you just how much."
I smile. "Then yes, I forgive you. How did you guys find me?" I look between the three of them, noting just how out of place they look here—especially when everyone else is in their Sunday best—and Shane answers.
"Turns out you can get anyone to talk with the right amount of bribery, cops included."
"Oh my goodness," I laugh. They came for me. They cared enough to bribe the freaking police for my address and drove hours to get me. I can’t believe it.
Dani grins at me and pulls me into a hug. "I’m so happy to see you," she whispers. "But that’s the ugliest damn dress I’ve ever seen."
I laugh through my tears, just now realizing that I probably look ridiculous to them in my modest high-neck, floor-length dress.
Everyone’s gazes lift to focus on what’s behind me, and I stiffen. This is going to be rough. I turn to face my family, noting my father’s angry expression, my mother’s panicked one, and my sister trailing a few feet behind them looking more hopeful than I’ve ever seen her.
"What exactly is going on here?" My father seethes when he’s within speaking distance.
Mark pulls me beside him in a protective stance and opens his mouth to speak, but I lay my hand on his arm to stop him. "I got this," I tell him.
My heart feels like it’s going to pound out of my chest as I step forward to stand up to my father for the first time in my life. Fear grips me, burning through my body as my fight or flight response kicks in. Unfortunately, I usually happen to have one of the other, lesser-known responses to the adrenaline rush—fawn. Make things better by appeasing him and turning into the docile, obedient daughter he wants. Smooth things over by making everyone happy at my own expense.
But not this time.
"I’m leaving, Dad. I’m sorry, but I’ll never be happy here, and I hope you have it in your heart to forgive me eventually."
His jaw drops and his face turns a concerning shade of red. "You dare abandon your family and the path that God has set you on? Just what exactly have these people been teaching you?" He spits the word people as if it’s an insult, enunciating the word like a swear.
I’m shaking as I answer, "They’ve been teaching me everything I should have learned before. How to express myself and set boundaries, how to grow as a person in an environment free from harsh judgement, how to love and be loved unconditionally."
"Now let’s just pause for a moment—" my mom says in her placating voice, but my father interrupts.
"We’ve given you everything . I’ve provided food, shelter, clothing, and guidance from God’s word for you and your siblings your entire life. How ungrateful and spoiled—"
Now it’s my turn to interrupt. "No. Stop right there. Your job as a parent is to provide the necessities, and those things are the bare minimum; That’s what you committed to when you chose to have children. You have no right to try to make me feel guilty for that. I’m not spoiled for needing food, shelter, and clothing."
I take a deep breath and continue while my father is still stunned into silence. "And I’m not ungrateful, either. I appreciate that you and Mom gave us a comfortable life, but I also don’t think it was fair that your children all had to live in fear of your anger or the constant threat of going to Hell if we did something wrong. I’m sure you did your best with what you were given, especially living in this environment, but I’m also allowed to have my own feelings about how I’ve been treated."
My father looks like he’s about to explode in a fit of rage, but I can tell he’s warring between telling me off and keeping up appearances in front of the strangers at his doorstep. He settles on asking through gritted teeth, "What about your sister? You’re going to leave and let her marry Mr. Davidson after all?"
All eyes turn to Grace. There they go again, using her as a pawn in their game of guilt-tripping instead of treating her like an actual human. I make eye contact with her, letting her make her own decision in the matter, but I give her a subtle nod to let her know I’m here for her.
Her voice is soft but determined when she finally speaks. "I’m leaving too."
"You most certainly are not," my father hisses.
I subtly lift my hand and hold it out to her, and she walks past my father to stand beside me. I couldn’t be more proud of her than I am right now.
"Grace, please," my mom pleads. "Don’t leave us too."
Grace gives her an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Mom."
"So you’re not only leaving behind your parents, but you’re corrupting your sister in the process?" I’ve never seen so much raw hatred in my father’s eyes. "You’ll burn in Hell for this."
I shrug. "Then I guess that’s a chance I’m willing to take. If I’m going to hell for living a life of love, happiness, and freedom, then I don’t want the alternative. Especially when it involves constant guilt and fear. I’m done with the bullshit, Dad. "
My mom gasps at the curse word leaving my mouth, and I almost laugh at the idea of her finding out everything else I’ve said and done over the past few months.
Dad is still silent.
Mark, who has let me say my piece without interruption, finally steps forward. "So, here’s what’s going to happen. Claire and Grace are going to go in the house with Dani, gather the things they need, and put them in the car. Shane and I are going to stand here and keep you two company—" he points at my parents "—while they get their belongings."
Dad scoffs. "You’re going to keep me out of my own house?"
Mark crosses his arms over his massive chest and smirks, towering six inches or so over my father. "Only for as long as it takes the ladies to be ready. No harm done, right?"
God, I could kiss him right now. Seeing him so easily put my father in his place and keep his cool while doing it makes me love him that much more. A man who can handle tense situations without using anger or violence, even when he easily could resort to those things, is way more attractive than I would have thought.
Grace and I head into the house with Dani trailing behind us. I grab a few things from my room that I hadn’t taken with me the first time I left, but most of my time is spent helping Grace grab her things and shove them into bags. Dani helps where she can, and while the two of them begin carrying stuff out to the car, I go into Dad’s office and take Grace’s legal documents.
On my way out of the house, I look back and take it in, knowing I’ll probably never be back here again. I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye last time, but for as much stress this life has caused me, a lot of good memories happened in this house. Playing hide and seek with my siblings, spending calm evenings knitting beside my mother, even listening to my father’s voice as he read to us when he wasn’t angry.
Every moment, both good and bad, led me to this moment, and I can’t bring myself to regret any of it. I’m leaving my old home and settling into my new one, knowing that the possibilities of my future are limitless. It’s bittersweet, leaving my old life behind while seeing what lies ahead.
I say a silent goodbye to the home I’ve spent my life in and head outside to where Shane and Mark are standing.
"I think we’re ready to go."
Mark nods, stepping away enough to give me space to say goodbye, and Shane walks toward the car.
"Well, I guess this is goodbye." Looking at each of my parents, I study their expressions. Tears run down Mom’s face, and Dad’s arms are crossed as he scowls. Mom opens her arms, and I hug her.
"I love you, Claire."
"I love you too, Mom. If you ever decide to forgive me, you have my email. But please, don’t try to guilt trip me again. This is what’s best for me. And for Grace."
She nods against my shoulder and whispers, "I hope you’re right," then lets me go. I stand there for another moment, waiting to see if my dad says anything, but he doesn’t. He stares off into the distance still looking every bit as angry and bitter as he did before.
"Bye, Dad."
He grunts in acknowledgment, but he doesn’t even make eye contact. I guess that’s that, then.
Dani, Grace, and I squeeze into the back of the car with me in the middle while Mark takes the driver’s seat.
"Everyone all buckled in?" he asks, turning around and flashing me a grin. God, I love him.
"Yes, Mr. Bossy pants," I tease.
He mutters under his breath, "Not yet I’m not," and Dani and Shane groan simultaneously while I laugh.
We drive off, and I watch as my too-familiar town disappears behind us. I didn’t realize how much stress I had been carrying until right now, when all those worries disappear. I’ll no longer have the constant fear of being found, and I don’t have to worry about my sister’s well-being because she’s right here next to me.
As time passes, the collective energy in the car seems to relax, and the heavy silence turns into lighthearted conversation. Grace asks questions about life outside the community, and we all answer about what life is like in the city. It feels weird that I was in her position only six months ago.
But I’m so excited for her to experience a life where she’s free to be herself. She’ll likely have to adjust in the same way I did, but the discomfort of adjusting is nothing compared to the freedom it allows.
The sun is low in the sky by the time we make it back to Mark’s. Grace has been staring in awe at the skyscrapers as we drive through the city, her expression reflecting how I felt six months ago when I experienced Chicago for the first time. It’s a magical feeling to have so much freedom and potential right in front of you.
Once Mark is parked, we all exit the car and I realize that I hadn’t even asked Mark if it was okay for Grace to stay here as well. I circle the car and pull him aside while the others pull Grace’s bags from the trunk.
"Is it okay if she stays here?" I whisper. "I’ll work on finding an apartment for her—or us" I add, not sure quite where we stand with the whole relationship thing. "I just don’t want to impose, and I know you didn’t expect to have a seventeen-year-old girl coming home with me too."
"Claire." Mark looks at me as if I just said the most ridiculous thing in the world. "She’s your sister. Of course she’s welcome here. If you’re okay with it, she can take your room and you can share mine. But if you need some space from me right now, I also understand that."
I shake my head. "I don’t. As long as you promise to be honest with me about your feelings and your fears so we can work through them together."
Mark takes a step closer to me and brushes my hair back behind my shoulder. "I promise I will. I know I hurt you, and I don’t want to minimize that by pretending it never happened. When I thought you had left because of me, I couldn’t fucking breathe. I love you, Claire. You’ve brought a light to my life that I didn’t even realize was missing. I love you, and I’m going to take advantage of every opportunity I get to tell you that from now on."
My heart cracks, opening up to him entirely. The vulnerability on his face shows me that he means every word he says. "I love you too." It’s all I can think to say; I’m at a loss for words. The last tiny bit of stress I’d been holding onto dissipates.
"Are you two lovebirds coming in, or should we go on so you guys can make out in the parking garage?" Dani asks from the other side of the car.
Mark grins. "We’re coming. There are much more comfortable places to make out inside."
Dani rolls her eyes but smiles as they head toward the door, and I don’t miss the shocked expression on my sister’s face. Oops. It’s definitely going to be an adjustment for her being here, but I have a feeling she’ll adjust quickly, especially with me there for her to lean on.
The five of us make our way inside, and I’m pretty sure Grace might be in shock as I show her around the apartment.
"This whole room is mine?" she asks as I show her the bedroom I’ve been living in.
I smile and squeeze my arm around her shoulders. I remember how surreal this all feels. "Yes, as soon as I clear my stuff out, it’s all yours."
After gingerly setting her bags on the floor along the wall, she sits down on the edge of the bed and looks up at me. "Thank you for bringing me with you. I wouldn’t have been able to handle staying back there without you."
"Thank you for coming with me. Don’t tell the others, but you’re my favorite sibling anyway." I wink at her, and we both laugh.
Mark and I make quick work of moving my belongings into his—our—bedroom, and I give Grace some space to unpack her things after checking in on her a few times.
And just like that, we’re back to normal. Better than normal, actually. Shane and Dani stick around for another hour, and once the door clicks shut behind them, Mark looks over at me.
"I have a confession."
I follow him to the couch and sink down onto his lap. "What’s that?"
"I read your journal. Well, some of it. When I came home looking for you, I saw it open on your bed, and when I realized you weren’t coming back, I read it hoping to find some clues about where you went."
Discomfort rolls through me at the thought of Mark reading my innermost thoughts and feelings, but I can’t blame him. "It’s okay. I’m so glad you found me."
"Me too. And since I learned so much about you, I think it’s time I return the favor."
He traces invisible patterns on my thigh as he explains his past to me—how his mother abandoned him when he was a baby, how his father was an alcoholic who resented being left with Mark and therefore treated him like a burden, and how Shane and his parents were the only ones who treated him like a person worthy of love. He’s spent a lifetime guarding his heart because he thought he was unworthy of love, that regardless of how much someone is supposed to love you, they’ll leave.
When he finishes his story, he doesn’t meet my eyes. This admission was difficult for him, and it’s clear that this is the first time he’s spoken about it.
I squeeze his hand and say, "Thank you for telling me that. And I want you to know, I’ll always be here, and I’ll spend a lifetime proving it."
"Likewise." He smiles down at me. "There’s a whole world out there for you to experience, and I want to show you everything it has to offer. I want to give you everything you’ve ever dreamed of."
I lay my head on his chest and let out a contented sigh. I don’t bother explaining to him that everything I’ve ever dreamed of is right here, in his arms.
Because of him, I’ve been able to start the life I’ve always wanted, and in the process, I’ve fallen in love with a man who loves me for who I am beneath all the fear and guilt, who gives me the space to be myself unapologetically.
Despite all of my flaws, he loves me just as much as I love him. In our vulnerability, we’ve discovered the chance to begin life anew together—a life of freedom, joy, peace, and pleasure. And with him at my side, I know that it will be the greatest adventure of all.